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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

why dont younger mums breas feed

590 replies

codswallop · 14/11/2004 14:39

on the whole?
18 year ikd nighbour has just had a baby !) musch to her parents horror.. and isnt even trying to b feeed.
why is this?

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 15/11/2004 10:49

Have been following this thread and whilst I don't want to get into the arguments thought it would be useful to post my experience of BF.

I had my DD 4 months ago and all along I had planned to BF her if I could. I'm from a working class family from Scotland (lowest rates of BF in the country) I now live in London. When I told friends and family I was planning to BF it was met with looks of shock "oh SHE'S planning to BF" well I tried that didn't have enough milk etc the reaction was that I was doomed from the start.

DD came along had jaundice to start with and I had to express for her. The midwives were keen to give her a bottle at one point but I was so determined that I kept going with the expressing but starting offering her the breast first and gradually we both got the hang of it. The first 3 weeks were hard sore nipples etc but we are still going strong at 4 months and it is great. Out of all the women I know that have babies only another one has BF for longer than a few weeks.

I am seen as a freak almost, although most people are supportive and some say "oh I wish I could have lasted longer etc but my milk ran out and I had to use bottles" again I think it comes down to a lack of support. I was 28 when DD was born don't think I'm a young mum but I can understand the original post I don't know any young mums who have BF. When I visited home for the first time after having DD and would be feeding her the number of people who were embarrassed at first but were then like "oh you can't actually see much". I found it so sad that they had never seen a woman breastfeed before. It shocked me.

I think it's such a shame there is a lack of understanding and support about BF, I can understand why a young girl would give up so quickly and opt for a bottle. One idea would be to have a BF counsellor at antenatal classes and maybe visit new mums on post natal wards but I know the issue with this is resource and money.

sweetkitty · 15/11/2004 10:52

Havong re-read my message I didn't want it to come across like "oh look at me I'm great for BF" just to give my experience and how I was made to feel like a freak for BF.

mieow · 15/11/2004 10:52

And Buka when you have had a premature baby who spent 5 week in SCBU, being feed by a tube down the nose, with your EBM and some formula milk that is very high in calories (as she wasn't gaining weight with your EBM) and then you have to take her home with BF not estabisted, and you have to keep trying coz you are contantly told its best for baby, and then you get PND, and the baby cries all the time, so you put her onto formula milk, just to keep yourself sane, then come back to me!

colditzmum · 15/11/2004 10:52

I had great difficulty convincing my HV of my literacy, never mind my right to choose how to feed my baby. She also continually referred to me as a teenage mum, although I was 22 and dp was 30. She asked me why I still "allowed" dp to live there when I could claim benifits if he didn't. TBH I don't think young mums are given any encouragment in my area. My HV turned up at my door at 9 am once, then berated me for being in my pyjama's! The support isn't there, and I also was not told about any risks associated with formula, but I must say that ds seems fine

crunchie · 15/11/2004 10:53

Gobbledegook, yes I agree that is what I meant, sorry if I came across differently. If you are given the info and choose to breast or the bottle feed then that is great.

WHat frustrates me more is that there is a high % of people who choose to bf initially and they give up. This is where money should be spent helping these people continue to do what they WANT to do. Mears' figures show that 87% who give up between 2 and 6 weeks wanted to continue.

I believe there are some people who will bottle feed and some who will breast feed, let us help EVERYONE make and informed choice and then SUPPORT them in doing so. Sod age, class, eductaion etc etc.

This governe=ment say breast is best - great, but then money is not actually spent on it (except a few posters in hospital)

mieow · 15/11/2004 10:53

and also when your baby stops breathing when you were bf,

mieow · 15/11/2004 10:55

she couldn't cordinate the breathing and feeding, so she just stopped breathing

tiktok · 15/11/2004 10:56

Buka, maybe if you think a bit more, there are many reasons why people choose to bottle feed even if they know the health implications.

  • They may not believe the health implications apply to them

  • They may feel very uncomfortable about using their bodies in this way (and if there's anyone out there who thinks there is any woman totally unaffected by body issues, then welcome to Earth!)

  • They may be under pressure from other members of their family or their friends - this may not need to be overt 'you mustn't breastfeed' pressure, but expectations and implications

  • They may have false ideas about what breastfeeding consists of - for example, they think they have to get undressed several times a day

  • They may have had friends who had a dreadful time breastfeeding

  • Sharing the feeding with others esp partner may be more important to them than the health aspects

That's only off the top of my head....there may be many others. The point is that women may balance what they know of the health risks of formula against other aspects of their lives which may be more important to them. It's not for you or anyone to judge what should be more inportant to them.

Feeding a baby is a relationship, however you do it, and as such, very complicated as it involves 2 (at least!) people.

Not many of us manage to get through parenting always putting children's health issues at the top of the agenda - very few decisions are 'just' about health, anyway. I happen to think that the risks of formula are underplayed, and too many women end up making a decision where the full facts are not appreciated. But feeding is so much ' not just a health issue' - people's own personal feelings and experiences come into every aspect of it.

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 10:56

mieow dont get upset. what an awful experience for anyone to go through. how is db now?

MummyToSteven · 15/11/2004 10:57

interesting post sweetkitty - and I think you are quite right in pointing out the lack of support from the general public for bfing. Whilst healthcare professionals and people on parenting sites such as this tend to be very pro-bfing, in the RL world, you don't attract a second glance bottlefeeding in public, whereas the position can be very different when bfing - the attitude that it is acceptable to bf in the toilet for example, or where there are stinky nappy bins in mum and baby rooms!

crunchie · 15/11/2004 10:57

mieow I am with you on that one DD1 never ever got established. I expressed for 4 months and got about 20ml a time!! Finally I realsied I was adding a scoop of this and a scoop of that and whatever benefit to her was negated by it all I gave up. I have NEVER felt guilty for not BF her, how dare someone suggest I should have done better.

However dd2 I did BF, I wanted to see if I could

mieow · 15/11/2004 10:57

she is 4 now, but she has Cerebral palsy because of all the sh*t that happened in SCBU

SpringChicken · 15/11/2004 10:58

And BTW, my DD was very much planned and wanted - DP and I had been trying for 11 months before we concieved.

lockets · 15/11/2004 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 11:00

please mieow you must not let these people upset you. i can barely imagine what the time must have been like whilst db was in scbu.

tiktok · 15/11/2004 11:00

Crunchie, I see your and I suppose I am meant to take your 'fascist' remark as a joke, or else ignore it.

I don't and I can't.

misdee · 15/11/2004 11:01

ignore her mieow. we always do the best for your kids.

mieow · 15/11/2004 11:02

all my kids have been in SCBU, but DD1 scared us the most, she had a lot of problems and TBH bf wasn't a protity, just getting her home alive (we had a few scares)

misdee · 15/11/2004 11:04

you not we. oops.

sweetkitty · 15/11/2004 11:04

I was even made to feel selfish in that only I could feed DD. I even gave my mum a bottle of EBM so she could feed her so I could get a bit of peace.

BF is hard to begin with, there was a few times in the middle of the night when DD was hungry, your nipples are so sore and I was sorely tempted to give a bottle. I was grimacing whilst feeding her even DP was like give her a bottle.

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 11:06

mieow, you sound more than upset/angry. DONT LET THEM BOTHER YOU!

im actually feeding dd2 right now and she has that drunken full-up look on her face that is just so funny! she really enjoys her food and we have such a closeness whilst feeding. she is 4 weeks now and i am so proud of her (just trying to cheer you up and lighten the thread)

crunchie · 15/11/2004 11:07

Sorry Tiktok, it was meant as a joke, I know how committed you are to breat feeding and the eductaion side and I am sorry. What I was trying to say that I loved your post as it was still supportive of everyone, which some of the other BF advocates have been unable to do on this thread. What I was trying to say was here is someone who in all my time at MN (years) has always been one of the strongest BF advocates (sometimes too much for me !!) who was still able to put a reasoned argument whilst supporting everyone.

Sorry to offend, it wasn't meant in a bad way at all.

sweetkitty · 15/11/2004 11:08

I'm not anti bottlefeeding BTW I believe it is a personal choice and fully appreciate in some circumstances it is not the best choice and we all do what we feel is right for our babies and us. I would never berate anyone for bottlefeeding.

I just want to share my experience of being made to feel odd because I chose to BF.

mieow · 15/11/2004 11:12

I love that sleepy/drunk look, and when they dribble some out, awwwwww!! I just hate that people make assumputions that people that don't/give up bf are bad mums, whne some people have no choice. I breast feed the other two for a long time time (7+8 months) but with DD1 I didn't have achoice, it was driving me insane, she wouldn't settle, and I had to make a choice, to continue and feel teerible, or to swop to bottlefeeding, I also had Ds to think about, he was 2.5yr old and had just been dignosed with CP (yes thats right I have two with CP) and he had lots of appointments.

tiktok · 15/11/2004 11:12

OK, crunchie