Shares in my soul if you can help- breastfeeding will be the end of me

[ShowOfHands]

7wk old dd is draining my life force. She is exclusively breastfed and is officially the hungriest baby in the world. She does not stop. I am not exaggerating. We can perhaps manage 20 minutes of smiles and alertness before she is demanding to feed again. Add to this that she doesn't sleep at all during the day and I feel a lot like I'm swimming uphill through blancmange. I thought it would get better at 6wks but it's getting worse. She did at least manage to sleep at night for 4 hours at a time but she hit 6wks and decided that she needed feeding every 1.5/2hrs overnight.

I had an emergency cs after a difficult labour and am still quite anaemic and have very low blood pressure. Also have flu at the moment. Have slept 2hrs in the last 36. DH works very, very long hours so have no help, no family nearby.

I have tried stretching out feeds, she will not have it. I jig her, sing to her, rock her, put her down, put her in the sling etc and she screams and roots. She is not comfort sucking. Weight gain is extraordinary. She is happy, alert, very smiley and absolutely beautiful but I am going to flush my head down the toilet.

Please please please help. Or at least tell me when it gets easier.

well it's all been said really, fantastic advice on this thread. I just wanted to add my voice to Aloha's when she says that you must think of things like the dummy, disposable nappies etc more from your dd's point of view rather than your own.

If your dd can gain comfort from sucking a dummy, which means that you get some more time between feeds and are more rested then dd doesn't have a mum who wants to flush her head down the loo. Result for dd.

Again if you put aside your lentil weaving leanings and go disposable, dd gets a mum who has one less job to do in between feeds and changes and is therefore one notch less tired - result for dd.

These things are expectations you are putting on yourself. Your dd could well benefit if you put these expectations aside. It's a no brainer as far as I can see.

I do think it's one of the hard things of parenthood; to actually play the cards you are dealt, rather than try to play the ones you planned on or dreamed of!

I hope you feel much better soon. It is SO hard at this stage but of course as you know it gets better (and no, I can't tell you exactly when )

Odd, not in inbox or in bulk

Have re-sent! Let me know if you get it...

are you perhaps overcompensating cos of the c section? only asking cos I felt like everything else had to go to plan after my c section with ds1. looking back, there were lots of things I could have done to make life easier, but knowing me as well, I still wouldn't have made any changes cos I'm dead stubborn and daft like that (yorkshire roots ). so I agree with all posters about the dummy, dispies etc being the best ideas for helping but if you feel you can't, then at least know you are not alone in being 'single minded', ahem
get those relatives and dh to work though!!

SOH, just to re-iterate what everyone is saying - you are doing a fantastic job, and your daughter sounds adorable and very advanced. AND you still have a sense of humour!

Can all ideas of going to the wedding - stuff the relatives, you have to look after yourself and your daughter.

Dummies: I really didn't want to give my DS a dummy, but relented (and risked being called a bad mother by most of my friends) at 4 months as it was the only thing that could calm him down - it works like a switch and now I wonder why on earth I was so against it. New mums will glower at you - but sod 'em (just wait until they have to use one!).

Go disposeable for the moment - you can help save the planet in a couple of months.

Almost without fail I have had to abandon all my principles at various stages since my son was born. But one by one (now I am more compus mentis) I am managing to retrieve them - and so will you.

Not yet. I'm assuming you removed spaces and replaced dots? Of course I'll probably end up with 2 of them in the morning or something. My other e mail is my actual name so rather not post that one!

SOH, haven't had time to read all of this, but please be kind to yourself!!! I hated the idea of a dummy but it has been a wonderful lifesaver and my ds (8 mo) is using it less and less.
And it took me a good few weeks to manage the washable nappies - there are Natur baby diposables which are bio-degradable that you can get from Boots hardly much more than Pampers (order online!). But pampers are fine too...
PLEASE don't go camping (cannot imagine it even now!!!!) or to the wedding unless you are feeling 1000x better.

I don't know how to do the CAT thing but if you live anywhere near Leicester I will be around there like a shot to bring you some food and some TLC and maybe even time for a nap! my email is rachelfarrier at hotmail dot com
you are obviously a very self sufficient person who is quite stubborn (?!) - i am very similar so would just say plese be gentle to yourself - you are soooooo NOT failing, this is the most overwhelming time of your life. You are doing wonderfully well considering...
please do get in touch if you are anywhere near leicester!

god yes camping and weddings, there should be a LAW that says people with babies under 3 months old should be sectioned if they even consider going.

i've got my eye on you, SoH. And a doctor and social worker on speed dial so don't try anything

ps please show this thread to your DH if he even vaguely tries to get you to go to the wedding/camping..

Ours didn't have dummies but one or two ended up sucking a thumb or finger which seemed to mean less sucking for comfort. It's a difficult issue - her current need might be to suck virtually 24/7 and like everything even down to my oldest who is 22 now...is when and how do we put their or our needs first and how to get that balance right. It is at its very hardest stage of your whole of your life with her at the moment. It never gets any harder in my view than when you've no sleep and no spare time.

What I do remember is second babies are left to cry more because when you've a toddler too then you share the time - same with my twins although I always fed them at the same time one on each side, so in a sense second ones you get more immune to their cries, not that I ever particularly left babies to cry for long. Anyway it will get much better. 7 weeks is a very hard stage.

What always surprised me was there are these supposedly non crying babies who are always held by their mothers in jungles who have 24/7 physical contact and yet I could do that with mine and they'd still cry - they have 100% attention, constant breastfeeding entirely on demand and they aren't silently content, they're still crying so what do the jungle mothers do with them to make them quiet or is that a myth?

Anyway they get bigger and it gets easier.

Lol! I should be sectioned then for camping! Oooops

Though I don't think it is so much the Dh making SOH go camping this summer is it SOH?

Ds has woken up so I suppose I'm going to feed him and go to bed. I shall retype, just in case

Indith_underfire at yahoo dot co dot uk

And if that doesn't work I'll stand by the pancakes yelling for SOH. Though considering the lineup that could have unforseen consequences

Just wanted to say you sound like you are doing a brilliant job - you have a happy smiley pooing baby, what more do you need (OK some sleep, etc etc)?!
My dd was also delivered by emergency c section, and sucked continuously, I saw a cranial osteopath (one of the consultants at the OCC is my step mother, verrrrry handy!), and used a dummy as she was very sucky. She gave up the dummy herself at about 4 months, just didn't want it anymore...
I also took Floradix tablets for anaemia, brilliant stuff all natural, your lentil weaving tendencies will not be affected (mine werent?!) and make you feel more alive which is always good.
Have a break, use the nature baby nappies, they are fine... My washing machine broke when dd was 1 week old! It was a great excuse for a well needed break, if you like I could break yours temporarily?!
Anyway rambling now, hope you are feeling better, and don't be so hard on yourself, your dd is happy and healthy, remember how lucky you are

Maybe you just can't hear the cries over all the animal noises
(Sorry, facetious, slight lack of sleep )

Indith, sorry to butt in, but are you trying to arrange to meet each other - can't she just look at the photos on your profile?
Such a cute smile BTW (the clown one)

You're very, very right. I am single-minded and extremely stubborn. Briefly, I planned a home waterbirth, got to 10cms dilated in the pool and never had an urge to push. I knew something was wrong and they got me to push for 5hours without the urge, she didn't move a centimetre. Blue lighted to hospital, ventouse and episiotomy and eventually a very lovely surgeon examined me and said her head was twisted and she was never going to come out that way. Cue emergency cs. Had a terrible time post-cs. No help with bf, was told they were too busy, no painkillers (three days with no sleep and I kept buzzing for help but nobody came- actually hallucinated that I was back in labour and alone), forgot to remove my catheter and I eventually got up and wandered round the ward with it nearly bursting looking for some help and bleeding everywhere, I read my notes too and they lied about aspects of my care. Apparently I refused help with bf, actually I begged for it. I will never, never forget that I didn't see my baby until she was 20 minutes old and dressed, her arrival was announced as 'oh she is here btw, about three minutes ago' and I missed out on all that skin to skin, immediate breastfeeding, knowing the cord had been cut etc. I lay in hospital with her on the second night in the dark and promised her that I would do my utmost to make it up to her. Hence the exclusive bf, no dummies, not left to cry etc. I can't explain the complexity of my feelings about the entire thing. I am over the moon that she is happy and healthy but will carry with me forever this belief that I let her down at the very beginning.

Indith, I double checked and I definitely took out the dots and substituted accordingly. Hotmail had a gremlin in it yesterday, couldn't even get in to check my emails so it could be a bit backed up.

When Show Of Hands the band are onstage you'll find me at the front with a little baby singing like a loon.

That's awful, I didn't realise
You have nothing to 'make up', you did your absolute best and still are, but that means loving her and making the important decisions right, not dummies and nappies IMO, not at this stage anyway
Well I'd better go, your post's made me cry

Sorry to sound insensitive, can completely see why you feel as you do

SoH that's heartbreaking to read, I'm so sorry about your experience. I do think it's one of the profound difficulties of the human condition actually, our bodies and our will are different things at times like this; no amount of wanting a natural birth was going to make it happen in your case, but that doesn't mean it's easy to accept that your will has no control over your body in that situation.

i have been through similar with a very emergency cs so I really, really sympathise.

i don't know if you've talked it through with the hospital, or with a counsellor but I can't say strongly enough how much i think it helps to talk it all through. xxxx

You don't sound insensitive at all. You've all really helped, just listening. I don't have any friends with babies nearby and MN is a wee bit of a lifeline atm.

Sorry I made you cry, please don't. I've wasted enough tears lamenting her birth. She's healthy and happy and her mum's just a bit of a sap.

Well done for breaking washing machine! I have a great book you are more than welcome to read about bad birth experiences and how to move on from them - a gowri motha one, would you like to borrow it? Ihad a similar but not as bad as you - no help bfing made up notes, but none of the other things.
Let me know if you want to borrow book.

I've just been lurking on here, but had nothing to really add until I started crying at your last post. Please get in touch with the Birth Trauma Association - www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/what_is_trauma.htm they will be able to elp you work through the birth and help you 'let go' iyswim.

I've written a letter to the hospital, talking to them wouldn't help as they demonstrated their ability to lie quite comprehensively in my notes. At some point when my tank of a baby has slowed down in her quest for World's Biggest Baby title I will endeavour to work through it all a bit. I want a big family and will attempt a homebirth again next time but I have to exorcise the demons of last time first or I could scupper my own will.

She's actually fast asleep and has been for 45 minutes. I have Haagen Dazs icecream so really all is right with the world.

Yes please Pamplemousse. Will CAT you if that's okay? Like reading being a librarian and everything.

Thats fine, you are more than welcome