I'm upset about my friend's negative comments about me breastfeeding

[PeppermintPatty]

When my DD (now 5 months) was 2 weeks old my very good friend came to visit.
She made a comment along the lines of she would visit again soon, this time with her DP, and I couldn't BF DD whilst he was there as he would be embarrassed.
I said maybe she shouldn't bring him as I would continue to BF DD, or if it bothered him he could leave the room. It annoyed me a bit TBH.

I have only seen her twice since then and both times she has made negative comments about breastfeeding.
Just things like
"Oh you're not still BFing are you? How long to you have to do THAT for?"
and "All my friends bottlefeed".
"I fed my friend's baby yesterday. I didn't BREASTFEED her though" WTF???

She makes me feel like I'm a freak! She has no kids btw.

She's quite an open minded peson, so I'm a bit shocked by her comments.

I'm not looking forward to seeing her next weekend, I'm sure I'll get more tactless comments about the fact I'm STILL BFing

Anyone else had this from friends? How can I handle it, shall I just grit my teeth for the sake of friendship?

she's an idiot and she'll perhaps be embarrassed when she has children of her own. or perhaps she won't. nothing to do with you, really... but i'm afraid she's an idiot.
what about just saying 'okay, enough of the breastfeeding chat. i'm doing it, you're not, and you're making me feel a bit like shit about it, which i'm sure is not your intention. so let's not talk about it any more, eh?' smiling nicely the whole time, of course.

Message withdrawn

What Aitch said. In fact, exactly, word for word what Aitch said.

PP - congrats on your dd.
i thinkj your friend has been so tactless and inconsiderate - maybe withour realising. good on you for saying that her dp would either not come or be in a different room if you were bf. yuu are far from a freak - as you already know. shame that she doesnt know anyone else who has fed their babies this way.
it canbe hard to work agianst this kind of ignorance and tbh - if you are going to be uncomfortable next weekend - do you have to see her or - coudlyou raise it directly with her before then?

none of my friends seem to have a problem with my bf - we had real problems getting it all sorted at the start and they were really supportive through that. not sure how it would be if i kept bf for over a year though.

poor you i was young having my ds and every member of my family said oh you must bottle feed your not going to bfeed are you!!!nobody bfeed we never did so i didnt as they would have made me so uncomfortable doing it but now older and wiser i really wish i had done ached to do it but didnt regret it so much and feel i now have to bottle feed any future children as would feel bad bfeeding them as bottle fed first one please ignore her and keep doing it if she is uncomfortable its her problem

apart from the bit about idiots, eh hunks? cos i've just realised that she is a very good friend of the OP's...

I'd just grit my teeth for the moment but don't change anything you do or feel you have to hide away. I have an awful secret that before I had my kids I visited my oldest friend with her two week old child. When she started breast feeding I was horrified and so embarrassed. I didn't say anything - but a good friend picks up on these things and things were uncomfortable for a while.

However when I had my DD, BF was for me the most natural, beautiful thing in the world. I suppose it's one of those things that before you have kids you just don't always understand.

My brother was always squeamish about me feeding in front of him. He always tactfully decided to make a cup of tea (and a sandwich, and a four course meal etc. etc) every time I latched on.

Sadly your friend is an idiot.
If it were me I think I would just grit my teeth and say nothing. If I were more assertive I would do what Aitch suggests.

Hmm.She sounds Like my mother. I have to keep her and she doesn't take kindly to me having different opinions than her (of which I have many)so I just let her comments fall to a stony silence- it seems to shut her up.

But your friend, I think you could afford to talk it through, since this friend of hers is going to be doing THAT for a while, so she'll have to get over it so she can enjoy your baby with you.
Try and have a little laugh to yourself about her hang-up, if you can, rather than being hurt.
It's amazing what weird things come out in people's attitudes when you have a baby, isn't it? People you have known for years suddenly seem to be on a completely different wavelength.

Message withdrawn

She's a fool - to put it mildly.
Is it worth continuing the friendship? She sounds pretty horrid but it's up to you to weigh up the pluses and minuses.
If you do want to continue the friendship then you have to be honest, as Aitch said, tell her in no uncertain terms that your bfing is not up for this sort of discussion and let her know exactl how it makes you feel.
Unless she is a complete buffoon she should feel thoroughly ashamed of herself and realise that these issues are hers and hers alone.

no you dont sound preachy at all but i would feel terrible if my ds and future children asked how they where fed and had to say well ds1 i didnt bother breastfeeding you but did all the others does that make sense feel quilty not breastfeeding first so feel quilty breastfeeding future babys like i would be making more effort for future babys or something

She is an idiot for these comments, I know that, but they are out of character.

Maybe it's because where I live has low numbers of people BFing (and hardly anyone still doing it at 5 months), so she's not really experienced it ever before.

But of course I know I'm not really a freak, but where I live I kind of AM.

Aitch - maybe your suggestion of what to say to her would be best. At least once I've said it she'll know not to bring it up again (if she knows what's good for her ).

Why are you bothered? Who cares what your friend thinks?

heheh, you know how bonkers that sounds, don't you amy? if you win the lottery you won't stay in the house you're in so that subsequent kids can experience the same, will you? i was ffed, by 3 siblings were bfed. i am absobloodylootely delighted for them, and for my mum, who had a terrible time with me and was able to lay a good few demons to rest by bfing them.

patty - say exactly what aitch said. if you like, do it on teh phone befroe she coems so its out the way

amy - i didnt bf my first DD (for medical reasons) and have Bf the others. she knwos why and i think she accepts it. it would be a shame for you and your other children to miss out on Bf if thats what you want. we all chaneg our minds about our prenting decsions as we go along

our parenting decisions i mean

LOL at aitch

exactly PP, and you don't have to say it in a bad way At All, just summon up all your power as the magnificent woman who made that baby and is feeding that baby in the best way possible (and that is a shit-load of power, truly) and say 'ho-kay... enough of this please my lovely pal.'

thats true am sure ill know what to do for the best when i have my next little one and thanks for comments and aitch if i didnt sound bonkers i wouldnt be me

what? i can't hear you.

i have 100000000000000000 ear buds,wax disolvers and ear drops to hand aitch am running your way to help now

i said WHAT??!

night night amy et al.

nite nite aitch make sure to clean those ears before you go to beddy byes

I find it hard to believe her DP is uncomfortable with seeing breasts. i have lived in the UK a few years now and you can't leave the house without seeing them.

or is it that breasts are so sexualised these days that men don't know what their real function is?

its time for him to get a life. penises are multifunctional AND SO ARE BREASTS!!!!!!!! you can do more than just look at them.