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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Teaching toddler breastfeeding etiquette

100 replies

ohyeahiwaittablestoo · 04/09/2022 21:37

Not sure if I've used the right phrase there. My 17mo is still breastfeeding. We had been down to morning and bedtime and then 1 or 2 day feeds depending if I'm at work or not. He has managed without me for over 24hrs on a few occasions and is a chunky little man so doesn't need it as a food source as such.

This week he has been teething pretty hard and has been asking for more feeds, a total of 7 yesterday. I don't mind if it makes him feel better but the constantly pulling at my top is starting to get annoying. It's got to the point that anytime he sits on my knee he starts yanking at my top or grabbing my nipple through the fabric. Can/should I be teaching him not to do this? Is it mean to say he can only have the comfort of a feed when I say so? Even his sister was getting annoyed at how often he was feeding yesterday and saying "mummy I think he's had enough". Reminded her that she used to love her dummy when she was feeling sad.

I don't even know what I'm trying to ask here. I don't want to stop, he still likes it, I still like it, except when he's the one calling the shots apparently!

OP posts:
summersun29 · 04/09/2022 22:45

I understand where you're coming from. My DS is 15 months old and I'm still breastfeeding - we're down to a bedtime feed, as well as one night feed as it's the quickest and easiest way to settle him.

Anyway, as for your questions, it's really down to you if you want to set boundaries over him asking for it. I don't think you "should" teach him not to, unless you want to. Can you teach him is another question, might be hard as he's that bit older! I'm lucky in that respect as my DS just pokes at my chest and says "boob" haha, it's actually very cute! Luckily he doesn't pull my top, I'd be a little embarrassed if we were out and about!

As for being mean, I don't think you are! Again, it's all about boundaries - you get to decide where to draw the line as it's your body! That's the way I see it anyway - although we have set feeding times, there's lot of instances where I'll give a comfort feed if I feel like it and I feel he really needs it. So don't feel bad!

My DS seems to accept this though, it hasn't really been an issue... Would your DS react badly if you refused? I find distraction the best way to deal with it, like going to get a snack or playing with a favourite toy etc. Most of the time, he forgets all about it after a few minutes. I very recently dropped his morning feed as I felt it was the next easiest one to drop - by the time we're downstairs and he's having his breakfast, he's forgotten.

I hope you find a way to continue on your terms. I agree breastfeeding can be lovely as well as frustrating!

CrabbyCat · 04/09/2022 22:50

I managed to train mine to ask a different way than grabbing my clothing - I don't think you'll be able to train him to stop asking though! If he's not talking, I taught mine the 'milk' sign in baby sign. If they asked for it with the sign, they got it, any other way of asking they didn't, mine learned rapidly. I'm also trying to offer other forms of comfort - e.g. try and read a story to them, try and play a game.

Original poster
ohyeahiwaittablestoo · 05/09/2022 17:02

Thanks. I'll need to have a look at the signing thing. He's always fed at sort of set times (morning, wake from each nap and then bed) and hasn't been one to feed little and often so it has kind of thrown me a bit. Just got told there are cases of HFM at nursery so now worried he's coming down with that and of course I should feed him if he's ill. As with everything I'm sure it's a phase 🤞🏻

Distraction wise, yes usually that's a solution but when it's just me and the kids it's harder to do as if it's anything where he's sat on my knee then he just pulls as my top.

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 05/09/2022 18:11

Teach him a new way of comfort.
A dummy would have been stoped by this age.
He's eating food. Comfort him in other ways.

He's not a baby.

Kittykat93 · 05/09/2022 18:15

7 times in a day for an 18 month old is way too much in my opinion. He should be eating meals, is he not getting enough calories from actual food?

PuddingBear · 05/09/2022 18:19

beachcitygirl · 05/09/2022 18:11

Teach him a new way of comfort.
A dummy would have been stoped by this age.
He's eating food. Comfort him in other ways.

He's not a baby.

No, he’s not a baby. There’s still nothing wrong with him wanting comfort from feeding.

You say “he’s not a baby” like he shouldn’t be feeding so frequently at this age, in which case your ignorance around toddlers and breastfeeding is showing.

PuddingBear · 05/09/2022 18:21

Kittykat93 · 05/09/2022 18:15

7 times in a day for an 18 month old is way too much in my opinion. He should be eating meals, is he not getting enough calories from actual food?

Feeding isn’t just about milk - especially for toddlers.

My daughter is 20 months and still feeds every 2 hours day and night. She also eats 3 meals and 2 snacks a day.

Clairey844 · 05/09/2022 18:21

There's a great group on FB called Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond, there are plenty of people who have asked for and been given great suggestions on exactly this. Teaching a sign for milk is a great one though.
It will be really comforting for him if he is cutting teeth or he could be going through some other developmental change and needs the reassurance of being close to you.
You're doing an amazing thing by continuing to feed (I'm currently feeding an 'older' baby and a 13mo so I know I have this looming with my youngest lol)
Xx

Clairey844 · 05/09/2022 18:22

I also echo what @PuddingBear replied to the two comments above.

Ducksurprise · 05/09/2022 18:24

He is a baby, it's not too much and it's not bad for him but equally it isn't working for you.

klipwa · 05/09/2022 18:32

When he wants except if it is inconvenient, when you can tall him "later".

FusionChefGeoff · 05/09/2022 18:33

I'd say it would be worth trying to teach him another more 'socially acceptable' way to ask eg signing as pp suggested - but that doesn't mean you have to restrict his feeding especially if he's teething / poorly.

oxydant · 05/09/2022 18:37

My daughter is 20 months and still feeds every 2 hours day and night.

How on earth do you put up with that?!

Original poster
ohyeahiwaittablestoo · 05/09/2022 18:45

Kittykat93 · 05/09/2022 18:15

7 times in a day for an 18 month old is way too much in my opinion. He should be eating meals, is he not getting enough calories from actual food?

Thanks for your helpful input.

He eats 3 meals a day plus snacks. He's not great at drinking water so imagine part of it is trying to keep hydrated. He's teething and has been off his food so I imagine the milk has been filling the gaps. Would you suggest I let him starve instead? Or maybe a bottle of cows milk would be more palatable?

OP posts:
Original poster
ohyeahiwaittablestoo · 05/09/2022 18:47

beachcitygirl · 05/09/2022 18:11

Teach him a new way of comfort.
A dummy would have been stoped by this age.
He's eating food. Comfort him in other ways.

He's not a baby.

What's with the haters? He's not feeling well and this is a source of comfort for him. I'm not loving the yanking at my top nor the little and often feeding but right now if it helps then of course I'm going to provide that source of comfort for him.

More concerned it's going to form a habit, but for now I can tell he's unwell and not himself and will continue to soothe my child.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohyeahiwaittablestoo · 05/09/2022 18:50

Thanks to everyone else for the actually helpful comments. I'll look into that Facebook group and will definitely start signing. He's a smart wee cookie so will hopefully pick up quickly.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 05/09/2022 18:52

@PuddingBear I assume you don’t work

toomuchlaundry · 05/09/2022 18:54

How does he cope if you are at work @ohyeahiwaittablestoo?

TulipVictory · 05/09/2022 18:56

Don't worry @ohyeahiwaittablestoo my 20 month old asks this many times every day even when she's not I'll 😬

Prescriptioncost · 05/09/2022 18:57

My dd is just turned 2 and still breastfeeds 1-2 times at night and 4 times in the day (a couple of the feeds are only a few mins) she still eats ok it doesn’t seem to affect her appetite the HV says it’s pushing her weight up but we think the benefits of breastmilk outweigh being on a high centile as once she stops she will slim down and has had the benefits of breastmilk for longer

margegunderson · 05/09/2022 19:07

My (now adult) kids fed until 3 and I think I also had this - they do eventually get that it's polite to ask. But yours is still very young. Lot of judginess on this thread - this is still a baby and this is how he seeks comfort. Oh - and I was also working so don't assume the OP is an sahm

PuddingBear · 05/09/2022 19:10

oxydant · 05/09/2022 18:37

My daughter is 20 months and still feeds every 2 hours day and night.

How on earth do you put up with that?!

There’s nothing to “put up” with. It’s not a hardship; I love it just as much as she does.

PuddingBear · 05/09/2022 19:11

toomuchlaundry · 05/09/2022 18:52

@PuddingBear I assume you don’t work

I do work. I’m also not the only one who can settle her.

She feeds every two hours when I’m here but she’s absolutely fine when I’m not.

beachcitygirl · 05/09/2022 19:13

Op it's not hate. It's just that there are a myriad ways to comfort a child without the boob. Why not utilise them? As his current demands are challenging & not the most appropriate for you.

You can cuddle & snuggle & read & make sure he gets plenty water if dehydration is an issue.

Wouldloveanother · 05/09/2022 19:18

PuddingBear · 05/09/2022 19:11

I do work. I’m also not the only one who can settle her.

She feeds every two hours when I’m here but she’s absolutely fine when I’m not.

Show quote history

How can she be getting the sleep she needs for her development if she isn’t sleeping longer than 2 hours at a time? It seems very extreme for 2 year old, and you must be exhausted - I would worry about driving safety etc.