Shares in my soul if you can help- breastfeeding will be the end of me

[ShowOfHands]

7wk old dd is draining my life force. She is exclusively breastfed and is officially the hungriest baby in the world. She does not stop. I am not exaggerating. We can perhaps manage 20 minutes of smiles and alertness before she is demanding to feed again. Add to this that she doesn't sleep at all during the day and I feel a lot like I'm swimming uphill through blancmange. I thought it would get better at 6wks but it's getting worse. She did at least manage to sleep at night for 4 hours at a time but she hit 6wks and decided that she needed feeding every 1.5/2hrs overnight.

I had an emergency cs after a difficult labour and am still quite anaemic and have very low blood pressure. Also have flu at the moment. Have slept 2hrs in the last 36. DH works very, very long hours so have no help, no family nearby.

I have tried stretching out feeds, she will not have it. I jig her, sing to her, rock her, put her down, put her in the sling etc and she screams and roots. She is not comfort sucking. Weight gain is extraordinary. She is happy, alert, very smiley and absolutely beautiful but I am going to flush my head down the toilet.

Please please please help. Or at least tell me when it gets easier.

It really should get easier soon. I swear.

There are some things I can suggest, you've probably already tried some of them, but here goes:

1. are you cosleeping? Much easier for both of you, and more sleep for you, once you're used to it
2. hire a doula to help out. Or anyone, really, to take her out for a couple of hours in the day so you can sleep
3. feed her in the sling so you can get out and about.

SOH have not got much advice as I quit after 2 weeks with dd3 (gutted). You are doing a fantastic job!!!!! I know someone will be along in a tic to help. Just wanted to say well done on carrying on

We are co-sleeping, means I can at least snooze but do have to be careful as my supply is so epic that she gets lazy and just sucks on the end of my nipple if I don't watch her.

Can't really afford help and try to walk round with her in the sling but the low blood pressure and anaemia means that I faint quite a lot- did it in pregnancy too- so am frightened I'll damage her or myself.

Can I pin you down to the day on which it will get better? I'm hoping for tomorrow really!

There will be loads of advice for you.
Sounds like you are doing very well though.
You just need someone to look after you a bit. Can you pay for some help for a few weeks?
My baby is 14 weeks and still feeding loads, but I am getting just enough sleep. It does get easier....

oh xposts. You poor thing, you need to eat loads of good food, build your strength up. Tomorrow could be a better day

It does sound like you need a bit of help.

Ring some of those antenatal class mums off the list, ring your NCT teacher, your bf counsellor, your MW or HV, anyone who might know someone who knows someone. And the NNEB students at the local HE college need to get work experience somehow...

Have you taken her for Cranial Osteopathy?

It will settle down. How's her latch and positioning? Is her head in a straight line with her back? I know you said she's gaining loads but is she feeding efficiently?

Thank-you. We're going to a big posh wedding next weekend and camping next month. Am dreading it. News headline will read 'Mad woman wanders campsite with norks out suckling baby whilst humming Old Macdonald to herself. Not believed dangerous'.

oh, and feel free to cancel everything and anything that seems too much effort, especially (eg) big posh weddings

I'm worried about the expense of Cranial Osteopathy tbh. Money's very tight but I think I'm going to have to find it somewhere as I pushed for 5hrs before they delivered her through the sunroof. It must have had an effect. Had latch problems at the beginning and have had it checked. Seems fine. She is in a straight line, bottom lip curled down, ear wiggling, swallowing lots, big mouthful of areola and it is not painful.

How do I find a reputable CO? Is there a list somewhere?

ShowOfHands, it sounds like you really could do with someone there to mother you. It is so hard to keep on going when you are very tired. Are you managing to eat in the midst of this marathon feeding?

You are trying to cope with lots at once here and probably getting back to basics would be helpful.

1. Make sure you are drinking enough as being dehydrated makes everything worse.
2. Get some good food inside you at regular intervals.
3. Make a rest nest wherever you are most comfortable, keep all the baby's requisites close to hand. If the living room is your place of choice, maybe get cushions/pillows/blanket on the floor and feed her there. If she drifts off to sleep you can either sleep there too or get up on the sofa
4. Sleep and rest are different things. Get Dh to do what he can (nappy changing/bathing) so you can concentrate on the one job no-one else can do for you
5. Take any offers of help you get such as to do laundry or cook a meal.

You are not well and need some tlc, you poor thing. It will get better, can't promise you when, but if you slow it all right down it will happen quicker.

Hth.

Close family member getting married. I have to go if they're going to remain talking to me. It's 250 miles away and may just kill me.

I know I need help but don't know where to find it. HV is lovely but her dad died last week and I don't want to bother her. I'm living in a remote area and the few friends that have tried to take her off for a walk bring her back after 20 minutes because she's hungry again. I just need a decent break between feeds.

Thanks dazzlincaz. I live on the living room floor amid pillows, bottles of lucozade, DVD remote and snacks. The loveliest of lovely MNers on my antenatal thread had homemade ready meals delivered to me on Tuesday so have food sorted for a while. DH works from 9am to 1am the following morning so can only do so much.

I feel like such a whinge bag atm and I do apologise. I'm just so exhausted I can't believe it.

That wedding may just finish you off, ShowOfHands!! Have visions of you fainting with a thud in the middle of the vows

Seriously, if you aren't feeling better very soon, you simply won't be well enough to travel. End of story. Can you get Dh to let the relative know that you Really Are Not Very Well At All atm?

ring your HV's central office number and ask them if you don't want to bother your own

and if you don't feel you can cancel yoruself get either any old HV or your GP to give you a medical reason to get out of the wretched wedding - sounds like the very last thing you need at the moment.

I feel guilty even considering it. She's one small baby, not even newborn anymore and I'm failing miserably. I in no way expected this to be easy but I thought by 7wks she may have calmed down slightly. I don't know what to do. I saw some family last weekend and they don't seem to understand at all. Apparently it's 'no wonder I'm tired if I insist on feeding her so much' so I don't think they'll let me not go to the wedding without a few arguments and I don't have the energy.

SOH I just wanted to give you huge respect and in fact awe for the job you are doing there

I think you have to put dd absolutely first, as you are doing, but you yourself must come a VERY close second and the household should be revolving around you and your needs atm, not your family expecting you to be doing stuff. Get someone who DOES have the energy to tell them to stop expecting you to do anything, and to start helping you instead

SOH.... tell them that your Doula said you couldn't go!

Honey you need to look after yourself. Are you eating properly? Lots of green leafy veg etc????????

Is there nobody in your family (or your DH's family) who can come help? At all? Any students who can come stay with you and help for a few hours every day?

You're not failing. You're working bloody hard and doing a good job in very difficult circumstances.

first off you are NOT FAILING
you have a happy, healthy well-fed and beautiful baby
you are SUCCEEDING
You just need someone to look after you for a bit.

Don't worry re the wedding right now (though I suggest fainting strategically just when you're due to leave neccesitating a fictitious trip to A&E and a day or two in bed on Doctor's Orders ).

NB would appealing to DH's family for help make it worse or better?

Why do other folk always want to blame the breastfeeding, eh?

Your facts are, you had a c-section - that is an operation you have to recover from; you are anaemic, that by itself makes you feel exhausted; you are suffering from fainting - breastfeeding isn't causing that; and you are taking care of a young baby which can be enough to wear anyone down! As if that isn't enough, you have flu - that puts people to bed for days without all the rest of what is happening in your life at this moment!!

You are NOT failing, ShowOfHands, you are doing a Brilliant Job, and the photos of your gorgeous little dd on your profile are beautiful!

Delighted to hear that you have had some meals sent over, that is a really practical and thoughtful thing. Shame the family can't see things that way but they may be suffering wedding fever and oblivious to the realities of your situation.

SOH,

I hate that you're having a rough time.

On the nights when I don't think I can cope, I break open the formula. I can say that it really helps me relax and enjoy my baby when I'm frustrated and don't think I want to bf anymore.
Formula may not make dd feel better, or sleep more, but it will give you a break, which it sounds like you are desperate for.

I know it's not the best advice but it works for me.

ShowofHands - it does get easier - but it's hard even for people like me who had short labours and a useful mother installed when I got home. I can only repeat what everyone else has said - but adding can you feed lying down? This was a godsend for me - some days I just lay in bed all day dozing, reading and feeding. Ditch everything non-essential, which means everything except feeding and gazing at the baby, a shower, gallons of water to drink and nice food to nibble. It will pass, I promise!

Oh and tell your family to "F-off" and remind them that you are recovering from surgery, with a newborn, and to send you a video of the wedding.

Stop being so nice to me. Am currently sitting here sobbing at the kindness of strangers.

I did bite the bullet and ask DH's family for help but no matter how much I explain that a meal cooked or a hoover put round is what I need they think whisking the baby off for cuddles and waiting for me to make endless rounds of tea is in some way therapeutic for me. DD then screams for me and they won't give her back saying 'no no she has to learn she doesn't get what she wants by crying'. Last week I found myself literally wrestling her out of their arms while they muttered about rods and backs. End result is that following their visits I'm even more exhausted and want to push them in the river.

I am trying to eat properly, but atm feel like death on a plate so have no appetite.

Am also waiting for number of dirty nappies to decrease as promised. Voracious feeding means that she has about 8 dirty nappies and a day and several more soaking wet ones. Have had to start using disposables as well as reusables as I can't find time to wash the number of nappies she gets through.

It's all so bleurgh.