Mighty oaks from little acorns grow - slow weight gain support thread

[FireworksScareMossyPets]

Thread for those of us whose los are:

• Healthy
• Meeting developmental milestones
• Producing plenty of soaking wet nappies
• Producing several pooey nappies (quantity varies after first six weeks or so)
• Gaining weight...

but just much more slowly than the centile charts tell us they should.

This is a thread for help, support and understanding from other Mums who have "been there, done that".

It's where we can share links, share our stories and what if anything we have done to help our lo's weight gain - or whether we've just ditched the scales and looked at the baby.

However, we also don't want to lull other Mums into a false sense of security; if your lo is not meeting the criteria at the top then it is best to get help from a breastfeeding counsellor (or general infant feeding specialist - not all slow gaining babies are breastfed) or supportive health care professional.

Mossy xx

Pookamoo, that is very reassuring. I know that I do just make small babies (ds1 was only 21 lb at a year), but he seemed enormous in comparison with ds2 (and he was bottle fed, ds2 is breastfed). It really made me regret the decision to breastfeed at times.

Hi all, I was on this thread in the past. Just an update on my ds. He is now 16 months old and weighs just over 18lb. He has alwasy been difficult to bf, ff and feed food. He just won't eat large amounts of anything although is willing to try a wide variety of foods. He has been on high calorie formula prescribed by his dietician since somewhere around 10 months I think. It seems to have helped and we are slowly lowering amounts of that now to see if he'll eat a bit more food. It's very slow progress.

On a more positive note though, he is happy and healthy in every way, just small! He is developing well and doing just fine. At the moment he is just above the bottom line on the chart for weight and on the third line up for height. He was only born on the 9th centile so not expecting him to be massive anyway. He has seen a speecha and language therapist who said he was fine although sensitive to different tastes and textures of food. He has seen a child mental health worker who also soaid he is totally fine and it's just part of him that he doesn't eat much. He saw a physiotherapist as he didn't crawl till 11 months, she says he's fine too!

So really the only problem is his intake of callories which is just something we have to keep working on. I do get less worried as he gets older and I can see he's more robust if that makes sense?!

Oh hello Dalrymps!!

I've really loved reading your posts as most of the others were about younger babies, so I took great comfort knowing I wasn't entirely alone. Glad to hear he's doing okay and I know what you mean as well about them being more robust. The more grown up and less babylike she becomes, the less I'll worry I think.

Academic, my dd doesn't seem that bothered by eating either and also loses lots of weight every time she gets ill. I really wish there was something I could give her just to boost her appetite as I'm pretty sure there's nothing really wrong with her (although I won't rest until we've been through the gauntlet of tests). Also, I agree re HVs. It's us they should be congratulating! I really don't think they have any idea what a battle it is for us to keep their weight up whereas for those with big babies I expect it's relatively easy .

Out of interest, what do your little ones eat/drink in a day?

Hi KatyH

Dylan has 16 oz of high cal milk a day over 4 bottles (he won't take 2 big bottles) He has one after breakfast, dinner, and tea then one before bed.

For breakfast he eats between half and a full fromage frai and about 5 cubes of my toast or a few pieces of satsuma etc

For dinner he has up to half a jar of purree (yes, he still mostly eats smooth stuff at 16 mo) and up to half a pot of banana custard/desert. He also has nibbles of finger food such as bread and butter, crisps like quavers etc (I don't really like him eating too many crisps but he likes them so needs must) bits of cheese etc..

Tea is much the same as dinner maybe with a few tastes of out food too..

We usually add double cream to his purree and try to give him afternoon snacks sometimes if he'll take them. These might be biscuits or cake or fruit etc

I have to say a lot of his diet doesn't sound too healthy but the dietician has basically said to us to give him whatever he'll eat as long as he's still getting a good variety of food groups. She advised plenty high cal stuff like cake, butter, cream etc

Wow, I used the abbreviation 'etc a lot there!

We were told little and often with food so it often feels like we are feeding him all day which is a nightmare!

He usually has about 5 breastfeeds in 24 hours (usually just before naps, but he only feeds from one side so I think the other has gone out of production). In between breastfeeds he has meals/snacks. On a good day he eats a ton (3 meals plus 2 snacks) but on a bad day he will have only 3-4 spoonfuls for each meal and will only eat more with lots of encouragement, distraction etc which means we get into a vicious circle of getting tense before each meal about whether we are going to have a good day or not.

A standard breakfast would be e.g. half a weetabix with EBM of which he will eat half on a good day. A snack might be a soya yoghurt and lunch/dinner tend to be whatever we are eating but pureed up. A lunch/dinner serving will be around 10 tablespoons full of puree and he'll eat half on a normal day.

I've also just started giving him hypoallergenic formula (since I'd like to stop BF) but as he is very resistant to dropping any breastfeeds he tends to drink this from a sippy cup with his meals (instead of water) or when we are out of the house. He'll drink around 2-4 oz of this per day.

I used to lace all his food with extra margarine or olive oil but I've stopped doing this now as I'm not convinced it made a huge difference to his weight gain. We were also (after lots of nagging) given a supplement to add to his food from the dietician. This seems better than adding margarine etc but I am worried about not getting too reliant on it.

Academicmum - 'He usually has about 5 breastfeeds in 24 hours (usually just before naps, but he only feeds from one side so I think the other has gone out of production). In between breastfeeds he has meals/snacks. On a good day he eats a ton (3 meals plus 2 snacks) but on a bad day he will have only 3-4 spoonfuls for each meal and will only eat more with lots of encouragement, distraction etc which means we get into a vicious circle of getting tense before each meal about whether we are going to have a good day or not.'

This could be me talking about ds!

My dd eats similar amounts too. It's quite telling isn't it when you can recall what they eat by the number of spoonfuls! Everyone else seems to talk about bowlfuls.

Well, I was feeling quite positive last night. She had managed 4 days at nursery and seemed to be putting on weight...then she spent the whole night being sick! So far our record for the number of days at nursery/work before she catches something is 5 days. I was hopeful we would beat that this time but alas no. They've tested her immunity and it was fine apparently but she still seems to pick up everything that's going! Feeling quite down today . She'll probably go back to eating nothing again.

Oh KatyH, Ds always seems to catch something just as he has a good run with his weight... They catch everything going at this age. I'm sure it'll get less frequent and she gets older. One things for sure, as soon as she feels better again the eating will go back to 'normal', just try and ride it out...

I know exactly what you mean about spoonfulls! My niece is 6 months younger that ds and her bowls of food are twice the size of his and she finishes them

I know, you're right. It just feels like we can't make any progress and it's so frustrating. This is the third time she has gone back to nursery and come down with something in a matter of days. I've pretty much been off work since November and it's becoming a monthly occurrence.

I wish I could just have the same attitude as my dh who cheerily says 'it's just a bug, she'll get over it' before skipping off to work. I don't know why I'm so down about it because you're right, they do just pick everything up! I really do need to get some perspective

What is it with men that they are so much more relaxed when it comes to dc's? My dp can't see why I'm so reluctant to put ds2 into nursery yet but it does worry me that he is such a contented baby who just won't demand food (and will therefore happily go without and lose weight) and will therefore be left to starve in nursery (I admit I'm getting paranoid). This whole thing came as quite a shock after ds1 who although only on the 25th centile until he reached 2 was always a hoover who loved his food (and still is).

I must admit though my attitude to diet etc has changed considerably after all this. With ds1 I was a strictly no junk food, only fruit for snacks and puddings kind of mummy, but with ds2 I'll happily feed him with whatever he will take just to get calories of any description in!

Lol academic! same here, dd2 survives on petit filous chocolate desserts. Such things never even passed dd1's lips until recently.

I know what you mean about nurseries too. It's very hard to relinquish control. I constantly worry that they won't take as much time as me to coerce her into eating. Because of that fear and the constant bugs, I've been looking into the costs of a nanny. Not sure it's a goer though.

KatyH - hi I just wanted to say to you that my dd was FTT until oh 2 years at least. She does have medical issues so it did make it somewhat easier to accept, but seriously you haven't done your dd long-term damage. Please don't beat yourself up about it. dd was off the top of the scale when born and by 14 weeks had fallen off the bottom having had weeks of barely any gain and then true weight loss. She's now 5 ft 4 (and would have been taller if not for orthopaedic issues) and her weight is in line with that too. We ng fed for about a year.

Sorry - I should say that's she's 15 now otherwise that height will make no sense whatsoever.

Aw, it is easy for your dh to say that when he's not sitting there, day in day out trying to get the food in to her when she's ill. It's hard to even imagine how frustrating it is unless you have to do it on a regular basis. In a way he is right, it is just a bug and she will get over it but it's hard not to get stressed about it.

Mt dh feeds ds tea every night to take some of teh pressure off me each day. It helps as he understands when I say i've had a bad day feeding him. By the way, i'm not trying to say your dh doesn't understand, just empathising and giving you an idea of how we deal with it.

I like to try and think forward to when he's 2,3,4 and imagine him an energetic little boy running around, makes me feel better

Aw, it is easy for your dh to say that when he's not sitting there, day in day out trying to get the food in to her when she's ill. It's hard to even imagine how frustrating it is unless you have to do it on a regular basis. In a way he is right, it is just a bug and she will get over it but it's hard not to get stressed about it.

Mt dh feeds ds tea every night to take some of teh pressure off me each day. It helps as he understands when I say i've had a bad day feeding him. By the way, i'm not trying to say your dh doesn't understand, just empathising and giving you an idea of how we deal with it.

I like to try and think forward to when he's 2,3,4 and imagine him an energetic little boy running around, makes me feel better

Aw, it is easy for your dh to say that when he's not sitting there, day in day out trying to get the food in to her when she's ill. It's hard to even imagine how frustrating it is unless you have to do it on a regular basis. In a way he is right, it is just a bug and she will get over it but it's hard not to get stressed about it.

Mt dh feeds ds tea every night to take some of teh pressure off me each day. It helps as he understands when I say i've had a bad day feeding him. By the way, i'm not trying to say your dh doesn't understand, just empathising and giving you an idea of how we deal with it.

I like to try and think forward to when he's 2,3,4 and imagine him an energetic little boy running around, makes me feel better

What happened there?

I think that people not understanding the stress is a big problem. My dp does take extra time off work to help out. I've also delayed my return to work for another couple of months (I just do a day a week at the mo)but even though dp looks after ds2 for the day that I work, he still has 4 days of the week when he goes out in the morning and doesn't have to think about it all day whilst I sit there waving a spoon/boob/cup at ds2. The comments I get are along the lines of "well, if he's hungry he'll eat", or "don't worry he'll take as much as he needs" but quite simply he doesn't.

Dalrymps, I know what you mean about imagining him at 2, 3, 4 etc and although I don't want to wish his babyhood away on the other hand thinking of him being bigger, more robust and older does help.

Oh, I'm so glad I came on this thread because you all do exactly what I do and I don't feel so abnormal anymore! I too have been wishing her life away and then thinking that I'll probably regret I did so. However it does help. Dd2 is only 3 years older but a complete universe away in terms of development and being able to control any problems she has.

I don't think dh does understand the stress involved. I get so uptight at dinner time (the one meal that dh witnesses) and he told me the other night that I make every meal a misery . I quickly put him in his place though and I think he got the message. He has also just phoned to say he's going to work from home this afternoon . Maybe I'll suggest he does dinner...good idea!

Thanks as well Saggar! It's good to hear positive stories. Is your dd well now?

Still laughing at academic waving boobs about

oh, after 10 months of breastfeeding they are certainly not in the same position as they used to be

Hi all Just introducing myself.
This is my original thread here and I am taking up downbutnotout's invitation

Gotta go feed him now but will read through and see you all in a while.

Academicmum - I hate it when people say 'well he won't starve' erm actually, I think he would!

I'm pretty sure that mine would starve himself as well. In fact that's how we got into this mess in the first place- he was feeding on demand which went really great and trouble-free for the first 16 weeks and then he suddenly started not demanding or even refusing feeds so I thought, ok he just doesn't want anything, well that's fine he'll feed when he's ready and thought nothing of it. Then took him to be weighed and found he'd only gained 1 oz since the previous time he was weighed 2 weeks earlier, so I carried on, waited 2 weeks and took him to be weighed again and again he hadn't gained a thing! After that I started feeding whether he demanded or not and his weight started to increase a bit again, but all in all he still only gained something like 3oz in total from when he was 16-23 weeks old! If I don't work really hard to get stuff into him then he doesn't gain weight or he even loses weight. I must say though, I am really glad that we have a good paed who thinks he is healthy just not interested in food and said that although he was small, the charts are skewed by the large number of overweight children around. I don't know how true that is, but it makes me feel better anyway!

Were exactly the same! Contantly trying to get more in to him. He has to play with toys and books every meal time just to distract him enough to eat! I spoke to a child mental health worker about this as I was worried he'd never eat without playing with toys. She advised he should just gradually stop playing with them as he gets more in to feeding himself as he will be handling the food instead. It is true, when he feeds himself finger foods he doesn't need the toys

Ahhhh! DS2 had a pretty good day today, ate well, pleasant mealtimes all great and has now projectlle vomitted everywhere! How's he supposed to keep the weight on like this?