theres so much pressure to breast feed exclusively!!its making me feel really crap!!

[wannabump2006]

Hi there,have a 4 week old dd who i initally started breastfeeding from day one.Its taken us 3 years to get the baby we want as i had a stillborn in may 2005 and a miscarriage in the september of the same year.
Shes an incredibly laid back little girl,wakes twice in the night for feeds,once around 3/4 and then again at about 6/7am,we give her a good feed at 10/11pm then she just goes down,so feel really lucky about that.
The issue now though is that because she is such a hungry baby,i introduced topping up with formula after a bf if she wanted it(suggested by midwife)which i felt really relieved about as i was feeling like she wasn't geeting enough from me,and the formula would really settle her down.ergo it would make me feel better because she was satisfied.Now though at 4 weeks i'm alternating between bf and bottle feeding,eg bf one feed then bottle next,which is suiting us really well,but i just feel theres so much pressure to just bf that it really gets to me!!
Its such a blessing to have this little girl and shes so good to take to both breast and bottle so well but just feel like health visitor and others are thinking i should have just bf and not introduced the bottle!!
I really need some support from others who have had a similar experience and just to be reasured really that the bottle isn't the enemy!!Which is how i'm feeling at the mo!!,please any one else had a similar experience?many thanks.x

Bless you, you are doing so well!!!

One of my major major bugbears with the midwives I saw was the speed with which they completely dimissed the idea of combination feeding. I know soooooo many people who have done this and it has worked. For lots of women it is this or giving up and the attitude of midwives IMO leads people on to giving up completely so the baby is getting no bm, whereas with combination feeding at least the baby is getting some bm even if not all.

If this works for you then don't listen to all the advice, just get on with what works and know you are doing your best for your little girl.

Re my experience, I expressed for 7months and during that time ds got mostly bm but some formula. No doubt all bm would have been marginally better for him but I made the decision I would rather look after him properly than spend half my life expressing. It worked for us!!

All the best!

the third line of your second paragraph reads..... "which is really suiting us very well". In my opinion, that's your answer. You have found what suits you and your dd and you should be very proud of yourself for having got that far in just 4 weeks.

Congratulations. Try to stop worrying and get back to enjoying

weeell, as you know it's not the bottle that's the issue, it's the formula. i mix-fed because i didn't make enough milk because of another drug i was on for high BP but i've got to say that i'd rather not have introduced formula if i didn't have to. i'm delighted for you that you have your lovely daughter, but i'm loathe to say that the midwives are doing the wrong thing by advising you to drop the formula.

If it's suiting you both well then please just enjoy this precious time with your gorgeous baby!

I mix fed after 8 weeks, intending to gradually drop BF during the day as I had to return to work when DS2 was 14 weeks and there wouldn't be opportunity for expressing. I wanted to keep the early morning/evening feeds. Unfortunately for me I found that my milk disappeared very quickly and within 2 weeks I was just doing formula. Just be aware that mix feeding works for some and not for others but whatever happens, do what's right for you both and don't feel guilty for it.

i think its alos because you get so much advice from so many people and as its taken us so long to get our dd,you just try and take every little thing in and try to apply it to your life,regardless of whether it works or not.I don't have much confidence as it is,mainly because i can't believe shes really here!,and when you've got one midwife in your ear saying 'do this',and another saying'do that',it really stresses you out!!
I'm a nursery nurse too,but everything i've ever known or applied to other peoples children,just goes out of the window when its your own!!
I'm just going to try and enjoy every single minute,and try not to worry,i did my best and am still trying to whether or not that means just bf or combination feeding,shes happy and content to go from one to the other,and has never been any trouble so far,so i should really try to relax i guess!!

I agree with the others - you have found what works for you!

I started doing a mix of bf and formula when ds was 12 days old (due to medication I needed I knew I'd only be able to bf for a few weeks anyhow), and never looked back!

But you're right - there's an extreme amount of pressure put onto women to bf, and there tends to be a view that any decision taken not to exclusively bf - regardless of the reasons - is bad.

It sounds like you're doing brilliantly - well done!

If you're happy with your decision to bottlefeed, that's fine, totally. Of course it is. Where is the pressure to exclusively bfeed coming from? Your HV and friends/family? What are they saying?

But please also be aware that this much formula might impact your ability to produce enough breastmilk.

Did your midwife talk to you about growth spurts, and feeding so supply matches demand, or just suggest top-ups with formula?

WB - firstly, congratulations on your new little girl, well done for her being here, you habe waited a long time for her and she sounds just perfect

Secondly. You are breastfeeding. that in itself is amazing. And often very difficult to do. Many women cannot do that at all. The fact that you are combining means you have found a way that suits your family uni is not a problem imo. In fact, at 4 weeks many babies wont take both, as it confuses them. Maybe the fact that yours is, is a sign of a particularly intelligent baby? .

Please do not beat yourself up over it. I am afraid, you will not be able to avoid the negative thoughts towards formula. If you are feeling comfortable with your decision then you have to trust that the decisions you make for your LO are right.

(My experience - My DD needed topping up from the beginning due to low birth weight, always felt my BM was not up to scratch, I had pressure the other way actually, to feed formula when I did not want to. DD, at 9.5 months old, has just started to mix-feed, prior to this she refused the bottle, but it had been my intention of doing so, not because I wanted to give her formula, but to give her a 'helping hand').

Pavlov, what do you mean by helping hand?

wanna, don't feel crap if you are happy that your baby is happy - why would you feel crap???

I think the midwives have let you down on the feeding front , personally, because it sounds like they haven't explained that mixed feeding actually leads to less of a choice - that's what lies behind people's sometimes clunky attempts to say 'breastfeed exclusively'. It's because your milk supply dwindles in response to the increase in formula. And when it dwindles this early on, and you are alternating breast and bottle at 4 weeks, you are unlikely to build up and maintain any breastfeeding at all...which is what I mean by less choice.

Now, it would be easy for everyone to say 'you've found out what suits you, tra la' and leave it at that....but that wouldn't be honest. Because if what suits you is mixed feeding, then you are unlikely to keep it up. It will become exclusively formula feeding (probably) - and that is not what you wanted.

This is not to say the bottle is the enemy, or you should have or should not have done something or nothing or anything....and it's certainly no reason to feel crap.

But healthcare professionals who are explaining the facts to you are mereky doing their job - and they should continue to support you, whatever you do

I put it in '' because it is my own interpretation of the reasons why I did it if that makes sense, not to say it was the right reason...

DD was born 5lb, after an initial growth spurt she slowed down, and MW considered her to be close to FTT, I felt so so so so awful about it, that my BM was not good enough, that, if I was able to give her formula, it would help any nutritional deficit on my part. I am not advocating formula on this basis, just retelling my experience .

{reality of it was that she was not FTT, she was just small, still is!}

drives me crazy that it sometimes appears that we're all so set in stone re Bf and formula. Delighted to hear you're finding your way through..and that you have a lovely baby who is being fed.

My personal experience of HV was that they were perhaps not able to give me the best advice that I needed re breastfeeding, my HV is more interested in making sure my DD stays on, on increases up the line in the red book, whether by formula or BM. I dont go any more...

My MW though. She was amazing.

but FE, if the OP wants to mix feed forever she may find (as i did) that the baby starts to express a preference for the bottle because it's easier. less stimulation of the breast leads to less milk so therefore within a few months the OP may be ff exclusively. that's certainly what happened to me.
if the OP is fine with that, great, but the HPs are just trying to make her aware.

Wannabump2006 - congratulations on your little DD. I can understand the pressure/confusing you feel as there is so much (often conflicting) advice out there and all you want to do is the best for your little one, especially as you've waited so long for her.

I had a similar experience with feeding - I really wanted to breastfeed, but my HV encouraged me to top up with formula as my DS wasn't gaining weight - to begin with I wasn't sure because I'd had my heart set on breastfeeding, but I'm glad I did because I was getting so tired and depressed with bf every hour and still no weight gain. So switching to combination feeding made me much happier, which in turn made me a much better mother for DS. I agree with other posters that mixed feeding can made your own milk supply diminish - I ended up totally formula feeding after a while - but a friend of mine who mix feeds is still very successfully bf and ff after 7 months. The bottle isn't the enemy! It works for you and thats all that matters!

yes it would seem to be so- but see lots of african families in our area- mixed feeding in a completely relaxed fashion from early days who appear to have no perceived problems with supply.

i think somethimes the more anxious we feels that we're not doing the right thing the more likely our breast milk supplies are to dwindle anyway.
The HV of course is giving reasonable advice..the support issue is a different matter, Op is feeling under pressure and this is not giving her milk supplies any form of boost.

wannabump, you are doing a grand job - you're daughter is well and happy. ignore people who say you must do things one way or another - all babies and families are different. i think it is wonderful you are bf ata all. i found it so hard i only managed a few weeks so good on you

we were labelled ( dd1 and my good self) by BF counsellor at eminent se london hospital as having "feeding problems"..on day 3 despite regular suckling etc..and made to feel useless and told couldn't go home until she had put on a bit of weight.
The real culprit was being in a hot hospital post lscs, 3 day let down coming in at 3 days( surprise surprise) and me being completely anxious and up with a crying new born who was hungry and dry without the support of a partner who was booted out every evening after visiting hour...
"feeding problems my a*"
we did resisit the dreaded bottle and were still breast fedding 2 1/2 years later ( she hated any other mild except the diddy).. but i think it has made me far more conscious of the effect pressure from health professionals and situation can affect ones milk supply

FE - it's not good to minimise the potential issues with mixed feeding. African mothers in your area are almost certainly not alternating formula with breast at four weeks, and may well be solely bf through the night, too, several times...and Aitch, to predict that the OP may be fully ff within a 'few months' is actually optimistic

wanna, the biology of it is pretty clear, and as long as you know that, there is no problem.

But half breast, half formula at 4 weeks will probably lead to full formula feeding in a few weeks, tops....maybe I am wrong and you are a brilliant lactater and you can maintain it for longer (there are individual variations in all of this!) but if you are, then you probably had loadsa milk when you thought you didn't

If it's suiting you and your baby, then go with it. I mixed fed until 7 months and never had problems with milk supply. I fought and fought against giving formula because of what people were advising and as a result my DS started to get under weight (I'd had every MW & HV poking me to see why with no answer)so I introduced a bottle and instantly he began putting on weight and also began feeding from me with more gusto than before. I was gutted that I had let the pressure of exclusive BF put DS in that situation.
Nothing you do will completely stop you worrying about what is best, as I think that's part of the job, but if you and baby are both happy than you're obviously doing a fab job!

wannabump - not exactly the same experience but with DS1 he was exclusively breastfed (wouldn't even take a bottle of expressed milk!).

DS2 I tried to feed myself but gave up after 5 days - however it fitted in really well with 'us' as a family and he's a happy confident (all bit it very tall for his age LOL) 3 1/2yr old.

I'm 34 weeks pg now and am planning to breastfeed again - BUT will almost certainly switch to mixed feeding once the BF is established as with my role as Church Organist it would make life much simpler and suit us well again (and I got so bored of expressing milk for DS1 which ALL went down the drain that I'm not sure I can be bothered with the effort again incase DS3 is the same).

If it suits you and you're happy just ignore everyone else.

true tiktok, i suppose i was thinking of my measly 4.5 months, but my dwindling supply was also being sustained by pumping as well.

maybe the OP has an amazing supply, though, so fingers crossed it might work out. good luck anyway, and a thousand congratulations on the new baby. i know that 'pinch me' feeling only too well.