ILD, don't despair. I've checked dd's weights and around this age is when she started to plateau too...
11 weeks; 8lb 6
12 weeks; 8lb 9
13 weeks; 8lb 9
15 weeks; 8lb 10
16 weeks; 8lb 13
In fact this plateau is what pushed me to seek a paed appointment, as I lost my nerve around this time, before Christmas.
Your story sounds uncannily similar to mine. I also found it very difficult to express, and gave up when I realised that there wasn't even a very sound reason supporting my efforts. I still, to this day do not understand WHY dd wasn't putting weight on the way she 'ought to' when I was doing everything right. Oh, I'm 5'7'' too, so not exactly wee.
I do understand it must be very difficult for you to not be able to step in and intervene in the process, but I beg you, please continue to be the sensitive dad you clearly are in regard to this. I guarantee you, for every doubt and worry you have about dd's milk intake and weight, your lovely wife will have had that doubt herself, multiplied, and magnified, and dwelt on and anguished over. There is nothing you can say that she won't have already thought of, and probably tortured herself with.
You clearly are extremely aware, sensitive, intelligent and thoughtful. You are of course, allowed to have your wobbly moments too. But please, vent to us here on the thread, and do be so very careful about what you say to your dw. If she feels just a fraction of what I felt / feel, any doubt expressed by you in the success of the bf relationship which she has worked so hard to establish, might do awful things to her confidence.
Further down the thread, I wrote at one point "can the carrots have the 'tiny acorn' prize?". At that point I was freaking out that NOONE had a baby as extreme as mine. I felt some panic at the time.
Your little one is provoking similar feelings in you, and that is to be expected. But, just a few weeks on, here's how I feel...
- DD has never been sick at all. She is completely healthy. I ascribe this down to being exclusively breastfed, and more to the point, with ENOUGH milk to keep her healthy.
- Despite what the stupid paed wrote to justify his prejudice, I KNOW she has no developmental delays. She is completely normal.
- All insidious causes are ruled out, so no worries there.
- I'm really glad I held out with the weaning, because she has taken to food with such enthusiasm, and is ready for it.
- Despite the worrying plateaus, she still gained weight. My head tells me that calories in > calories used for this to be the case
- I have this belief that nature isn't stupid. That, excluding disease or sickness, it has designed a system that protects the health of the infant through breastfeeding.
Even though I still don't have any answers for the atypical weight gain during those first 6 months, I am, in retrospect, sure that bf protected her - not harmed her. I know I'd have punished myself if I had given formula to increase the weight gain, and suspect it would have achieved a number on a page, but not done anything material or positive to her health. It would have been purely a paper exercise.
My best advice to you is this. Seek out a very experienced bfc from the ABM or NCT. NOT one connected with a hospital or the NHS. Get them to observe a feed, or better still, more than one. Ask them this - what should I be doing differently? What could be the cause of the slow weight gain?
If the most experienced experts you can find cannot identify a problem, then you might decide to hang on to your instincts and brazen it out in the face of pressure and doubts.
I truly feel for what you are going through. And wish you and mrs ILD all the very very best.