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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

What to say to people who say "this formula is CLOSEST to breastmilk" -

405 replies

Lucy1977 · 05/11/2006 21:56

Hi

I don't want to cause offence to anyone, but in my mind an infant formula cannot be "closest" to breastmilk but I cant get my words together to explain this to people who say "I use "x" formula because it's supposed to be closest to breastmilk".

Anyone help?

Thanks
Lucy

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 08/11/2006 15:46

i think it depends on the behaviour of the mother, whether she formula fed her child or not, how breastfeeding is seen by the child. eg; my cousin is 10 and was ff from day 1, he was 8 when i had dd and although he was curious in a nice way (asking questions but not staring iykwim) he didn't find it odd. a friends child of the sanme age however who was bf (extended i think) however felt the need to stand right next to and slightly behind me staring and commenting and generally being wierd. i think this is because my aunt doesn't even blink if i start to feed and treats it as perfectly normal wheras the other mother feels the need to start a conversation about feeding veery time and draw attention to it.

MKG · 08/11/2006 15:47

harpsichordcarrier,

Personally if a pregnant woman is put off by the post I wrote than she needs some professional help. She should do what she wants, not based on the opinion of someone who was giving an example of how we need to stay out of people's business.

PinkTulips · 08/11/2006 15:50

btw, think i might be a whipper outer since having ds, partly due to the fact that i'm so busy trying to rein in dd at the same time i often don't have the time or the free hand to be discreet!

find the idea of being scarred for life by it hilarious though! i remember visiting my aunt when he baby was 2 days old and her sitting in bed topless feeding and simply being curious and asking questions, certainly not scarred for life! again i think thishas more to do with parental attitudes than anything else, if your brought up to believe nudity is wrond and dirty you'll extend that mindset to everything including feeding

AitchTwoOh · 08/11/2006 15:51

i'm really curious to know in what way you were scarred for life by the sight of your aunt breastfeeding, mkg. i realise it might have come as a shock if you didn't know about bfing, but did no-one explain what was happening? how did that translate into actual scarring, rather than temporary confusion? what was it disturbed you so much? (i'd have been fascinated at the sight of a woman's breasts other than my mother's tired old norks at that age).

lockets · 08/11/2006 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MKG · 08/11/2006 15:56

tiktok,
I don't think total silence is the right thing, but advice about a sensitive subject should be given by someone in close to the person. I would trust my mom or sil, but not some random person that I just met. I would also trust a professional that says if you choose to you formula you need to know that it won't give the same benefits as breastmilk. They don't say that here in the US, they just nod their head and say ok. Which is a whole other issue in itself.

As far the "whipping it out". What I mean is just opening their shirt and letting their boobs hang out. Not exposing the nipple for the baby. Most people are discreet, but their is no bigger surprise that getting a coffee, turning around to find a seat, and see someone's entire breast exposed for all to see. You don't expect to see that, and you just say

hunkermunker · 08/11/2006 15:57

I think the person who needs professional help is the one who describes herself as being "scarred for life" by seeing someone bfeed.

hunkermunker · 08/11/2006 15:58

It's a BREAST, not a headless chicken, MKG! Unless you anatomy is somewhat different from mine!

MKG · 08/11/2006 15:59

AitchTwoOh--nope. I had no clue what was going on. It was more that her shirt was suddenly open and as she had no bra on her breasts were just out and about.

lulumama · 08/11/2006 15:59
AitchTwoOh · 08/11/2006 16:00

but some people find it difficult to bf without exposing more of their breasts. my friend just can't do it discreetly cos her baby won't co-operate unless he gets to cuddle into bare flesh. also she is quite large-breasted which may be a factor.
she's embarassed about it, but has to just get on with things as she wants to feed her child. if i was sitting next to you while she was doing it and you pulled so much as the tiniest of faces we would be having words, i tell you... she doesn't really need your disapproval when she's doing the best she can.

lulumama · 08/11/2006 16:00

why else would her shirt be open , especially if she had a baby or toddler with her?

tiktok · 08/11/2006 16:01

There is ' no bigger surprise that getting a coffee, turning around to find a seat, and see someone's entire breast exposed for all to see.'

Really? No bigger surprise than that?

MKG....sorry to be blunt, but this is evidence of an almost pathologically sheltered life!

If you truly feel shocked like this, then I accept you were indeed 'scarred for life' by that dreadful sight of your aunt breastfeeding.

I think it ill behoves you to suggest 'professional help' for the pg woman who might be put off bf by your post, though.

Your very own experience proves that people are sensitive and shockable - the pregnant woman wondering if she should or shouldn't breastfeed might well think she should not bother, lest you spill your coffee in shock....

AitchTwoOh · 08/11/2006 16:02

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tiktok · 08/11/2006 16:04

aitch, you were clearly a brazen hussy...did you not even think of the effect you might have had on other people??

Disgusting and selfish, I call it.

lulumama · 08/11/2006 16:05

at the risk of sounding unbeaarably soppy...the sight of a woman breastfeeding, IMO, is absolutely beautiful , and i FFed both of mine for various reasons.

the sight of my sister with her newborn at the breast made me sob!! it just looked so right......

and i loved watching my friend BF....!

maybe some of that was to do with not BFeeding myself...but i don;t mind seeing women bfeeding in public or whilst i am in a cafe...she's having lunch, so am i, so's her baby.......

PinkTulips · 08/11/2006 16:06

did you not just ask your aunt? thats what i did with when the same thing happened to me and she was delighted to tell me what she was doing..... dothis day i think that conversation was one of the biggest factors influencing my decision to bf as an adult.

3andnomore · 08/11/2006 16:07

MKG, you being in the US does explain that explains it then ;)

AitchTwoOh · 08/11/2006 16:08

well, i must say my male consultant took it well. he looked, then looked again, then said 'nice to see your tits, aitch'. to which i replied 'nice to see you too, doctor. i'm not covering them up as it's the only way i can prevent the hospital orderlies pulling the curtains back from around the bed'.
he declared that he'd been head of that hospital for years and still hadn't found a way of controlling the orderlies and here i'd done it just two days. i was very proud, as you can imagine.

3andnomore · 08/11/2006 16:11

lol Aitch

AitchTwoOh · 08/11/2006 16:11

i should say that i was rather proud of my tits when they had some milk in them... they were all round and yummy-looking. not hugely efficient, but you can't have everything.

MKG · 08/11/2006 16:12

Tik tok,

I did lead a very sheltered life. I should blame my mother for that. She's also the one that told me to cover myself up when my ds was two days old and I was desperately trying to get him to latch on.

3andnomore · 08/11/2006 16:13

MKG, not a surprise then that BF didn't work out, your own attitude and that of your mum, etc...certainly won't make things easier!

hunkermunker · 08/11/2006 16:14

Well done, Aitch, on controlling orderlies and their curtain-pulling obsessions (nice tits, btw).

MKG, I think it's sad that your mum wasn't more supportive of you. Can you see that comments like yours about "scarring you for life" and it being a shocking thing to see a bfeeding mother aren't particularly helpful though?

tiktok · 08/11/2006 16:15

MKG, I understand your feelings, then.....a lot of what we feel as grown ups and how we respond to 'stuff' does go back to childhood and upbringing.

It can be hard work getting over all that 'baggage' we haul with us into adulthood....but it's important to get over it and move on, hope you agree