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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

theres so much pressure to breast feed exclusively!!its making me feel really crap!!

161 replies

wannabump2006 · 25/04/2007 14:31

Hi there,have a 4 week old dd who i initally started breastfeeding from day one.Its taken us 3 years to get the baby we want as i had a stillborn in may 2005 and a miscarriage in the september of the same year.
Shes an incredibly laid back little girl,wakes twice in the night for feeds,once around 3/4 and then again at about 6/7am,we give her a good feed at 10/11pm then she just goes down,so feel really lucky about that.
The issue now though is that because she is such a hungry baby,i introduced topping up with formula after a bf if she wanted it(suggested by midwife)which i felt really relieved about as i was feeling like she wasn't geeting enough from me,and the formula would really settle her down.ergo it would make me feel better because she was satisfied.Now though at 4 weeks i'm alternating between bf and bottle feeding,eg bf one feed then bottle next,which is suiting us really well,but i just feel theres so much pressure to just bf that it really gets to me!!
Its such a blessing to have this little girl and shes so good to take to both breast and bottle so well but just feel like health visitor and others are thinking i should have just bf and not introduced the bottle!!
I really need some support from others who have had a similar experience and just to be reasured really that the bottle isn't the enemy!!Which is how i'm feeling at the mo!!,please any one else had a similar experience?many thanks.x

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 25/04/2007 17:08

Wannabump2006 - everyone starts to feel like shit four weeks post partum - it's a combination of lack of sleep and inability to go to the loo without world war three breaking out!

The only thing I would say is that a good friend of mine gave me some sound advice the day I got back from the hospital which is as follows: "if you only follow one piece of advice, it's this: ignore any advice you get, it's all bollocks which will make you feel bad".

While I apologise for my friend's lack of tact she's right. What feels right to you IS right for you.

I'm a sole breastfeeder (DD is six months) and even I get crap from my HV - mainly because DD has thrived so much she's on the 98th percentile. But you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

You are breastfeeding and bottlefeeding - hey you can contribute to both sides of the argument on Mumsnet - this can only be a good thing!

Stop worrying, people will always criticise. Your job is just to roll your eyes and remember that they aren't there at 2am - you are!

Original poster
wannabump2006 · 25/04/2007 19:44

well,its certainly made for interesting reading,and i found it quite fasinating actually...yep,i'm happy combining bf and ff,and my supplies seem good and i see no reason why they would not continue.In the other hand,mind you,i understand that this could lead to my milk dwindling completly and bubba being on formula exclusively.This does not bother me atall,and reading the various messages has made this alot clearer in my mind.This is because at the end of the day,we have had so much heartache getting our daughter in the first place,and shes perfectly healthy,happy and well...,just here!!that the fact that i have given her a good start by bf in the first important weeks is good enough for me.
The fact that i have had so much response already suggests that there is a huge pressure on people to bf,but i want to say thanks to those that have said just go with what i think is best(its lovley just to hear people say it,even though you have a maternal instinct to do the best for your child anyway...whatever that may be).
I will continue with what i'm doing now,thanks to those who have encouraged me,its made me feel much better.x

OP posts:
amiandlils · 25/04/2007 20:02

So happy for you - a very close friend of mine had a stillborn followed by a beautiful daughter, so I feel your joy and amazement at your little one.

For what its worth, I bottle fed ds1 and breast fed dd2. I have loved every minute of bfeeding her and now wish I had done the same with ds, but my son was and still is the healthiest child you can imagine. I can count on one hand the number of times he has been unwell and he's 12 now! On the other hand, dd has had cold after cold after cold in her 8 little months.

Also, I'm sure your husband/partner cherishes being able to feed your much longed for baby.

Happy mummy = happy baby in my opinion.

And take every damn book you possess on babies and have a big bonfire in the garden - they all made me feel like a crap mother as I or my baby didn't do what it said on the tin!

whomovedmychocolate · 25/04/2007 20:10

amiandlils -if it wasn't for the carbon production, I'd be right next to you with those bloody 'what to expect' books poking the fire

amiandlils · 25/04/2007 21:14

Someone 'helpfully' bought me three of the bloody things as a present when dd was born...

Sat reading them like an instruction manual (rather like trying to program the microwave)

whomovedmychocolate · 25/04/2007 21:25

I find they make good doorstops.

harnwell · 25/04/2007 21:56

Hi. My first ever message! Am nervous. Just to say, I mix fed until 3.5 months. I really wanted to bf and felt pressured to do so but dd basically ripped my skin off and then I got thrush which doctors took ages to sort out so every feed was agony. I did bf-then-bottle each feed or expressed milk-then-formula, depending on pain levels. Can't believe I stuck at it now but am very proud of self. Ironically, had first pain free feeds at 3.5 months and dd decided she'd had enough and wanted only formula. You can keep up mixed feeds, but keeping up milk supply is hard - I was expressing a lot in between. Enjoy pain-free feeding and just enjoy enjoy enjoy. I miss it now. Make the most of it and don't stress.

whomovedmychocolate · 25/04/2007 22:02

Harnwell, welcome, well said.

Ooopsydaisy · 25/04/2007 22:12

Wannabump2006,

So at the pressure we women have at this precise point in time to solely breastfed our babies.

Following a HORRID mastitis and HUGE infection everty time i brestfeed my dd it made me shiver and shake my whole body. I did for 4 weeks until i decided to stop as I wasn't happy and my little one was not putting on the weight.

My lovely HV insisted i completely stopped and switched to the bottle. It was the best decision ever and i really started to enjoy motherhood then.

WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY YOU MUST DO IT REGARDLESS!!!

A super hug to you and your little one!

tiktok · 25/04/2007 22:28

wanna, are you saying that the posts from me, aitch and others were pressurising?....they were not meant to be! Is it not better that the discussion includes information? Especially as others read these boards, and they act as an information source for many, many people.

It's a genuine question - I am a bit taken aback by the notion that a good response to a post on mumsnet constitutes proof of pressure and I really thought everyone was careful to reiterate that your choice and your priorities are yours and yours alone to make

Busybean · 25/04/2007 22:38

I would consider how you would feel with not breastfeeding at all? At 4 weeks your breasfeeding is still becoming established and I think you will find, topping up will make your milk supply dwindle very quickly.
Babies tend to go through a growth spurt and bf excessively at 6, 11 and 20 weeks approx, these are the times when your baby is feeding constantly to increase supply and demand. If you top up with ff,the demaand will not be there and you will not be increasing supply, therefor she will want more and more top up and you will be able to give her less becuase your supply is lower than her demand. Its a slipery slope and generaly mixed feeding is not recommended because of this.

zookeeper · 25/04/2007 22:38

Wannabump, I felt exactly the same as you - ime the midwives and hvs where I had my babies were so zealous and earnest about breastfeeding that the mums who chose formula could not help but feel that they were in some way doing something wrong.

you have done so well to come this far - enjoy your precious bundle and listen to your own instincts

Busybean · 25/04/2007 22:44

"ime the midwives and hvs where I had my babies were so zealous and earnest about breastfeeding that the mums who chose formula could not help but feel that they were in some way doing something wrong"

Midwives and HV are taught to promote and encourage breastfeeding, they are taught to give the women clear information about the best food for their baby and leave it to the women to make an informed choice.

They shouldnt be making people feel bad about their informed choices, but they should be promoting and encouraging the best food for your baby.

Cazee · 25/04/2007 22:47

wannabump, I may be completely wrong, but when I read your opening post I felt like maybe it is you who are pressuring yourself over breastfeeding. I think that people who know a lot about breastfeeding are acutely aware that alternating breast and formula feeding so early will lead to supply problems, and you already describe your baby as "hungry". I imagine what you refer to as pressure is most likely just professionals, who understand the health benefits of breastfeeding, making sure you are aware that combined feeding now will probably lead to exclusive formula feeding soon. Isn't it better to have all the information to make your decision?

Bethbe · 25/04/2007 22:47

I've found mumsnet generally very supportive re. feeding, but outside pressure to breast-feed has quite frankly been close to bullying and emotional manipulation - putting so much pressure on me that I almost stopped due to the stress of it all! I feel this very strongly!

zookeeper · 25/04/2007 22:51

I know that busy, just saying that ime experience mums who decided to use formula were definitely made to feel that they had made a wrong choice.

AitchTwoOh · 25/04/2007 22:54

my experience was the opposite, tbh. i was the only woman attempting to BF on my whole ward. where were my bfing nazis when i needed them?

Bethbe · 25/04/2007 22:55

For the record: I bf exclusively now, but between weeks 2 and 6 LO he had an evening formula feed purely to give me a rest from my very hungry baby and give me a regular 3 hours consecutive sleep per night.

I expressed once a day though to compensate for the missed feed and eventually had enough stock to change the formula feed to ebm.

He is now exclusively bf. My supply is good!

hercules1 · 25/04/2007 22:55

I only had to pressure to mix feed from hvs and midwives. No pressure at all to exclusively feed, in fact was rather frowned upon.

zookeeper · 25/04/2007 22:56

Agree totally, Bethbe, my time in hospital with my first was marred by constant pressure to get on with breastfeeding. I used to dread the change of shifts because it would begin again with new midwives.

hercules1 · 25/04/2007 22:56

How different peoples experiences are. I wish people had been interested in helping me to breastfeed.

AitchTwoOh · 25/04/2007 22:57

snap, hercules.

Busybean · 25/04/2007 22:57

Perhaps that was just their own perception/guilt/whatever making them feel like that?

All the MV's Ive worked with support women however they feed their babies. There are some who dont understand why a mum would want to feed her baby something inferier, but ime that has never interfered with their care of the women or her baby.

MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 25/04/2007 22:59

I did mixed feeding for a while until I got settled in to b/f and have been solely b/f for about 6 weeks(ish)

So it can be done

My dd is now 20 weeks

zookeeper · 25/04/2007 23:02

You may be right Busy, I suppose that if they are promoting one method of feeding it is inevitable that those who chose or have to use formula feel that way.