Can I ask, how hard is breastfeeding? Honestly?

[Firstimer2015]

I'm overdue with DC1, so have been possibly stupidly reading online about bf to try and prepare myself for what's to come.

I'm not adverse to formula feeding at all, in fact I don't know anyone who has breastfed so ff is the norm to me. However, I decided months ago to give bf a try because of the health benefits, but also, mostly because I thought it would be easier.

I have an illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so I get tired very quickly (although I know anyone with a newborn baby would be chornically tired!). I thought bf would be easier, in that I wouldn't have to get up and make bottles, wait for them to be ready, steralise them etc etc, especially in the middle of the night. I thought I could just put the baby on my boob without having to even get up and it would be easier that way.

I'm having doubts now though. I knew before it can be painful if the latch isn't right so your nipples can be sore etc, but what I really, really didn't anticipate was how often babies feed! As I said, I've only ever been around ff babies, so I'm used to them feeding every 3 hours or so. I had no idea bf can sometimes be every 2 hours, and for hours and hours at a time (cluster feeding I think I read it's called).

It's just made me question my decision, as I thought bf would be the easier option (that is of course, if baby takes to it - have bought bottles just in case) but now I'm wondering if it's actually the harder option?

I just want to do best by my baby, but also I don't want to wear myself out so much that I'm unable to care for the baby properly, so just wondered what other peoples experiences are?

In fact I cried when they said my latch was fine as I was hoping they were going to tell me that it was awful, show me how to do it properly and the pain would go away! No such luck.

I think me and DS had a pretty easy time of it, I BF until he was 7 months by which time he was only on 3 feeds a day. Early days I found easy too, we co slept so I would latch him on and doze back off myself - I felt far more rested with a newborn than I had done throughout pregnancy! If he cried or was grumpy boob was always the answer I loved it! DS2 due in 10 days so will see how BF goes with him, but not going to stress about it if it doesn't work out

YY more than one HCP said the latch was perfect but I was still in tears every feed it was toe curling.

I have both CFS and Fibromyalgia and I formula fed my youngest for many reasons.
If I was having a bad turn which I did, I relapsed so bad I was bed bound and there was no way I could have bf.
I knew it was happening as the further along I got, I was seeing the signs of it
I discussed with my oh for a while and we decided no bf.
This way when I did get bad, my partner could take over and feed. I didn't even have the energy to hold a pump never mind a baby
I got a kettle and separate steriliser, formula upstairs for night feeds and did them up there. Which was easier. I had a big comfy chair in little ones room and sat there feeding.
But on bad days I could leave my other half to it and he would feed without needing me
We could also leave with family on bad days when oh was working and they had their own stuff.
He slept through at 2 months so would sleep from 8pm until 7 am.

Sounds like an example of for might add to the discussion. I ff both mine, 15 year age gap between. Tried to bf but did not work for me. Ff has got much easier. 15 years ago it was milton, taking ages to sterilise etc. Now it's 4.5 minutes in the microwave, make 6-8 bottles in advance (1 days supply, which I know nowadays is not advised but everyone does it and even the hv admit if you've got an older child you probably did it with them!!). Wash bottles by hand or in Dishwasher. When going out I use a ready made carton so no bother about warming. When we've gone away we've taken litre bottles of ready made milk so didn't have to make any milk. Both babies fed every 3.5-4 hours, slept through at 5 and 13 weeks. My first slept great. Second still wakes but not for food. I'll be honest with you, I was never anywhere near as tired as my friends who bf, but it really does depend on the baby. Before my second I was happy to either bf or ff and bought all the gear for both. See how it goes. If you don't open anything you can take it back to mothercare for a refund...

With my first it was a struggle to get him to latch properly and feed enough (etc etc). In desperation I found a baby café where the lovely ladies gave me tea, sympathy, and excellent patient calming advice which turned it all around and I ended up bf until he was nearly 2. With my second I saw the hospital breastfeeding advice lady before I left, and went back to the baby café just to be sure! My advice is to get the once-over from the breastfeeding specialists (rather than MW or health visitors who might perhaps be more hit and miss) as soon as possible. Once I/we got the hang of it bf was super convenient and easy - for night feeds but also not having to remember a thousand things of bottles and formula and sterilising just to leave the house - and I was glad that I persevered in the first place.

Ps also my husband loved sharing the feeds so it's great sharing everything, and even the older brother can share the experience. Would add 15 years ago if you'd said you were feeding on demand people would have thought you were mental. Every 4 hours was normal. I still did more or less every 4 hours with my second. I understand from friends you can feed strictly every 4 hours when bf too!

When I started bf dc1 I thought it to be awful. The worst thing ever, my boobs hurt, my nipples hurt, couldn't wrap a towel round them. I cried for days/weeks. Bfing to my mind was torture compared to giving birth. By day 3 I was mix feeding with ff and took myself of to the local bf clinic which helped. After about 4 wks I got the hang of it and dropped ff as got fed up with sterilising. Ended up bf for over a year. Forward another year dc2 came along. Thought bf easy as pie..... how wrong was I. Was back at square 1. I cried I mixed bf and ff back to the bf clinic. Didn't want to continue. Life was awful. But again at 4wks got easier and I kept going over a year again. For me the start was always the worst. At the end of the day you have to do what is best for you xxx

I think you would be less tired with breastfeeding, for the reasons you mention, but I don't have any experience of formula feeding. If you really suffer with a lack of sleep, then once you get your supply established (after 6 weeks or so), dad can give a bottle for one of the night feeds. This could be expressed or formula milk really.

Breastfeeding is less work than FF, once you get through the first few weeks. The demands are intense for those weeks, with cluster feeding etc being the norm. If it's your first baby, you have the luxury of putting your feet up in front of a good box set while baby is in this phase. Learning to BF lying down and co-sleeping can really help things.

A bit of soreness can happen in the first few weeks. It generally gets better as you and the baby get more practice and the baby gets better head control. Lanisoh is your friend! Real pain or cracked nipples are not normal and a sign of something wrong.

I would spend your time finding out what breastfeeding support is in your area, in case you do need a bit of help in those first few weeks. look into organisations like NCT (they have a telephone helpline), La Leche League (they saved us when DD had tongue tie!) and breastfeeding cafes in your area (your health visitor should tell you all about these in the first visit).

Talking to people who have breastfed for at least 6 months or so (i.e. through the more difficult bit) will reassure you and give you lots of positive stories. It won't help if you go into it thinking it will be difficult and you might fail. Good luck with it all! x

I've had a little google for breastfeeding drop in centres near me, so at least I know there are places I can go for help if I do get into difficulty :)

I bf my ds for the first three mouths. We struggled at first and ended up back in the maternity unit after 5 days as We just couldn't get a proper latch BUT that was more down to him being early and had an immature/lazy mouth. It didn't hurt at all.. Although the cluster feeding did kill me!! My advise to anyone would be don't go by the book. Find out what works for you and lo. I had my mum telling to give ds water to "string him out", my SIL control fed so I had to try that, MW told me not to wind so I had a collicy baby for two weeks, then the bf advisor at my local clinic told me to wind him throughout his feeds, then another one told me to wind him only once he's finished. I was tearing my hair out. But at night is feed him and then wake dh up to wind him so i could snooze then latch him back on. The only problem was thanks to all the "advise" I had a colicky newborn that needed meds before each feed. So I had to express.. Medicate.. Wait.. Latch

But I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat!!!! I just wish I wasn't so self conscious and anxious when in public.. Def won't be like that again!!
Good luck :)

I found it incredibly hard and gave up after getting severe mastitis. Very little help from the midwives who only made flying visits due to the amount of women they needed to see. I wanted to breastfeed but did not get the support I needed in hospital or from the community midwives.

I have a condition that comes with chronic fatigue, and although it's generally ok during pregnancy it comes back with a vengeance soon after birth. I did manage to bf both DC until 14 months. DS1 was prem so I did have a faff on with expressing and tube feeding for a bit until he could bf himself. He did have quite a few months of cluster feeding, and I needed some support getting through that, since not one HCP had mentioned it, or even knew what I was on about when I asked, so I went to bf groups and got through it.

DS1 also had really bad colic, so I would feed him and DH would wind him (he was always way better than me at it!), so although I was doing all the feeds he was supporting and helping with the bits he could take on. He got very ill at 10mo, and refused to eat, so bf on demand worked well as it seemed to comfort him as well as getting vital calories in (his weight plummeted due to his illness).

DS2 was a dream to feed - first feed at a few minutes old, and he was always a super fast guzzler that never once got wind or needed burping. Then he got to 14mo and started biting so that was the end of that!

I never really had much pain during feeds. I used lansinoh to stop nipple cracking, which worked a treat for me. I loved bf because I didn't have to think about taking bottles and formula with me, and being able to feed DC while lying down and not having to get up was a massive bonus. The problem I did have was both DC were bottle refusers, so going back to work when they were 8mo meant they had little milk through the day but properly made up for it as soon as we got home!

Also, don't assume that because you bf you can also express. With DS1 I managed to express loads, and had a very decent freezer stash. With DS2, I really struggled with expressing anything, so packed that in at about 10mo. He has always been an excellent eater of solids though, so would happily eat at nursery they get his daily milk intake as soon as I was home.

All i can say is, make sure you don't listen too much to feeding advice from friends/family who have never bf. I ha a lot of pressure from family for feeding too often (they really didn't get that bf is on demand, not every 3hr), how they couldn't cope not knowing how many ounces the baby had, how they couldn't possibly be getting enough as they'd seen the expressed milk and it looked all watery, and so on. Ignore all that, and get proper advice from bf support groups, and Kellymom is a good website with a lot of info. Also, not all MW are experts on bf. When I had DS2, a MW popped her head round the door of the 4 bedded bag I was in and announced to the other ladies that is done bf before so they were to ask me for advice! I was bloody gobsmacked!

4 bedded bay, and I've done bf before. Long days and fat fingers do not a sensible post make!

I found breast feeding a totally natural process and dead easy. Baby just wanted to do it and latched on like it was his life's purpose. I am fit and healthy, lost baby weight in days and fed my insatiable hunger. I fed him for 8 months, but obviously weaned at approx 6.

The best thing to remember, in my opinion, is that if your baby ends up bottle fed, for whatever reason, he or she will definitely not be any worse off. Sometimes it doesn't go as smoothly as in some lucky people's experiences. But baby needs to eat, and will enjoy a bottle just as much. Advantages and disadvantages to both.

I found the first 3 wks or so tough. What helped me was seeing the specialist bf clinic at my hospital (I went 2-3 times in the 1st wk), husband winding my ds so I had a gap esp at night, learning to feed lying down and a supportive family/friends to encourage me.
Once its established its great as you have a perfect soothing method whenever your baby needs it. You also never have to worry about under or over feeding as long as baby seems happy at the end of a feed!

I also recommend the kellymom website - busts a lot of feeding myths. Good luck with your baby.

also

Here's a study that shows exclusive breastfeeding means you are likely to get more sleep....
breastfeedingtoday-llli.org/why-breastfeeding-is-good-for-mothers-mental-health/

Scroll down a good bit for the details

OP as you can see every mum has their own experiences of feeding, and you're doing the right thing by researching before baby is here and trying to be prepared. And best to keep an open mind about it and see how you both get on. It's something that doesn't always come "naturally" and if it doesn't PLEASE don't beat yourself up about it. As long as baby is fed (however you choose) and is loved that's all that matters.

I would recommend asking your midwife or the ped after birth to check for tongue tie. It's something that can make feeding very painful (it did for me)

I had many issues which I won't go into detail about so decided to 'exclusively pump'. It meant I hand no pain, baby had 100% breastmilk and I could also get DH to help with feeds. HOWEVER, it meant crap loads of sterilising (bottles and pump parts) and pumping every 6/7 times a day including setting my alarm at 4am (while DD happily slept through!) to ensure I had enough milk for her. Looking back I'm pretty sure I had PND and still mourn the fact I couldn't breastfeed...I did it for seven months then had to stop due to illness. I wish I had just enjoyed her more instead of beating myself up and obsessing about breastmilk...

Anyway, just trying to say, enjoy your baby, and congratulations

I went into DD1 wanting to breast feed but being relaxed about it. As it happened, she went into NICU for 2 weeks so I had to start off expressing. Having had DD2 10 weeks ago, I now realise that early expressing and only beginning bf at 5 days old meant that I missed out a painful couple of days during the colostrum stage (ie; constant feeding, knackered nipples, etc). I fed up to almost a year with DD1 with no problems (apart from a bit of nibbling as she teethed early. Second time round, I got a yeast infection thanks to antibiotics at birth but it was kind of grateful to know it was an infection as I was sure I didn't remember bf hurting that much! Now we're fully into the swing of things and I'm noticing my baby is going longer between feeds, spending slightly longer at it (though still only 10-15 mins). I'm looking forward to more of the same and feeding for as long as she wants it. I can honestly say that there is not one single feeling any better than a fat little milk fed baby snuggling into your neck in the middle of the night, however the milk got in there!

It is painful at first, regardless of how good the latch is - but persevere. It will get easier! It took me 9 weeks to get bf established with DD1, but as it was the only thing I could do right after her traumatic birth, I was determined, despite her initial refusal to latch due to grogginess from drugs given to her during labour and post natally. I had quite flat nipples as well, so it was hard for her to latch, but used nipple shields to help draw them out (sorry if tmi!) which really helped - worth a go if you find it difficult for that reason. In the end I fed her until she weaned herself at 17 months. Now bf DD2, who latched straight away, and despite initial nipple soreness (and I mean eye-wateringly painful for the first week), it's now easy peasy. The weight, like last time, is falling off - 3 months in, I'm back in my size 10 skinny jeans, having gained 4 stone during my pregnancy (I'm not exaggerating!). With all the health benefits for you both, the comfort it offers baby and the bonding it engenders, not to mention how much easier than faffing with sterilisers, I can't imagine why there's ever a discussion about whether or not to do it - there are very few women who genuinely can't breastfeed. Good luck!

I was so determined to breast feed that I fed through severe mastitis and extreme pain for 8 weeks. And then I developed a massively swollen breast but I ignored it because I was so determined that I needed to stick at breast feeding. Eventually I had to go to the GP and she diagnosed I had a massive abscess and referred me to hospital immediately where I stayed for 48hrs having intravenous antibiotics. I'm a single mother and so my mother stayed with my DD and bottle fed her whilst I was in hospital feeling just awful. Moral of the story, please please just focus on doing what works for you. I still wish I could have breast fed so I agree with others who say that it is worth persevering...but I would also say that you need to accept that if it isn't working then it is ok to stop. I almost hugged the GP when she said that I had given 90% of the antibodies from breast feeding by sticking at it for 6 weeks.

Luckily I had a friend who had breast fed her 3 babies, so she helped, advised and encouraged me, whilst midwives, health workers etc told me, that i wasn't making enough milk. I was feeding my baby every 2 hours, breasts always felt soft. I was so pleased to prove them wrong when baby was weighed and had put on weight, without topping up with formula. Dd soon settled down, to 3 - 4 hourly feeds, I bf for 11 months, until one night I asked my husband to offer her a drink from a cup, the house shook and she never cried for a night feed again. Both of my babies were breast fed and never had a cold. I recommend breast feeding, but you need a good mentor for the first few weeks.

Ooh, should add - both my girls have slept through 9 hour stretches from 7 weeks... So far anyway!

I realise that everyone has completely different experiences but my personal experience is fantastic. I went into it open minded, thinking I would feed if I could but not worry if I couldn't.
I have fed three dc for around eighteen months each and had no problems whatsoever either when establishing feeding and throughout. All latched on perfectly straight away, I got into a routine fairly quickly and night times were easy. None of them would take ebm or formula from a bottle but I wasn't at work so happily bf. Holidays and night time feeds were so so easy.

Don't worry too much about it and see what happens. I would say that I believe my experiences were entirely down to luck!

Oh breastfeeding. I found it difficult. I still have guilt about the whole thing! My first was unwell at birth and we didn't have a good shot at it. He was hooked up to machines etc and it was all a bit surreal. I expressed breastmilk (felt like a cow hooked up to a machine) as I was so determined to get it into him, particularly as he was unwell. Because the latch wasn't happening, hospital put on a lot of pressure to feed him with formula to keep his strength up. From then on (he's well now, which is the important thing of course!) it was me mixed feeding but I never had much confidence he was getting actual breastmilk from me.

For my second baby, I was so determined to do it right but again we had a stint in the hospital. Again I was under pressure to formula feed and again I mixed fed, but for a shorter time as I developed not one but two bloody bouts of mastitis in the first few months which I found very painful and that was the end of that.

Still with the guilt. I read all the pamphlets and I knew all the pros of breastfeeding. I just couldn't make it work unfortunately.

All you can do is be informed (which you've done), get any support you can and do your best. And I've got a lot of nerve saying this to you but don't beat yourself up whatever happens. Also, YY to drinking loads of water.