I'm in a state over whether to BF DD or not

[CremeDeSudo]

Can someone help pls?

DD is 9 days old, born at 36wks. Until my milk came in I hand expressed colostrum and topped up with formula. Once my milk came in I started feeding with nipple shields as her mouth is so small and she gets tired easily.

Then she lost 11% of birth weight and MW advised waking to feed every 3-4 hrs, boob then formula top up. Only offer boob during the day(when she's hungriest and most awake), express for other feeds 10 mins on each boob. We've somehow stopped offering the boob at all for fear she's not going to take the formula so I've basically just been pumping twice a day.

She's almost regained her weight now but the plan continues.

Another MW has told me I need to be expressing 10-12 times a day to keep my supply up (which already seems to be dwindling).

I don't know whether to continue with trying to BF. I hate pumping. I really hate it. I loved the feeling of feeding her but now I'm solely pumping and don't know how long I'll have to continue to do so.

Also, I'm really struggling with spending such little time with DS and being unable to hug him due to engorgement.

Selfishly, I also really don't like the way my boobs look, how big they are. The let down pain is horrible. I don't want them to look like deflated balloons in the future. I don't like the leaking and the constant stickiness. I've been desperate to feel like myself again after a shit pregnancy and MMC before that but I don't know if I will if I'm BF'ing.

I think I've decided to stop but then I cry because I still want the closeness etc. And I love that I can settle her instantly. I also have a bad case of baby blues. I wonder if I'm quitting too soon but then I can't face all that pumping either. I'm so torn about what to do and I can't stop crying about it! Can someone tell me what to do pls?

I agree with @GorgonLondon (11.03), great post.

OP, sorry your DH is being an arse about it. He doesn’t have to get it, he just has to support you.

Some men are clueless when it comes to supporting their wives through depression or baby blues or hormonal rollercoasters or whatever you want to call it!

Ok so I'm back BF'ing then topping up. Have offered less formula to get her feeding more like BF.

She's coming off on her own after about 20mins, won't stay on then rooting like crazy for the formula. Is this because my milk isn't enough and she needs to boost it?

“She's coming off on her own after about 20mins, won't stay on then rooting like crazy for the formula. Is this because my milk isn't enough and she needs to boost it?”

It’s because the tongue tie makes it hard for her to feed, so she gets tired and frustrated as she’s still hungry. She probably knows the bottle is coming so she looks for it.

What happens if you give her a little break then offer the other breast?

I haven't tried offering the other side, I'll give that a go thank you.

Resting as much as poss but had to register her birth and take her for her hearing test today!

Pumping is hideous. My twins were prem and couldn’t latch, long nicu stay and low milk supply - I ended up pumping 12x a day for seven months and still had to significantly supplement. It was soul destroying. Keep trying to latch if that’s what you want, but with only pumping twice a day you’d need to latch her a lot because your milk supply will need boosting.

You could try an SNS?

Oh creme! Always offer both sides! Honestly, I could shoot the people supposedly advising you!
Both sides until she stops of her own accord, then try going back to the first one again. I want to come round to your house now!

Yeah she told me one at a time

This poor baby..

Hopefully I'll hear from the consultant soon and she can sort me out!

Thank you for the help everyone x

Oh gosh yes always offer both sides! Good advice from @BertrandRussell

Yes you're right that the constant nursing is your baby's way of boosting your supply.

Honestly for the next few days just basically keep her at your breast at much as you can bear! Keep switching sides, let her have a little break, burp her if you need to then go onto the next side. She will probably comfort suck as well as feed and she will probably also fall asleep and still suck a bit. All of this nursing is good for boosting your supply if you can just let her stay on as much as possible. (Don't worry, she won't do this forever, when she's a bit older she'll feed much more efficiently and come off herself when done!)

Remember it's a supply / demand relationship and your supply will take a few days to increase after being suppressed by the pumping and formula.

The baby is absolutely fine. Absolutely. She wouldn't be gaining weight if she wasn't. Poor you!

Yeah she told me one at a time

This makes me feel angry on your behalf. I'm not sure she really knows what she's talking about, I've always had the opposite advice from breastfeeding advisors, and I've spoken to LOADS over the years

Lulu- shall we meet up and go and sort them out?

Honestly it sounds like you’re getting really shit advice.

The best way to boost your supply is to feed. Expressing, topping up and generally pissing around trying to “do” stuff to help is generally counter productive. Expressing does not increase your supply in the same way feeding does. Formula top ups will decrease your supply, or at the very least make it impossible to increase it.

Get some proper bf advice. Feed as much as you can. You’ve had some excellent advice on here.

If you want to bf, you’ve got to breastfeed!

Yes @BertrandRussell, I think we're going to have to! Honestly I've heard so many stories of midwives giving out frankly wrong advice on breastfeeding. I had it myself in the hospital with both DC, when there was a lot of tutting about how long I'd let baby stay on my boob. Thank god second time round I knew what I was doing (a bit better, but still had to pay a lactation consultant to come and check latch). We all know midwives do an amazing tough job but they shouldn't be straying into giving advice on bf when they don't know what they're talking about.

Blimey, sorry you’ve been given such peculiar advice OP! It sounds like you’ve been set up to fail with what MW has told you, it’s not too late to change it though. You’ve been given some good advice here. I also had bad baby blues whilst I was establishing b/feeding. It’s a cruel trick of nautre that just as you need to have faith in your body and baby doing things right you feel like it’s failing and your baby won’t thrive. I felt everything was awful and I’d never see the light again, luckily for me it passed fairly quickly, I hope it does for you too.

kellymom.com/hot-topics/newborn-nursing/

kellymom.com/hot-topics/low-supply/

Thanks all

I spoke to the local NCT supporter last night and she's happy with what I'm doing until I can see the lactation consultant early next week.

She's told me that she thinks it's unlikely anyone will tell me not to top her up (either with f or expressed) given her age/weight/sleepiness so plan is to feed every 3hrs from start of last feed, offer boob first (both!), top up, then express for 5-10mins each side so supply knows it needs to make more than baby is currently getting due to top ups.

She's being weighed again Monday so I bloody hope she's back to birth weight at least.

Have had a chat with DH and all ok now. He's just worried about me having a meltdown again as it ruined our first week with DS and he doesn't want that to happen again. And one min I want to BF the next I don't etc. Have agreed we'll see the consultant and if I'm still not getting it after that we'll draw a line under it.

Thank you so much everyone, I can't tell you what a help you've all been x

Can you borrow / hire a double pump? Double pumping increases your output and obviously means it’s quicker for you.

Sounds like a good plan. Best of luck

Good luck OP - that's the same plan we were put on in SCBU to try and encourage my milk supply. It is tough as there is very little downtime amongst all that feeding, pumping, sterilising etc but hopefully you've got help around as it's the weekend (I was in the hospital so had to do all the sterilising etc myself). The electric pump will help - is it single or double?

I've borrowed a single pump. I don't know anyone with a double. I'd consider buying one in the future if I'm carrying on x

A couple of other things:

1. I’m not sure if they told you to feed every 3 hours or at least every 3 hours, but personally I would think you need to feed on demand and not on a schedule. The more latching and skin to skin you get, the better your milk supply.

2. Has anyone told you how to express effectively? No one told me initially and it took me a while to figure it out. You want to try and simulate a baby’s feeding pattern as much as you can, so you need to start out with low suction strength but faster speed - this is how a baby gets the milk to start flowing. Once your milk starts, switch to stronger suction with slower speed - this draws the milk out more effectively. If the milk flow stops while you’re pumping, repeat this process. Babies are much better at getting milk out than a pump, so don’t be concerned if you’re not getting a huge amount.

3. ideally you want to be pump out as much milk as you’re providing in formula so that you don’t end up with an oversupply or undersupply. Then you won’t need to give formula either, you can give what you’ve pumped:

Or you can hire a hospital grade pump. They are absolutely amazing, I got tons out with one where as with a home electric it was always really hard work. Good luck I hope it works out for you.