Can I ask, how hard is breastfeeding? Honestly?

[Firstimer2015]

I'm overdue with DC1, so have been possibly stupidly reading online about bf to try and prepare myself for what's to come.

I'm not adverse to formula feeding at all, in fact I don't know anyone who has breastfed so ff is the norm to me. However, I decided months ago to give bf a try because of the health benefits, but also, mostly because I thought it would be easier.

I have an illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so I get tired very quickly (although I know anyone with a newborn baby would be chornically tired!). I thought bf would be easier, in that I wouldn't have to get up and make bottles, wait for them to be ready, steralise them etc etc, especially in the middle of the night. I thought I could just put the baby on my boob without having to even get up and it would be easier that way.

I'm having doubts now though. I knew before it can be painful if the latch isn't right so your nipples can be sore etc, but what I really, really didn't anticipate was how often babies feed! As I said, I've only ever been around ff babies, so I'm used to them feeding every 3 hours or so. I had no idea bf can sometimes be every 2 hours, and for hours and hours at a time (cluster feeding I think I read it's called).

It's just made me question my decision, as I thought bf would be the easier option (that is of course, if baby takes to it - have bought bottles just in case) but now I'm wondering if it's actually the harder option?

I just want to do best by my baby, but also I don't want to wear myself out so much that I'm unable to care for the baby properly, so just wondered what other peoples experiences are?

Hi
I really didn't have any trouble breastfeeding and found it easier once we were out an about and I was more confident as I could be out as long as we wanted without being dictated by bottles - you always have food with you !
My tips would be
1 prepare to sit in and feed some times - and enjoy it- find some box sets, books etc as once their toddlers you won't get chance!

1. Don't even think about setting a time for yourself eg 'I will breastfeed for 6mths/ a year etc' just breastfeed for the first day, then try the next day - formula will always be there If you want to use that and you really don't need the pressure. The first milk or first week or month or year - whatever you do is all beneficial but additional pressure on yourself isn't

Good luck

nicky yes I'm ok now, thank you for asking ????. Just exhausted!

Worlds I'm exhausted too!

Unfortunately breastfeeding didn't work out for myself and DS. He had a tongue tie which was cut when he was 4 days old, and my supply never really came in properly. After 2 weeks of bfing with lots of support, he had gone from 75th centile for weight to the 25th centile. He was hardly peeing (the easiest way of telling if a bf baby is getting enough milk is by what comes out of them) and the mw were talking about hospitalising him. He was feeding for 45 mins of each hour including mist of overnight, and was crying from hunger loads. He was miserable. I was miserable. DP was miserable. We ended up giving formula.

For the next 4 weeks after that, we combination fed. I pumped. I bf straight from the boob too. We did everything we could to get my milk into him. Unfortunately my supply ran out, despite making lactation cookies and drinking mothers milk tea. The word "galactagogue" is a permanent addition to my vocabulary.

During that 6 weeks, I had blood blisters on my nipples from his poor latch, one nipple cracked open and bled, I had bruising, I got mastitis, I felt so very low from the lack of sleep. If I had another child (DS is only 13 weeks) I would do it all again. The health benefits are huge, and it is a bonding experience even when in screaming agony from it. I know that sounds bonkers.

He does feed less as ff than bf, but it is still every 1-2 hours. I think he mostly feeds less now as he is actually getting food now!

He is holding steady at a bit over 50th centile for weight now, good chap. Do what is right for you and your little one.

My DS was 15 days late. I would highly recommend going to the supermarket to scare people with just how pregnant you are! Good luck. xx

When I started BF for the first 6 weeks it was sore and I was very tired. However, after that short amount of time it stopped being sore and now feels very satisfying. It made me feel closer to my baby and was also convenient for night feeds. I immediately dropped back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I find my baby is more satisfied with her feeds when i eat more and drink plenty so I encourage this. There is no feeling like feeding your baby this way. It's different for everyone - my baby is so good and sleeps 4 hours at a time, feeding when she wakes up. She's 3 months ATM :)

Well done for giving bf a go. I have chronic fatigue too. When I had Georgia, I was functioning at about 50% and there were days when pregnant that I couldn't look after myself. So I chose to bottle feed. For me personally it took the pressure off and husband was able to help when I needed to sleep, and it meant it was easier for her to stay with grandparents when I had a really bad day (often I collapse and knock myself out, ending up in hospital - never helpful when carrying baby!)

If you're able to continue bf, that's obviously best, but bottle feeding often helps on days when you're particularly low and have someone to hand baby to when you really need to rest. Combination feeding isn't the worst thing in the world. I ended up with PND too which made getting up even more hard! So make sure you do what you feel is best for you and baby. And always say yes to help! Good luck dear x

I bf my first successfully for 4 months with no problems at all. No pain, regular 3-4 hours in between and only 2 feed from 10pm to 6am (which was great!!) I slimmed down quicker too bonus

With my second, I only bf for 8 weeks with a great deal of pain and she was feeding every hour!!! Horrendous. Mastitis kicked me in the backside too! Sadly this was all because they failed to discover her tongue tie which, had it been spotted and resolved at birth, would have led to a successful bf baby.

Honestly, I loved it. I didn't care that it meant it was only me that could get up and feed through the night because it doesn't last forever. I miss having my mini bonding sessions with my now 7 and 2 year olds and wouldn't hesitate to bf again for baby number 3 if we ever have another. Good luck whatever you decide to do. Neither way is the wrong way

I have 2 totally different bf stories...PFB was a dream exclusively fed with no problems at all from birth to being weaned at 6mo when I introduced food I gave 'growing up milk' naively I thought I'd have an easy game next time around. Never having to sterilise anything before baby slept through was a dream. 2nd born bf story couldn't be any more different. She suffered severe reflux which went undiagnosed for nearly 3m. My milk wasn't heavy enough in her stomach so it was causing her more pain everytime she threw it back up. By 3mo she'd just got back to her birth weight. It cut me up knowing I'd being causing her pain by trying my hardest to force what I thought was best. The paediatrician made clear the route forward was a pre-thicken medicated formula as the usual line of mess weren't quite doing the trick. For a few weeks I tried my damned hardest to combine feed, lining her stomach with the formula and topping her up. But I found it exhausting. I found it really is all or nothing for me, to allow me to bf I needed that extra rest. I've never felt more lethargic than when producing milk..

After 8 weeks with first DD - easy. With DD2 easy from birth.

However, expect that BF babies may need feeding more often and are usually older before they sleep through. TBH unless you are mixed feeding or expressing (pain in the arse) you can't really be away from them for more than a couple of hours until they are quite a bit older - about 9 months in my experience - and taking good amounts of solids.

When FF anyone else can give a feed which would be helpful at night or if you're feeling ill.

Give it a go but please don't worry if it doesn't work out, formula is fine.

A big advantage of BF over FF though as you point out is that if you can feed lying down, you can nap with your baby as they tend to fall asleep on the breast. My DD was a bit refluxy so we couldn't do this properly until she was about 3 months old but after that we did this a lot. I must have had dozens of lovely naps like this, sadly not possible now I have 2!

Honestly for me it was fucking awful. Painful, frustrating and miserable. The moment I decided to stop was one of the biggest reliefs of my whole life. Formula is amazing stuff, sterilising was no problem at all and my kids are all hale and hearty.

I BF both mine, no bottles at all. Bit of soreness for a few days which was a couple of weeks in if I remember, other than that it was a breeze. I fed a lot lying down in the early weeks, as shown by my midwife when she visited at home on day 2. Best positioning advice is remember tummy to tummy when you hold them, rather than cradling position. And ignore advice from bottle feeders about 4 hourly feeds...BF on demand might mean every half hour. Its perfectly normal.

It's different for everyone, I think.

Both of mine had tongue ties - partial posterior, but oh God it made a difference! But then both of them fed differently:
DS1 - soooo slow, would be on the boob for nearly 2h per feed, could only latch on lying down to start with. Bloody painful until the TT was snipped at around 2-3 weeks. Took him about a week to fully change his habits, but then feeds dropped to 30-45 mins each, and I could start feeding him sitting up instead. Fed him until he was 23mo.

DS2 - fed fast, but sucked down too much air so had a lot of reflux and chucking it back up again. So disappointing to see! But he still put on loads of weight. His TT wasn't done until he was 5wo (different country, different system) but made a difference pain wise - although we continued to have troubles, possibly due to his upper lip tie, and the delay in getting his TT snipped, so his habits were ingrained. I also got "hidden thrush" - didn't realise that was what it was, and DS2 didn't have it in his mouth - that made it all a lot worse! But eventually I did get it seen, told it was thrush, got given Daktarin gel and the relief was almost instant, but within 2 days definitely.
Fed DS2 until he was 25mo.

I much preferred it, despite the pain/discomfort at times, because it saved on bottle cleaning, formula costs, sterilising, electricity for boiling the kettle, etc. etc. and I could do it without leaving my bed (we co-slept).
I do suggest though, that if you breastfeed, you still get hold of a couple of bottles and a pump system - I needed to use my pump sometimes, when I bled, or when DS wasn't well, or when they needed operations (both had a hernia repair before they were 8wo) and were nil by mouth until afterwards.

Hi OP
Am probably repeating what everyone else has said as have not rtft but ime, having fed three kids to 2.3, 3.5 and 2.2 years this is what I know:

First week/fortnight it can hurt like hell until your nipples "toughen up" for want of a better word
Lansinoh is your friend during this fortnight
If you choose to ebf, co-sleeping means you can just get 'em out
The more you nurse the more milk you make, keep your own fluid intake up and breastfeeding tea with fenugreek, and oatmeal biccies can help supply
Very handy for outings and if you hate prepping things, very handy if child poorly or upset
Nipple shields did not work for me personally and can cause nipple confusion but others swear by
My own kids spat out dummies when they realised no milk from the teat so no point
There is a window to introduce a bottle for mixed feeding, miss it and they will only take boob ime
If you ebf your partner cannot take a night shift so nap when baby naps and make him do weekend mornings
Aptamil do very good formula ready made stuff with its own pre sterile teats if you ever need a top up or break or are really ill and do not want to express
Kids' teeth hurt so breaking the latch with your finger and saying No is the answer
When they get to 2+ and start asking for it, is when I am usually ready for my body back but each to their own
A scarf or necklace with ball etc good distraction but they will still try and tweak you as it stimulates supply
Tandem feeding hurts more/is more irritating than only child
Cabbage leaves in the bra to cool down actually works
All above thoughts are subjective...do what you need to do which works best for you

Oh and if it works well, you may inadvertently be in it for the long haul. My 2.2 year old is still trying to grab my boobs even though I am trying to get him off them. But my milk shows no sign of drying up yet. knows how a sodding cow feels

I'm up BFing 16mo DD2, so am firmly in the 'it's hard work' camp

I would say it goes through phases:

First month: Very hard - sore nipples, frequent feeds, little sleep

Month 1 - Month 6: Very easy, no sterilising, boiling water, packing various paraphernalia.

From month 6 onwards it can either stay lovely and easy or become hard work, depending on circumstance. IME as a BFing peer supporter, influencing factors include:

Sleep (will my baby sleep better if I wean off breast?)

Comments from others (I'm being asked when I'm going to stop)

Personal feelings (I want my body back)

However, all negatives aside, I think if you want to breastfeed then it can be a beautiful experience for you and your baby, I have lots of treasured memories.

Good luck and remember to use your local breastfeeding peer support service for advise and support.

Oh and be prepared for growth spurts to be extra hard work, you'll feel like you're constantly feeding, but if you ride them through they don't last too long, about a week.

I can't say I ever noticed growth spurts.

I think it's great you're trying to plan this and find out as much info as poss and I really hope you can manage your cfs well and that however you decide to feed it all goes swimmingly!

Personally I think without decent support at the beginning of breastfeeding it can be very overwhelming. It's sometimes pretty much constant and you'll second guess yourself and any advice given as it can just be so...all consuming I guess is the right phrase. Even with my 2nd dd who took to it fantastically I was tired and shocked at some of the amounts of time she could actually feed. Think 5 hours on boob non stop. It's all so personal and you won't know 'til you try. But so great that you're willing to give it a go. Best of luck

Babies can't feed for 5 hours at a time. They may graze, be on/off, snoozing, but not actively suckling, but breastfeeding takes effort.
My babies used to love just being at the breast for hours, but most of that wasn't actively feeding.

( Does give you a great excuse to sit with your feet up for extended periods though if it's your first)

I have a 5 month old. The first 30 seconds of each feed hurt for the first couple of weeks. All is fine now I'm finding it pretty easy, I wasn't sure if I would bf or not but I feel right proud of myself now. we manage fine out and about. I don't feed in public, I feed before we go and either in the car or a breast feeding room or when home. I look online where I'm going in advance to see where the facilities are or if a mother care is near by. I also use shop changing rooms, I just tell the lady I need to feed the baby and they are always really nice about it. Especially TK max and house of Fraser.

Anyway hope it goes well all you can do is give it a go. That's what I thought

good luck with it, I think you should def give it a go, bottles every 1/2h in the middle of the night are a nightmare ( I went through this)
One thing no one ever tells you though, is that it doesn't always work. I never had any milk with my first despite trying to get it started for a whole month with a hired milking machine . Never knew if it was due to the baby refusing to suckle or just poor dairy production on my part ( it runs in my family ). I did combination for my second one and I definitely needed help to get things going.
So not well placed to tell you how it goes when it works out, but well placed to warn you that despite what you hear, sometimes it just doesn't happen, however hard you try.

On the subject of expressing, I find it fine and DD has never had a problem taking a bottle. The advice I was given by midwives was that if I wanted to do expressed milk feeds, I should get her started with them before 6-8 weeks or there was a risk she wouldn't take a bottle. This is contrary to lots of other advice, but it worked for us.

I would find BFing a lot more frustrating if I didn't express. I like to be able to pop out to the hairdresser's and leave DD with her grandma without worrying about the feed schedule, and, frankly, I like to drink wine . This weekend DH and I are going on a much-anticipated date night, which again wouldn't be possible without expressing. Plus my DH does an expressed-milk feed at 11pm every night, leaving me free to go to bed at 9 and get a few solid hours of sleep in before the night feed. If fatigue may be an issue for you, I'd recommend giving expressing a go.

Many people prefer the convenience of not expressing, but I like the freedom and I've never found it problematic. I use a hand pump and a microwave steriliser.

I found BFing easy to establish, not sore or painful even from the start.
I've often said they seemed to take to it like ducklings to water
So I was lucky in that way I think

But it could be tiring and demanding sometimes especially when they were feeding often and for longer periods - usually in the earlier days.

I think it can be convenient, for example we took dd to a music festival at about 4 mths old which we couldn't really have done if she wasn't being BF.

But I think the main benefits are the health ones particularly for the baby, and personally I feel it's good for the baby's sense of closeness to mother too.

Good luck with it all. Hope you enjoy your baby days as much as I did. Get out as much as you can and meet up with others. If you can't get out then hope we'll see you here!

I would also say, don't worry about it being all or nothing. This idea that if you have bottles in the house you "might give in" or be tempted or whatever is I feel a little defeatist. If you give one bottle, that doesn't mean you have to stop breastfeeding! :) It's really fine to go with the flow and chop and change, especially when you're working things out. Supply can be built up again, latch can be re-learned. Get your support in place so that if you do have one of those "It's all too much and I can't do it!" moments, you know where to go and what to do.

Sorry have not read all of the later posts, so might be repeating. But it's worth repeating