Has this happened to you? Breastfeeding 'support' led my baby to hospital

[alomath]

This was my experience of trying to exclusively breastfeed. It objectively harmed my baby and traumatised me. Has this, or something similar, happened to anyone else?

My baby was born at 40w+1d from a forceps delivery after a long (induced) labour. I had gestational diabetes but other than that a normal pregnancy. She was born healthy.

I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and in hospital I was seen and given advice on latching/breastfeeding from multiple healthcare professionals (midwives, nurses and infant feeding team). I was told her latch was good and to keep going.

After approxmately 36 hours we were discharged. I struggled to breastfeed at home (cluster feeding, rarely settling). The midwife visited on day 2 and told me this was normal and to keep going.

On days 3 and 4 things kept getting worse. By day 4 her nappies were not heavy and she hadn't pooed in 24 hours (but she was still producing the 'normal' amlount of wet and soiled nappies, according to the information I got from the NHS trust where she was born). Her cry was becoming high pitched. I called the national breastfeeding helpline and was told everything I was going through 'seemed normal' and was given advice about latching. I wasn't convinced, so I called my local infant feeding team, who told me on the phone (again) that all of this was normal. Nevertheless, they offered to send someone to my home to see me feeding. That person came, told me her latch looked very good and advised me to express to top up. She also pointed out my baby's lips were dry, but didn't make much of it. I pointed out I didn't think my milk had 'come in', but again she didn't seem to make much of this. I tried expressing but nothing came out.

On day 5 the midwife came to for the routine health visit. She weighed my daughter and realised she had lost >20% of her birth weight and her jaundice had gotten worse. The midwide told us to rush to A&E.

In A&E, they immediately gave her formula and she was instantly a different baby (much more settled). We stayed for a few days to ensure she was feeding and gaining weight. However, her weight loss had been so dramatic that the doctors wanted to rule out an infectious disease, so she had profilactic intravenous antibiotics + blood, urine and even a lumbar puncture to look for infections. Everything came back negative, it was just underfeeding. Her diagnoses were hypernatremic dehydration which had led to a metabolic acidosis and hypoglycaemia.

I was traumatised by this. I basically starved my baby for her first 5 days of life, in great part because of professionals who reassured me everything was OK when it clearly wasn't. I feel awful and I don't think the guilt will ever go away. But I also feel angry at everyone who pressured me to breastfeed, even when it was going so badly (my baby was clearly dehydrated!).

My baby was exclusively formula-fed since then and is - so far - healthy.

The doctor who discharged my baby told me she often saw babies like this. Has anything like this ever happened to you?

That happened with my mum and her first child, my brother.

Also in the 1960’s.

She started supplementing with formula after they saw how little milk he was taking. DB is 6’2” and used to play rugby and had a scholarship to university so it clearly hasn’t harmed him. (Although I still think he is an idiot so…)

@MiseryIn I was trying to be honest about my personal experience. I am a new mum and I have put a huge amount of pressure on myself to do what's "best" for my baby.

Breastfeeding worked out for me, yes, but if you think I'm boasting about it, you've misunderstood. I appreciate it now that I'm doing it - it's a special thing if it works out. I don't think I deserve vitriol for acknowledging that.

And I don't think anyone should be put under pressure to do it. I'm lucky that my baby didn't get very sick when he wasn't getting enough milk. I don't know that I would have been strong enough to put my foot down and say, "No, we're switching to formula." I would have waited for permission... and the problem is that no midwife is going to give it.

That's the problem. All this support is geared towards one outcome, and it leaves mothers to wing it alone when things don't go to plan.

@TheMadShip which bit of the statement "It's funny, my relationship with my baby would be radically different without breastfeeding, " do you mean?

It's implying that you wouldn't be close to your baby if you didn't breastfeed.

I'm glad it worked out for you but don't perpetuate the idea that you can't be close to a formula fed baby.

My feeding experience was a huge factor in my postnatal depression and anxiety. Lots similar in my story to all your stories - I had a severe PPH, baby had 100% anterior tongue tie, I also have hashimoto's disease which affected my milk supply. I went through pretty similar experiences trying to get help but ended up exclusively formula feeding and developing OCD around hygiene and tapwater.

The bit that still brings me to tears is how they wouldn't feed me in the hospital. My daughter and I were in the hospital for five days trying to sort her dehydration etc out, and because I wasn't breastfeeding they wouldn't let me have any food. They said they would only feed breastfeeding mothers because only those mothers were sustaining their babies, and in my case my husband had to bring food in for me.

I can't explain how utterly worthless and useless that made me feel.

The bit that still brings me to tears is how they wouldn't feed me in the hospital. My daughter and I were in the hospital for five days trying to sort her dehydration etc out, and because I wasn't breastfeeding they wouldn't let me have any food. They said they would only feed breastfeeding mothers because only those mothers were sustaining their babies, and in my case my husband had to bring food in for me.

I can't explain how utterly worthless and useless that made me feel.

This is completely heatbreaking. Every single one of those midwives should be ashamed of themselves. How callous.

@MiseryIn I have only had one baby. I have only had one experience of mothering a child. It would be radically different if I didn't have my baby physically latched to me for huge chunks of time. That may be a lack of imagination on my part, but it's the truth. I can't imagine my baby without breastfeeding.

How about we substitute the word "relationship" with the phrase "experience of motherhood"? But if you are intent on reading judgement into it, you'll do that however I phrase it.

I'll jog on now and stop derailing this important discussion.

A small aside - babies born via induction often have a slightly higher birth weight, artificially raised by the IV fluids mums are given during labour
Thereby meaning their weight loss is exaggerated as they expel more fluid than a baby not born via induction

@ThomussTank I understand the thinking behind my hospital's policy, how it was a decision made on the best use of NHS resources. I know they were thinking that by feeding a breastfeeding mum they were feeding the baby, and that therefore formula feeding mums didn't need that direct support.

But in the state I was at that time, absolutely bereft that I couldn't give my baby "the best" and most natural food source, it felt like the most massive kick in the teeth when I was already so down.

Bear in mind that this was 2012. There was no concept of "fed is best" then really, or it was only just emerging I think.

Although judging by the stories on this thread, sadly those damaging narratives about breastfeeding being best whatever the cost remain.

I'll always be grateful to the midwife who said to me:

"I'm not supposed to say this, but just give her formula. Breastfeeding isn't the be all and end all. She will be absolutely fine on formula".

@alomath - the exact thing happened to me with my first. Midwives kept assuring me latch was fine, and that they seemed to stay on so little was fine as long as it was often. DC slept a lot but seemed happy and alert when awake, not distressed and crying a lot - it is a thing, I have discovered since, that some newborns don't cry when hungry. Luckily the health visitor happened to come round after we were starting to worry about dry nappies and we ended up back in hospital, 2 weeks of punishing pumping/formula topup to get the weight back.

The are 16 years old now and absolutely fine... sometimes I think for a moment about what could have happened and my heart drops, but at the end of the day I don't dwell on it and I don't punish myself about it.

I think it is more common than people realise.

Health Visitors are qualified nurses and midwives who have undergone further training for the HV role.

You have no idea what your relationship with your baby would/wouldn't be if you hadn't breast fed

This gets really over hyped though and used as another excuse not to investigate what is really going on.

Any weight loss over 7% (the Fed Is Best recommendation) should be investigated, nappy output looked at, whether baby has dry lips and a sunken fontanelle, whether they're settled/content after feeds, whether there's any sign milk has come in, any risk factors for low supply for the mum considered.

Thoroughly agree with this. There just isn’t the professional curiosity and mums aren’t told what the warning signs are (urate crystals, what a “wet” nappy should look like, prolonged passage of meconium ect). I relied on the professionals to pick up on the issues I experienced and they just never did. My second child passed most of his meconium on day 5 only after I caved and gave formula (not recommended by the postnatal midwives, who told me to BF and express). I find it all rather hard to forgive.

I'm not relieved to hear that, because the majority of HVs I've met have been woeful, whereas the majority of midwives have been knowledgeable and competent. So now I'm thinking either the training is useless, or it's a case of the useless midwives retraining to be HVs, the useful ones staying on as midwives.

I could bore you with multiple anecdotes of stupid things HVs have said to me, but I won't derail. Formula doing "harm" was the one that was relevant to this thread

I'm sorry I read back to your post and see that your experience was more extreme. I did mean well with what I said for women not to feel guilty but I do see what you mean that problems can escalate quickly and the system should be improved. Sorry for what you went through x

Probably cost her her job now.

Health Service and midwives have got it so wrong - they should be supporting women to decide how to feed their babies without any judgement.
When I said I would be using formula from day one, the midwives ignored me and carried on pressuring me to try to breast feed - DH (a doctor) complained repeatedly that it was my decision and he supported me and they should to.