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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

DESPERATE and CONCERNED

129 replies

sistergrim · 13/10/2006 02:49

Please help me. My 2 day old son is really struggling to breast feed and doesn't seem to be latchng on or making much effort atall to suck. What do I do? Midwife has said to give some formula in the emantime but am quite against it though obviously don't want to harm my baby by him going without - really don't think he has had hardly anything at all since born and `i mean virtually nothing. My breats are now rock solid so assume the milk is coming in. Midwife said thought nipples did not stick out enough. Am going to a clinic tomorrow but what should we do, how long can i leave baby this way?

OP posts:
edam · 29/10/2006 15:48

Sistergrim, agree with Tiktok you need to actually see a breastfeeding counsellor in person. Your midwives or health visitors should be able to give you details of one - get your dh/dp to call them and explain what's going on and ask them to come over. Or get dh/dp to take you to them.

DizzyBint · 29/10/2006 16:03

sistergrim- please contact a breastfeeding counsellor, please please please. is your partner helpful? can he doing some phoning for you?

mears · 29/10/2006 16:30

sistergrim - where is your HV in all of this? She can advise who you should contact. You need to try and get advice from one consistent person IMO. Is there a infant feeding advisor at the hospital you gave birth in? We have someone at our hospital who is trained in dealing with breastfeeding problems.

In the meantime - do not worry about the shields. You can get help to wean your baby off them shortly. Some women have successfully fed for a number of months with them. They can reduce the milk supply by up to 40% when used over a long time, so that is why you have been advised to express. However, that does not mean you need to express for hours on end or until you have got a certain amount of milk expressed. It is more to stimulate milk production as it can be reduced by using shields. Some mothers have lots of milk and find they do not need to do that. I would hand express to get the milk to flow before starting to feed. That way the baby is not having to suck air through the shield before getting the milk to flow. If you can hear your baby suck and swallow throughout the feed then he is getting milk. You might find that when he is sucking well and the milk is flowing, you will be able to quickly take the shield away and get him directly onto the nipple.

Feeding directly from the breast is quicker than feeding through the shield, but if that is the only way he is going to do it then don't stress about it just now. Better to feel more relaxed with something that is working for you.

BTW - it is normal for a baby to want to be at the breast for a long time. They just love to be there - it doesn't necessarily mean they are hungry.

Also, don't worry if he wants fed just after you have expressed. Your breasts are never empty and he will still get milk. I often used to feed my DD after expressing milk to donate to a SCBU.

Please phone your HV tomorrow and get her to put you in touch with someone trained to help you. You are going in the right direction. You have milk. You have a baby who can suck. You will be able to get the two together, honestly.

Original poster
sistergrim · 29/10/2006 18:00

sorry, have only just seen your kind offer yellowrose - it would be great if i could either see you or you know somone else you think i could see. i am in finsbury park.

OP posts:
yellowrose · 29/10/2006 18:34

sistergrim - I am going to CAT you right now. Just make sure your profile allows you to receive messages.

yellowrose · 29/10/2006 19:14

sistergrim - please change your profile to receive messages. Click on "your registration" on the menu at the top of this page and change your details. You need to tick a box to say you are happy to receive messages.

JackOLANTERNstini · 29/10/2006 19:58

Sistergrim - you are getting so much good advice on here and hopefully you can get to see someone soon. However I just wanted to let you know my situation so you might feel a bit less panicky.
I had a very similar time and ended up using nipple shields as the only way dd would feed. Very occasionally she will now latch on without one but it is rare. However, although it is not an ideal situation, (& makes feeding in public a smidge more complex!) the important thing is that I am still bf-ing her with no loss of supply - and she is 7 months old tomorrow! Hope this helps you relax until you can get some direct help - keep going

yellowrose · 30/10/2006 09:05

sistergrim - please change your mail options. I still can't send you a message as you have blocked your messages.

Original poster
sistergrim · 30/10/2006 09:29

yellowrose think i have changed it - sorry,still a bit new to all this.

JackOLANTERNstini it is really, really reassuring to read your words, thank you, it really has helped make me feel a little calmer. do you have to express too?

OP posts:
sorrell · 30/10/2006 09:45

Sistergrim, did you ask if your hospital did a breastfeeding clinic or had a breastfeeding specialist? They are who helped me (twice) and made such a big difference. I really, really recommend that route. Face to face, there is no substitute for it.

yellowrose · 30/10/2006 14:41

sistergrim - if you are still reading this - I have sent you an email via mumsnet. Please check you email messages.

daern · 31/10/2006 20:26

sistergrim,

Following my previous essay (!!!) we've just today been to see one of the NCT's breast-feeding counselors and she has been a huge help to us. Our real problem is now one of discomfort (well, abject agony, really) while feeding but she spent a couple of hours with us today watching the feeding and offering tips, help, advice and (most importantly) experience. We've still not cracked it yet, but we've got a couple of pages of notes of things that we're going to try over the next few days.

I don't think I can emphasise enough how useful the NCT and La Leche League have been to us and we so hope that you can get through your difficulties and continue feeding your baby.

Best wishes,

Daern

yellowrose · 31/10/2006 20:41

Daern - well done !! Keep at it. With a good latch there should be no pain at all. The nipples feel a bit sore (as they are not used to a baby being on them every few hours !) but gradually that gets better too.

I am sure the NCT, LLL have both advised Lansinoh ointment for the nipples ? If not, it is excellent stuff and saved my nipples from getting dry. You can buy a tube at Boots or Mothercare and other big places.

ps - I only managed to get it right with the help of a friend who came round to visit. I thought DS and I would never manage to bf until I got my friend's help. Like you say there is nothing like face to face support to get bf established.

Daern - Good luck and let us know more about how you are getting on

Lio · 01/11/2006 15:19

Hi yellowrose/sistergrim, do you need any other help to find someone who will visit sistergrim at home?

yellowrose · 01/11/2006 16:04

Hi Lio - I have given sistergrim my phone number by email. She hasn't contacted me yet. I am a bit worried about her, but have no way of contacting her other than through MN.

Lio · 01/11/2006 16:07

have been worried for her too. Will watch this space...

JackOLANTERNstini · 02/11/2006 08:51

Hi Sistergrim - glad my post reassured you. Yes I do express on the days I have to work away from dd. I tried an electric pump and hand expressing to no avail, but the Avent hand pump works well for me - try a few if you can, everyone is different. You don't need to pump away for ages - just stimulate the flow and stop when the milk dwindles. if you are not getting much at first don't worry, it will increase. Also as you go on boobs seem to get more efficient at producing more when required but not turning into concrete footballs every time you are away from baby for a few hours!
let us know how you are getting on.

Judy1234 · 02/11/2006 21:18

I wouldn't express at all. Just feed and try to start each time without the shields and gradually he will probably get used to it without them. Try to find someone to come to the house to help you though as that could make all the difference.

Original poster
sistergrim · 05/11/2006 08:31

Sso sorry for lack of contact- the days have all been bit of a blur.(Yellowrose have had every intention to ca;; you every day, would really like it if we could meet still).

Am still desperately struggling. Continue to feel extremely unwell and having several 'breakdowns' a day.Just get so it is all too much and just want to cry and cry. My partner is getting worried and think he would rather we formula fed than me be like this. it would be a huge releif but don't see why I should deny my son breast milk just because i can not cope. But at the moment i just hate it and feel so jealous of my partner and family as they can just enjoy our son while i just feel like this and end up dreading everything and getting upset. I want to enjoy him too.
Feel like giving formula would change who he is and imagine all kinds of damage i will cause him. he is so young and helpless- his little body deserves what is best.
Feel at my wits end.
Partner has given ebm through bottle on odd occassion when i have just been in too much of a state to face feeding- does anyone know how much we should be giving?

Yellowrose i WILL be in touch, don't mean to seem rude or ungrateful for not calling yet.You have been so kind

OP posts:
tiktok · 05/11/2006 09:45

Awww.....SG, please please re-read my post of Oct 27. You can get support and enouragement on mumsnet, but a talk board is not going to give you the real help you need, which goes beyond breastfeeding, it really does. It's more than 3 weeks since you first posted and you are feeling as low and as pressured as you did then, if not more so. This is not your fault - you are a lovely mum who wants the best for your baby and all you want is to be close to him, and at the moment it's not possible.

You need to speak to your health visitor or doctor, maybe with your partner with you - don't worry about weeping or crumbling, they'll have seen it all before.

With proper help with your feelings, and expert, skilled help with the feeding, you will be able to breastfeed for as long as you wish.....but that sort of help won't come without you actively seeking it out. Maybe call your HV tomorrow??

And we can root for you here

Californifirework · 05/11/2006 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usandbump · 06/11/2006 08:39

Sistergrim, make that phonecall the first thing you do today or get your partner to do it. Help is out there, there is no need for you to keep on struggling alone like this. Why should we know what to do ourselves we are first time parents?
I was struggling myself with a different issue and took my time making the call but I did and how I wish I had done it earlier!
Someone came to see me at home and yes I cried during the call and the visit BUT no-one cared! They really have seen it all before.
Life now is sooooo much better and I can get on enjoying being a mummy.
Life during the first few weeks are so hard for us all without you having this extra worry. Don't spoil the first weeks of this new stage of your life by being to scared to ask for help.

DO IT!
{{{{{hugs}}}}}

usandbump · 07/11/2006 12:39

How are you Sistergrim?

daern · 07/11/2006 22:15

Hello,

Quick note only while I bounce sleeping Lauren towards night

We think we've turned the corner. Each feed gets easier and, as it gets easier, we relax more, so it gets easier still... That's not to say it's easy - far from it - but there can be light at the end of the tunnel.

For us, the key help we got were from our midwife who threw us back into hospital when things were at their worst, La Leche League, who we talked to in a seriously nasty state late one night and, most of all, Louise, our local NCT BF person. She's brought back our confidence and got us back on track.

sistergrim: I can only re-say what others have said, but try and make that call to get help - it can make all the difference. And, remember - this doesn't last forever. One day you'll look back and smile and realise "hey, I did the best I could for my son and that was plenty :-)"

Good luck all.I hear snores from my chest now, so it's off to sleep for little Lauren.

Night all.

Daern

pooka · 07/11/2006 22:37

Sistergrim - about you breaking down and feeling like you can't cope. I think this happens often, regardless of how you feed.
I cried like crazy and was demented for a good three weeks at least after dd was born. It sounds to me like you're putting the emtional way you're feeling at the door of feeding when it may just be being a mother is so incredibly daunting and often upsetting for the first few weeks.
The way I got through the fear that dd's feeding wasn't the way it should be was to really think hard about how I'd feel if I gave up breastfeeding and still felt the same. And with time came confidence and in the end I fed dd for 13 months.
And then I had ds and it was different again. I was more confident, but he was slightly tongue-tied and struggled with feeding. But having done it before I persevered and fed him till he self-weaned at 13 months again.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you could feel like you have been hit by a bus emotionally regardless of how you feed and also to echo Tiktok when she recommends that you contact breastfeeding specialists who can help out with the practicalities with the hope that once you are more confident about feeding you'll feel less desperate and less traumatised by the early baby days. It will pass.

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