Reasons why women don't breastfeed

[ohthegoats]

Today's breastfeeding 'news' from Brazil. I finally heard a sensible comment on the story at about lunchtime today - a woman saying that there shouldn't be surveys on whether or not it's a good thing to breastfeed, because everyone knows it is. The research should be into why so many women don't do it, or don't stick with it.

Here are my reasons why I don't like breastfeeding - has anyone got any to add? Or ideas to mitigate the issues?

After being so out of control of your body during pregnancy, being poked and prodded and 'nanny stated' out of your mind, you want control back.

Little help available when you have problems - I know this isn't true for all people.

Having to wear such unflattering underwear in order to be able to get your boobs out easily. Why hasn't this been sorted out? Why so few underwired options that actually work without causing duct blockages? Why so expensive to get even a crappy underwired one?

Having to wear clothes that are mostly unflattering too. I have one reasonable breastfeeding top out of the 10 I have bought - H&M for a tenner in the sale, not been able to find it again. They are all either too plain coloured, too low necked, horrible material, too tight in other places etc etc.

Getting stared at in public for doing it.

Being confined to the sofa for days on end.

Waking up covered in yoghurt for reasons you don't understand.

Boobs squirting milk during sex.

Think that's my starter list.

I'm 5 and a half months into ebf with my baby... plan to start moving away from it at 6 months. I've done it because it's the 'right' thing, but I've mostly hated it.

Sorry if I misundetstood you, Claira. But by describing it as 'my research' (I was quoting peer reviewed stats) I felt you were associating me with your later comments, which I think is pretty unfair given what I've written on this thread.

claira you say "Maternity units are given extra funding for the percentage of breastfeeding mothers. They get specific funding for 'first feed' and discharged EBf babies so new mothers tend to have the 'why don't you just give them that first feed' thrust down their necks so maternity units receive extra funding. If they are discharged EBF that is more cash for the ward.
Health visitors get a bonus for mothers who make it to6 weeks, 16weeks and 1 year. (This funding usually covers the cost of baby massage groups etc) "

Are you sure it works like that? There are certainly ways of monitoring breastfeeding in the hospital and in the community, and HCPs have to record their numbers. This is fair enough. Maternity units can get funding for breastfeeding support and training. Is this what you mean? I have never heard of HVs getting a bonus for mothers who bf to certain ages, either.

Heart, I don't think I've said anything that suggests that they shouldnt?!

No worries, sorry if I was oversensitive

I seem to be being painted as some sort of anti-FF, breastfeeding at all costs person which I'm really not - need to look at how I've been portraying my views, clearly!

One small thing, I very, very rarely see anyone making formula as per the instructions. All my friends/acquaintances do the cooled boiled water into powder thing. I mentioned the instructions to close friends who I knew wouldnt be insulted & the response was along the lines of a shoulder shrug, a little smile at me doing things by the book, & that their kids are fine. I don't say anything any more.

Jassy, you may be right about the figures - it might not be sufficient to make a measurable difference. Given that we haven't yet got really strong evidence of what works, either, and that some breastfeeding support manages to turn into a grotesque exercise in pressurising, there's not much hope......

Their isn't much support for FF as I found. This needs to be improved!

When my DS was tried on SMA and was violently sick within minutes of drinking it to the point it came out of his nose and the corner of his eyes I was met with. "You've decided to FF I can't help you" that was mighty fucking helpful!

Wrapped, totally agree. And that is a fucking disgraceful response from whatever HCP said that to you - another sign of the bullying and fundamentally anti-women approach.

claira, you say "No it really is like that honestly. We had to stop running our massage group as we didn't have enough breastfeeding mothers to support it so we were told to push breastfeeding more so it could be restarted".

I think you are describing a particularly local set-up. Even so, I would guess (without knowing!) that it's likely that locally you have had a start-up grant to support breastfeeding, and you do need to demonstrate that the money is well-spent and is having a measurable effect. If there are insufficient breastfeeding mothers, the funding would not continue.

ebf for the first 3 months then mixed for another three

Did not enjoy it: it was just monumentally boring and restrictive- I have enormous boobs so discreet feeding in public difficult. I also could not lose the preganancy weight while I was bf: body was just in earth mother mode

I needed to get back to work. Expressing is ghastly and time consuming and leaking milk everywhere was just not an option (law firm)

There is no amount of "support" that would have changed any of this. Fundamentally the trouble with bf is that only the mother can do it and it is incompatible with any sort of normal life

Nobody would help I rang my GP and they can't advise anything because in his words "if I give you any advice it will be seen as promoting formula, all I can suggest is going back to breast milk"

I was devastated every feed was like that, I switched his milk to cow and gate and it happened still. He finally settled on Aptimil and wasn't sick on it but it was a horrible experience I was 19 and he was my first I had no clue what to do in that situation.

My DS suffered because I was refused support which is a major problem that needs to be sorted!

I bf my first and intend to again, because it's good for her, not because I want to, particularly.

I hate hate hate the bf bras. ugly as sin. I'm a 32j so not much choice.

I hate the enormous boobs which make all clothes look slutty or matronly.

I hate knowing you've got to be within 2 hours of your baby at all times. Regardless.

I hated the leaking.

Also I hated not being able to eat anything nice (dd was allergic to dairy, eggs and soy). And basically not being able to ever get food out of the house for fear of contamination. Dull.

Plus side? No faffing with bottles in the night. And no having to remember to take bottles with you when you go somewhere.

I aim to stick it out for six months for dd2, because I managed it with dd1, but am in no way looking forward to it. It's just another thing on the long list of sacrifices mums make for their kids, in my opinion.

I've just been looking at the guidance from various Trusts and it varies ridiculously. Some are clear that they expect their staff to give equal advice and support to mothers who are FF as BFing, others are very clear on the 'push BFing' message. It's depressing.

But then, a lot of the support is pretty grim. DS was screaming in agony 6 minutes into every feed (we tried bottles as well as breast in case it was flow related, I cut out dairy and gluten for 3 weeks, the works) but because he was gaining a respectable amount of weight the medical establishment couldn't have given a flying fuck that he was in pain and that it was causing me huge stress to see my baby suffer.

The only person I found who was even vaguely helpful was a brilliant private lactation consultant. She used to do one NHS breastfeeding drop in per week that was attended by people from all over because she was the only person most could find who knew what they were talking about - I travelled half an hour to it because my local one was so utterly hopeless. I went until they cut the funding and replaced her with a similarly hopeless health visitor, anyway.

"Bf is incompatible with any kind of a normal life"... Surely, bf was not compatible with your normal life. It was absolutely compatible with my normal life. Neither position will be definitely true or false for any other woman.

The more general issue to address is how best to help and support those women who want to continue to bfeed and return to work. And how not to alienate or upset those who decide to ff instead.

Claira in London you don't have 1 hv. You can even go to different clinics different months. actually quite good for finding a helpful one.

Jassy you are right, much of the 'support' is anti-women. It is incredibly anti-women to be forcing any woman to do anything, bf or otherwise and looking back, I am amazed we were all so polite about it!

There is no real support whatsoever that is easily accessible for ff or bf mothers is the bottom line. The gps are too busy, and are expected to churn out the mantra of the government so are not trusted. MW are on 'targets' again this breaks down trust. HV are the same. Militant mothers groups are terrifying and continue the pressure. And so we build a picture of a depressing failure to support mothers properly and coherently without bias and agendas.

In the meantime we wonder why post natal depression numbers are rocketing, mental health issues increasing and record mothers rush back to work. It is anti-women and most importantly it deeply affects the one thing we are supposed to be protecting and nurturing: the baby.

Wrapped: That sounds just so hideous, and you are right you were DENIED help and alienated. How could you feel otherwise? It is deeply disturbing

HV/MW/GP should Be able to give out advice on FF. They can't because the government have said they're not allowed to promote FF only BF unless they're prescribing it.

You can't even get a HP here to entertain the idea of a FF conversation as its 'banned'

Wrapped: I take it you are just joking about the ban on HP talking on here about ff?

There is no government edict on not discussing formula.

Any HCP who thinks they are not 'allowed' to answer questions, discuss and support safe and effective use of formula, and problem-solve when needed, is simply offering poor care (and a poor excuse for not helping).

What they cannot do, is recommend a particular brand as 'best', though some specialist formulas may be clinically appropriate for some individual babies and any HCP should know about them and either prescribe or signpost a mother to buy it.

Reading some of the guidance, though, it's HCPs (or their managers at some level) who aren't interpreting the guidance properly (or interpreting it in a way that helps them meet their targets? hard to say).

Because most of the guidance I've read from English trusts, the Welsh govt and Scottish trusts talk about providing info on safe formula feeding alongside BFing if women want it - and only say HCPs shouln't promote formula companies.

That said, some (Surrey is the one I'm reading) have really vague and unhelpful wording about discouraging 'promotion' for formula feeding in hospital discharge packs without defining promotion. From the surrounding text I think they mean advertising for followon milk, but as long as it's vague people will take it to extremes.