Teaching toddler breastfeeding etiquette

[ohyeahiwaittablestoo]

Not sure if I've used the right phrase there. My 17mo is still breastfeeding. We had been down to morning and bedtime and then 1 or 2 day feeds depending if I'm at work or not. He has managed without me for over 24hrs on a few occasions and is a chunky little man so doesn't need it as a food source as such.

This week he has been teething pretty hard and has been asking for more feeds, a total of 7 yesterday. I don't mind if it makes him feel better but the constantly pulling at my top is starting to get annoying. It's got to the point that anytime he sits on my knee he starts yanking at my top or grabbing my nipple through the fabric. Can/should I be teaching him not to do this? Is it mean to say he can only have the comfort of a feed when I say so? Even his sister was getting annoyed at how often he was feeding yesterday and saying "mummy I think he's had enough". Reminded her that she used to love her dummy when she was feeling sad.

I don't even know what I'm trying to ask here. I don't want to stop, he still likes it, I still like it, except when he's the one calling the shots apparently!

(in case it’s not obvious I am very pro-breastfeeding if that’s what the mother chooses to do, so I know numerous 2 year olds who are still breastfed, or children who have still breastfed at age 2 or 3. I literally can’t think of one who slept through the night while still being breastfed at night. The toddlers I know who cosleep and breastfeed wake multiple times a night. I think it is normal behaviour for a breastfed toddler and thus it is unlikely to be maladaptive)

I’m not saying it’s not normal to wake at night I’m saying waking every 2 hours, breastfed or not, isn’t normal or healthy. It’s literally a newborn sleep pattern, are you saying toddlers shouldn’t have ever moved on from a newborn sleep pattern? If not, how do you explain all the breastfed toddlers that do sleep through the night or wake only once? Are they abnormal?

Whether or not something is “normal” is dependent on whether you are looking at children from the same group. Sorry for revert to my previous example of weight but it is pretty “normal” in the UK to have a BMI of 30 ie it is very common. There are lots of things that are “normal” ie common. That doesn’t mean it’s healthy. So you need to stop conflating the two terms. We have already established that part of the reason that frequent night waking is not “common” in the UK for a two year old is that not many 2 year olds are breastfed and lots of them have already been sleep trained.

Whether or not it’s healthy to wake frequently is a different matter. I’m not aware of any studies that show poorer health or educational outcomes later in childhood for children who wake frequently at age 2 compared to children who sleep through the night. In the absence of any such evidence it is probably safe to assume that it is indeed perfectly healthy for children to wake with such frequency.

I was thinking the same. At almost 2 years old, they shouldn't be waking every 2 hours. That sounds like hell on earth.

@tiredandstripey because it's annoying his mother, hurting her nipples & pulling her top & he's teething. A child of 1 and a half years old can eat a roast dinner. In no way do they need breastfeeding.

Let's stop calling it breastfeeding then & call it comforting with boobs, which is fine if it's not annoying/sore/pita for mum, but it's not food.

A child of 1 & 1 1/2 can play with toys,friends, soft teddies & enjoy picture books.

A child of 1 and a half can also ask for a cuddle as easily as they can grab their mums nipples.

Time to teach age appropriate comfort & let mum get her body back for her.

There are many many ways to soothe a child. (And this is a child )

Never really got the whole 17 months 20 months thing...?
Once they are over a year why the month thing?

It seems to me with that & extended boob comfort and soothing that there is a touch of mums not wanting baby to grow up & that's not healthy for mum or babe

I think he's still quite young to stop him like you said dummy's are used as comfort and that's what he's doing. My son used to do similar and really pull at my nipples. He didn't always want to breastfeed sometimes just touching my boob was enough! So I taught him to have a cuddle and he could just rest his hand on my boob and that was enough! I guess really it's up to you and whether it bothers you.

@beachcitygirl
I take it that extended breastfeeding isn't something you have chosen, for reasons that are important to you?

@Candelabrassiere
Why would you take away something that a very young child does for comfort?

Would you take away a blanket or cuddly toy too?

At 17 months what would you say? He won't understand and if the reason is he is poorly then no, you have no chance.

I think you said it yourself doesn't need the boob so maybe consider weening him off now. Let him choose a cup for water.

There is no “shouldn’t”. Repeated night wakes are normal and natural until well over 2 years old.

And no, it’s not “hell on Earth” 😅 Majority of the time neither of us even knows the other has stirred/latched/delatched.

Agree with the months in years it does get ridiculous past 18months. 20 months is nearly 2 come on just say that.

It seems to me with that & extended boob comfort and soothing that there is a touch of mums not wanting baby to grow up & that's not healthy for mum or babe

@beachcitygirl What a load of nonsense 😅 Natural self weaning doesn’t occur until age 2 at the very least because until then breastfeeding is natural.

You will find there are many physical and mental health benefits for breastfeeding that do not reduce the longer you feed for, and actually for the majority of them the effect is increased the longer you nurse.

Yes I genuinely don’t think people mean to be hateful.

They just mean that obviously lots of babies aren’t breastfed by this age (or ever), so they are alternative ways to comfort that might (or might not) be easier.

Hasn't this turned into a bun fight!

Does my son NEED to breastfeed. Probably not. Does it give him comfort, nutrition, boost to immune system and to quote a PP emotional refuelling? Absolutely yes. Why on Earth would I stop when it's something we're both still happy with? Surely I'm allowed a little grumble/wobble about current behaviour (the grabbing) without it needing to mean the end? I mean we all have a moan about parenting without it meaning we want to send our kids off to the forest to fend for themselves. Some posters seem to have me (OP) confused with the lady with the 20mo who feeds every 2hrs. We're not the same person. Hats off to you though, sounds tough but if you're both happy with it then crack on!

Re 17mo, 20mo etc. how would the haters be able able pass correct judgement on the difference between a 12mo and a 23mo still breastfeeding if we didn't specify the months eh

Some very strange people on here. I'm certain the people that think children breastfeeding is strange are the same that think drinking milk of an entirely different species is perfectly normal!

Boobs aren't a cuddly toy

Sorry people seem to have confused us, OP!

Nothing in life is perfect so of course it’s only natural to have a moan about something you love every now and then.

You might love your husband but hate the way he snores. You might adore your best friend but hate that she’s always five minutes late. You might really enjoy your job but hate the shift patterns.

That doesn’t mean you should leave your husband/ditch your best friend/quit your job. It means you’re human and nothing is perfect.

Very well said!

I love my boy and feeding him. I didn't get as long with his big sis as she stopped just after her first birthday when I fell pregnant with him. My favourite feed of the week is after his longest day at nursery. We have a lovely long feed in bed after I pick him up and it really does feel like emotional refuelling. Checking in with each other after a long day apart. I'll be sad when that ends, although I also don't feel like my relationship with his sister is any the worse for no longer having that with her too. So it'll be sad, but also completely fine, because we'll still love each other all the same.

You take wrong. I stopped with my first when he died.

I stopped with my second when she had a full
Set of teeth & it hurt.

I stopped with my third when she stopped.

I have zero problems if mum has zero problems.

But let's be real, it ain't feeding when said child can eat a roast dinner with a knife and fork.

It's comfort for both & it's extremely arrogant to assume the babies/children of women who don't/have stopped are deprived of comfort.

The OP seemed to me to want to stop but didn't want to deprive her child. I was replying she should stop & not have a care in the world. He'll be just fine and know he's loved without hanging off the boob

Women's bodies aren't toys for grabby toddlers. Mum matters.

As for the month thing a 13 month baby is "just over a year
A 22 month child is almost 2.

Just weird to use months. I recently heard a woman call her child 48 months 🤣🤣🤣 (she was also comforting him with the boob at the time.... so weird.

it doesn't sound like anyone is assuming that the babies or children of mums who didnt/aren't bf are deprived of comfort. but in OPs case, bf is one of the ways she offers comfort, that doesn't mean other kids who aren't bf are comforted less. but it also means that the methods used by other mums may not necessarily work for OPs toddler. neither is 'wrong'

the OP sounded to me like she wanted advice on bf manners, not judgement and people telling her to stop.

her body is not a toy for her 'grabby' toddler, but grabbing is currently the way he communicates and he'll either grow out of it or be corrected.

I also don't get the relevance of whether or not the child eats a roast dinner.

@beachcitygirl I'm going to be generous and assume you thought you were being helpful and that I was looking for "permission" to stop feeding. Not the case. Just looking for advice on manners from people who have been through it as well. Really didn't think this was going to be the place I'd receive judgement on feeding my child. Don't you teach your children if that can't say anything nice not to say anything at all?

@beachcitygirl so sorry about your baby who died. That is heartbreaking.

DS is 17mo and is the same. He’ll point at the sofa and say ‘there’ if he wants milk. If I’m sat next to him, he’ll grab at my top. He’s teething bad with molars at the mo so on top of calpol I do let him, but it is exhausting (particularly as he doesn’t sleep well at night either).
No advice but solidarity I guess… and it’s totally normal. PP are talking nonesense.

Yes your right i did think you absolutely wanted to stop & it was making you sad & guilty.
I was trying to reassure he's fine.

The rest of your post is unnecessary.

Didn't your parents reach you thst if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything st all.

Didn't you read my last post.

God you're an absolute bitch.

He is fine. You're right. If my post came across then I wanted to stop then I guess that's on me not getting my point across well enough, although others managed it. Maybe each posters individual circumstances influenced how the post was taken.

I did read your previous post and I'm very sorry to hear you lost a child. I can't think of anything worse.

I'm not sure what I said to prompt the bitch comment other than call you out in your judgement. If you (or anyone) was posting about wanting to stop feeding at 1 day or 1 month or 3 years old I would never dream of posting that what they were doing was wrong and make flippant comments about ability to eat a roast dinner as if that has some sort of bearing on whether they should still BF.

I'm sure you'll be pleased to know my son is feeling much better and has only had 2 feeds today, which has suited both of us just perfectly.