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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Guess who got banned from the breastfeeding support group ?

100 replies

BabiesEverywhere · 02/01/2008 17:03

ME !!!

Haven't been for a few weeks, due to illness and Christmas stuff and they were closed a couple of weeks.

Turned up this morning to be asked straight away for a private word by the HCA. She regrets to inform me that they are changing the rules as to age of children permitted at the group. I asked how old, but they have not decided yet. (I suspect it will be the age of my child) So apparently my time is limited at this group

She said she knew I had been talking about her, I clarified that I had sent a letter to her boss asking for more training for her, as she had no idea what she was talking about regarding breastfeeding and was telling all the women to do things which damaged the potential for women to continue breastfeeding. I said she was a nice woman who can run a group well etc, but her knowledge was outdated and in many cases wrong. I re-offered to pass on information, books and studies so she can educate herself, I won't be holding my breath.

So a short time later, we return back to the group. One mother in a great amount of distress came straight to me asking me for information on her problem, which I can't give her as I'm banned from talking in this group. I suggest we go for a cuppa after the group.

This mum had been been away from her 4 month old exclusively breastfed baby during the day only for a week. Baby was struggling to latch on now and the mum thought she was losing her milk.

The HCA said that her milk had dried up and there was nothing she could do about it now and that there was nothing wrong with formula, her baby would be fine on it.

A couple of other mums had suggested expressing but the HCA was luke warm about this suggestion.

I said nothing

Later in the cafe my friend and I comfort this mum, who is panicking about having to use formula. I explain I am a formula child and if she needs to use it, it will be fine but it is much too early too worry about that.

Establish she can still 'feel the milk and let down', we gave her details of the breastfeeding support lines, Kellymom website and I mentioned the bog standard supply increasing stuff, eating oatmeal, herbs you can take like mothers tea, fenugreek(no idea if they work but some people swear by them). She liked the idea of bathing with baby and extra skin to skin time. Also suggested expressing milk onto the nipple and to stimulate letdown so the baby gets milk straight away when he latches etc (Can?t remember where I read that last bit so I hope that is correct)

I thought that really she just needed to relax, as she was so worked up about it not working she was bouncing off the walls. No wonder her child was picking up on her understandable distress. Happily just the knowledge, that it was more than possible even if her milk had gone (which it hadn't) to build it up again, cheered her up no end.

Half an hour later her son was happily nursing in the cafe.

But this kind of thing is why my friend and I feel we have to attend the group (whilst I?m not banned) That mother went from being a distress upset mum to a happy mum because we listened to her and we were confidant that this was a problem that could be overcome.

But as the HCA was so confidant that she was right and the milk had ?dried up? and had NO suggestions on how to help this mother except tell her to use formula. She sat and watched this distress mum and did not think to say. Let me look that up for you/speak to my boss to see if there is another solution etc

I am feeling very mixed up.

Happy that this mum is back on the right feeding path for her.

Cross and angry that I'm being made out to be an interfering nasty person, when all I want is for people to do the job they are paid to do.

OP posts:
mmelody · 02/01/2008 17:07

I think it would be useful if other people backed you up a bit,, would this woman make a complaint? I think you are doing a great job by the way!

lulumama · 02/01/2008 17:07

set up your own peer support group

you are fighting a losing battle, the best thing you can do is to be a peer supporter and give women correct information

and pursue this woman getting retrained?

moondog · 02/01/2008 17:11

This is fucking ridiculous.

You need to get in touch with the Health Trust and find out how to make a formal complaint. Get onto their website-it will give details. Once it is a formal complaint,they have to take action and respond. Believe mei know having gone through a similar eperience recently.

Don't faff with the small fry at the bottom of the food chain. SDtraight to the top.

BaBIES, you sound terrific.

BabiesEverywhere · 02/01/2008 17:11

I am a peer support trained.

I have got this HCA more training, she is going on a Unicef 3 day course soon.

There are 4 women who wish to complain about this HCA but dare not, when they see how she treats me. One woman I think will send a complaint, but I assume the permitted age of children allowed at the group will be lowered to her childs age.

I can't give up, I am very bloody minded. I can not leave these women suffering this HCA, I just need to find the right way of encouraging change.

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 02/01/2008 17:13

Well the offical complaint to her boss had the response of trying to ban me.

So I'll try the next couple of layers up. The bosses boss and the bosses, bosses, boss.

Dried up sodding milk. I am so angry I could spit feathers

OP posts:
moondog · 02/01/2008 17:15

Babies,I am like you and will not let stuff go. In my present battle (don't want to get into it here as easily recognisable) I am going to the top.
Important to have patience,dicsipline, tenacity and to note the facts clearly with no emotion or hysteria.

Have you thought of ringing somoeone like ABM or La Leche for support and advice?

PeachyHasAFiggyPudInTheOven · 02/01/2008 17:16

I've done the Unicef course, its great (enabled me to BF ds3 to 16 months whereas mixed fed ds2 and ff ds1 after a few weeks), its not as good as the ABM type courses though and I guess I was spolied in that the support group back home was run by them (and a Unicef trainer actually).

have you thought about the ABM course babieseverywhere? you sound perfect for it (was going to do but decided on my degree instead).

This group sounds very strange tbh and is being controlled by what sounds like a bit of a harridan. I can understand why you want to ontinue though.

lulumama · 02/01/2008 17:18

i think the trust chief exec needs to know about this.. did you get in touch with the local paper. they would love a human interest story like this!

BabiesEverywhere · 02/01/2008 17:19

I have been chatting with a couple of NCT people who know there stuff. One of them is a local lady who knows who is boss of who, so I'll go around for coffee tomorrow and get the relevent details.

OP posts:
moondog · 02/01/2008 17:19

Keep the paper on hold for a bit..
Never paly all your cards at once.

Good one to keep in reserve though.

BabiesEverywhere · 02/01/2008 17:20

Thanks Peachy, I am hoping to do a breastfeeding course shortly. Watch this space

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 02/01/2008 17:25

I don't want to go to the papers etc.

I just want this HCA lady to realise that NOONE knows everything and it is better to say, I don't know and look it up, than to cruelly upset a nursing mother with inaccurate facts.

I am hoping this Unicef course will help her understand the meaning of supportive.

The problem is the HCA doesn't see how unsupportive she is. In her private word to me this morning, she told me that I made her feel bad. I said I felt the same way and I wasn't allowed to talk or ask questions and that made me feel bad.

She said that she never told people what to do and when to wean, this is something she does every meeting. You MUST wean this week, {thrusting baby rice sample into mums hand} use this rice.

rant rant rant

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 02/01/2008 17:26

I;d wait outside the next group giving out leaflets advertising a new support gruop just been set up that needs nursing mums.

Of course BE, its the group you HAVE to set up.....

moondog · 02/01/2008 17:26

Letter to chief exec. with all examples in it.
Copy to head of midwifery.

You also cc a big list of people even if you don't send it.

I suggest

MP
Baby Milk Action
Newspaper
All b/f support groups.

it works like magic, believe you me.

moondog · 02/01/2008 17:27

And it must be done properly. No back door methods of trying to sabotage or set up a rival group.it is the PCT's job to get this sorted,with taxcpayers' money.

BabiesEverywhere · 02/01/2008 17:47

I don't want to run a group, for a start I am very aware of how little I know about breastfeeding.

Though I try to help these mothers (who only access of information is this HCA), I always refer them onto the experts (online and on the phone) and I am careful to point out what I say is either just factual information or my opinion based on my own limited experience and they should check the facts for themselves.

All the new mothers in the area are refered to this group and this group needs to run well and supportively (especially as it runs on tax payer money).

However the boss of the HCA said 'better there are bad groups than no groups' but I disagree. The mother who was in distress today, would not have been distressed if she had seeked out information from any other source. But because she came to the 'bad group' she was upset and made to feel even worse. It would of been better for her to of had to seek information else where as then she might of got a reasonable response.

OP posts:
moondog · 02/01/2008 17:48

I agree with your comment re bad groups.

Please follow my advice.
it worked very well indeed for me.

lulumama · 02/01/2008 17:50

agree with moondog

and what have you been doing??

SpacecadetOnADiet · 02/01/2008 18:02

I am utterly disgusted at this womans treatment of you, it almost verges on bullying..you have complained therefore she retaliates..also IMO, she shouldnt be running the group as all she appears to be doing is distressing people with incorrect information..no wonder that poor mother was so upset and well done you for helping her get back to breastfeeding..to tell this woman that her milk had dried up.. the end was hardly the sort of thing you expect to be told in a breastfeeding support group. definitely take this further.

milou2 · 02/01/2008 18:06

I'd cross my fingers and see what the impact of the Unicef course is on this particular HCA. It could be really helpful. I hope the course is soon and she attends with known collegues if possible so they can all back eachother up afterwards with accurate info and a much changed attitude.

I have seen MW and HV come back fired up from the course. It's been marvellous to see their confidence, it's shone from their faces. Don't give up hope quite yet.

fishie · 02/01/2008 19:00

no this person is clearly incompetent and her boss is covering up for her. a three day course (no matter how super) isn't going to help that unless it includes a brain transplant.

i am really shocked about the bad groups comment. how dare she say that - what about in another healthcare situation, say better a bad heart surgeon than no heart surgeon? please do as moondog says. get them grrrr.

PeachyHasAFiggyPudInTheOven · 02/01/2008 19:04

Actually the three day course will help in a few ways- obv. they cover technique (and the third day is after a bit, in which time IIRC you have to do some observing of feeds etc)- but the best bit for this lady is the huge focus on communication skills that is included- sounds as if she needs it! Lots of the 'you're doingr eally well, your body can do it' stuff- exactly what teh lady in the cafe needed really.

Aitch · 02/01/2008 19:10

apart from anything else... she's goiing to start excluding people on the basis that they're extended bfing?! bonkers. go with moony.

on the subject of the papers, though, i wouldn't think they'd be that interested, 'incompetent woman in public service role' isn't really a story as such.

callmeovercautious · 02/01/2008 19:12

Keep at it Babieseverywhere, you are doing a great job with this battle. At least she will be getting some training. I know of the course as my Sister went on it for her Nursing Training (as an extra at her request I believe not part of the sylabus). It seems to be quite comprehensive, even went into relactation in African women who are know BFing Grandchildren as their Mothers have died of AIDS (very upset Sis that day!).

She was shocked by how out of date her knowledge was and she BF her 2 DSs, the youngest is only 4. Any Health Care Professional should be constantly updating their knowledge anyway imo.

Good Luck and keep us posted

PrismManchip · 02/01/2008 19:16

But an article written by you on "my fight to get someone properly trained and doing her job" would be interesting to a professional journal, maybe?

I am by the 'better a bad group than no group' comment. So she knows she's doing a bad job? And you make her feel bad? She is in way out of her depth here - you don't take on a job essentially teaching people and carry on even though you know you're doing a shit job - you have to work out why things are so bad and improve them (speaking as an ex-teacher). If she can't do that then she is out of her depth. I would be surprised if she isn't having a few sleepless nights over this. I hope the Unicef training helps her personally as well.