i was told 3 times by paed. nurse in MRI children's A&E that there was no place for me to breastfeed

[sherazade]

Yesterday when took dd1 to a&e i asked if there was a baby room or feeding room where i could breastfeed my distraught 10 month old. was told 'no'. Is there any baby room? 'no'. Is there just a room with a chair 'No'. this is a childrens outpatient dept. and there is NO feeding room? 'no'. what kind of hospital is this? 'There's a nappy room but its taken'. went to the said nappy room which was just a disgusting toilet with a changing table and it was actually empty. Makes me suspect the nurse was not happy about me bfeeding full stop. Would have been happy to feed dd2 anywhere really but didn't fancy the hugely overcrowded , tinsy winsy waiting room with coughing/puking/ staring patients.
so how do I go about launching a lengthy complaint? whole thing is a bit hypocritical considering there were those silly ' breastfeeding gives my baby the best start' posters stuck on the walls.
I did, however, half an hour later, shout at another nurse a bit hysterically that I needed to feed my baby and that i was told 3 times by the previous nurse that there was no room with a chair, to which she answered 'of course there's a room with a comfy seat for you' and directed me to one!

I'm not sorry that i became hysterical in the nurses direction. to be honest I wasn't shouting per se, i was raising my voice and speaking Loudly and angrily albeit indirectly about the fact that i was having to run off and explore for a chair whilst dd1 had just overdosed on calpol and dh had arrived late on the scene, by which dd2 was screaming for a feed in her pram (and a double pram at that!). Like i mentioned, I had other issues with the nurse who was blaming me for dd1s overdose and I was already in tears for her making me feel like a S*T mum.

I didn't explain in detail in my original post about why the waiting room wasn't a good place to feed. I was speaking on behalf of my 10 month old when I said I didn't fancy the coughing/staring. It's the fact that people were staring/likely to stare and there were alot of people which made me know for a definite that dd2 would not wind down and feed, and the general activity of coughing/puking which would have been too distracting. I didn't think I would have to explain this in a huge amount of detail but now I know i should not have expected my own reaction to the room to suffice as A reasonable jusitification for why I needed a bit of quiet.

nurse didn't seem affected by my hysteria. I felt i was on the receving end of a bit of bullying and patronising in the first place, and was already in tears over our discussion.

Do not patronise me about manners and courtesy, thank you. I did not barge in demanding a room in an instant. I asked in a slow, clear,low, gracious, polite, 'don't mean to trouble you too much' voice, and rephrased my on three or more occassions. A patient in the waiting room actually snorted loudly in disgust and said 'then what are these bloody breastfeeding posters on the wall for'.

*rephrased my request

Sherezade, you don't need to explain to us, in fact I think it was apparent from the original post. Besides, whether it was your dd needing quiet, or you, or whether it was nothing more than your personal preference, I don't think it should make any difference as all are equally valid reasons for wanting a little quiet and privacy - and I'm sorry you had such a rotten time and someone unsympathetic compounded that.

Kindness and empathy cost nothing. I'm glad that at least you found some in the second nurse.

I do hope you and both children are feeling better!

I don't think i;ve ever done so much explaining in my life . thanks for all the kind words and support though. xx

Hi Sherazade- not even going to comment on the bf thing- I just hope DD1 is ok {{{Hug}}}

Sherazade,your points are rational and clear and logical.
You were most definitely in the right and are more than justified in complaining.

I've watched this post for a while now and still don't know whether it's right to post my view but here goes.....

I have 3 dd who have all, at one time or another ended up in A&E. Now this is not as stressful as it seems as dh works there and I am very good friends with the 2 consultants and most of the nurses that work there.

I have fed dd2 and dd3 in the department without asking for speperate facilities.

Also, I know that if a complaint is made against the department, the manager has to pass it on to the nurse in charge, they then have to speak to the nurse concerned and then you just get a wishy-washy letter in return. Meanwhile the NHS has paid 3 nurses to investigate 1 complaint (ok if it is valid but you get my drift)

I also work for the nhs and if you can imagine the resources needed to have 1 comfortable, private room available at all times exclusively for breastfeeding mothers, kept clean etc etc, also someone available at all times to direct to said room.......do you see my point?

Another point about A&E is you can't see what's going on from the waiting room. There may be seriously ill children there and you ae pulling a nurse away to ask for a bit of privacy. In the scheme of things this isn't important!

I know in an ideal world yes, you would be right but......I'm not so sure.

CM, you've bfed your children in A&E - irrelevant.

The OP wasn't asking for a room specifically for bfeeding to be set aside, simply for SOMEWHERE to feed her baby, which, it turned out DID exist.

Thank you for the precis of your family ties with A&E though.

Hunker - I didn't mean that about family ties I was just saying that I appreciate how A&E works from the inside. I, too, have a 10-month old that refuses to bfeed in public so I do have a lot of sympathy. I've watched thos thread for a while and being shot down is the exact reason I didn't reply earlier

canmummy, they can only shoot you down if you let them
Well done for posting, your views are as relevant as anyone else's and I happen to agree with you

am fed up with some of the ridiculous comments in this thread. why the heck are people banging on about how a clean, specific breastfeeding room is too much to ask for when i wasnt even DREAMING of being granted one? i wasnt asking for the nurse to be 'pulled away in privacy'. the available space which was there all along, was just YARDS away, within eyesight, from where the nurse was sat. she didnt even have to get off her backside. she didn't have to walk anywhere. she didnt even have to STAND. she could have just POINTED.

Sherazade,there are swathes of people on this thread willfully missing the point.
I tend to ignore folk like this.It makes life much simpler and more pleasant.

How can you willfully miss a point?

From the op
"this is a childrens outpatient dept. and there is NO feeding room? 'no'. what kind of hospital is this?"
Maybe this remark led some to think that a specific room was expected.

Quite easily Mrs Slocomb.
You've just done it yerself after all.

Yes, i did half expect a feeding room initially.

However, no feeding room is fine, I can cope with that. I was mildly suprised, but its definitely not my cause for complaint, not my cause for being upset.

What i meant was 'makeshift feeding room'. 'place with chair'. 'seperate place with chair'. Maybe i should have said, 'in this entire hospital there is no chair in a place that isn't hugely overcrowded, upon which i can sit and breastfeed my crying 10 month old'. get the drift, juules?

what i want to complain about was the nurses attitude and her not showing me the four quite, seperate, enclosed areas that were just a stones throw away from her, and all unoccupied about 20 minutes later. I am not complaining about lack of specific breastfeeding room. complete with sketch of boobs on door. and nice thank you letter from breastfeeding org.

moondog, do you understand the meaning of the word willingly? Perhaps not

No, meant WILLFULY

Oh ladies!
Why are you all getting so bitter and twisted? OP started this thread for some advice, not for a slanging match. If you don't have advice to give and are looking for an excuse to have a good bitch at each other I'd suggest you back off sherazade and start your own thread that indicates that you wish to "debate" the rights and wrongs of breast feeding in public, or if breastfeeding rooms should be provided in all public areas!

I'll say it again shall I cos clearly it wasn't heard the first time. Surely all publicly-funded institutions ought to have a policy of supporting BF? Wouldn't even Juuule and MrsS agree with that?

Supporting BF must surely also mean a number of things - finding somewhere quiet for a woman and baby to BF is one of those.

If someone refuses to (and more so if there is indeed somewhere available) then the BF woman should have the right to complain.

Public institutions - esp those where people wait and are uncomfortable - have to be able to provide for people's basic needs. Like I said in a previous post, if there was no toilet, coffee machine/water supply, baby changing area etc etc, people would quite reasonably be entitled to ask for one. And complain if staff weren't very helpful in response.

It is absolutely irrelevant - as many of us have said - how many people are able to feed in public, or whether there are sick/dead children in A&E or how stressed the nurses are.

Why are Juuule and MrsS wanting to labour their points? I suspect because their real agenda is that they are cross that women won't or can't feed anywhere (as they are rightly proud of being able to do themselves). This I think is what Moondog means by willfully missing the point. You (J & MrsS) have effectively forced Sherazade to question her instinct that it ought to be reasonable for BF women to expect a quiet private place to do so and shift her argument to whether it's fair to complain. It's all the same issue - whether women have the right to privacy or not when BF.

Of course they do. Would the objectors really want all BF rooms to be closed down?

You've gotta live in the real world: it's not Sherazade's fault our culture doesn't accept BF as acceptable as eating in public; nor should she be lambasted for it. I haven't seen some of the offensive posts getting any less offensive for all the objections... it's beginning to smack of people with too little to challenge themselves with who just want to find somewhere they can be right all the time.

woo hoo monkey bird. I agree with everything you've said and wish I could be as clear in getting my point across.

to be fair, I agree with some of what Juuule and MrsS have said too, but they are a bit scary with their harsh words... and at times their (your, if you're reading this) views have some across as a bit lacking in sympathy to those of us who don't find it so straightforward to feed in public.

You just lift up your shirt and feed - simple and then you don't lose your plaec in the queue either. It's important people see women breastfeeding. You almost have a political obligation, a duty to other mothers to breastfeed wherever you are actually.

xenia, a political obligation? a duty to other mothers? i actually feel slightly sick in the stomach having just read this. I don't think I will bother reading this thread anymore.

gosh, there are some scary people on the internet.

The first nurse was rude and I would complain. There is no reason she can't find you a private space if you are in a children's unit.

Having said that, mine was a only-feed-with-no-distractions baby and I would use the toilet cubicle if I was out in public.