theres so much pressure to breast feed exclusively!!its making me feel really crap!!

[wannabump2006]

Hi there,have a 4 week old dd who i initally started breastfeeding from day one.Its taken us 3 years to get the baby we want as i had a stillborn in may 2005 and a miscarriage in the september of the same year.
Shes an incredibly laid back little girl,wakes twice in the night for feeds,once around 3/4 and then again at about 6/7am,we give her a good feed at 10/11pm then she just goes down,so feel really lucky about that.
The issue now though is that because she is such a hungry baby,i introduced topping up with formula after a bf if she wanted it(suggested by midwife)which i felt really relieved about as i was feeling like she wasn't geeting enough from me,and the formula would really settle her down.ergo it would make me feel better because she was satisfied.Now though at 4 weeks i'm alternating between bf and bottle feeding,eg bf one feed then bottle next,which is suiting us really well,but i just feel theres so much pressure to just bf that it really gets to me!!
Its such a blessing to have this little girl and shes so good to take to both breast and bottle so well but just feel like health visitor and others are thinking i should have just bf and not introduced the bottle!!
I really need some support from others who have had a similar experience and just to be reasured really that the bottle isn't the enemy!!Which is how i'm feeling at the mo!!,please any one else had a similar experience?many thanks.x

Yep similar story Margo!

I was already converted, - didn't need pressure!

Perhaps though, on reflection, I received pressure (bullying) rather than practical guidance (support) - and that's what made me frustrated!

Yes, I was also pressurised to mix feed with dd1. Would have loved to have an exclusive-feeding-pressurising midwife to fight my corner!

Congratulations, wannabump, it's lovely that you have your dd. It seems to me that you've made your decision now - would it be right to say that you're happy to move onto pure formula feeding if that's how things pan out?

yes, wellie, she did say that earlier.

Sorry wannabe, I'll read more carefully in future!

I blame dd2 who was standing on my lap trying to hurl herself at the computer while I read the thread!

Busybean-

You say "All the MV's Ive worked with support women however they feed their babies. There are some who dont understand why a mum would want to feed her baby something inferier, but ime that has never interfered with their care of the women or her baby."

That is an example of the pressure being put on new mothers when they are vulnerable and which is making them unhappy. It is not necessarily inferior to bottle feed or to mix feed, it will depend on the individual circumstances of each case, which is something it is apparent from this thread is not being taken into account. And if a HV does not understand why a Mum would want to bottlefeed or mix feed, then she shouldn't be in the job in the first place.

flyingsaucer-you have said it exactly right!
I'm feeling really vulnerable at the moment and although some people writing may not realise it,it is like its an inferoir thing to mix feed/bottle feed!
Tiktok-its not that your messages were pressurising,it was just that as a new and vulnerable mum,who has finally got this baby that i longed for so much,i just wanted to hear from mothers who had done/experienced a similar feeding pattern to me,for reassurance really.I understand that everyone has different opinions,and i totally respect that,i just wanted to know that i'm not being a bad mother!?and that there are others out there who had done the same and could let me know how it had gone for them.
Yes,i'm happy with what i'm doing,and yes i'm not fussed if i end up formula feeding.At the end of the day my supply is good and the fact that i breastfed atall is an achievement(now realise this more thanks to some of the messages i have got,and various friends/family etc).
But thanks for your responses,i really do appreciate them,honest!It just shows how much of a debate this subject causes doesn't it!?
But flyingsaucer-your a star-thank you.x

"It is not necessarily inferior to bottle feed or to mix feed"

I think you are missing the point I was tying to make.
Im sorry but in nutritional terms it is classed as an inferier alternative-

1. breastmilk 2.Expressed Breast Milk 3.Donated Breast Milk 4.Formula

It cannot be classed as equal to or the same as BM, simply because it is not, dispite what the formula companys try to portray.

"There are some who dont understand why a mum would want to feed her baby something inferier, but ime that has never interfered with their care of the women or her baby"

There are some who wonder why a mother would deliberately want to give her child 4th best, but the point Im making is that even when they think this, they offer help and support to both bf and ff. It would be unprofessional to let their personal opinion encrouch on their work and for most people it doesnt.

"it will depend on the individual circumstances of each case, which is something it is apparent from this thread is not being taken into account"

not quite sure what you mean by that, I replied to the OP in a factual way, taking into consideration the information she gave.

And wannabump2006, please dont feel like were pressurising you, we are just trying to make sure you are aware of the biological facts of supply and demand.
Whatever you choose to do you, dont worry what other poeple think, if its right for you and your baby, feel happy with that decision

wannabump - i breastfed, then mix fed, then (and now) formula fed, and I can assure you that I'm a very good mum. I also know that how good a mum I am has nothing to do with whether I FF or BF.

There is definitely overwhelming pressure to bf out there. And of course it's important for people to have accurate information about breastfeeding and formula feeding. But there is implicit pressure in statements such as "there are some who dont understand why a mum would want to feed her baby something inferior". You know the phrase "a back-handed compliment"? I wish there was a phrase like that to describe some of the comments you get about BF v FF because that's exactly what many sound like -- it's the whole "I sound like I'm being so nice saying something supportive and informative but actually I'm putting you down at the same time."

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. Enjoy her and give her lots of love and she will be just fine, regardless of what she eats.

It's hard to get the words right so as everyone stays happy

There is no doubt that formula milk is inferior to breastmilk, and that formula milk mixed with breastmilk is inferior to breastmilk alone.

This is not the same as saying that formula feeding is something that everybody ought to do, so as not to be an inferior mother !!

Feeding - however it's done - is more than just a way of getting milk into babies. It impacts on many parts of life, and breastfeeding requires a leap of confidence and a supportive cultural and emotional context that is often not present, and an understanding that's been lost...plus expert help with the physical problems that can arise with it.

And some women, for whatever reason, don't want to do it.

That doesn't make them 'crap'. They have a right to decide what their priorities are, just as the exclusive and partial breastfeeders have the same right.

But it makes no sense to pretend the milk is all of equal quality, 'cos it ain't....and that's biology

Thankyou, couldnt of said that any better myself

busybean - you're welcome.

Well, this is my first post but I have lurked for a while. I hope I am not going to get shot down in flames here but I wanted to say that how you feed your baby really isn't the be all and end all of being a Mum. Now, I can say that with the benefit of hindsight and I wasn't saying that a year ago (DD 1 year old yesterday) but I had so many problems with bf her (and had lots of help and support) it began to effect my relationship with her. I was so focussed on bf it was actually getting in the way of, rather than enhancing the bond. I didn't change her nappy for a whole day once because I was feeding, pumping, feeding, pumping to no real avail. I would have loved to have carried on but when I guiltily gave up at 6 weeks after many tears, and much soul searching I have to say I started enjoying my baby. I think when people used to try to reassure me that it was my "decision" I got so upset because I really felt that it wasn't so much a decision (that would indicate I had some control and I didn't feel I did) than a necessity.

Anyway, enough about me, I didn't intend to give you chapter and verse on my experience. Yes, formula is inferior to bm, but it isn't poison for goodness sake and surely the way we love, nurture and respond to our babies is the key thing here.

Many congratulations to you Wanna, you have had a terrible time. Please do not feel bad about whatever you do and just enjoy this special, special time. I remember clearly feeling the way you do and I wish I could turn back the clock and just relax about it all a bit more! It changes so quickly and before you know it you will be worrying about whether to go the mush vs BLW route (don't ask!).

i agree with you, twofalls

Urm, this seems to have turned into another ff vs bf debate, nobody is trying to make anyone feel guilty/inferier/whatever, nobody has said formula is poisen-twofalls I think you are trying to make something out of that when it wasnt implied in the first place.

Tiktok and myself were just trying to inform the OP factually about the bilogical implications of mixed feeding at a very early stage.

I know you weren't but I think sometimes when someone posts a message to say "this is what I am doing and I am feeling crap", they just want people to reassure them that they have nothing to feel crap about. I know that is how I felt and however well meaning your advice was it wasn't really what she was asking for.

Wannabump said:

"I really need some support from others who have had a similar experience and just to be reassured really that the bottle isn't the enemy!!Which is how i'm feeling at the mo!!,please any one else had a similar experience?"

She didn't ask for the biological implications of mixed feeding.

It's not generally speaking a great idea to come on a public internet forum if you have decided beforehand what it is you want to hear and how you want to hear it.

Wanna,it's fantastic that you have your much wanted baby. Congratulations and the very best to you.

XX

busybean and twofalls

wannabump expressly asked for support and reassurance in her original post. When a vulnerable Mum asks for help, it's not always appropriate to recite the mantra that mixed feeding is inferior. The specious argument that mixed feeding will lead to dropping breast feeding is not borne out by several of the posts in this thread. No one in this thread is arguing that formula feeding is better than breast feeding, and I suspect no one would want to. But Mums need advice that is based on their individual circumstances, not the over-zealous and inflexible response that formula is 4th best. It will depend on the individaul circumstances of each Mum, what is best for them. Some of the posts give the impression that HVs are repeating advice which has been handed down from above without really understanding it, or knowing how to relate it to the individuals they meet. You get the impression that 40 years ago, the same posters who are so impassioned about breast feeding now would have been insisting that formula was superior to breast feeding and that any poor Mum who wanted to keep brest feeding was old-fashioned and leting her baby down, in the same way that wannabump has been made to feel about her mixed feeling.

What a paragraph of absolute tripe Flying Saucer.

Can I just say, a lot of what people are saying about the impact of mixed feeding on supply does depend on how you go about mixed feeding. For example, yes formula top ups can lead to your supply not keeping pace with demand through growth spurts IF you respond to the baby's newfound hunger with more formula. If, however, you make up a similar amount of formula and respond to the baby's hunger by giving an extra breastfeed then your supply will keep pace. Also a lower supply of breastmilk will only be a problem if you do not have an established pattern of mixed feeding that you intend to maintain.

Wannabump - you're doing great. My DS was on 60% formula, I would say, at 2 weeks! I persisted with breastfeeding and at 4 months he was on around 50/50. We gave up breastfeeding at 4.5 months when we'd both had enough.

twofalls - she did not, you are right. ask explicitly for the 'biological implications of mixed feeding' and in fact no one has given these.

What was given was in response to her saying that mixed feeding suited them (her and her baby) really well. Some posters pointed out that if that was the case, she needed to be aware that the mixed feeding was unlikely to last, because alternating breast and formula at four weeks tends to lead to full formula feeding - so if she wanted to continue doing what suited her, she'd need to cut back on the formula.

At all times, it was made clear that there was no reason to feel she was 'crap' and that her feelings about it all were important.

To be honest, I sometimes start to resent the implication that honesty, clarity and treating people like the adults they are is somehow an accusation about someone's mothering, or the equivalent of calling formula 'poison'.

Wanna got support, she got shared experience, and she got some information that helped her understand what might happen next.

What's not to like?

Have only read the OP but my experience is mixed feeding works. If you are happy doing it and the baby is thriving then don't let a worry enter your head.

I bf my two - DS, my second baby, for 6 months, easy peasy but DD, my first, for only 9 weeks - I would possibly have been more relaxed and a happier first time mum if I had given her a bottle once a day to give me a break from the feeds which seemed never to satisfy her.

Do what suits you
Do what suits you
repeat...

FlyingSaucer, am I supposed to defend myself against your imaginery idea of what I would have been like 40 years ago????
Of course mixed feeding (as Twinkle explains) does not necessarily lead to full formula feeding. But it almost certainly will, done in the way wanna is doing it. If she is fine about that, then that is fine....but she needs to know, doesn't she? Or do you think we should withhold that information?

Snd FS, no one has made wanna feel anything!

"What a paragraph of absolute tripe Flying Saucer"
...which proves my point exactly