Mum keeps suggesting formula

[RaeRaeMama]

My baby isn't sleeping well (waking every 1-2 hours and difficult to put down after waking, she is almost 17 weeks) at the moment and I've had some days where I've been feeling really pissed off and fed up and tearful. I have even had a few arguments with my partner which is rubbish.

I talk to my mum a lot about how I'm feeling and today I was talking to her and she said I should introduce a bottle of formula at night because it will help her sleep (this isn't the first time she has said this, she's said it since my baby was born a few times).

I said, I don't think that it will mum, she is waking for comfort as well as food. From what I have read sleep is developmental.

She said that it categorically will help my baby sleep through and she's been told this by loads of people. I said who and she said, just people in life that I won't know

I'm a first time mum but I just have a sneaking feeling that this is nonsense and I want her support without her pushing this sort of thinking on me (I have told her this). It's really unhelpful and it's actually making me consider doing it (I'm very tired) even though I don't think it's the right thing for us.

AIBU to be upset with my mum for repeatedly suggestion formula?

Or is she right, did it help you baby sleep and it should be considered?

It's not nonsense it's true
You are having a rough time and complaining to your mum and she's offering advice that might help.
When you don't get much sleep it makes you irritable, angry and tearful so I understand how you feel .
Totally unpopular on here but the gp advised me to start porridge and purees before 6 months too as ds was a dreadful sleeper, and yes that helped too. I'm totally not recommending that though! Before anyone shoots me down.

I’ve no idea If it actually works or not...
In my experience as others have said around this age they sleep regression (having had two children one bottle feed one EBF they both did it)

I did try the bottle at 10pm with EBF but it unsettled her tummy and she ended up constipated & then refused the bottle completely! My breastfeed baby slept much better overall, though she is the one that has allergies and exzema. That’s the thing with babies they don’t come with a handbook and don’t follow the rules!

@Bluntness100

She's old fashioned. Tell her she's out if date and the benefits of exclusive breast feeding are much better understood

Actually that’s you that’s out of date, the benefits of ebf are soft and scientifically under question. If the only benefit is soft, Ie comfort only and it’s causing sleepless nights and discomfort then it’s negated.

Formula is heavier, so for many babies it helps them get a better nights sleep.

No, that is also out of date now. While it is true that some of the claims made about the health outcomes of breastfeeding haven't yet been conclusively proven, there are many others that are now very well established and accepted by all.

No, that is also out of date now. While it is true that some of the claims made about the health outcomes of breastfeeding haven't yet been conclusively proven, there are many others that are now very well established and accepted by all.

No it's not, and clearly it's not accepted by all, because - Tada!! 😄

When you look at things like sibling studies (which therefore minimise the socio-economic aspect) there is very little difference between bf and formula.

The benefits come from comfort, availability etc. The health ones area really pretty minimal once you exclude the socio-economic stuff.

I've FF one baby and BF another one.

@Babyboomtastic it's the studies that call into question socioeconomic factors etc, that have raised questions about some of the breastfeeding health outcome claims, i.e. obesity, IQ etc. But no, many others are conclusively proven and firmly established now, such as health outcomes linked to digestive and respiratory issues, ear infections etc. But I do concede that 'accepted by all' was a bad choice of wording, since you're correct that some do still ignore the established advice of all the main health bodies, such as the NHS, the WHO, NICE etc.

a hungry baby just wants to be fed.
in the long run it usually doesn't matter what type of milk (bar allergies etc).

a friend of mine is a breastfeeding consultant and finds the reluctance to introduce formula when mum & baby are clearly struggling so much that it's starting to effect them both incredibly frustrating.
she can only help with so much, but there's a point when bf just isn't working: baby's hungry/failing to thrive, mum's a heap of blubbering mess, everyone is sleep deprived and at breaking point - why then not take an objective look and admit it's time for a change?

I don't get why people are so stubborn to ebf when ff partially would make everyone's life easier. what's healthy about crying & stressing? how does baby benefit from a parent that's a wreck?

if ebf works it's a dream. I had the best time with DS2. he was more efficient than a Dyson🤣 the others were not so straightforward.

so just try ff OP.
your baby won't be tainted, you can always stop it if you see no improvements. best of luck

so just try ff OP.
your baby won't be tainted, you can always stop it if you see no improvements. best of lucK

O/p doesn’t want to though. It’s her mum that keeps pushing it on her, with o/p repeatedly refusing.

I got just give formula, give yourself a break, don’t be a martyr, it’ll make everyone’s lives easier so many times, from everyone including m/w, gp, family, and strangers.

I did not want to. Yes the baby was feeding every two hours and I was shattered, but I was coping and did not want to give formula. It was short term and rapidly improved.

What I needed was for everyone to shut up about formula and it giving me a break, and actually give me a break- take the baby for a walk, cook tea, hoover the floors, sit and cuddle so I could shower in peace. I quickly found that giving a bottle meant someone else sat on their arse on the sofa feeding while I ran around catching up on housework, washing, and made them cups of tea

O/p, it may make a difference, it may not. If you feel you can ride it out, tell your mother to keep her nose out. If you think and occasional bottle will do you the world of good then give it a try.

I think then the OP needs to make it clear that she really wants to ebf then and say please don't suggest formula it's not something I want to do. Maybe her mum doesn't realise that she's so adamant she wants to bf. Op has replied with 'I don't think it will work' rather than 'I don't want to give formula'.

Rather than get completely het up about feeding choices why not look at comforters like dummies, blankets.

@Reallyreallyborednow

but why would you not want to IF the ebf isn't going well/isn't enough?
that's what I don't understand.
why do people insist on carrying on with a routine that doesn't work anymore?

if it ain't broken, don't fix it. 100%. if all was well, OP wouldn't ask what to do.
IF ebf was going smoothly I'd be the first person to agree that the mum needs to shut her pie hole and support OP's view to carry on with ebf.

but a baby waking up that frequently means there's an issue. and most of the time it's hunger (if no medical issue) so just fill the gap. why struggle when there's an easy solution that won't even matter in a few years time?

Some babies just wake up, regardless of how they are fed. Many examples of non-sleeping BF and FF babies have been given on this thread. There are plenty of ways to help babies to sleep that don't involve formula.

A baby waking up that frequently does not always mean there is an issue. It might, but equally it can be perfectly normal baby behaviour.

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

Some babies just wake up, regardless of how they are fed. Many examples of non-sleeping BF and FF babies have been given on this thread. There are plenty of ways to help babies to sleep that don't involve formula.

Formula can be one of those thjngs that does help though. I think the point is that FF is not the devils work, it can help, it may not, but militant non-FF behaviours can be really damaging - if it works great, it something g else works, great, if nothing works then parents, usually mums, have to suck it up

technically, yes, formula can be more filling. But so can breastmilk. Did you know you can "bulk up" your breastmilk by eating walnuts, avocados, porridge. You may have to try a few different foods to see what works for you. I can tell when I pump what I have been eating during that day.

All the best

Source - www.parents.com/baby/breastfeeding/breast-milk/12-superfoods-for-breastfeeding-moms/
Source - www.verywellfamily.com/foods-that-increase-breast-milk-supply-431598

Hang on a minute. The OP has literally said she doesn’t think introducing a bottle of formula is right for her and her baby, and yet most of the responses are “yeah try formula!”.

What I think she actually needs is some reassurance that she can trust her own instinct and ignore her mum’s advice.

Formula is not a magic sleep solution. DS1 was mix fed and he was a shit sleeper, whether or not he’s had a bottle of formula. Even when I stopped breastfeeding at went fully formula at 7 months, he still didn’t sleep through for a few more months.

DS2 is fully breastfed, with occasional expressed bottles. He’s also not a great sleeper. Giving him an expressed bottle before bed does nothing to make him sleep longer, in fact he’ll often wake up earlier in the night. He is scoffing solids like no tomorrow too, and guess what, he’s still waking up!

OP - do what you think is best. Sleep deprivation is brutal! It sounds like you’ve got the 4 month sleep regression and those 1-2 hour wakes are so so hard. But you’re completely right. Sleep is developmental and often wakes aren’t due to hunger, but are due to comfort. And if that’s the case, a bottle of formula won’t help. Baby needs to learn how to link sleep cycles.

I’m sure there was a scientific study which found that breastfeeding mums actually get more sleep per night (something depressing like 15 minutes) due to not having to get up, prep bottles etc.

If you want to try a bottle of formula to see if it helps, or to share the load, then absolutely go for it. However if you DON’T want to do it, then don’t let yourself feel pressured into it, especially when there is no guarantee it will have the desired effect. Decide what you want to do and then explain that to your mum.