i was told 3 times by paed. nurse in MRI children's A&E that there was no place for me to breastfeed

[sherazade]

Yesterday when took dd1 to a&e i asked if there was a baby room or feeding room where i could breastfeed my distraught 10 month old. was told 'no'. Is there any baby room? 'no'. Is there just a room with a chair 'No'. this is a childrens outpatient dept. and there is NO feeding room? 'no'. what kind of hospital is this? 'There's a nappy room but its taken'. went to the said nappy room which was just a disgusting toilet with a changing table and it was actually empty. Makes me suspect the nurse was not happy about me bfeeding full stop. Would have been happy to feed dd2 anywhere really but didn't fancy the hugely overcrowded , tinsy winsy waiting room with coughing/puking/ staring patients.
so how do I go about launching a lengthy complaint? whole thing is a bit hypocritical considering there were those silly ' breastfeeding gives my baby the best start' posters stuck on the walls.
I did, however, half an hour later, shout at another nurse a bit hysterically that I needed to feed my baby and that i was told 3 times by the previous nurse that there was no room with a chair, to which she answered 'of course there's a room with a comfy seat for you' and directed me to one!

It is hard when you are stressed - I had mastitis when DD was 8 dyas old, and sat in the A&E dept waiting to see an out of hours GP praying that she didn't wake up so I wouldn't have to try and feed her. Luckily, though I was there 2 hours, she slept the whole time.

I've fed her in the doctors surgery though, full of sick people, so I didn't miss my appt!!

mamacocoon - link not working for me - is that just my computer?

Hi scherazade, I've been to MRI paed A+E with my dd too. It's really scuzzy and horrible TBH!! I think regardless of the politics involved if you're feeling upset, tense and vulnerable in a horrible environment then it's nice to have somewhere clean and quiet to feed your dc.

I agree that women SHOULD do it anywhere to normalise it, I bf there but must admit felt uncomfortable, it's bit of a scary place. I think the issue is more to do with the attitude of the nurse concerned, ie being generally unhelpful. The nurse who "looked after" us was a bit s**t too, they are a v busy and under pressure dept but that isn't an excuse.

Contact PALS to see what they say. If the clinical areas are full of poorly children then of course that is a priority but if there are bays free/side room it wouldn't hurt to let a BF mum use it. The walls are splattered with pro breastfeeding posters!

BTW I wouldn't have ff dd in the waiting room either, too dirty and germ filled but maybe that's just my OCD!

Tip next time (hopefully there won't be one of course) go to Wythenshawe it's loads nicer.

Hi,

For all those comments about 'you dont need a comfy chair', 'feed baby wherever all you need is your boobs and baby'', please can I explain, my daughter will NOT NOT NOT feed if there are other faces (particularly strangers) around here, and it IS very inconveniening for me. When she was younger, I'd happily feed her on the bus, train, park, 'standing up' in a queue in primark,restaurant, post office, wherever really.

Even if my daughter hasn't fed in hours , is really hungry, tired, she has recently been on a bit of a nursing strike (especially since being sick and being near serious dehydraton on several accounts)and will just bite or turn and scream so i just have to use those dreaded feeding rooms. I wasn't expecting a comfy chair or a specialist breastfeeding room, just a chair in a quiet place for gods sake! I am ALL for normalising breastfeeding and am extremely confident about breastfeeding in public. I find it really annoying that I have been mistaken for a prude/ spoilt brat!

What irked me was that i was later told that there WERE quiet rooms for feeding and that the earlier nurse had LIED.

regardless of how militant (for want of a better word) we are about breastfeeding anywhere there are those of us who might be having problems similar to the ones sherazades just mentioned or just feel a bit tense doing it in some situations.

NHS trusts should be able to facilitate a quiet space for bf unless especially busy, it's called being supportive. I'd bf in the Drs waiting room but not at this aprticular A+E again, it made me too anxious which in tuen didn't help with the whole process.

people on here are certainly quick to jump. Everyones opinions are valid but I think a bit harshly expressed sometimes.

i hadn't thought of myself as a prude/spoiled brat tbh ... maybe I am.
don't think you have to be either of those to find it difficult to bf in public.

But there is a lot of suggestion in the OP about having some overriding "right" for ones own space to breastfeed, and that combined with an expression that someone wants to make a lengthy complaint (rather than an effective one?), and an admission of shouting hysterically at a nurse doesn't paint a rosy picture of breastfeeding. The first nurse may not have "lied", but that may not have realised exactly what the OP was after. If that is the case then the OP could have just asked the 2nd nurse why the 1st nurse hadn't understood the request, and left it to her to illuminate her colleague.

In this particular situation, when a room was eventually found, I think that a lengthy complaint is OTT, especially from someone who has been shouting hysterically at a member of staff.

Juuule - I thought your comment wasn't very helpful as the poster had mentioned that she was stressed and no doubt feeling a bit harrassed. Your post seemed critical of Sherazade (ie 'well I would have fed there and then, why didn't you?') which is not what you need when you're in that sort of state.

However, I do agree that bf'ing needs to be normalised. But not everyone wants to wave the banner for that - which is their choice.

For God sake, the poor woman was in A&E with her baby. Give her some slack, there aren't many people who would keep their head when in a stressy situation.

Oh, and please give her some credit. I am sure if people go to the trouble of writing a letter of complaint they do it in a professional and balanced manner. You are making the poor woman out to be a screaming and hysterical fishwife!

By the way Sherazade, I hope you dd is ok.

Obviously Shezerade was distressed. However, my post wasn't meant to be a criticism. Shezerade's view appeared to be that there should be a feeding room in the children's outpatient department and that it was a disgrace there wasn't. I was pointing out that a specific area purely for breastfeeding isn't necessary. I have spoken to other mums in the past about having special areas to bf being unecessary and have been met with the response of 'oh, I never thought of that'. Sometimes it just needs to be looked at from a different angle.
If a bfing couple are having difficulties in the environment they are in then I don't think any reasonable person would deny them somewhere more suitable for the duration of the feed. Whether it was someone's office, behind the reception counter or wherever. I don't think that purpose built/reserved bfing rooms are necessary though.
And Shezerade has said herself she had shouted at another nurse a bit hysterically.
I am not unsympathetic to Shezerade's predicament in a&e. Not a great situation to be in with a toddler and a baby to say the least. The first nurse could have been more helpful and maybe on a different day she would have been. Hospital staff have their own stresses to cope with and the op sounds like a typical overstretched a&e dept.

Sherazade,

I'm not (yet) a breast feeder so I have no idea how it feels to do it in public or otherwise but in response to your original post -

should you complain to someone about the attitude of the first nurse?...

...Yes write a letter!

the issue is not if there should or shouldn't be a room provided for you to breast feed in

the issue is that you were in a "business" as a "customer" and "a member of staff" talked to you with attitude.

The rule of thumb for verbal abuse or discrimination of any kind is:

It is irrelevant how the comment was intended the important aspect is how the recipricant was affected by it

i.e. she made you feel upset so it was discrimination/abuse!

I agree with pk616 in that if you are writing a letter of complaint it is the attitude of the staff that you should be complaining about.

Ok, so everyone, including the OP thinks that a quiet space is not necessarily needed to breastfeed, but the point of this thread is the attitude of the nurse IMO.
Complain to PALS, Find out if it was a baby friendly hospital if so, complain to them as well. At the least the nurse should have been more supportive, but please remember she could have been having all sorts of problems that day which we do not know about, and merely tried to tell you there was no place to feed available.
I dread to think the things she may have had to deal with working in a chidlrens ward and although it is no excuse, sometimes understanding goes a long way.

Cuts both ways, though, Victorian - parents in children's wards are generally distressed and frightened and deserve to be treated with respect.

ladymuck i asked in plain english, is there just ANYWHERE quiet for me to sit and feed my daughter? I don't think this was hard to understand at all. i was in a&e alone with a two year old and a ten month old, both crying, and being met with a generally unhelpful attitude when all i wanted to do for gods sake was feed the crying baby.

I shouted hysterically because I was having other issues (felt i was being blamed for dd1's accident) with the nurse and I was already on the brink of tears, when dh appeared at which point i dumped the 2 yr old on him and said in a loud, ok, somewhat hysterical voice, 'you deal with this, o'mm off to find somewhere to feed dd2 since i've been told 3 times that there are no rooms with chairs for me to feed her in'.

If you are happy to feed everywhere and anywhere (which I personally was/am) then fine, but some people find it a difficult thing to do and I imagine if they were in A&E in the first place, she was probably a bit stressed before she started.

The problem with A&E is that there may well have not been anywhere quiet (I know eventually somewhere was found). A&E have always been very helpful when I've had to go in with my severely autistic son- as helpful as they can be- but sometimes the 'perfect' solution doesn't exit (i.e. he may have to wait for 10 minutes in a corridor- which is incredibly difficult for all concerned - including other patients). I agree with those who have said that if you complain to complain about the nurse's attitude and general unhelpfulness. TBH I'd probably just let it go though. None of mine would feed in public at 10 months- they would have been far too nosy.

ladymuck, also wanted to add in regards to the repeated criticism of my shouting at a nurse, and how this doesn't paint a 'rosy picture of breastfeeding', Well I failed to realise that I was a member of the religion that is called breastfeeding and therefore expressing my human emotions would tarnish its picture.
I did later ask the second nurse why the 1st nure had said there was no place to breastfeed. she rolled her eyes in response.

Sherazade,I'm with you all the way and in particular identify with your anger at the assumption that all breastfeeding women have to be noble gracious and rational. That infuriates me.

Yes,complain. Fucking rude bitch. Note the time it happened (roughly) and give a good physical description of her so that they can track her down.

Bloody outrageous.

Sherezade, I'm with you on this one

Sorry but I completely agree with those that think you don;
't need a comfy chair and private room to feed a baby.
I think in a busy a&e dept your request was bound to irritate tbh.

Fucking rude bitch....charming.

The world do also not revolve around breatfeeding women and their shouty demands for a private room to feed, while it would be lovely if that were the case in reality it rarely is and maybe, just maybe, she had just had a child come into A+E dead and found the cries for a breast feeding room a little insignificant..

I think she just asked for a room and a chair. Blimey,it's not like she was after a pedicure and a facial.

It's a sign of something very very wrong when the needs of a breastfeeding mother can't be of the highest priority, in particular when one considers that more widespread breastfeeding would save the NHS millions.

I didn't need anywhere private to breastfeed either but some women just do and that is just fine.

"It's a sign of something very very wrong when the needs of a breastfeeding mother can't be of the highest priority," Really?

Yes really.