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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Bottle Feeding

117 replies

riab · 06/11/2006 10:57

In support of parents who bottle feed their child.

Why do Parents bottle feed?
Every Parent should have a choice of how they wish to feed their baby, however there are some circumstances in which parents unfortunately do not have a choice.
Lets look at some of the reasons why you might be bottle-feeding;
The natural mother of the child is not present because;
you are adoptive parents
you are a single dad
you are the grandparents of the child
You are a gay couple
Obviously in any of these cases breastfeeding is not possible. There are however a few couples who have successfully managed to breastfeed adopted babies - this is usually possible if you are already nursing one child.

The natural mother of the child is ill;
HIV
Cancer
Any illness which depletes the immune system or involves weakness/loss of weight/appetite or prolonged hospital stays
Apart from HIV there is no risk to your baby from breastfeeding when you are ill, however lets look at the risks and benefits to all members of the family. It is important to ensure that you have enough rest and food at all times in your life but especially after having a new baby. If you are ill this becomes even more vital in order for you to have a full recovery. Struggling to breastfeed whilst being ill and possibly having to bring a baby back into hospital with you in order to do so may not be the best option for you and your family.

You find the idea emotionally or mentally difficult to cope with
Some women find the idea of breastfeeding a very difficult one. This can be because of prior sexual abuse, a bad pregnancy and labour or simply because for some women their breasts feel very personal and the idea of using them to feed is not pleasant one.
Counselling can help to overcome these feelings. HOWEVER, after the birth is NOT the time to begin this counselling process. You are tired and emotional and coping with a period of enormous change. This is never a good time to undergo deep therapy.
It will take time to deal with the issues in an appropriate setting. If you want to breastfeed but feel that issues like these may interfere with your ability to do so successfully and enjoyably then please seek professional help before you get pregnant if at all possible.

It is painful
This is one of the most common reasons women chose to transfer to formula after attempting to breastfeed. Issues may be helped by a fully trained breastfeeding counsellor, however if you have been given assistance and you are still suffering pain/cracked nipples/ mastitis then bottle feeding may offer you and your baby a more enjoyable and manageable way of feeding Ongoing pain is not good for the mother, it will make feeding times difficult and something to dread rather than something to enjoy. Any pain or tension in the carer can communicate itself to the baby, it is far better for your baby to feel warm and loved and safe.

You do not produce enough milk
According to health experts this is rare, but the feeling and worry that you aren't producing enough milk can be very upsetting and tiring. If you are concerned then try expressing. It is also very very important to feed at least 8 times a day in the first few days. Many new babies are very sleepy and it is tempting to let them go longer between feeds but this can led to your milk supply not building up as quickly as possible.
Tiredness, stress and tension (from pain or misery) can also contribute towards a difficult feeding session. If your baby is losing weight or not putting weight on please talk to your health visitor.

The natural mother of the baby needs to return to work
It is possible to breastfeed while at work if your job allows for it and you have understanding employers, but some jobs are not that flexible. The commonly quoted example is that you can 'easily pop into the toilets or a quiet room at lunchtime and express/feed your baby' If the mother has an office job this may be easy but not every women works as an administrative assistant in a nice office.
Here are some examples of jobs in which you may find it difficult to breastfeed;
Jobs which require travel / overnight stays
High pressured jobs in which lunch is eaten at the desk or in meetings
Outdoor jobs where there are no private/sterile storage facilities
Physical or site based jobs
Any job where taking time out to deal with personal matters are frowned upon (whether expressing breast milk or sorting out your sick cat)
Aside from the constraints of the job itself some women feel that they want to give 100% to their job and needing special arrangements or taking time out to feed a baby is not how they want to conduct their working life.

Any of these might be reasons to formula feed, whatever your reasons are remember that Bottle feeding is a safe alternative for parents who are not able to or choose not to breastfeed.

GOOD LUCK

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 10/11/2006 14:02

(Oh, and in some cases, mums with HIV should be breastfeeding. Granted, this is particularly true if they are in a country where getting clean/safe formula is unlikely, but still.)

And "If you are concerned then try expressing." isn't a very good response to women with supply concerns. Babies are very good at getting milk out of breasts - much better than machines are. Many mums worry about supply, then try expressing, only to get nothing out, and then become convinced their baby is starving, when the baby is absolutely fine.

riab · 10/11/2006 14:11

Tiktok and NCQ, I appreicate you have your own views but I am really hoping this thread can be a source of support for women who have choosen to FF. If you want to tell them why they should try even if they are ill/hate the idea/or any of the other reasons then please do so elsewhere when they ask for your views.

OP posts:
tiktok · 10/11/2006 14:20

riab, in answer to the other post, no one has a right to tell anyone why they 'should' breastfeed.

But yes, healthcare providers have a role in sharing information which can then be used by the mother.

The information is that her choices in infant feeding have an impact on her baby.

Why would they not share that information?

It might take skill to do it in a way that does not feel like a bombardment or pressure, or making the mother feel stupid.

I think a good analogy might be with a mother who chooses not to immunise - in the UK this is certainly still a parental choice, but the healthcare professional is obliged to share the information on the outcomes of this decision. The parent might feel that other issues over-ride this information, of course, but they do need to be informed, don't you agree?

Another analogy might be the parent whose physical condition makes it likely that her baby would be safer being born by caesarean section. The mother may want to have a vaginal birth, because (lets say) she has a serious fear of surgery. The HCP needs to let her know that while her preference is a factor in her choice, there are implications for her baby going down this route.

As I say, a skilled practitioner can do all of this without making the mother feel stupid or evil

tiktok · 10/11/2006 14:23

But you did ask for my views, at 1.46.51

I would only ever offer them if asked!

mummaj · 10/11/2006 15:10

myrty, I just read your post and it made me really angry and upset for you. I am sure the MW you encountered is speaking complete GUFF! I would have loved to have breast fed my daughter unfortunately she was breech and low birth weigh so I was unable to... in complete contrast to what has been said here I was pressurised into bottle feeding her as 'she needed the sugar from formula' - The hospital provided me with sterelised bottles, free formula (with a choice of brands) AND a BP! As it was unplanned I did (& early) I didn't have any sterelising equipment at home but I found this website...which was EXCELLENT!

You can buy completely sterile bottles and teats in different shapes and sizes that are delivered the following day! They also supply hospitals nationally so you can rest assured that they ARE sterile!

I found apart from not needing a stereliser because you can chuck them out, they were also BRILLIANT for taking out and about with you as you didn't have to worry about how long they would be sterile for etc.

This would be perfect to take with you to hospital and for the first few days at home whilst you are getting to grips with things:

www.sterifeed.com

However I am convinced that it is not possible for a maternity ward not have sterelising and bottle feeding equipment that is ridiculous surely?!

tiktok · 10/11/2006 16:19

mummaj, it's not correct that the midwife is talking guff!!

There are a few maternity units which do not supply formula feeds and equipment - mothers have to bring them in.

They will have the stuff there in case someone forgets or changes their mind overnight, but the principle is that ff mothers have to have their own supplies.

Maternity units can decide for themselves what they will give and what you have to bring in yourself.

mummaj · 10/11/2006 16:44

So it is guff & they do have it

tiktok · 10/11/2006 16:51

???

Keep your shirt on. You were wrong, and I was right. You decided to tell Myrty (and everyone else who reads this board) on the basis of your own personal experience that her midwife was incorrect.

Myrty said "Today MW said I would have to take sterilizer, bottles, warmer and all into labour ward as nothing was avaliable there, and really it would be easier/better to BF - and that bottle feeding was only provided for those who really needed it"

You said it was guff. I said it wasn't. And it isn't.

Myrty's midwife didn't say there was nothing there. Bottle feeding is provided for those who 'really need it' ie the ones who have forgotten or change their minds.

mummaj · 10/11/2006 17:09

Am keeping my shirt on, the message said "MW said I would have to take sterilizer, bottles, warmer and all into labour ward as nothing was avaliable there"... And as you and I know it is available. Was my trying to prevent panic a problem? I mean if myrty couldn't get ready sterelised bottles or forgot them or went into labour early she wouldn't be left with a starving baby would she.

I also understand your point that mothers who actively choose to FF or have a specific formula/bottle preference will be asked to provide for this, in exactly the same way BF mothers have to bring their own boobs!

But there is no need to panic yourself (myrty)about where to get these items etc as you wouldn't be left without. And as you have seen from lots of messages on this board you can get these items from several places.

mozi · 11/11/2006 22:11

I am so disappointed by this thread. I was looking for a place where i could discuss my experiences wrt feeding my baby and instead all I find is bitchiness. Riab - thank you for starting this thread but at the moment I don't feel i can share my experiences for fear that they will be held up to examination. Socity already makes mothers who FF feel bad without it happening here too. When I feel bad about what has happened wrt feeding a friend of mine is fond of telling me that there are worse things you can do than give a baby a bottle - and the worse of all is to see it go without. I look forward to posting here when the environment is more friendly. XX

flibbertyjibbet · 12/11/2006 00:08

Mozi, I have noticed that happens on a lot of 'feeding' threads. And agree completely with you. Don't feel bad about how you feed your baby, with DS1 I beat myself up completely for 6 months till he was weaned. I think what matters more than breast or bottle is how you love and nurture your baby into a happy confident little person as this is how they get the most out of life.

tiktok · 12/11/2006 09:41

mozi, if you are referring to the exchange I had with mummaj, that wasn't bitchy It was a bit of robust banter, that's all! And there are several posts that use discussion and questions and sharing of experience - how can you say you find 'nothing but bitchiness' on the thread? And I don't think anyone's feeding experiences have been 'held up for examination', have they??

Threads on a talk board are a conversation - just as you might have in real life. Other people join in and throw in a comment or an experience, and the conversation goes down different roads and highways and byways....sometimes the original post gets forgotten, just as the opening line in a conversation gets forgotten.

It would be fine for you to start a new thread along the lines you want, and ask for people to share.....there are many threads where people do share their formula feeding experiences and they seem to get support and information from them.

amijee · 12/11/2006 17:03

Personally, I don't know what all the fuss is about. If people were truly happy with their decisions they would not feel sensitive and feel they needed to justify it to anyone. It's all a question of self confidence and self esteem.

I am currently breast feeding - soon i'm likely to add formula - i have my reasons. I am comfortable with that. End of!

riab · 12/11/2006 21:07

Mozi, I am relaly sorry some pro BF people have taken the opportunity to come along and add their views into this.

I really wanted this to be a thread for FF parents and carers could share their concerns, handy tips and personal experiences WITHOUT the moralisitc and rightoues comments like;

"hardly any of your reasons why women may not be able to breastfeed stand up. I have known directly or indirectly women who breastfeed/supply breastmilk in virtually all those circumstances - yes, including adoptive mothers, including mothers ill with cancer (not when undergoing chemotherapy though)."

Please to you and everyone who is or who wishes to FF, please don't leave the thread. I've successfully weathered the stomrs of bottle feeding and i'm happy to share any tips i may have. I'd also love to hear other peoples experiences.

If you are a BFer or a midwife then please go and find another thread where people are asking for your opinion and advice.

OP posts:
moondog · 12/11/2006 21:17

Ah Riab,you now moniter who does and doesn't come on 'your' threads do you??

Grow up why dontcha????

krimbokrackerskayzed · 12/11/2006 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchTwoOh · 12/11/2006 21:32

riab, i ff and i do see what you were trying to do but you can't honestly think that tiktok is anything other than sensitive to the issues, surely?
she's very often the one and only voice of reason on the trusty old bf/ff flareups, and always makes a point of acknowledging that sometimes, albeit rarely it just isn't possible for some women to breastfeed.
however, if in her experience most of the oft-trotted out physical reasons don't stand up then can't we allow her to share her expertise? i really don't think that segregating ff threads from bf threads is the way to go, we each have a lot to learn from the other.

and mozi, if you think that tiktok was being rude and bitchy then bless your heart you just haven't met Moondog yet.

moondog · 12/11/2006 21:36

I think the thread makes interesting reading and I am always.....invigorated by the opinions of formula feeders on the so called 'breast feeding' threads.

Tis odd that Riab thinks she can police it however.

Internet forums don't work like that.

Evenin' Aitch.

lulumama · 12/11/2006 21:52

moondog.....

riab... i formula fed...and posted my support for this thread

i didn;t post because i felt the need to closet myself away from breast feeders and midwives...or anyone else!

i am training to be a doula...one of my main concerns is learning about breast feeding as i need to be able to make sure if the mums i am looking after are having difficulties i can point them in the right direction ......especially as i have not bf myself..

so i would be very ticked off if i asked breast feeders or midwives..or the exceedingly knowledgeable tik tok for advice and they told me to go elsewhere because i am not a breast feeder......

as moondog said, you can't post a thread on an internet forum and only allow certain people to post !

i fully appreciate the sentiment of this post to give support to mums who are formula feeding....but i am not surprised that breast feeding mums are entering into some debate

my main reason for not breast feeding DS was .... i didn't want to ! end of!

with DS, i could have, with the right support....

the whole thing about mumsnet..is sharing, debating and supporting...not excluding....IMO

moondog · 12/11/2006 21:54

No heavy sighing tonight Lulu.
I promise.
Cross my heart.

lulumama · 12/11/2006 21:56

go on moondog....for moi??

made me feel soooo special last time!

loopybear · 12/11/2006 21:57

I was pleased to see this thread, maybe Mozi you'd feel better if you started your own thread. I literally didn't have any milk come in (don't need to go into how I know this cos at the time I posted and got tons of support). I was desparate to BF and distraught and not being able to and got tons of support on here as I went through the emotions. DH made a point a few weeks ago asking why I always explained the my BF disaster to people whilst feeding DD (now FF). He pointed out if I managed to BF I wouldn't explain to people why I was FF and no-one has ever condemmed me for FF. I think sharing disappoint at not being able to BF helps the healing process emmensely but if you choose to FF for whatever reason you shouldn't feel guilty or the need to explain some women just don't want to. mmm am going to take my own advice. My own experience is MN was a great support to me in my feeding experience.

loopybear · 12/11/2006 21:58

Sorry meant to say He pointed out if I managed to BF I wouldn't explain to people why I was BF not FF

amijee · 12/11/2006 22:07

can i just add that mum's net has kept me breast feeding at times when i felt like giving up because it was too hard. Other going thru similar experiences is a great help.

Having said that, I understand some of the sentiments from the formula feeders. I think the attitude of breast feeders probably comes from having done it and sacrificed a fair bit to do it ( esp the ones that express all their milk - lots of dedication) ...they are probably a bit smug about it.

If I put my hand on my heart, I too, feel a bit smug about the fact that I felt like giving up many times and am still doing it. That would really piss me off if I formula fed.

AitchTwoOh · 12/11/2006 22:10

isn't that funny, amijee? one of my friends expressed everything for 5 months and not once did she ever feel like a bfer... it was actually the physical act that she grieved for.

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