Mum keeps suggesting formula

[RaeRaeMama]

My baby isn't sleeping well (waking every 1-2 hours and difficult to put down after waking, she is almost 17 weeks) at the moment and I've had some days where I've been feeling really pissed off and fed up and tearful. I have even had a few arguments with my partner which is rubbish.

I talk to my mum a lot about how I'm feeling and today I was talking to her and she said I should introduce a bottle of formula at night because it will help her sleep (this isn't the first time she has said this, she's said it since my baby was born a few times).

I said, I don't think that it will mum, she is waking for comfort as well as food. From what I have read sleep is developmental.

She said that it categorically will help my baby sleep through and she's been told this by loads of people. I said who and she said, just people in life that I won't know

I'm a first time mum but I just have a sneaking feeling that this is nonsense and I want her support without her pushing this sort of thinking on me (I have told her this). It's really unhelpful and it's actually making me consider doing it (I'm very tired) even though I don't think it's the right thing for us.

AIBU to be upset with my mum for repeatedly suggestion formula?

Or is she right, did it help you baby sleep and it should be considered?

I second the bottle of formula, maybe your OH could feed it to baby as their first wake up of the night so you get a longer stretch of uninterrupted sleep?

I gave both my kids bottle of formula at night and we BF passed 18 months with no issues.’

@Twizbe

It's a total myth about formula helping them sleep. Of my two, the better sleeper was the exclusively breastfed one.

If you don't want to do formula, you don't have to.

🤣 so it's a total myth based on the sample group of your own 2 children? bwahahaha. have you not read all the pps saying that it helped their kids? who are you to dismiss the facts stated by them?

Some babies sleep well, some don't. What they eat has absolutely no affect on it. Baby will sleep when ready to.

Tell your mum that you want to breastfeed and need her support. Part of that support is not trying to persuade you to switch to formula.

Here is some anecdotal stuff from my family. It shows they are all different.

DS: breastfed slept through from 6 weeks
DD: breastfed slept through from 6 weeks
Niece: breastfed slept through from 4 months
Niece: breastfed slept through from birth
Niece: breastfed slept through from 18 months
Niece: breastfed slept through from age 3
Nephew: formula slept through from 6 months
Nephew: formula age 5 still not sleeping through

so it's a total myth based on the sample group of your own 2 children?
bwahahaha.
have you not read all the pps saying that it helped their kids?
who are you to dismiss the facts stated by them?

But the people who have said it helps have also based their “facts” on a sample size of one or two.

Why should we believe those over those who say it doesn’t help? None of it is a randomised controlled trial, it’s all anecdata.

I had the same pressure from my Dsis with my first DC. She had me convinced that my DD had a CMPA because she cried sometimes and needed a bottle at bedtime to make her sleep through the night (I love my dsis to bits but we have very different parenting styles) I ended up in my GP's office crying that my baby was poorly and didn't sleep through the night because I wasn't producing enough milk or it wasn't good enough. She (very kindly) told me that was nonsense. Babies cry, it's what they do. Babies also wake up at night. She said if I was happy breastfeeding then to continue. She said that medical studies have produced no evidence that formula fed babies sleep better than breastfed babies, and in some cases introducing formula alongside breast milk at night can be really hard on their tummy as it's harder to digest and they're not used to it. I really grew to love the snuggly nighttime breastfeeds and still love them now with DD8 months
It may be worth a shot if you're really struggling, but if you're happy with what you're doing then keep going. You've got this and are doing a fab job

@Reallyreallyborednow

well, I didn't dismiss her experience.
but I reject her dismissing the experience of others by saying it's a myth.

and I had way more than 2 children and on balance ff did help.
it's quite weird for anyone to say it didn't, because I was there, but how the fuck would they know what happened?!

There is no evidence that giving formula will help them sleep longer. You could give formula and she could still wake up plus you will need to account for the missed breastfed so will need to pump to ensure your supply stays the same for daytime feeds.
I suggest looking online for your local breastfeeding group who will be able to reassure you that the lack of sleep is normal and will give you some moral support to raise the issue with your mum. Plus they will probably be able to help with keeping your supply up if you do decide to give some formula.

Do what you feel is best for you and the little one.

I obviously phrased my post wrong given you can't actually hear the way I was saying it in my head.

I used the 'it's a myth' phrase as in 'it's a lie!' Type exclamation you might work when something doesn't work for you like it does for others.

@Twizbe

I obviously phrased my post wrong given you can't actually hear the way I was saying it in my head.

I used the 'it's a myth' phrase as in 'it's a lie!' Type exclamation you might work when something doesn't work for you like it does for others.

I gotcha @Twizbe that makes sense😁

thanks for clarification.

apologies for any harsh words

Haha @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba what did your mum say when she opened it? My MiL sends jars of ‘proper’ baby food (cow and gate) because she doesn’t believe in homemade purée

@BrizzleMaverick

There is no evidence that giving formula will help them sleep longer. You could give formula and she could still wake up plus you will need to account for the missed breastfed so will need to pump to ensure your supply stays the same for daytime feeds. I suggest looking online for your local breastfeeding group who will be able to reassure you that the lack of sleep is normal and will give you some moral support to raise the issue with your mum. Plus they will probably be able to help with keeping your supply up if you do decide to give some formula.

Do what you feel is best for you and the little one.

Don’t be silly now. Her supply is established she can miss a few feeds. We all know that. Plenty of people day or night wean and continue to breast feed for years.

Are you so evangelical you’ve taken to scaring young mothers?

And there is evidence. All the mothers posting on this thread. Don’t discount us because it doesn’t fit your narrative,

@AnneTwackie

Haha *@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba* what did your mum say when she opened it? My MiL sends jars of ‘proper’ baby food (cow and gate) because she doesn’t believe in homemade purée

🤣 poor you!

I can't remember exactly, she just said she got the message.

but actually the next time she visited she made me laugh coz she brought another small box as a joke!

I'd say the important thing is that if you don't want to formula feed your baby, don't be pressurised into it by anyone.

I've ebf 2 babies and have friends that express, friends that formula feed - but you're pretty much hitting the 4 month sleep regression aren't you? That just needs to be ridden out - it's horrific.

From what I understand, formula fed babies guzzle milk unless their parent pace feeds them which many don't. Formula is much harder for a baby to break down than breast milk, so they sleep longer and deeper because they're fuller and their system is having to work so hard to digest the milk. Breast milk doesn't work like that, it's little and often mainly, especially in the heat. I'm lazy though, it's so much quicker and easier to feed baby laid down in bed, pop them back in the crib and fall back asleep than faff with bottles, but that's me.

I never bothered with formula, if I was particularly sleep deprived of go to bed at 7-8 and DH would give a bottle of expressed milk but pace fed. I'd then sleep for a block of a few hours, it was great.

I'm not anti formula, one of mine had it in NICU while we established feeding, but just didn't want to give it unecessarily. And that's they key isn't it, I didn't want to so I didn't, if you don't, then don't

My 2 were FF from pretty much birth one slept through at 6 weeks and the other 6 months both had dummies and sleep wise we've had no issues . Before sleeping through the wakings in the night were few and far between I don't know if that is because they were FF or not tbh. I guess that's the issue you can't compare as you don't get to give it 2 go's
I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself over it, mums mental and physical health matters. A bottle of formula isn't the end of the world and you're well within your right to continue what you are doing bfeeding

My 17 month old was fully formula fed and he's never slept through he used to wake up multiple times for a feed, now it's usually just once

I work in a nursery. Formula fed babies definitely sleep longer and deeper than babies fed on EBF - I presume because they can and will often guzzle down entire bottles while EBF babies may get 100-300ml and when it’s gone they need water! But both feed longer than the babies that reverse cycle - but during Lockdown this method seems to be gaining popularity

Sleep longer not feed longer. I’m knackered

My sample size is 30 babies and toddlers.

@Ozanj

I work in a nursery. Formula fed babies definitely sleep longer and deeper than babies fed on EBF - I presume because they can and will often guzzle down entire bottles while EBF babies may get 100-300ml and when it’s gone they need water! But both feed longer than the babies that reverse cycle - but during Lockdown this method seems to be gaining popularity

Presumably though the EBF babies are taking a bottle of expressed milk at nursery, right? So that's not comparable. If the mother hasn't brought enough expressed milk in for the day that's unacceptable and needs addressing.

Its amazing stuff. All sorts of things affect breastfeeding - stress, nutrition. Formula means you need never worry about your baby feeding or being hungry

I get the rage about bf bullying!
Essentially you're living with this. If you want to only bf then you'll have to arrange your life around that, get support in whatever way you need with family.
You can try ff - see if it helps get all round better quality of life for everyone - your baby may feel unsettled if you're unhappy, arguing and stressy - it's a balance IMO
Your mum is likely to be trying to support you by offering suggestions that can and do work, perhaps not for all babies but she can probably see you're struggling relentlessly and as a mum that hurts her I expect

All these people saying it worked for their baby - good for them. There is no guarantee it will make a blind bit of difference to your baby. It didn't for mine.

I think a lot of pp have missed the point - your mum is being a dick. She should be supporting you, not issuing instructions.

@MerryDecembermas

All these people saying it worked for their baby - good for them. There is no guarantee it will make a blind bit of difference to your baby. It didn't for mine.

I think a lot of pp have missed the point - your mum is being a dick. She should be supporting you, not issuing instructions.

Yes perhaps, but don't y I think it's worth a try to help with the issues OP is having?

I've never formula fed any of my 3 - dd1 and dd3 were great sleepers (although dd1 went through a few crap stages and 4 months was one of them) and dd2 was rubbish. My sister ff all hers and again, 2 were okay and one is a terrible sleeper still at 3. Generally, breastfed babies wake more but imo it is hugely worth it for the other benefits it gives.

BUT, formula will make them sleep longer yes. Its harder to digest so makes them feel full longer. It will almost certainly help at least a bit, and doesnt need to mean you will stop breastfeeding at all, 1 bottle a day won't do any harm whatsoever and lots of people do it.

But I agree it feels really unhelpful when people suggest formula to any and all problems. Judgy and annoying and probably a big reason bf rates are so low. She probably is trying to help though, my mum is the same.