Reasons why women don't breastfeed

[ohthegoats]

Today's breastfeeding 'news' from Brazil. I finally heard a sensible comment on the story at about lunchtime today - a woman saying that there shouldn't be surveys on whether or not it's a good thing to breastfeed, because everyone knows it is. The research should be into why so many women don't do it, or don't stick with it.

Here are my reasons why I don't like breastfeeding - has anyone got any to add? Or ideas to mitigate the issues?

After being so out of control of your body during pregnancy, being poked and prodded and 'nanny stated' out of your mind, you want control back.

Little help available when you have problems - I know this isn't true for all people.

Having to wear such unflattering underwear in order to be able to get your boobs out easily. Why hasn't this been sorted out? Why so few underwired options that actually work without causing duct blockages? Why so expensive to get even a crappy underwired one?

Having to wear clothes that are mostly unflattering too. I have one reasonable breastfeeding top out of the 10 I have bought - H&M for a tenner in the sale, not been able to find it again. They are all either too plain coloured, too low necked, horrible material, too tight in other places etc etc.

Getting stared at in public for doing it.

Being confined to the sofa for days on end.

Waking up covered in yoghurt for reasons you don't understand.

Boobs squirting milk during sex.

Think that's my starter list.

I'm 5 and a half months into ebf with my baby... plan to start moving away from it at 6 months. I've done it because it's the 'right' thing, but I've mostly hated it.

I just depressed myself re reading my post!! It is not actually THAT bad! Or maybe it is and we do a bloody good job of getting through it!!!

Heart, I read a student dissertation, original research, that showed the closer you lived to your mother, the less likely you were to bf, or to bf for long.

What you are saying about community and family support is right, but in practice, there are other influences and it's not as straightforward as you are implying.

Why? Because living close/far away to/from your mum is a socio-economic marker. And because the mother is much less likely to have any experience of anything but formula feeding.

So it's complicated :)

at Heart. I thought it was a great post. I do think society is failing mothers in many ways atm. That's why somewhere like MN is so popular - it's able to provide virtual support circles. It's not as good as RL help but it's a sight better than nothing. It is brilliant to be able to come and post at midnight in tears about for eg breastfeeding problems and you can get pretty instantaneous support. Doesn't help with housework or exhaustion, but it does help with the overwhelming feelings of isolation and it gives you a community. I'm still in touch with most of the ante-natal group I was in on MN, who carried on to be great post-natal support.

So it is a class issue, then, Tiktok?

Cheddar, yes, of course. Not solely a class issue, but it's perfectly clear from the surveys that the choice, the experience and the length of time you breastfeed for is partially related to your socio-economic background and current status.

This does not mean you can predict which individual mothers will breastfeed and for how long, though.

Tiktok I wonder about the role of culture too? Some cultures, with high bf rates, your mum often lives with you or at least nearby. Similarly if you happen to be - for example - a born and bred Londoner you might live near your mum whether affluent or not. I live in North West London so both scenarios are common: Asian/African extended families and people of high/middle/low income staying local to birth because everything's here- jobs, amenities. .. so why move (unless you're priced out and ineligible for housing support).

However as soon as you get outside big cities, the more skilled/higher earning women migrate away in their 20s, meaning living near mum does indicate a less well off socio economic group.

The one thing we do ALL seem to agree on is the need for much more support for new mothers regardless of ff or bf choices.
If this is the consensus then how do we do it?
How do we change it?
Because one thing is for sure, I do not want my own dd having to make such difficult choices 20 years down the line. We have to change things now.

Yes, squiz, it's multi-layered.

Actually recalling the one ever time I judged someone over their feelings on bf.
Well spoken educated person who therefore thought they couldn't be racist.
Decided because Muslims breastfeed it must be "backward" in some way for women.

I was very about those comments I must admit.
Usually my mantra is your body your baby your choice. But that was just ignorant and racist ... ff isn't poison but thinking like that is.

Have not rtft but it's a good question op. Mine were simply not wanting feeding to be down to just me and not feeling like I wanted to (no positive friend/family role models, bit squeamish about it really)

Thankfully I changed my mind by the time dc2&3 came along and they were/are ebf. I love it and really regret not giving it a try with dc1.

Tiktok: Lots of my friends choose to have nannies and night nannies and would not dream of bf. I had my baby in a well known private hospital, and they had a nursery to whisk away the little darling as soon as she was born so the mother could have a night's sleep. I had to cling on to her for dear life to keep her with me. No one was even considering bf there, it was simply unheard of. It has nothing at all to do with class, I think you have mothers from every class and background who wish to bf or in many cases not, for different reasons.
Other friends of mine who are less wealthy bf for years and years. It is a mixed bag, but I do think it has a reputation for being something for the lower classes mainly because historically this was the case, and most women choose to have wet nurses instead. Obviously things have moved on, thankfully and now we can choose, but it is interesting observation.

Tiktok: That is an interesting insight into the role of the maternal grandmother, yes, you would absolutely think that having more support would indicate more time and help on the house front, and therefore more choices for the mother, more time to bf and less stress all round.

If your mother is influencing you to introduce bottle feeding, and I have to admit every single motherly figure around me did, ladies certainly did NOT bf! In their view and certainly not in public or near a man of any sort.
There was definitely a feeling that I had finished that stage after a few months, and MIL was definitely of the view it was time to move on, she suggested all sorts of outrageous suggestions to get the baby to sleep, quite frankly I am amazed that any baby made it through the first few months with their concoctions in those days. Then possibly you could argue it doesn't have a positive outcome for bf, but then it possibly does have a very good outcome for the mother who feels bolder to make decisions if things do not work out well with the bf.

An isolated mother struggling to bf is the worst of all worlds.

heartofgold I had a night nanny and a nanny and they were extremely supportive of breastfeeding. So I think that is a sweeping and incorrect generalisation

It was my experience tak1, and not a sweeping generalisation.

And what on earth is the point of having a night nanny if you were getting up all night to bf????

I suppose, if you have a night nanny, they change the baby if necessary, bring the baby to you, and take them awy and settle them after you have breastfed - so you are awake for as short a time as possible, Heartofgold.

I think that would be a very good job for the night nanny, she gets to sleep and you get to do all of the very thing she is paid to do.. I don't buy it.

this is a really interesting thread. I am ttc my first baby at the moment and I have to say it never occurred to me that I wouldn't breastfeed (of course I might not be able to as so many other mothers aren't - but honestly if I wasn't able to I would be really gutted).

A colleague said to me the other day that she thought breastfeeding was disgusting because breasts are a sexual thing. I literally sat there flabbergasted. I really cannot comprehend the fact we live in a society model where you can have underwear models plastered all over the side of buses and no one bats an eye but breastfeeding - literally the reason why women have breasts - is seen as gross?!

I do go by the mantra your baby your choice but I do find it hard to understand why someone who was able to breastfeed would choose not to. This thread has made me a little more sympathetic though I still don't fully get it. I think it's also because my mum breastfed all four of us and as I am the oldest I was so used to her walking round with a baby hanging off her boob that it never seemed even remotely weird for me. My mum never even covered herself up so I also have to check myself for feeling startled when I see those breastfeeding curtain things and remind myself not everyone is comfortable flashing their breasts in public!

Pinningwobble: Good luck with your first baby!
I think most new mothers or mothers to be expect to be able to effortlessly bf, and would not give it a second thought beforehand that they would choose not to/could not/or other reasons for choosing ff. I did not have a clue that it might be painful or exhausting. I just expected it to work much like everything else the body does as a function. It is not quite like that for a lot of mothers, particularly the first time around. Some effortlessly manage and others do not.
It sounds like you are well prepared for your baby with your mother's experiences and being the eldest, I am sure you will have a wonderful experience and enjoy it ~ it is the greatest gift in the world to be a mother.

Even as someone who successfully ebf, and fairly happily, two children, the reasons given here for not breastfeeding really reasonate - even the supposedly shallow ones.

I have big boobs and I really need an underwire. I put my foot down for dd2 and scoured the shops - fuck all - and paid what was to me a fortune on 3 ugly but structurally sound bras online. Why is there this insistence that we will perish with an underwire? Why do I have to be an unattractive frump because I happen to be feeding my child?

Leaking. Quite frankly I don't think I've fed a child in 2 years and I still sometimes wake up with wet patches. With an actual
feeding child it horrendous and I really didn't enjoy this aspect.

I had to buy a new wardrobe. I had no wish to either pull the neck of my tops massively out of shape/half unbutton a shirt every hour/ pull up a top and show off my flobby belly to the world. I was lucky enough to find clothes that suited me and
my style of feeding (internet again!) but I can imagine being really frustrated with this.

Any kind of realistic teaching or information beforehand was lacking in my experience. No one seems to acknowledge that babies haven't a scooby either - my first was able to control her head so there was none of this guided latch business, just a random free for all (actually dd2 could as well but she's always been a calmer person). Also, I said I successfully. ebf but I never managed to express more than 2oz ever, no matter what I tried and no one really had any advice or seemed to care cos, hey, I'm breastfeeding!

LadyRainicorn the bra thing will be a big deal for me too as I am already a 32G and expect this to balloon when I am pregnant/breastfeeding. I would certainly invest in some decent bras, nothing wrong with that at all I think!!!

I shouldn't need 'reasons' to explain how I chose to feed my DS. As long as he doesn't have subsequent major weight issues it's no one else's business.

It really winds me up how much I have to explain all my parenting choices. No one would dream of making me explain my clothing choices, so why this?

Rant over

I didn't mean to offend anyone, I am just curious really! I do however think it's sad if the only reason you choose not to breastfeed is because it grosses you out.

I didn't Breast feed because I had gall stones by the end of my pregnancy and when my twins were 5 weeks old I had my gall bladder removed. I had been so sick that there was virtually no milk. I expressed and expressed and got about 50ml each day. It was heart breaking and even now it brings tears to my eyes about how guilty I felt. I gave up as there was no pleasure in it. I have two beautiful children, so healthy and strong

I don't care that you think it's sad tbh.

Just how I felt and I know more people that feel the same.

DS was fine and that's all that should matter to anybody