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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

What to say to people who say "this formula is CLOSEST to breastmilk" -

405 replies

Lucy1977 · 05/11/2006 21:56

Hi

I don't want to cause offence to anyone, but in my mind an infant formula cannot be "closest" to breastmilk but I cant get my words together to explain this to people who say "I use "x" formula because it's supposed to be closest to breastmilk".

Anyone help?

Thanks
Lucy

OP posts:
MKG · 08/11/2006 22:43

Walnutshell,

If you call New Jersey exotic, than sure. We do have beaches, but they're really polluted.

Walnutshell · 08/11/2006 22:49

Polluted is bad, but still sounds exotic to me! I mean, hey, have you BEEN to Nottingham (UK version, that is)...

PS Being really nosey but - circumcision, why?? Ignore if you wish x

belgianmama · 08/11/2006 22:51

All this talk about bf'ing tents and Americans who think that bf'ing is for hippies makes me want to jump on the first plane to the US, lift my top up & give them all a BIG shock by bf'ing in public. It can really make me so angry that people think that feeding in public is disgusting.
As for the OP: yes, just shrug & smile. You know better...

MKG · 08/11/2006 22:54

It's just the norm here. I actually left it up to dh. Since I don't have a penis I didn't really feel like an expert on the subject. He isn't circumsized but wishes that he was, so we had it done.

The funny thing is that when I took ds to Mexico to meet his grandmother, she changed his diaper and got scared because she had never seen an circumsized penis before. She insisted we take him to the doctor, and since the doctor didn't know what it was he told her ds had a urinary tract infection. I tried to explain that everything was perfectly normal, but they thought otherwise.

Walnutshell · 08/11/2006 22:56

Belgianmama,

B'fing tents? Eh? But anyway, I am on that plane with you and with BREASTS ON SHOW!
Totally and utterly agree. Cannot emphasise enough.

Must away to bed now so if I fall silent, it is only because sleep calling!

MKG · 08/11/2006 22:57

You Europeans are so scandalous!! Please don't bring your free flying breasts to our puritanical society.

Walnutshell · 08/11/2006 22:59

MKG, gosh we humans do mess around with ourselves, huh?
Better go to bed before I make inappropriate penis comment! In good taste really, of course!

MKG · 08/11/2006 23:01

Please don't come with uncircumsize penises hanging out too. I have images of breasts and penises everywhere. and

Walnutshell · 08/11/2006 23:02

Really am taking my free flying (lol!) breasts to bed now, they will be required by DS at some imminent(ish) point.
'Night xx

MKG · 08/11/2006 23:02

good night.

belgianmama · 08/11/2006 23:04

Night night Walnut. Sweet dreams about flying breasts & related subjects.....

somethingunderthebedisdrooling · 08/11/2006 23:07

some threads take on a life of their own. anyway the most obvious way of telling the world i was bf was the try to cover dd at anything past, say, 4 months. with all the wiggling and head turning it was a no go. i tried it at a wedding with a pretty silk scarf thinking i'd look chic what with my pretty dress and all and it must have looked a nightmare!

as long as i don't try to throw something over her, she is quite still and patient even at shock 19 months.

belgianmama · 08/11/2006 23:13

I only ever covered myself up once in the GP surgery with a waiting room full of old men. That made me feel quite uncomfortable & self conscious. Otherwise I always felt my jumpers covered me up well enough.

belgianmama · 08/11/2006 23:15

I did stop bf'ing my toddlers in public due to the looks: bf'ing an 18-22 month old? Yes I was made to feel like a real pervert, but to me they were only babies. Sad that they've outgrown that now too.

somethingunderthebedisdrooling · 08/11/2006 23:47

i have always been really modest about my body and boobs esp. but you know what, when my baby and now toddler is hungry, i will feed her anywhere and won't hesitate to do so. the child is hungry the primordial part of me says and i have no shame to lift my top. i hope i have some mercy to anyone were ever to announce disapproval as i feel i will go straight into mamma bear mode.

i hope not so sound preachy now. mkg, you have been so patient with us and boy, has this thead moved on. i can begin to understand how you feel. i am sorry that you have found it so difficult to come to terms with bf. it sounds like all culturally imposed inhibitions. at first i found it confusing as you have held the same positions on previous threads too. it does sound to me that you would like to be successful with bf the second time round. please go to a LLL or other bf group before you have your baby. (and come back and tell us what you thinK!) it should help in lots of ways for after baby gets here.

and if you want to bf under a receiving blanket in the early days while infront of other people, then do. is your mil around? it sounds like she could help you in the early days as well.

MKG · 09/11/2006 02:26

somethingunderthebedisdrooling,

Thanks for the support, and no my mil is not around. I've only met her twice as she doesn't live in this country. We're like strangers. I have 1 sil that can help me, but we don't have that kind of relationship where we talk about personal things.

eidsvold · 09/11/2006 03:15

women who think their way is the only way rather than those who like most that seem to be on here that are more of the live and let live variety..... I have had terrible things said to me regarding formula feeding dd1 which in the grand scheme of things was really the least of my worries...

have heard stories of terrible things said by midwives and post natal ward staff to mothers who formula feed and I would go so far as to say they were extremists.

Have done both as I said before.... and believe whatever works for you and yours is what you do.

Personally is a mother has terrible guilt over formula feeding and thinking that is what helps her get through it then so be it.

eidsvold · 09/11/2006 03:18

I have had people scoff and ridicule me when I said my mother was physically unable to feed my brothers and I - she had a condition that prevented her breasts from working as they should -even had a woman call me a liar when I tried to explain - what is with that??

eidsvold · 09/11/2006 03:23

tiktok have seen plenty of these here in Aus - I only used a light muslin when I knew dd2 was too busy trying to see what was going on rather than feeding.

here

But generally - just lift the shirt and that was it.

somethingunderthebedisdrooling · 09/11/2006 10:23

MKG: i would make an approach to your sil. for you bf may be looking like a big, almost unclimbable mountain and coupled with your ambiguous feelings of bf and the western upbringing where you are encouraged to 'be an individual' and 'make your own successes' without much imput from others, it is truly hard to ask someone who is a relative stranger for support.

One thing about Mexican families, if you can do nothing else, you turn to them for unconditional support.

unless your sil is someone who is way off what i see a normal Mexican woman to be. (my family is Mexican descent and i grew up both in the US and the Caribbean with frequent trips to southern mexico) look at it from your sil's point of view. bf is a norm (apparently) and if it is something she has done successfully she surely won't see it as a big mountain. coupled with the Mexican way of thinking that you help family and friends out (mi casa es tu casa mentality). in fact, it may be one of the best opportunities to build a special relationship with her. she may be positively touched that you ask her for her support in the early days. bf is a learning experience about ourselves and our babies and our bodies and our interrelationships with others too in ways that are unfathomable and unexplainable at this moment. it is about taking little baby steps and gaining the confidence day by day. it is a physical as well a spiritual journey and can add such a rich facet to your own personal development.

Jimjams2 · 09/11/2006 10:41

MKG- had 3 kids- and some babies are far easier to feed than others. Could not feed my 3rd successfully - and that was after almost 4 years experience of breastfeeding. Don't beat yourself up about it. Getting sleepy babies to feed enough can be very difficult.

WhizzBangCaligula · 09/11/2006 10:54

Eidsvold I don't think those sorts of mw's are extremists, just under-trained. Anyone who knows how to support a woman to bf, doesn't say things like that to them because it doesn't support them.

Somethingunderthebedetc., I think the caution about asking someone to support you for whom bf is normal, is that sometimes they really can't understand what the big problem is. For them it's so normal, so natural, so obvious that you're going to bf, that they're utterly useless at helping you if you have problems. I have a friend who also comes from that Latin American culture and she was utterly flummoxed by my nightmares. She'd just never come across problems before. Sometimes, people who have never had a problem with something aren't the best people to support someone with a problem, not just in a bf scenario. (Which isn't to say that that's going to be automatically the case in your situation with your SIL, MKG, but just to caution that it might be so not to expect miracles - although of course it would be lovely if it worked out for you that way.)

hunkermunker · 09/11/2006 10:56

Jimjams, you had other things that prevented you from feeding DS3 successfully, no?

Jimjams2 · 09/11/2006 10:58

Actually it was ds2 who was sleepy. (he was also born 2 weeks early and undercooked, and had an infection). It was incredibly difficult establishing breastfeeding with him. Yes I managed it, but probably because I had breastfed successfully before, I don't think I would have without that experience.

hunkermunker · 09/11/2006 12:37

Similar with DS2 for me, JJ - what with the hospital demanding I gave him formula to get his blood sugar levels up and threatening me with the neonatal unit - if DS2 had been my first baby, I'd have given him formula, I think.