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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breasts are for sex only...not for food...

125 replies

rosebea · 24/04/2006 21:59

...so my SIL told me today. I am sat here crying and I don't know what to do. Today my SIL told me that I was disgusting for still breastfeeding my DD and I was being cruel to DH by continuing to exclude him!! My DD is only 6 months old and i am trying to do the best for her and DH understands this and supports me. It's just SIL who feels like she can get at me by putting me down. She loves to say how she bottle fed her two so she could have sex asap after the birth. SIL said her partner told her that her breasts were his and sexual not food. I can't believe she actually said this...I feel like I can never do anything right on that side of the family. Sorry for ranting...

OP posts:

Original poster

rosebea · 24/04/2006 23:13

\link{http://www.rumina.co.uk\breastfeeding necklaces}

OP posts:

primogen · 24/04/2006 23:13

I have a Rumina necklace made from opalite and hematite. My husband brought it for me when I got pregnant. It is beautiful, really well made. Your SIL is only jealous by the sound of it rosebea, ignore her.

TinyGang · 24/04/2006 23:16

Can your SIL not multi-task then? I thought all us women were masters at this!

Seriously, ignore her. What a very very strange and potentially harmful pov

Original poster

rosebea · 24/04/2006 23:17

Thank you all so much for your comments and support. I'm off to BREASTFEED my DD now. Will let you all know how my next family visit goes! And I'll let you know if these breastfeeding necklaces work!

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milward · 24/04/2006 23:19

Good going RB - stick to your parenting choices - well done for bf for 6 months & all the best with bf in the future xxx

marthamoo · 24/04/2006 23:23

Next time your [EXTREMELY STUPID] sil comes round, make her a cup of tea, sit her down, and say to her "I've thought about what you've said, and I agree it seems a shame for only dd to benefit from my breasts...how d'you like that breast-milk in your tea, by the way?"

Hopefully you won't see her for dust.

primogen · 24/04/2006 23:26

The breast milk in tea idea is the best yet! : )

ja9 · 24/04/2006 23:27

at the tea idea...

... it's good tho'

PandaG · 24/04/2006 23:34

DH and I are ROFPOSL at Marthamoo's suggestion. I wasa so enraged by the attitude of your SIL that I have just shown DH this thread. He is horrified too, and reminded me that breasts are perfectly capable of being used for both purposes at the same time

sazhig · 25/04/2006 02:02

Ask your SIL how the human race survived before forumla was invented - if boobs are only sexual what did our ancestors feed their young.

Does she drink cows milk or eat other dairy produce - might be worth pointing out that they all come from cow's udders - does she think they are there only for bull's sexual gratification

What a sad sad world we have become if people have been so brainwashed by the forumla industry that the natural way of feeding human babies has been lost like this. I am truly shocked.

I personally wouldn't have someone so rude back in my house - regardless of her warped sense of reality she has no right to interfer with you or your husband's lives like this - how would you feel if she commented on another part of your sex life & said that what you did was wrong. You'd freak & tell her to mind her own business - ignore her - she has no idea what she is going on about. Not even sure where she gets the idea that sex asap after childbirth has anything to do with bf. IMO its more to do with how comfortable you are down there, whether you tore etc! ((hugs)) for you - tell your dh to have words with her - tell her you think she is disgusting for talking about you in that way - she should come back when she's read a few biology books .

hannahsaunt · 25/04/2006 03:11

What a funny woman. Mind you there may be a world of difference between what she says and what she thinks...she could just be jealous. Not one to worry over esp with such a supportive dh. You just do whatever you feel right doing.

r3dh3d · 25/04/2006 08:24

Only just seen this - rosebea, this is beyond weird. If either of my SILs said anything so judgemental about my sex life and childrearing skills I would seriously lay into them.

I suspect, as hannahsaunt says, there is more to this than she is saying. It is completely irrational, but as a bottlefeeder (& I've done both now and see both sides) it is v diff not to feel implicitly judged by breastfeeders iyswim. You've both been given the same list of health benefits, one of you has clearly decided that this is compelling enough to bf. She decided not to on the same evidence - but she must feel you think her decision was a bad/selfish one, or you would have done the same thing yourself. So (I know this is slightly twisted thinking, but bear with me) you are judging her to be a bad parent simply by breastfeeding your own child. Every time you get your baps out, you're saying she's a bad parent. Do you get my drift?

This is the sort of thing that makes even very rational bottlefeeders a bit defensive on the subject and if you are a certain sort of person (and most people "fail" to breastfeed rather than "choose" to bottlefeed so that makes her an unusual sort of person to begin with) you may instinctively attack rather than defend.

Given all that, I think it may be better to play down the breastfeeding aspect of this and play up the privacy issue. I can't see any way of having a row with her about the best way to feed without causing serious bad blood. I'd make it more into a personal privacy "I don't tell you how to run your sex life/child rearing" debate and also get DH to point out to his family that he is more than capable of standing up for himself.

hunkermunkfish · 25/04/2006 08:56

Think she's jealous.

Bitch.

Nikkinoo · 25/04/2006 09:38

agrre with HM she is a nasty piece. I wish people wouldnt interfere with how others feed their kids, breast or bottle. I have fed 3 babies for longer than most people consider 'right'. My breasts are not as perky as they were when i was 26, so what? I have 3 lovely children with whom i enjoyed feedingimmensely.

TBH couldnt even mention the subject of sex with my SIL, abit sick IMO, just ignore the daft bitch x

MissChief · 25/04/2006 09:47

you know what? wouldn't be surprised if yr SIL was secretly jealous of the fact that you're successfully bfing yr 6 mth old, otherwise why bother giving you such a hard time about it? She is also, at the v least, misinformed and ignorant. Don't listen to her.

Caligula · 25/04/2006 09:58

I agree with what r3dh3d is saying about her feelings about you breastfeeding.

Having said that, I disagree with her solution. If she has "issues" about her failure to breast feed her own children, that really isn't your problem and i don't see why you should pussyfoot round her. If you started saying to her "well I think you were just selfish and lazy by not breastfeeding your child when all the research shows that that is the best thing for children" that would be absolutely unacceptable, but she has basically done the mirror image of that by attacking you in this way.

Of course she's jealous of you. But her jealousy and insecurity is her problem, not yours.

As well as all the other put downs suggested by other posters, I would print off a few fact sheets from the WHO site. Sod her insecurity - she needs to be educated, in manners as well as in feeding issues.

Caligula · 25/04/2006 10:00

As well as needing to be slapped of course!

(Can one suffer the effects of a great big virtual slap?)

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 25/04/2006 10:03

I wouldn't take anything this woman said seriously- she sounds a loon. I'm always very suspicious of people who are keen to tell you how much sex they are having as a)I think they do it to try and pretend all is well when it isn't and b) why on earth do they thinkanyone else would be remotely interested.

SoupDragon · 25/04/2006 10:04

Tell yourself that you don't need to worry about what an ignorant cow like her thinks. She has no idea what she is talking about.

SoupDragon · 25/04/2006 10:05

Or, you could extol the virtues of breastfeeding from a health point of view (yours and your DDs) and also rant about the "evils of formula" including the fish eye ingredients :). Not something I would recommend usually but, quite frankly, she deserves it.

Uwila · 25/04/2006 10:13

She's got an insecurity problem. Perhaps routed in her husband telling her who owns her breasts. Weird, if my DH told me what I could and couldn't do with my breasts I'd tell him what he could and couldn't do with his willy.

Maybe she's jealous that you can make your own mind up. And six months? I could understand if you had a preschooler hanging off you, but six months is hardly too old.

Original poster

rosebea · 25/04/2006 10:24

Told DH all about this when I went to bed last night, he said we're all hormonal (he got a punch for that) but he said his sister just says things like that to get a reaction! Well she got one!!!

And sleepy cat thanks for the link last night, I got one of those breastfeeding necklaces on DH's cc

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r3dh3d · 25/04/2006 10:25

Well, I agree with Caligula in that I don't feel you morally ought to pussyfoot round this - I'm possibly being a bit machiavellian here - I just thought in practice it would be easier to get her to back down and get the outlaws on your side if it is primarily an argument about privacy/interference. But it all depends on your family politics, maybe rosebea's outlaws are less clannish/unreasonable than mine!

tangerinecath · 25/04/2006 10:45

I'd tell her that my breasts are MINE and are for me to whatever I want with

Silly cow. Clearly has issues.

Well done on the bf necklace btw!

Original poster

rosebea · 25/04/2006 11:38

Thanks have you seen those necklaces? They're lush! SIL definately has issues, think it might be something to do with her DH having a good oggle every time I feed in his company!!!

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