Can I ask, how hard is breastfeeding? Honestly?

[Firstimer2015]

I'm overdue with DC1, so have been possibly stupidly reading online about bf to try and prepare myself for what's to come.

I'm not adverse to formula feeding at all, in fact I don't know anyone who has breastfed so ff is the norm to me. However, I decided months ago to give bf a try because of the health benefits, but also, mostly because I thought it would be easier.

I have an illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so I get tired very quickly (although I know anyone with a newborn baby would be chornically tired!). I thought bf would be easier, in that I wouldn't have to get up and make bottles, wait for them to be ready, steralise them etc etc, especially in the middle of the night. I thought I could just put the baby on my boob without having to even get up and it would be easier that way.

I'm having doubts now though. I knew before it can be painful if the latch isn't right so your nipples can be sore etc, but what I really, really didn't anticipate was how often babies feed! As I said, I've only ever been around ff babies, so I'm used to them feeding every 3 hours or so. I had no idea bf can sometimes be every 2 hours, and for hours and hours at a time (cluster feeding I think I read it's called).

It's just made me question my decision, as I thought bf would be the easier option (that is of course, if baby takes to it - have bought bottles just in case) but now I'm wondering if it's actually the harder option?

I just want to do best by my baby, but also I don't want to wear myself out so much that I'm unable to care for the baby properly, so just wondered what other peoples experiences are?

My experience: really hard for the first few weeks with DS1, then at 6 weeks or so it all clicked and I fed him until he was 2. With DS2, easy from the get go, even over active letdown didn't make much trouble (he was an astoundingly good natured baby, this probably helped), fed him until he was 2.5. With DS3, took a week or so to really get super comfortable with it again as there is a bit of a gap between him and DS2, but plain sailing ever since. He's 8 months old, I plan to feed him until he's about 2.

My baby definitely fed for hours at a time. I would have let downs every 30 mins and she'd stay on boob for entire time. Wasn't daily but a fair few times in the first six months. It's different for everyone though and all the mums I know have different stories of their feeding and their individual children.

For us the first 3 months were incredibly hard, the hardest thing I have ever done but we faced tongue tie issues and had mastitus 5 times in that short space of time.

However, once the tongue tie was sorted we have been on the up since! DS is now 11 months old and is still breastfed although he is rapidly losing interest in milk now.

When pregnant I thought 'I'll give it a go but if it doesn't work out then so be it'. What I really wasn't prepared for is how overwhelming my need to breast feed him once he was here would be.

Things that helped were a supportive husband, the 'never give up on a bad day' advice and finally .. just going with my gut feeling on whether I wanted to continue or not.

All babies are different, will feed with different regularity etc so I don't think its really possible to predict what will happen once baby is here.

Give it a go and take each day as it comes.

Hmm the things they Don't tell you; It can take 8 to 12 weeks to establish a good feeding routine with your first baby, perseverance is the key. Newborns don't so much have trouble latching on as more like, your boobs feel like a pair of leaking soccerballs, they are rigid and sore so bub has trouble getting enough erola in their mouth so they are squeezing milk ducts rather than chewing on your nipples, which BTW will get sore, may crack and possibly bleed, slather Bepanthen cream on them and Persevere. Once bub is latched on physically use your finger and shove more erola into their mouth you will feel the difference when they are attached properly, be prepared to feed every 2 hours , 4 is a conservative estimate and some days baby will want to use you as a dummy and spend all day sucking on your breast. I BF all 4 of mine, 3 of them for a year each give or take a week or two, my 2nd DD was quite different, She was born with a large lump inside her bottom lip, probably from thumb sucking in utero. This lump made it difficult for her to latch on, when she did she would suck only long enough for my milk to let down then she would stop. I had almost chronic mastitis because the breast was never emptied, i had to have her in a sling almost all day everyday, she cried all the time she was fussy and would not sleep . I gave up after 3 months I bought bottles formula steriliser etc, and gave her her first bottle, she drank it all then slept for 15 hours, she thrived on formula , was very happy with the bottle and I have no regrets about not feeding her as long a the others, a happy baby and a happy mum is far more important than other peoples opinions, BF exclusively, Bottle or a combination as long as bub is growing properly and you are confident with your choice nothing else matters.

Hmm, not sure I'd use bepanthen on nipples, I don't know whether it's safety approved for babies to ingest, is it?

With DS1 a herbalist friend made me up some fabulous ointment from natural beeswax, calendula and camomile.
Couldn't get that for Ds2, so just used Lansinoh.

Definitely a good idea though.

Just read the OP, but I recommend you get some pure lanolin and apply it to your nipples as often as possible before the baby is born. I found the first couple of days were a bit difficult because the baby didn't just automatically latch on, but the rest was a doddle and so much easier than bottle feeding. Yes she fed often, but so what. And I am always someone who goes for the easy option.

A long time since I did it, but I would say definitely worth doing, if you can. Think the most important thing is to have a decent midwife who can help you sort baby to latch on. I had forgotten what to do between child one and two. So midwife was a godsend.
Once that is sorted, it's eek painful for a minute for first few days,then gets so much easier. No sterilising bottles, good excuse to watch rubbish daytime TV. I used to put baby in my bed at night to feed which is now frowned upon. But worked well for me.
Hope it all goes well for you.

Breastfeeding is a skill that you and your baby need to learn together. For some people, it's instinctive. For the majority of people, it's harder so help is often needed. Find out now where you can get support at the drop of a hat because if you need it you will want it fast!

I BF both my sons. I got help with DS1 at my local drop-in clinic, stuck to it stubbornly (in public) and delightedly (most of the time) through teething until he lost interest around 13 months (he chatted with the boob in his mouth!!). I trained with the NHS as a BF peer supporter so felt very confident going into it with DS2. In fact I needed help right at the start to adjust to "newborn" from my memory of the older babe. A TINY change in position made it all painless again. There are lots of BF positions so you can find one that suits you and your baby.

When I had the right position, it felt like a very gentle pull, as if someone was
tugging on the corner of a tight T-shirt. It was hugely convenient to know I had food on tap wherever we were and it made weaning easy when combined with BLW at 6 months.

I tried getting up to feed in the night but kept nodding off in a chair which scared me so much that I installed a toddler bed barrier on our double bed and put him in the bed between me and the barrier (soft mesh fabric). No chance of harming him then. I was so tired, I stopped waking up for the feeds and saw that my boobs had gone all Madonna (pointed!) in the morning so assumed he must be feeding. One night I woke up at 3am to see my 6 week old wriggling his head back and forth to manoeuvre onto my boob. He latched on and fed! Amazing! I felt reassured after that and he clearly hadn't been waking me up to do it.

There are periods when your baby will go a bit crazy and feed what seems like continuously for a day or two. These are growth spurts that happen around 10 days, 3w, 6w, 3m and 6m. Don't panic. It's your babies way of boosting your milk production: more demand = more supply. Stick with it if you can and it'll go back to normal again. Typically my dad always visited me around growth spurts and chose to leave the room whenever my boobs came out, which made conversation a bit tricky.

BF is a hugely emotive subject. Everyone has an opinion and will be ready to voice it (often uninvited) when what you probably most need to hear is a confidence boost. Trust your instincts. Listen to your baby feeding to be sure you only hear him/her swallowing, not the loud sucking noises which mean air is going in too and create other issues.

Whatever you do, don't pile on the pressure and if you need to stop then don't beat yourself up about it. Good luck Firsttimer. Once upon a time, we were all where you are and lots of us came out the other side proud and happy.

Oh and if you have someone else in the picture, train them to bring you drinks and snacks whilst feeding. It really helps.

I hope all goes well for you! I haven't read all the replies so forgive me. I felt compelled to give my experience tho....
2x c sections, 1 emcs and one planned. 2 large babies. Ff never really occurred to me. Not sure why. It just didn't. I'm no Mother Earth or pro bf or anything but it just kind of happened.
I bf both of mine with no issues whatsoever. I wasn't prepared in anyway (even for the birth side of it lol!) but it all just kind of happened. I never felt any pain at all. I had a little difficulty with positioning with my first but I had never held a baby ever until then!!
Both babies fed little and often. They slept in my bed at night whilst feeding. Dc2 had a upper lip tie so took a bit to get used to that but that's it really!
I loved that I could feed wherever whenever. I fed both till 15/16 months. Neither has had a drop of formula. There is no way I am organised to make up bottles lol!
My first never lost a gram of weight as a new born. My second lost 10% of his birth weight so they were both very different.
Best of luck but just wanted to add my trouble free story to the mix x

My story is also negative, but different to most..

When DD was born she latched on well, and while it was a bit uncomfortable it didn't hurt much, really. She had a good suck, a deep latch, the midwives were all impressed in hospital... But on day 2 she started getting more and more agitated, upset, I latched her on, she would suck, then scream the house down, I'd latch her on again, and the same. The whole night she would do this and as I was still in the high dependency unit in recovery the midwives suggested a formula top up because I was in rough shape and needed sleep. Just a thimble full of formula and she was happy. She wasn't getting anything out of me, despite her good latch and suck, our skin to skin, etc. So we did top ups and I dutifully latched her on every couple hours or basically any time she was awake, I kept doing skin to skin, but within a week she began to scream the moment she saw the breast, it was like it was nothing but frustration for her. It was horrific for me, all I did was cry (baby Blues are a horrible thing). The midwife suggested that my degree of blood loss could result in a delay in milk coming in, but by day 10 I still didn't have milk, my baby was by then refusing to latch on, and it was a huge relief to switch to formula and have the decision made. I wrestled with huge amounts of guilt over it, I could have don't more skin to skin, I could have eaten oats, drunk special teas, used a breast pumps to stimulate milk production, but I didn't. And I really regret trying for even that long, but I kept thinking the milk would come. In the end it never did and I spent nearly the first two weeks of my babies life hating her and myself.

And now I wrestle with the guilt of thinking that next time I might skip even TRYING to breastfeed as I found bottle feeding so little hassle, I never had to worry about breastfeeding accessible clothing, nipple thrush, mastitis, cracked nipples, etc. but I'd probably still try to breastfeed again, but I think unless I found it enjoyable in the first couple weeks I would still make the switch quite fast as formula is perfectly fine and healthy for a baby, despite not having all the amazing added benefits that breastmilk does, and I really do feel that have a happy and functioning parent is more important than anything.

I hope your infant feeding journey is a smooth one, OP.

Hi,
I am all for giving breastfeeding a go and I've breastfed both my DSs - one till around 1.5y and the other one still going at 1y.

As you can tell from the posts everyone's experience is going to be very different - babies latch on differently, feed with different intensities, the mother's body can have more or less milk etc.

I was rather stubborn that I wanted to breastfeed my babies - at least I was going to give my best try at it - that is all I think any mum can do. I was quite lucky, that I had a lot of milk with both, though it took a while (around 2 weeks) before my first DS latched on properly, so that was hard trying and trying. The second time round it seemed to be pretty much straight away.

It looks like you've heard about the benefits of breastfeeding, so you are probably aware that the first few days are really super beneficial for the baby, so I would encourage you to try if you can for as long as you can.

In terms of the benefits of breastfeeding I found really helpful were:
-Not having to wake up in the middle of the night, sterilising bottles, mixing/heating milk. Just half wake up/feed and then back to sleep

• Similarly while out and about - never had to worry about carrying sterilised bottles - just find a quite spot and feed
• DP can still join in the feeding as you can express the milk (if you go that route - I'd recommend an automatic machine - preferably in front of TV :) - my friend had manual and was really struggling with it)
• A big one for me personally, which I feel is not advertised enough, was how fast I lost the pregnancy weight, while breastfeeding, while my friends struggled with other methods
• And then more on a loving note - I found it really helped build the bond with my babies - breastfeeding was like mummy and baby closeness time

Yes, it can be sore - for me it was only for a few days until the nipples got used to the pressure and then only occasionally quite infrequently after that. However I might have a sided view on that as now my youngest DS likes to bite in sometimes and that is painful, though you are far off from having to deal with the teeth yet :)

It is hard for me to comment on the tiredness note, but I love my sleep and I loved not having to worry about preparing the bottles middle of the night while the baby is screaming in the background - maybe I'm too sensitive, but I just can't do anything when my baby is screaming, especially if I am tired

Naturally you'll make the decision for yourself, but I would suggest giving it a good try and see how long you can do it for. Every day/week you bf your baby will be better for the baby and probably your body, too, so it is worth trying your best at it, especially in the beginning. I think it is a wonderful feeling of closeness, which I am glad I was able not miss out on.

Have a healthy birthing and a healthy baby! xxx

I don't understand the difficulty with nighttime bottles.. We prepared ours before gig to bed for the next 24 hours, put them in the back of the fridge and then reheated as necessary (as per WHO infant formula guidelines, this is perfectly acceptable), so no faff with making the bottle, just bung it in the microwave for 30 seconds, give a good shake and done. DD would finish her bottle within 5 minutes and be back to sleep right away, so I wouldn't be awake any longer than if I was breastfeeding, and I have friends who are awake far longer in the night to breastfeed than I ever was with a bottle. Though I only had to do one feed in the night, so maybe if I was up more I'd consider it more of a faff.

And as for the bonding thing- I found I bonded far better with my daughter when I switched to bottles as there was no stress. I know breastfeeding is probably a wonderful bonding experience, but so is feeding of any kind. I wouldn't say that a bottle feeding mom has a weaker bond with her baby than a breastfeeding one does.

But with bottlefeeding you have to go to the kitchen, put the light on ( presumably leaving an unsettled baby) take bottle from fridge, heat up, check temperature, go upstairs, feed baby.

Breastfeeding was rolling over, nipple in mouth, took all of two seconds.

I didn't do any of that for a night feed. I never went downstairs even.

sparkling I was replying to eaiand2s post.

Sorry. I wasn't able to BF successfully so couldn't just roll over, but didn't find bottle feeding at all difficult.

I wanted to do it, and hadn't even entertained the possibility of formula feeding, but I found it horrendous. With dc1 I persevered until 12 weeks, hating every single minute. He fed non-stop 24/7. I couldn't function.

With dc2 it was agony and I had to stop on day 3.

As an aside, I've never understood the fuss about ff bring so much hard work. I used the ready made packets for the first few weeks and at night, when the timing of feeds couldn't be predicted, and later made up bottles with cold sterilising (huge Tupperware box, Milton solution).

I would advise to get a pump, as I found it invaluable. With both ds1 and ds2 I had to stop bfing for a while due to problems (ds1 was an "aggressive refuser" of the breast and ds2 made my nipples bleed). During that time I pumped and gave it via a feeding cup and resumed feeding when I could. Ds1 came to love bf so much he fed for 21 months and STILL (at 4 nearly 5) misses it. Ds2 fed for 23 months. I didn't have an easy time at first but within a few weeks with both managed to settle into a comfortable position that suited us both. Pumping allowed time off for wine, nights out, dh to do weekend night time feeds etc.
I cried when I decided to give up feeding ds2. I'm now pg with dc3 and am really looking forward to bfing again, even though I expect it will be tough at first.
Good luck, I hope you take to it and have an easy time.

It differs so much between babies tbh.

DD1 - Easy apart from a bout of mastitis, no cracked nipples or anything
DD2 - Same as above
DD3 - A bit uncomfortable on and off - due to tongue tie but not too bad
DD4 - Absolute hell! Had upper lip tie, hideously cracked, raw and bleeding nipples for nearly the entire 12 months
DD5 - About a week of slightly cracked nipples and now a dream :)

I couldn't breast feed. No let down reflex. Tried a pump and drew blood. Loved bottle feeding. DC1 ended up being tube fed due to serious health problem. I hate anyone feeling bad about bottle feeding. Hard to snuggle your baby while syringing yuck into a ng tube but bottle feeding, full eye contact, lovely.

Honestly I've found bf easier than ff and haven't had a problem. I ff dc1, bf dc2 for 6months and am still bf dc3 at 8.5 months. Soreness at the start yes with dc2, less so with dc3 but with dc3 I applied Lansinoh constantly for the first 2 weeks and I think that helped.

Both dc2 &3 latched fine after their respective vaginal and csection births although I asked the midwives many times to check the latch till I was confident.

Never had a cracked nipple, thrush, mastitis or anything else. Did have a blocked duct with dc3 at about 4 months but that resolved quickly with changing position.

With regard to tiredness I found formula feeding dc1 much more tiring than bf 2&3. I think because I had to properly wake up, prepare feed, down bottle etc even though I was sharing feeding with dh. With 2&3 I stay in bed feed them then pop back in moses basket next to me so never properly ping awake and easily get back to sleep (I think hormones released play a part in this).

Read as much as you can before birth about bf, Kelly mom site is good and the boards on here. I read about all the problems in the hope that I'd be able to easily spot them and sort them out, luckily I didn't have any. Write down all the phone numbers for bf support groups locally and nationally so that you can access them easily if you do run into problems.

I love bf and my only regret is that I never even tried to bf dc1.

Sorry I meant to add that I was never confined to the house by a constantly bf baby, they fed roughly every 2-3 hours from the off although this varied sometimes 1.5 sometimes 3 and I fed on demand. Now at 8.5m she only feeds 3-4 times a day for 5-10 mins each and i miss thise lovely long feeds! I found my ff baby harder he also wanted to feed every 2-3 hours but was a projectile vomiter so would often throw up what looked like a whole bottle so you'd have to do a fully change including sheets and start again with a new bottle, don't assume ff means an easy routine. Good luck with whatever you decide and congrats!

busymummy - perhaps they don't "advertise" the weight loss with breastfeeding because not all breastfeeding women lose weight - some retain it until they stop feeding. It's not the same for everyone.

BF ds was as hard as my labour to have him without any thing but gas and air and he'd been induced and arrived fast and very painfully!

I am very fair skinned and my nipples were raw and painful for, weeks actually and I only persisted because my m and s were passionate breeders and I had been brought up on the orthodoxy of the benefits. Once the first few weeks had passed and my nipples weren't sore it was brilliant. I fed my ds in bed and risked the smothering thing (which I suspect is pretty rare... sorry) I was far too tired to go anywhere else, I feel as if I fed constantly for weeks and weeks. Can't remember how often but BF babies ime seem to feed more often.

I am so glad I did it but I am certain I would not have done it if I didn't have bf deeply set in my own family's culture.

Also I know darker skinned women seem to have stronger skin on the nipples and from what I remember, seem to have less of the problem of being skinned a live and in total agony for ages!

But I would never judge anyone who doesn't bf, it is a great thing to do if you can, but clearly countless babies thrive massively on formula too.

Honesty, it was horrendous.

I did six weeks. It hurt so much my toes curled, far far worse than contractions. I had mastitis, thrush in the nipples and cracked nipples. Felt like crushed broken glass was being squashed into my nipples every time he latched on. Constant leaking, huge, heavy boobs, so uncomfortable.

Once we moved him onto formula he slept for 5 hours straight, cried less and seemed happier.

Good luck OP, if you can't do it you are not a failure, and your child will also thrive on formula