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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Mum keeps suggesting formula

89 replies

RaeRaeMama · 08/06/2021 12:05

My baby isn't sleeping well (waking every 1-2 hours and difficult to put down after waking, she is almost 17 weeks) at the moment and I've had some days where I've been feeling really pissed off and fed up and tearful. I have even had a few arguments with my partner which is rubbish.

I talk to my mum a lot about how I'm feeling and today I was talking to her and she said I should introduce a bottle of formula at night because it will help her sleep (this isn't the first time she has said this, she's said it since my baby was born a few times).

I said, I don't think that it will mum, she is waking for comfort as well as food. From what I have read sleep is developmental.

She said that it categorically will help my baby sleep through and she's been told this by loads of people. I said who and she said, just people in life that I won't know

I'm a first time mum but I just have a sneaking feeling that this is nonsense and I want her support without her pushing this sort of thinking on me (I have told her this). It's really unhelpful and it's actually making me consider doing it (I'm very tired) even though I don't think it's the right thing for us.

AIBU to be upset with my mum for repeatedly suggestion formula?

Or is she right, did it help you baby sleep and it should be considered?

OP posts:

ByThePool2021 · 08/06/2021 12:08

Formula can help its true. Your mum is watching you struggle and is offering a solution to help. It’s not giving up the breast, it’s just one bottle which might also help dad bond so I do think you are being a little unreasonable being so pissed off with her.

PaddleBoardingMomma · 08/06/2021 12:11

100% helped my baby sleep through and I wish I'd done it sooner. I don't think you're necessarily being unreasonable but sounds like your mum is just trying to help. Combination feeding is a thing...

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 08/06/2021 12:11

YANBU. If you don't want to introduce formula and have told her so, she should stop suggesting it.

16-17 weeks is a prime time for crappy sleep anyway; many, many babies have a sleep regression then. It is hard work, but it passes.

MaizeBlouse · 08/06/2021 12:13

I never formula fed either of my kids and sort of accepted that more frequent waking was potentially a consequence of this. However I have lots of friends who did formula feed and still had wakeful babies. As you say, they wake for comfort and lots of other things, not just hunger.

But for me the superior nutritional benefits of breastmilk far far outweighed the exhaustion, which is shortlived in the longterm.

Moonshine11 · 08/06/2021 12:13

It does work.
As pp I think she’s just trying to help, repeating is annoying yes but I think she’s just trying to help.

LakeShoreD · 08/06/2021 12:15

If nothing else the bottle of formula gives you the opportunity to have a break or go to bed early whilst dad feeds baby. You’re not obligated to follow her advice but I do think it’s a sensible suggestion. That said she’s made her point and it’s now up to you, she shouldn’t keep banging on about it.

Mummytomylittlegirl · 08/06/2021 12:15

Did your Mum formula feed you?

Waking every 1-2 hours for a breastfeed is perfectly normal at that age (even though it’s bloody hard work!) . It sounds like she is just uneducated about breastfeeding so I would explain to her and maybe show her some information.

DH wanted to do the same with DD, a bottle didn’t help and I never wanted to give it to her anyway. It’s just what newborns are supposed to do and they grow out of it. What helped for me was co sleeping and feeding lying down- I just latched her back on and went to sleep! She was sleeping through fine at 1 year old.

The milk Meg is a great page if you are on Facebook. ‘Thismummystory’ is one of my favourite accounts on Instagram too if you want some breastfeeding positivity.

QwertyGirly · 08/06/2021 12:17

In my experience it's true. I gave formula to DS1 from about 6-7 months old as a last feed of the day and it did help him sleep through. DS2 I did it from 4 months and it also helped him. I expressed to make sure that my supply would be OK, although the first few nights I had to get up at around 4 am to express a bit.

It could be that breast milk is easier to digest, it could be that bottle fed milk flows faster and it's easier for baby to drink a bit more, it could be that baby falls asleep on the breast before being full because of comfort.

I am absolutely 100% sure that if you google it, you will find that some 'experts' say it's not true, and other 'experts' say it's true.

colouringcrayons · 08/06/2021 12:18

Sometimes you have to stop telling certain people certain things as they will give a response you know will piss you off.

If someone did switch to formula, the obviously they think it was the right thing to do. But if someone doesn;t want to switch to formula, that isn't a message they will want to hear.

I never told my parents about sleep issues as their suggestions were . Maybe talk about this with someone else for a couple of weeks?

Babdoc · 08/06/2021 12:19

If your baby is not hungry, but just wants to suck for comfort, get her a dummy. My two DDs slept through the night from eight weeks - they were both formula fed and had dummies. When they woke in the night, they would just grope around for their dummy and pop it back in with a little contented sigh!

sillysmiles · 08/06/2021 12:20

Surely if you are exhausted, it gives you a break and your DH a chance to take some of the load off?
Have a think about all the pros and cons, including caring for yourself (which is important) and your DH having a role and time with the baby. And then decide if it is something you are happy to try.

Workinghardeveryday · 08/06/2021 12:30

I am another for formula. Breastfed and the constant no sleep. I decided to try formula and was a game changer. I should have done it weeks before but as it was my first I listened to the midwife!! She thrived on formula.
I can see why you are upset with your mum, at the end of the day she is looking out for her little girl and giving good advice 😊

Lalliebelle · 08/06/2021 12:32

She's right, it can help. Even if the baby doesn't sleep for longer, your partner can give the feed while you sleep so you will sleep longer regardless.

BertieBotts · 08/06/2021 12:40

She is giving you advice based on her own experience, it comes from a kind place.

Likely she does not realise the strength of your feeling about exclusive breastfeeding. If she was aware of this then she probably wouldn't be pushing it so much.

It's ok to try formula if you want to give it a go. Equally, it's fine to decide that this is not an option for you. Unfortunately it's common to find that people may not really understand this. You kind of have to take their well meaning advice as an expression of care and try not to let it get to you.

Whether it will help the sleep or not seems to be unproven.

Ozanj · 08/06/2021 12:43

Exclusively breastfed babies under 6 months old aren’t meant to sleep through the night. They are supposed to wake because sucking at night is what activitates hormones to create more breastmilk. Plus breastmilk has slightly more calories than formula so a little can go a long way which means babies often need to keep ‘topping up’. In countries where breastfeeding is the norm a baby that sleeps through the night is often taken to the doctor to be tested for deficiencies or jaundice.

So if baby sleeping through the night is important to you then yes your mum’s right - making drink a bottle of formula just before bed is probably the only way. If it’s not then make it clear to your Mum and stop complaining about the sleepless nights and she should stop offering ‘solutions’.

OneMamaAndHerGirl · 08/06/2021 12:43

It is true. Try not to be defensive she’s only trying to help

Newgirls · 08/06/2021 12:46

I introduced formula occasionally and was able to carry on breastfeeding for most feeds for many months. At 17 weeks your baby is so established with breastfeeding I’m sure you’ll be fine to do a bit of both. Mine are healthy teenagers now - honestly it’s ok to do whatever works for you.

Newgirls · 08/06/2021 12:47

Ps you have done an amazing job so pls be super proud of yourself

elliejjtiny · 08/06/2021 12:53

I breastfed 4 of mine and bottle fed 1 (first expressed milk and then formula). My bottle fed baby did sleep better than the others but I found bottle feeds took a lot longer than breastfeeds so the amount of sleep I got was about the same.

ispepsiokay · 08/06/2021 12:54

If you're not comfortable with introducing formula, could you possibly express a feed so that dad can take a shift and allow you to get more sleep? A dummy might also help as a previous poster suggested, my children were comfort feeders and it was the only way to put them down.

17 weeks is the prime time for sleep regression also, even for formula fed babies.

Babyboomtastic · 08/06/2021 12:55

Whether she's right or not, what it would do is give you a change for a better block of sleep, as you could go to bed immediately after a breastfeed and then your partner do a bottle for the next one. It would give you a 3-4 hour block, which might really help.

JewelGarden · 08/06/2021 13:00

Adding to the voices saying formula does help babies sleep better. A PP has said the nutritional benefit outweighs the benefit to your own health. That's for you to decide. If you're desperate for sleep and arguing with your partner, introducing a bottle or two of formula could massively help you. Although there does seem to be a stage where breastfed babies get into a habit of waking constantly - this is how some older babies and toddlers end up still waking through the night every night where FF babies tend to be more likely to sleep through around 6 months or so. So hopefully if you do try formula your baby won't be at that stage already.

sillysmiles · 08/06/2021 13:08

I think also, having your partner deal with the baby when they wake can help if you think this is a habit that is forming.
There are 2 parents, its not good imo that only one person is a source of comfort to the baby.

mumonthehill · 08/06/2021 13:13

I would also suggest an expressed bottle. I did this for the 11pm feed so that DH could do it and I then had a block of sleep and it was so needed. It was a good way to still give breast milk but also have a break. A formula feed will I think make a difference as well but do not feel pressured into doing anything you do not want to do. You are doing amazingly.

lemorella · 08/06/2021 13:20

100% DID NOT help my dc sleep through.

Mil was relentless with this suggestion when I just wanted someone to moan to about sleep deprivation.

It's hard, being tired is hard. You aren't doing anything wrong, your baby isn't doing anything wrong. Don't change anything your doing just change you coping mechanisms.

Drink plenty of water, get fresh air every day. Get mum and husband to give you breaks and to help with housework etc. No diets, lots of chocolate and biscuits. Co-sleep if you need to.

Things immensely improved for me once level was moved into own bedroom at 6 months.

Keep going, you're doing brilliantly.

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