Has this happened to you? Breastfeeding 'support' led my baby to hospital

[alomath]

This was my experience of trying to exclusively breastfeed. It objectively harmed my baby and traumatised me. Has this, or something similar, happened to anyone else?

My baby was born at 40w+1d from a forceps delivery after a long (induced) labour. I had gestational diabetes but other than that a normal pregnancy. She was born healthy.

I wanted to exclusively breastfeed and in hospital I was seen and given advice on latching/breastfeeding from multiple healthcare professionals (midwives, nurses and infant feeding team). I was told her latch was good and to keep going.

After approxmately 36 hours we were discharged. I struggled to breastfeed at home (cluster feeding, rarely settling). The midwife visited on day 2 and told me this was normal and to keep going.

On days 3 and 4 things kept getting worse. By day 4 her nappies were not heavy and she hadn't pooed in 24 hours (but she was still producing the 'normal' amlount of wet and soiled nappies, according to the information I got from the NHS trust where she was born). Her cry was becoming high pitched. I called the national breastfeeding helpline and was told everything I was going through 'seemed normal' and was given advice about latching. I wasn't convinced, so I called my local infant feeding team, who told me on the phone (again) that all of this was normal. Nevertheless, they offered to send someone to my home to see me feeding. That person came, told me her latch looked very good and advised me to express to top up. She also pointed out my baby's lips were dry, but didn't make much of it. I pointed out I didn't think my milk had 'come in', but again she didn't seem to make much of this. I tried expressing but nothing came out.

On day 5 the midwife came to for the routine health visit. She weighed my daughter and realised she had lost >20% of her birth weight and her jaundice had gotten worse. The midwide told us to rush to A&E.

In A&E, they immediately gave her formula and she was instantly a different baby (much more settled). We stayed for a few days to ensure she was feeding and gaining weight. However, her weight loss had been so dramatic that the doctors wanted to rule out an infectious disease, so she had profilactic intravenous antibiotics + blood, urine and even a lumbar puncture to look for infections. Everything came back negative, it was just underfeeding. Her diagnoses were hypernatremic dehydration which had led to a metabolic acidosis and hypoglycaemia.

I was traumatised by this. I basically starved my baby for her first 5 days of life, in great part because of professionals who reassured me everything was OK when it clearly wasn't. I feel awful and I don't think the guilt will ever go away. But I also feel angry at everyone who pressured me to breastfeed, even when it was going so badly (my baby was clearly dehydrated!).

My baby was exclusively formula-fed since then and is - so far - healthy.

The doctor who discharged my baby told me she often saw babies like this. Has anything like this ever happened to you?

@TheMadShip

It's funny, my relationship with my baby would be radically different without breastfeeding can you elaborate on that? I’m not sure what you mean.

Yes while still in hospital after a traumatic birth. DC1 was starving and jaundice was looking likely. This was only on day 2 and the midwives advised starting on formula. I was so unwell from the birth I didn't argue. One week later back at home and 6 weeks later I started to BF again and combination fed until 1 years old.

I was really happy to restart BF but you should absolutely choose what's right for you.

I'm sorry you went through this. I'm struggling to find the words here but basically someone should have observed a feed and actually checked milk was leaving your boobs. It wasn't the advice to breastfeed that the was problem. It was that you weren't seen in person by an infant feeding specialist when you had concerns. It's a shame you weren't supported to pump because that would be the best of both worlds. Baby could then have had some of the lasting benefits.

And I didn't even start bf my first until 8 weeks. I pumped before then due to similar issues. So it doesn't have to be the end of bf for anyone else reading.

Just because breastfeeding means I'm physically smushed up against him so much of the day, it's the main way that I am "close" to my baby. If I had formula fed, that physical closeness would have occurred in other ways, including during feeding, but it would be very different. Not least because I don't think I'd be doing skin-to-skin contact anywhere near as much.

To be clear, I don't think I have a closer relationship with baby or a better bond because of breastfeeding, but breastfeeding takes up so much of my time, it's the main bonding "language" baby and I speak to each other.

If I try to imagine being a mother without breastfeeding, it feels like there would be so much more time and space to interact with baby in other ways. But maybe that is me idealising formula feeding as less time-consuming, at least in the early stages.

Jup.
C section.
Breastfeeding support pushing my DSs head in my boob while he was screaming and I had to push her really hard to let go.
Was screamed at as I took out ready made formula and fed my baby.
Was called difficult for screaming back 😅
DS gained weight steadily and is perfectly healthy. He never liked boob but drank expressed milk.
No one was bothered to chech thoung tie properly as "it was my choice to formula feed".

DD was latching like mad but I never had big milk supply. Topped her up with formula after every feed. Did not listen to anyone telling me that baby hysterically latching to an empty boob is efficiently cluster feeding.

Babies need food.

Every baby is so different.

Everyone has their own opinion. IMO, breast is best but not at the expense of a child's health.

DD lost weight (breastfed) and I was put on a mad schedule of feed, pump, top up feed, feed - repeat - every 30 minutes. I didn't sleep for 2 days! By day 2 I said fuck that, and breastfed every 1 hour instead to get my supply up. Latching was hard as I had flat nipples and engorged boobs - so had to do a lot of work to make it possible for DD.

It was very important to me to bf, or at least give it a good go. I was told by nurses to 'let DD sleep' aslong as she wanted however she was a jaundice baby and thank god I didn't! Otherwise she'd have never fed and would have died. I instead woke her every 2 hours once home for a breastfeed and she gained weight back and more. However it caused me a lot of anxiety and stress, I bought a medical weighing scale to keep track of her weight as well. (Covid times so hard to go into clinic).

Each baby is different, women should have adequate support to try and breastfeed but also careful monitoring so that if it doesn't work out then it's noted asap

@stripycarpet - In fact the one who was breastfed is more inclined to colds and is ND.

Being ND is nothing to do with how you feed a baby.

It makes me so angry that this country pushes breastfeeding whilst simultaneously failing to support women properly who do want to BF.

Spend less on posters and leaflets and more on training staff! Ok, we can’t train every HCP in lactation but at the very least give them the basics, and teach them when to say “sorry I’m not an expert on that” and refer to a trained lactation specialist. Rather than so many of them thinking they know all the answers and giving wrong and dangerous advice.

It was sheer luck that I managed to BF and definitely not helped by HCPs. DD’s tongue tie and crap latch went undetected for 14 weeks, as many HCPs had told me she didn’t have one, including the NICU nurses and the hospital breastfeeding counsellor 🙄. Usually this would mean poor supply and BF not working but as she was prem I’d been put on the hospital pumps and was producing milk for triplets. Nonetheless we had awful problems with wind, lacerated nipples, etc and I nearly stopped multiple times.

I remember a long running thread on MN entitled something like “Sign in here if you were told your baby didn’t have tongue tie, only to find they did”. Happens a LOT.

My story was very similar and it really affected my mental and physical health. I was extremely anemic and produced little to no milk but told to carry on solely breastfeeding and my milk would come in. It never did and my baby ended up sick and on a formula feeding plan.

I’m really sorry you had this experience. Just a point of view from a midwife. We are absolutely not allowed in any circumstance to suggest formula. The baby friendly initiative rules are so restrictive. Even when we can see that a mother needs to make the decision to formula feed we cannot initiate that decision no matter how desperately we want to. We have to wait until the mother suggests it as an option and only then can we discuss safe formula feeding etc. Even when babies are not gaining weight we have to advise expressing and topping up, even when mum can’t express any milk we have to discuss ways of increasing milk supply. I agree it’s madness and we should be able to support mothers in all feeding options that are right for them but we are bound by these rules!

Awful to hear that’s still the case. My understanding was that the NHS was moving away from the rigid promotion of breastfeeding at all costs and adopting a more balanced approach.

I still have nightmares and guilt about the first few days of my child’s life when I tried and failed to breastfeed and could see she was getting progressively thirstier and hungrier.

Same happened to me. But I caved and gave formula before my baby lost too much weight. I sought all kinds of help and even had a community midwife tell me that I had been reading too many books when I told them that I didn't feel like I had any milk. It turned out that I was severely anaemic but no one thought to check on my health ☹️

@N4ish Unfortunately not. Some midwives will ‘break the rules’ where needed. For example I had a new mother who was admitted to the ward with mastitis so severe we were having to drain abscesses in her breasts on a daily basis and her breastmilk was blood stained. I did subtly suggest to her at this point that her needs and her health are also important when making decisions about feeding baby. But new mothers are also contacted randomly to ask if midwives discussed breastfeeding, hand expression, colostrum harvesting, breastfeeding positioning etc. and we have to achieve 90% of women saying yes. Even those who are clear from the start they are formula feeding.

Yes. 2016.

Basically my nipples were too big to fit in newborn DDs mouth. She wasn't getting anything from me.

She wouldn't wake one night/early morning, at 3 days old, was sort of floppy, managed to get a small amount of formula into her that we had bought for emergencies and she became more alert. Saw the midwife who sent us to hospital. We were admitted, had to write down every time she 'fed'. Because she did it so often they said it was fine and sent us home. The reason she did it so much was she was desperately trying to get some milk and failing!

At 5 days she developed very worrying symptoms that turned out to be a condition associated with a traumatic birth. (she was distressed, forceps, pooed, not breathing initially)

I kept telling everyone I saw (we were in isolation, they thought it was meningitis) that she hadn't had a wee. 2 days of this. Nappies were dry. They kept telling me I was wrong without checking. I had to rip a nappy open in front of the midwife before they would listen - then all hell broke loose. Gave her formula, she put on 200g in 24 hrs.

That's when they realised we didn't plug together properly, so I started expressing.
I asked if she had a tongue tie, they said no. Without looking.

4 days after we were admitted a lactation specialist appeared. Didn't ask what the problem was/why we were there, announced that she had 'a very feed able tongue tie' and that there's no reason I can't breastfeed, and declared she was going to put on her notes that she wasn't to be allowed any formula and I was to stop expressing. Then left without letting me get a word in edgewise.

A lovely midwife found me sobbing from pure fear that they were going to starve my baby if I didn't get out of there. We needed to be there for treatment for the trauma condition, soo couldn't discharge ourselves - she was really cross at the position if been put in, told me to give her formula or express if I wanted to, and put in my notes that I didn't consent to the plan from the lactation specialist and it was to be ignored.

Eta: re midwives and formula. I was told on the postnatal ward absolutely not allowed to do anything relating to formula. I tried nipple shields and DP had to take them out of the ward to use a microwave steriliser for them as they weren't allowed to provide any parephenalia for formula feeding. What they'd have done if a mother had had a mastectomy or something I've no idea.

Once we were discharged and readmitted it was to a transitional care ward. On that ward the midwives provided ready made formula if they thought it was appropriate. They said it was regarded as medication on that ward and the rules from the postnatal ward about no formula didn't apply.

its so so hard to do the right thing and the pain is palpable in your post.

i had ptsd after my second birth (without going into specifics i similarly wrongly believed that I failed my child having blindly trusted medical “experts”) and recently had a treatment called “three step rewind”.

candidly, I did it out of desperation and had ZERO expectation it would work as it sounded like fluffy mumbo jumbo.
It was transformative and has really helped me move forward.

when your baby is a bit bigger and you are recovered definitely look into it.

Happened to me, but not as severe thank god. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I had undiagnosed IGT and was barely producing any milk at all, both times. Midwives and HV’s couldn’t have been more useless. It was absolutely ghastly and if I hadn’t snapped and given a bottle of formal with my second it could easily have been a far worse situation.

I hope you find the time and space to heal, and know that you did your absolute best for your baby. ❤️

I was told on the postnatal ward absolutely not allowed to do anything relating to formula. I tried nipple shields and DP had to take them out of the ward to use a microwave steriliser for them

My gosh Granny Aching that is awful. So so different from my hospital in London, where they freely gave me disposable teats so I could split those 200ml formula bottles, I didn't even ask for them, they were offered when the midwife saw I had formula with me. And I was pretty confident breastfeeding my second, but wanted to keep it mixed anyway as that had worked well with my first, so I didn't even "need" formula as much as others might have done.

Was that in the UK? I'm just amazed it's so different from one hospital to another. My local hospital has good outcomes for maternity. Why don't other hospitals learn from the good ones?

Yes this almost exactly happened to me with my first. He never once latched, I was expressing and feeding him from a cup, he lost 15% of his body weight and needed jaundice treatment under the lights. I’m still absolutely furious that they encouraged me to keep breastfeeding despite the clear dehydration signs he had. My milk had fully come in and they were still telling me to hand express so I was hardly feeding him anything. We started giving him formula and it took a week or so but he eventually started feeding well. He’s 8 now and as I said I’m still furious about it.

I’m sorry I know this isn’t your fault, but I think it’s absolutely disgusting. What if withholding formula from an underfed baby resulted in the death of that child? Could you and your colleagues stand in front of the coroner with a clear conscience and say you did all you could within the remit of your professional standards?

I ff from birth it was put on my form they asked me what formula when my baby was born and they gave it to me asked if I wanted help and that was it

I did research NCT and if they wanted new members they need to employ someone to do better advertising for them even if I was bf I would still have nothing to do with them

If a baby looses too much weight they are referred into the paediatric ward. They are allowed to suggest formula as at the point the baby is admitted to hospital it’s a medical need. So while it shouldn’t come to that, these underfed babies are picked up and dealt with.

All the mums in my family have the breastfeeding at all costs mind set.

My baby was just so hungry, hours of trying to feed her and then I would give formula and she was then so satisfied.

I ended just giving formula until my milk came on day 5 and then I did mixed feeding which worked well.

They still hold judgement that I didn't try hard enough etc. but it's their problem really.

Please don't feel guilty, I can only imagine how hard it was for you

This happened to me OP with my first. 4 days in hospital post c-section following the midwives and lactation advisors guidance and slowly starving my baby nearly into NICU. I had no idea of the risk my baby was in as I was following the feeding support to the letter. It was only when a junior dr made an intervention against the advice of the midwives that I realised! There was a massive showdown between the docs and the midwives and I managed to get some formula then to feed my son

It gives me palpitations and breathlessness writing that. Those midwives were allowing me to starve my baby and they did do for 4 days. Where would it have stopped if there hadn’t been a dr to intervene?

I still feel guilt and shame (16 years later). I have a visceral hatred of midwives and of that NCT cult who brainwashed me.

My second baby went straight on a bottle and I had a lovely elective c-section with him too.

Fair enough, but as a mum who’s baby was sent back in to hospital dehydrated I’d much rather it hadn’t got that bad in the first place. I’d also have liked a correct diagnosis and not made to feel a failure for “giving up” and resorting to formula. But both my children are fine, but honestly that’s in no part due to the feeding “support” I received. It was abysmal. I just want better for all new mothers.