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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

why dont younger mums breas feed

590 replies

codswallop · 14/11/2004 14:39

on the whole?
18 year ikd nighbour has just had a baby !) musch to her parents horror.. and isnt even trying to b feeed.
why is this?

OP posts:
blossomhill · 15/11/2004 10:07

No it wasn't you Nailpolish

The thing that upset me the most was this pathetic piece from someone:-

**personally don't think it matters these days wether your kids use carseats or not - just think it's down to personal preferance.

personally never even considered seat belts and don't regreat it one bit

I felt comfortable with that choice using childseats for me was never an option

at the end of the day were all doing what we feel is best for our children and that doesn't make anyone of us a bad person

P A T H E T I C

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 10:10

Same here BH - but that person is clearly a complete moron to even compare the two!! So much for 'educated' and 'intelligent' people being the ones to bf!!

Ha ha ha!!! Not THAT one anyway!

This thread has actually had me in stitches reading some of the ridiculous arguments on it!

Sad and angry that it's really worried some others though.

crunchie · 15/11/2004 10:12

I think, having spent the best part of 1/2 hr skim readine evertything here!, that there is a lot of evidence that suggests that younger mothers don't tend to BF. Personally I think a lot has to do with self image and self confidence. What I mean here is that the support for bf is so appaling in most hospitals that unless you DEMAND a midwife show you what to do, you are unlikely to get support and help.

Personally I bf DD2 and didn't bf DD1 and yes there were reasons for this (she was incredibly prem and I simply didn't produce enough milk even via expressing and taking drugs to increase milk supply). However I was only able to bf dd2 through my sheer bloody mindessness. I was given no support in hospital, in fact was asked if I really wanted to bf, wouldn't I prefer my dd was 'topped up'. I was in agony after a c-section, my nipples were raw and I had to use nipple shields. However I had to sterilise them myself, since I was creating work for the midwives otherwise.

I don't care whether a mum is old/young, middle class/working class, I think no-one is given enough help to support them at this difficult time in their lives. Antinatal classes revolve around the birth, not anything afterwards, feeding choices are barely discussed, and there is no support AT ALL in post natal wards. I think every mother should be allowed to choose, however they should be supported in that choice. Mears posted a link that showed around 70% of mother BF at birth, this falls to 43% at 6 weeks. This is due to the TOTAL lack of support in hospital and beyond. This is what we should be angry about. There are loads of people choosing to bf, but giving up quickly, if those people got the support they needed and help some may have continued longer (not all as I thing bf is not for everyone).

Essay over, back to work!!

blossomhill · 15/11/2004 10:12

Exactly. I mean I am quie a veteran in the mum scene as my 2 children are 5 and nearly 7. I just feel for all the new mums as this is quite scary. Being a new mum is so overwhelming without having to come onto a site that is supposedly to support mums and read this rubbish.

buka · 15/11/2004 10:17

Morning all!
OK serious question now. As literate caring people, we all receive the unequivocal message that breastfeeding is best (although if one is very youngunpreparedill-educated this may not be the case.) Given this, I can't understand that someone could make a choice knowing that it is NOT the best choice for their baby.

I am not talking about people who were too ill or unsupported to breastfeed. I just feel very very sorry for them.

Someone has made the point that if formula is so bad, then the government would have banned it. my dear,welcome to the real world. There are many many things out there that are very bad for you and freely available.

The point is, that there is a downside to artificial feeding and you have a right to know what it is. Many of you obviously haven't been told this, and, quite rightly, you should be upset by this.

(If you want to know more, for starters, check out the websites of Baby Milk Action, Association for Breastfeeding Mothers, and La Leche League.)

Remember that the artificial feeding industry generates millions of pounds for greedy companies like Nestle. Breastfeeding doesn't (although it does save millions in health costs.) As mothers we are here to be targetted by companies intent on getting us to part from our money, whether it is for fripperies like scented nappy sacks, heated wetwipe holders, books for newborns, or nourishment, when we can do it for free ourselves. What marketing genius!

Another question. Isn't all that formula buying, preparing, washing and sterilising an absolute bore? What do you do when you want to just get up and go, or have a w/end away, or go abroad?
I can't imagine adding all that hassle to my already stressful life.
I know people might feel that breastfeeding is a tie but with a breastpump this is not the case. I had to be able to leave my ds quite often from the start for short periods as my husband was abroad when he was born, and I was moving house (alone with 2 kids) so I had to get on with life very very quickly. Hours spent sitting on the sofa feeding? I wish!

Look forward to comments from young and old, rich and poor, smart and thick, breast and bottle feeders!

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 10:18

what i am upset about is that i breastfed dd1 dor 6 months, but for specific reasons cant b/feed dd2. now for the rest of their lives im going to compare them and blame all illnesses with dd2 to formula. doesnt matter what anyone says, it will always be in the back of my mind.

so is this the same as me giving dd1 a carseat and not dd2?

Angeliz · 15/11/2004 10:19

nice post crunchie

Lonelymum · 15/11/2004 10:19

Well done Crunchie for getting back to the topic!
And now, just to move away from it again, I just wanted to make it clear I was disapproving of everyone who made offensive or childish comments , not just the people who got angry about them and retaliated. Enough said.

SpringChicken · 15/11/2004 10:20

Really am meant to be working now but have just sat and read this thread from bottom to top and just wanted to add my own personal experience.

When i was about 6 months pregnant with DD i started a thread asking for peoples opinion on what was the best type of formula to buy - i explained in my initial post that i had made no decision yet regarding whether i was going to breast or bottle feed but wanted to investigate the best formula so i could be prepared.
I was then quite amazingly shot down in flames and accused of all sorts because i was considering bottle feeding my DD.

Anyway, i decided that i would be prepared with a steriliser etc but would make the ultimate decision at the hospital once DD had arrived - i had everything ready for either of the decisions i made.

At the hospital whilst in labour DP and i discussed and we BOTH decided to bottle feed - I was 19 years old and DP was 20 years old - the thought of the condition of my breasts, or what the latest celeb had done didn't enter my head, the decision was made purely on what DP and i thought would work best for us.
DD is now 4 months old - very healthy, no excma, no asthma, nothing.

I am not going to respond to the posts i disagreed with on here as i will be here all day but if anyone in real life made some of these comments to my face, i'm afraid i wouldn't be responsible for my actions .
Good thread to start coddy - it is actually an interest topic as to why people make the decisions they do etc but unfortunately some people take it as an oportunity to be cowardly and attack people they do not know from Adam!

tiktok · 15/11/2004 10:20

I have avoided posting here, but .... I have to pick up on the truly awful car seat analogy.

This is a well-known analogy in the US lactation consultant world, but it is not used with mothers, for heaven's sake.

It is mainly used to explain to healthcare professionals that they are under an obligation to inform mothers of the health risks of using formula.

Often, in the US as well as the UK, healthcare professionals who advise parents to be about feeding methods give the impression that it is a lifestyle choice pure and simple, and that neither method has any real measurable effect. The thinking behind this is that they don't want to make mothers who don't breastfeed feel guilty. The car seat analogy is used with HCPs to point up that they give the information about car seats without worrying about the guilt of those parents who don't use car seats, and they don't think of car seats as a life style choice.

It is an utterly crap argument to use for mothers, and a very insulting and cruel one - feeding is of course not a lifestyle choice, and many mothers have deep seated reasons why they don't breastfeed which are their business. Others try to breastfeed and it doesn't work out. Formula feeding's risks are usually not as dramatic as sudden death or severe injury on the roads, and use or not of a car seat has nothing to do with people's feelings about their bodies, or whether they were supported properly when learning to fit the car seat

No wonder people felt angry when zebra came out with the analogy. I was just as angry.

However, giving women the right information is crucial. When it was discovered that placing babies on their backs offered significant protection against cot death, we didn't worry about mothers of SIDS babies who put their babies on their fronts feeling guilty - although of course many of them did, even though they were only acting on the information they got at the time.

It was considered more important to inform all mothers from now on about the known, safer way of lying their babies to sleep.

Similarly withthe known risk of sleeping with your baby on a sofa - do we say 'don't tell us about that because some of us actually find it convenient to sleep on a sofa'. No we don't. We want the information to allow us to make changes and choices.

The fact is that while the choice to breastfeed and put it into practice is not as simple as the choice not to sleep on a sofa, the information, for some people at least, is as important. The post on the other thread from the mum now worried about the risks of her formula fed baby developing diabetes is a case in point. She should have been told, as everyone should be, and she should have been especially told as her dh has diabetes - but yet again, posters have castigated people who shared that information, because it scared her.

The lack of support in this country for people who want to bf is a scandal. It is no good telling people the information they need about the risks of formula and then making it hard for them to breastfeed - that is very cruel. Information should not be withheld, and support should be there for everyone.

Those mothers who do not wish to breastfeed, or who switch from breastfeeding to formula, should be supported to, without anyone making any remarks about their parenting, or even thinking the remarks....and certainly without ill-thought out and actually quite hurtful analogies with car seats.

blossomhill · 15/11/2004 10:20

Yes but nailpolish I breastfed ds and didn't dd. Ds had so many chest infections, ezcema the lot. Dd was so much more sturdy than ds. So please don't beat yourself up about it!

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 10:20

dont dare feel sorry for me buka

blossomhill · 15/11/2004 10:22

I am not a violent person Springchicken but felt exactly the same as you ......

PicadillyCircus · 15/11/2004 10:23

Buka, this thread is not the place for you to be.

Your comments make me .

If you want to start a new thread, then please do so.

WigWamBam · 15/11/2004 10:24

Buka, don't you think you caused enough problems on here last night without coming back and stirring it again?

blossomhill · 15/11/2004 10:25

As I said yesterday Buka only started posting yesterday!!!!!

nailpolish · 15/11/2004 10:26

bh, sorry to hear your ds has ezcema. hope its not too bad. heres a hug for you {{{}}}

handlemecarefully · 15/11/2004 10:26

Tiktok

I'm admiring your post too (this must be my day for admiring people)

blossomhill · 15/11/2004 10:28

Thanks nailpolish. Infact they both have it but ds's has always been bad. Although touch wood they are seeming to grow out of it. Probably because they don't drink as much milk +
They just have occassional flare ups. Dh had it so bad when he was a baby that he was taken into hosiptal, believe he was breast fed too.

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 10:31

Oh Buka - f* off.

mieow · 15/11/2004 10:35

OMG this thread is getting worse, THIS THREAD WASN'T ABOUT BREATFEEDING V. BOTTLEFEEDING!! Get a life Buka, and welcome to the real world (as you suggested I did) and realise that some mums can't breastfeed!

handlemecarefully · 15/11/2004 10:35

Ladies, ignore ignore ignore....

fio2 · 15/11/2004 10:39

It makes me larf because nobody ever says anything to you in real life if you are a young mum. Only 'are they yours?' 'are you married?' (although I am wearing now, so dont get that anymore

crunchie · 15/11/2004 10:40

Tiktok I don't usually agree with you, as I have always seen you as one of the BF 'facists' But thank you for that post. You are right, we need to understand the facts, and make our choices. Personally scaring people is not right, but genuine information is necessary. I do think if people had more information they could make the best choice for them. However I feel that whatever the decsion made there is not enough support for the mother. BF HURTS, no-one tells you that. I think this is becasue they think it will put people off trying. However it is this pain that put off 25% of people who give up bf in teh first 6 weeks. Not enough milk means that 39% of peple give up quickly, again most of these could be helped if they had support. It is so sad that 87% of women who give up bf within 6 weeks would have liked to have gone on longer. EDUCATION is the only way that this figure will decrease. Yes some people will always have to give up, but the others who want to continue should be supported in their choice.

BTW I bf until about 8 months, but mainly mixed fed as it suited me better. SELFISH MUM!!!

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 10:47

But Crunchie, some people do have all the information and still decide bf is not for them and IMO that's fine too. I personally don't believe that my children are going to suffer any of the effects that formula is supposed to have...I didn't! Just as I don't believe that MMR causes autism so all my children have had the jab - I decided it was right for them. And just like I personally believe babies are best at home with their mummies, so I gave up work.

Not everyone makes the same choices as me - some believe vaccines do cause horrific SE and decide against it and some people don't think there's anything wrong with handing over their baby to a nursery nurse so they do it. Fine - that's your choice and I'm not going to tell you you're stupid or uneducated!! It's absolutely your right to make that choice that I have NO DOUBT you have made in the best interests of you and your family!!!

Just because the information is there and someone tells you there is a risk/effect doesn't mean you then can't go on to make your own choice.