Mum keeps suggesting formula

[RaeRaeMama]

My baby isn't sleeping well (waking every 1-2 hours and difficult to put down after waking, she is almost 17 weeks) at the moment and I've had some days where I've been feeling really pissed off and fed up and tearful. I have even had a few arguments with my partner which is rubbish.

I talk to my mum a lot about how I'm feeling and today I was talking to her and she said I should introduce a bottle of formula at night because it will help her sleep (this isn't the first time she has said this, she's said it since my baby was born a few times).

I said, I don't think that it will mum, she is waking for comfort as well as food. From what I have read sleep is developmental.

She said that it categorically will help my baby sleep through and she's been told this by loads of people. I said who and she said, just people in life that I won't know

I'm a first time mum but I just have a sneaking feeling that this is nonsense and I want her support without her pushing this sort of thinking on me (I have told her this). It's really unhelpful and it's actually making me consider doing it (I'm very tired) even though I don't think it's the right thing for us.

AIBU to be upset with my mum for repeatedly suggestion formula?

Or is she right, did it help you baby sleep and it should be considered?

around 4 months there is a sleep regression, sleep got much better for us at around 5 months, and my baby was fully breastfed, no bottles at night. my husband made things easier for me by taking LO as much as he could during the day so I could rest or sleep or have time to myself, he did more of the housework and cooking etc. If you don't want to use formula, your mum should stop suggesting it as a solution. It works for some babies, but not for others so there is no guarantee. what could help, is practical help during the day so you have time to rest or do whatever else you'd like. Professor Amy Brown on Facebook or Instagram is a good source of evidence based information around infant feeding and sleep. Also Lyndsey Hookway for biologically normal infant sleep. its tough ❤

We kept being told this by FF parents so tried it - not only did it make no difference to DS's shite sleeping habits, it also upset his tummy and made him constipated. You could try it for a week (you could use expressed milk if you don't want to give formula) and see if it makes a difference, but don't pin all your hopes on it.

Yes totally true your mother is correct.

Plenty of people saying it is true, however a good friend of mine completely gave up breastfeeding and went to formula for this reason and it made no difference at all. It is absolutely not guaranteed to work.

I’m not sure there is evidence to support it, but I can say from experience that it helps. One of my 13 month twins is bf and one is ff. T1 (ff) can sleep from 7-5 on a good night. T2 is harder to put down and still wakes at least 3 times in the night BUT I am comfortable with this (albeit exhausted). I would be bf both if I could. Don’t feel forced into anything, my DM was the same and still asks when I am going to stop feeding.

It worked for all three of mine.

I can't say whether or not the formula would work or not as mine has always been on formula. I think your mum is trying to suggest things to help you all sleep better and in turn feel better - you talk to her a lot and offload, its only natural that she suggests this on more than one occasion if you've not tried it and she sees you struggling. There is no harm trying it if you're desperate - formula isn't the devil and its not a reflection on you as a mother if you do use it.

She's old fashioned. Tell her she's out if date and the benefits of exclusive breast feeding are much better understood.

Yes formula can help if baby is waking due to hunger, it keeps them full for longer. If they are waking for comfort and want you then putting them to sleep with a bottle might work as they think they won't get you.

Even if it does help in the short term, will it in the long term? You obviously chose to breast feeding for a reason.

3/4 month sleep regression is classic. It's tough but it doesnt last for ever. I'd recommend Lucy Wolfe for pro breast feeding gentle sleep advice.

Scientifically speaking, there isn't any evidence that formula helps a baby sleep through. But breastfed babies have a tendency to feed through the night to keep your supply up (and feed little and often) so they will wake up more. Many will also use your breast for comfort and get into the habit of waking. This is why co-sleeping and breastfeeding usually go hand in hand.

Formula can fill them up a bit more which can help them sleep a bit longer, but as many pp have said, it can also go the other way and upset their tummy or constipate them. Totally depends on your baby!

17 weeks is a really tough time - the 4 month sleep regression is an absolute monster and can break you. If you're struggling with sleep, you could definitely try introducing a bottle and see what happens, can't hurt!

I would tell your mum to just back off a bit. It's totally your decision and she doesn't need to keep repeating it, especially when you're already sleep-deprived and a little more on edge than usual

I agree with her, sorry OP.

I breastfed mine. But by 4/5 months they were still waking almost hourly in the night and this seems to be a frequent things anecdotally with ebf babies amongst friends of mine. So I used formula for the last feed before bed and again if they woke in the night which they did for a while longer but only really once and that stopped by 8/9 months too. I bf both in the day until 12m.

BF in day, formula for bed and during the night. Worked wonders for me and meant that DH could do the bedtime bottle and I could get an early night without being disturbed for a few hours. We had no problems with bottles, or nipple confusion, or supply I was just a bit full in the mornings for a week or two whilst it adjusted but they soon sorted that when they woke anyway.

You will hear from mums who don't agree with doing this, will tell you the frequent waking is normal (and it is normal) will tell you it'll 'ruin' your breastfeeding. Nonsense in my view. But up to you whether you choose to carry on or give formula a go. I wasn't prepared to continue to be woken every hour when neither me or my babies needed to be. Babies woke when they wanted food, they got fed and a cuddle, we all went back to sleep for the rest of the night. Zero regrets here.

Made it worse for mine. Gave her horrendous colic so we went from 2 hr feeds to constant screaming.

Thing is introducing formula is a risk. It may work beautifully, but if it doesn’t you end up worse off, and if you’re really unlucky it can mess up your supply if you’re doing it regularly- my sister had to stop as it didn’t improve sleep and the baby just started fussing at the breast after a bottle.

If you want to continue, do. I was knackered and exhausted but there was an end and I’m glad I persevered. My mum constantly said my milk wasn’t “good enough” if the baby was feeding every 2 hours- she was of the feed at 4 hours on the dot and ignore in between school of feeding.

If your baby is continuing to gain weight and is otherwise well, it will by no means necessarily help. It didn’t help my youngest, and she certainly didn’t want a dummy. She just wanted me. It’s really rough OP, but as others have said, 16/17 weeks is a prime age for this.

She's old fashioned. Tell her she's out if date and the benefits of exclusive breast feeding are much better understood

Actually that’s you that’s out of date, the benefits of ebf are soft and scientifically under question. If the only benefit is soft, Ie comfort only and it’s causing sleepless nights and discomfort then it’s negated.

Formula is heavier, so for many babies it helps them get a better nights sleep.

Made no difference to my kids sleep but I know others that swear it's the solution to sleep issues. I seem to remember that there was a study that showed that ff and bf babies woke in the night at similar rates but bf babies were fed more often when they woke while ff babies were settled back to sleep using other methods.

It definitely satisfied my babies and filled them up, though my first was an amazing sleeper and my second still woke up every hour but that was a breathing issue.
But I would definitely try it in your case.

A bedtime bottle definitely helped mine sleep through, but I expressed every morning for bedtime, so didn't have to use formula.

I understand you are reluctant.
the breast is best slogan forces people to believe that if you use formula you have failed.

bollocks.

are you against ff because of certain expectations of yourself or from others of how it should be?
or because you don't want your mum to be right? (I felt both at different times!)
or is it something else?

yes, your body and your baby and your choice - but your baby isn't happy or content in the evening so if it was me I'd introduce formula. at 4m it will fill her up and tide her over.
it's perfectly reasonable to do.
best of luck

It's nonsense. Breastfed both of mine and one was a dreadful sleep and the other was a brilliant one.

It did help with mine, which were otherwise breast fed. My first one especially was otherwise be waking every couple of hours for a feed. At around 9pm I'd breast feed her, then offer her a top-up with formula, then we'd both go to bed. It gave me 4-5 hours sleep without waking which made a huge difference to my well being.

Also a lot of BF babies won't take a bottle anyway, mine wouldn't, and it didn't matter whether it was formula or breast milk in it.

Topping her up after the evening feed with expressed milk had a similar effect too, but I found pumping difficult.

The best sleepers out of my NCT group at that age were the ones who had bottles of expressed breast milk before bed. Seemed to avoid the feed to sleep habit and they were more full than the babies who just breastfed. I was the only formula feeder so don’t really have anything to compare to.

She’s not necessarily wrong but if it’s not what you want to hear then just tell her you just want sympathy not suggestions.

btw in Hungary babies are given plain then slightly sugary tea (herbal based at first, no milk) from an early age.
my mum could not shut up about it.
she sent bags of tea in the post. while I was pg and after DS1 was born. then she brought some when she visited. my words fell on deaf ears. 🙄
so before she went home I put all the tea in a bag, wrote "stop it" with big red letters and hid it in her luggage after she packed.
she finally got the message 😁

It's a total myth about formula helping them sleep. Of my two, the better sleeper was the exclusively breastfed one.

If you don't want to do formula, you don't have to.

Done this with all of my mine so they and myself would sleep longer through the night. Also it meant OH could do night time feeds too.