Has this happened to you? Breastfeeding 'support' led my baby to hospital

[alomath]

This was my experience of trying to exclusively breastfeed. It objectively harmed my baby and traumatised me. Has this, or something similar, happened to anyone else?

My baby was born at 40w+1d from a forceps delivery after a long (induced) labour. I had gestational diabetes but other than that a normal pregnancy. She was born healthy.

I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and in hospital I was seen and given advice on latching/breastfeeding from multiple healthcare professionals (midwives, nurses and infant feeding team). I was told her latch was good and to keep going.

After approxmately 36 hours we were discharged. I struggled to breastfeed at home (cluster feeding, rarely settling). The midwife visited on day 2 and told me this was normal and to keep going.

On days 3 and 4 things kept getting worse. By day 4 her nappies were not heavy and she hadn't pooed in 24 hours (but she was still producing the 'normal' amlount of wet and soiled nappies, according to the information I got from the NHS trust where she was born). Her cry was becoming high pitched. I called the national breastfeeding helpline and was told everything I was going through 'seemed normal' and was given advice about latching. I wasn't convinced, so I called my local infant feeding team, who told me on the phone (again) that all of this was normal. Nevertheless, they offered to send someone to my home to see me feeding. That person came, told me her latch looked very good and advised me to express to top up. She also pointed out my baby's lips were dry, but didn't make much of it. I pointed out I didn't think my milk had 'come in', but again she didn't seem to make much of this. I tried expressing but nothing came out.

On day 5 the midwife came to for the routine health visit. She weighed my daughter and realised she had lost >20% of her birth weight and her jaundice had gotten worse. The midwide told us to rush to A&E.

In A&E, they immediately gave her formula and she was instantly a different baby (much more settled). We stayed for a few days to ensure she was feeding and gaining weight. However, her weight loss had been so dramatic that the doctors wanted to rule out an infectious disease, so she had profilactic intravenous antibiotics + blood, urine and even a lumbar puncture to look for infections. Everything came back negative, it was just underfeeding. Her diagnoses were hypernatremic dehydration which had led to a metabolic acidosis and hypoglycaemia.

I was traumatised by this. I basically starved my baby for her first 5 days of life, in great part because of professionals who reassured me everything was OK when it clearly wasn't. I feel awful and I don't think the guilt will ever go away. But I also feel angry at everyone who pressured me to breastfeed, even when it was going so badly (my baby was clearly dehydrated!).

My baby was exclusively formula-fed since then and is - so far - healthy.

The doctor who discharged my baby told me she often saw babies like this. Has anything like this ever happened to you?

Oh cross post with @CatchingBabies who has confirmed what i always thought!

My son had a difficult birth and lost quite a bit of his birth weight. He was feeding nearly all the time - I was exhausted. Same thing - everyone told me to keep going. Finally in desperation I went to the chemist and bought the first formula I could find. I hid it when HV Came - didn’t confess til his weight finally increased at next feed. I had to make a bigger hole in the teat so he could drink.
Turned out he had hypotonia and wasn’t sucking strongly enough.

Yes. 11 years ago with dd. I kept telling them I didn’t think I had any milk but they kept saying her latch was fine etc. same as you ended up starving her and back in hospital where they hooked me up to a double pump and got 3 mls total off me. Turned out I had hypoplasia. If it makes you feel better, dd is now bright as a button, the tallest in her class and plays football on three different teams. Your baby will be fine

Yes, was discharged from the hospital despite baby not ever latching for long but I was so tired (hadn't slept in 4 days) I couldn't think straight and all the propaganda that said "baby's stomach is the size of a marble" made me think all was fine. Luckily the midwife I saw the next day noticed my baby was sleeping too much and sent us to A&E. He was hypoglycaemic, given formula and IV glucose and had the full septic workup including lumbar puncture but no, he just wasn't getting any food from me.

I then had almost no guidance on discharge and kept trying to breastfeed plus formula and baby was still not gaining weight appropriately and looked so thin at 3 weeks old. Completely let down by health visitors who told me shit like "eat more hot meals" for milk supply.

I had to pay for an IBCLC to save breastfeeding and eventually got baby feeding and gaining weight appropriately on combo feeding.

OP I'm so sorry you went through that. It's fucking awful and a disgrace. Experiences like yours led to the Fed is Best movement (the founders baby had a similar experience). Some babies have died due to continued pushing of breastfeeding when not appropriate. I'm part of an international low milk supply group on Facebook and these stories are so common.

I don't know how old your baby is, but the pain and guilt does fade in time. My son is nearly 6 now, super clever (so no lasting effects) and I no longer feel the guilt or pain I used to feel. My second baby I completely noped out of NHS support and had my private IBCLC prepare me and help me throughout. She was much more realistic about when to start giving formula and our whole prenatal meeting focussed on signs baby wasn't getting enough, which was much more detailed than any information I had from the NHS.

With both my pregnancies I expressed the colostrum and fed them with a syringe at first. By day 2, I started using the instant formula as my milk still didn't come through this is when the mw started to advise against me in doing this. At the same time I was expressing and practicing latching on my breast. By day 4/5 my milk came through with both babies and baby no 1 I stopped the formula top ups and exclusively bf and bf till 3.5 years and had no issues once my supply came but with baby no 2 the milk came on either day 4/5 but we had latching issues and engorgement. I still gave small amounts of formula whilst tackling the engorgement with a manual pump as well as the latching issue. After 10 days with baby no2 I completely stopped the formula top up. Despite going against the bf team and midwife's about why I shouldn't give any formula and how colostrum should be enough, I went against their advice and gave formula until my milk came through, managed my engorgement and baby no2's latching issues. Despite giving formula, my baby still dropped in weight slightly...

So if I had listened to the health professionals, my second baby would have been in the same position as the op's. I'm sometimes scared to advise any new mums but with both births I took instant formula with me despite being adamant on exclusively bf.

This. Absolutely spot on @Fastback

Shocking to read about all these poor newborns having lumbar punctures when all most of them needed was a bottle of formula! I wonder if some stats are kept on how often newborns are readmitted with failure to thrive, surely a different approach is needed to stop things ever getting to that point.

Exactly this, we are not allowed to suggest it but if you ask for it then we can support that choice.

This is not a comment on the midwives who have posted this, but I genuinely think this is cruel. I knew NOTHING about babies. Nothing. Only what I'd learnt in NCT - if bf hurts, you're doing it wrong, it's the most natural thing in the world...

I expected midwives and experienced HCPs to advise me on this - NOT BE DISHONEST. In fact 'dancing around' what you can say would just make me feel stupid and like I was missing something - and straight after giving birth is one of the most vulnerable states you can be in.

I'm angry with this policy, not the individuals involved in care.

Your post struck a chord with me. I thought I had fully accepted my 'failure' to progress in labour recently, but a colleague gave birth, spontaneously, vaginally and without pain relief bar gas and air, and was told she "smashed it." Of course it was just a nice, encouraging thing to say without any meaning or thought but it did remind me how nobody said that to me after my induction and CS. 😂 Pathetic, I know, but I must admit I struggled with my birth for some time, despite knowing I was being unreasonable as I had the most important thing: a live, healthy baby.

I have a friend who was in an NCT group which sounded like yours and she was so embarrassed when she had to introduce formula due to supply she lied to us that formula was expressed breast milk in a bottle. She was also in a very anti- induction group. Of course a spontaneous, vaginal birth to a baby who will successfully exclusively breastfeed would be wonderful but all those stars aligning seems to happen for so few women I really wish some of these support groups would reflect that in their messaging. I know many NCT groups will be very balanced btw.

Totally agree with this. Hearing about what midwives can and can't advise explains why formula wasn't even suggested by the infant feeding team when I had similar issues to many on this thread with poor initial feeding, my baby losing lots of weight, and then re-admission for IV fluids because of severe dehydration. We were being seen for several days as an outpatient, so formula top ups probably would have helped at this point, and I really needed a HCP to tell me straight that what DS needed was a decent feed and that formula should be used if I couldn't express enough, which I couldn't. It's only in hindsight that that was what we should have done and seems so obvious now, but I was surprised by how reluctant I was to use formula in those first few days, maybe because of all the messaging during pregnancy that it's rarely needed for medical reasons. It's such a dangerous situation. I wonder how many re-admissions to hospital could be prevented if HCPs were allowed to be more proactive when there are clear issues.

I have a friend who was in an NCT group which sounded like yours and she was so embarrassed when she had to introduce formula due to supply she lied to us that formula was expressed breast milk in a bottle.

That is heartbreaking tbh.

I have a friend who felt they needed to tell me this too, I'm someone who breastfeeds everywhere because it's just easier - when I met up with this couple we know for the first time after having their baby, they started giving a bottle and pointedly told me it was expressed! I mean, I'm sure it was, but I was a bit sad they clearly thought I'd be judgy if it was formula.

Whereas actually, I usually think expressing to bottle feed is just way too much hard work and bother to be worth it. The slight benefits over formula just don't outweigh the mum's blood sweat and tears imo. I hate expressing, I only do it at work because I'd get engorged otherwise.

I mean, I do recognise there are benefits to breastfeeding but my top ones are that (when it's working well) it's convenient and you can do it half-asleep, lying down in the dark.

You don't get that with expressing, it's just painful and takes forever and you can't cuddle your baby while you do it. I can't believe it's the go-to midwife advice for mums who are struggling to breastfeed. If you're expressing into a bottle, you're not practising your latch so it isn't going to help get breastfeeding on track if that's what the midwives want. It just seems punishing.

My opinion would always be to give formula while still latching-on frequently. Mixed feeding basically.

I'm so so sorry this happened to you, must've been so stressful ❤️
Sadly, health professionals can dismiss this. I just knew I wasn't producing enough milk but also had everyone saying 'oh no, it's fine'. Then I was giving formula top ups and it wasn't until end of first week my milk came in!

All the best to you and your baby ❤️

How stressful, I agree with you that there should be more abundant and better quality practical advice around what to look for if any form of feeding isn’t working right.

DD is nearly 14 so I acknowledge advice may have changed but I had the colostrum for the first couple of days and kept breastfeeding and for 3 days she had dry nappies and at her day 5 check in had lost quite a percentage of her body weight. This was within normal range but the higher end and then day 5, my milk came in and the main signal was the poonami fanfare in the John Lewis car park and a chilly nappy change in the boot of the car. Long story short, then, I think it was normal to have colostrum first, up to naff all for a couple of days then the milk. HVs did keep an eye on weight. DD did have jaundice too but this sorted itself out. I also wonder if traumatic births can have an impact on when milk arrives. DD's birth was awful.

My sister was similar; a c section, a very unhappy baby who wasn’t gaining weight and was almost admitted back to hospital. Midwives saying all was well with her latch. Sister desperately unhappy and exhausted.

Eventually my mum and I persuaded her to give the baby some formula, that it wasn’t ’poison’ (genuinely her words). Baby was much happier and gained weight and is now fed both breast and formula.

Our NCT leader told us she wasn’t allowed to offer any advice or information on bottle feeding when we asked.

An older lady once told me that one of her breastfed babies wasn't thriving , so a nurse weighed the baby before and after a feed to see how much milk the baby had taken on board. It seems such a logical thing to do when there are concerns about milk supply, but I've never heard of this being done since. This must have been around the 1960s.

I think the NCT's position must have moved on this. I did NCT in 2021 and the course leader covered making up formula, different types of formula, sterilising, paced feeding and different types of bottle. I can't remember if there was anything else and it was probably only 15mins out of the whole course, but i was surprised because I'd been told to expect them not to cover it, as in your case. Unless we had a rogue course leader!

One health visitor told me that she wasn't allowed to say it, but in her experience GD babies do better on formula. She pretty much whispered this to me.

Better than the scathing comments I got from other health professionals along the lines of "so I'm going to document here you've chosen to "artificially feed" your baby and you're declining support from our baby friendly feeding team"

I never enjoyed mix feeding. Much prefer to just breastfeed. So much easier. I didn't mind expressing but I know its not for everyone

Dreadful. You did and are doing your absolute best. People should be able to choose what works for them and baby.
Glad things are improving.

So sorry to hear this happened to you and that it is still happening. I had my daughter 17 years ago and I already knew from trying to breastfeed my son that my milk had just not come in with him. So I tried with DD and I knew she wasn't getting enough milk, they had me on a pump but mainly it was collecting blood as my nipples were so painful. I was still in hospital when I saw pink crystals in her nappy which I knew meant she was dangerously dehydrated, the midwives said to just ignore it. We insisted we were moving to formula and she was fine from that point on.

Once home she became very constipated and the HV said she wasn't allowed to give us any advice as I wasn't breastfeeding. I ended up phoning the formula helpline who gave me incredibly helpful advice that helped me help DD.

All because the hospital had a breast feeding accreditation

My experience was 20 years ago, but even then it was really difficult to access formula in hospital. None of the young midwives would give it to me, they weren't allowed apparently, despite DD being very ill with jaundice. It took a much older midwife to come on shift and smuggle me some. Some years later with DD2, struggling again, but at home this time, the health visitor came in and said "give up" it's making you and your baby unwell. The pressure to BF means you almost need permission. It's crazy.

I had the opposite experience in that I was actively discouraged to breastfeed! My baby suffered with jaundice and was borderline for treatment. They kept blaming me and feeding but I had a content baby who was gaining weight and having plenty of wet and dirty nappies. As it was baby number 3 and I was a confident mum I continued to breastfeed and the jaundice improved with no treatment necessary. Other mums who were not so confident or were breastfeeding for the first time would have given up.
There is definitely not enough feeding support out there, in hospital my experience has been a midwife coming over, squeezing my breast and nipple and then saying carry on 🤦🏼‍♀️
When it works, breastfeeding is amazing, but what’s more amazing is a well fed baby and a mentally intact mother. I agree that too often people are encouraged not to give up breastfeeding when they should. But also I think there needs to be more education on what is normal when you are breastfeeding - when your milk is likely to come in, clusterfeeding etc.

I breast fed 2 babies but had v.painfull bleeding cracked nipple ..drank a lot of water abd ate toast and rice etc as not producing enough milk....my sister had a caesarian ..was bastfeeding when i visited . Baby v.hungrey looked dehydrated sis said shoulj i give bottle i said yes . Baby and mum much happier in mixed feeding xx