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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Breasts are for sex only...not for food...

125 replies

rosebea · 24/04/2006 21:59

...so my SIL told me today. I am sat here crying and I don't know what to do. Today my SIL told me that I was disgusting for still breastfeeding my DD and I was being cruel to DH by continuing to exclude him!! My DD is only 6 months old and i am trying to do the best for her and DH understands this and supports me. It's just SIL who feels like she can get at me by putting me down. She loves to say how she bottle fed her two so she could have sex asap after the birth. SIL said her partner told her that her breasts were his and sexual not food. I can't believe she actually said this...I feel like I can never do anything right on that side of the family. Sorry for ranting...

OP posts:
Socci · 24/04/2006 22:13

Please don't let this person make you question yourself. You are absolutely doing the right thing for your baby and you should pity her for being so ignorant. That's all I would do - consider that she doesn't know what she's talking about and ignore her (of course breasts are for feeding babies and if she doesn't know that then her "opinion" is nothing more than a joke!!)

If she does come over all aggressive then just say something like "Who are you to question advice from the World Health Organisation?" or say "cows milk is for cows" then refuse to discuss it.

Cappucino · 24/04/2006 22:13

rosybea babies do stop paying as much attention because suddenly they can see more around them and its distracting. they go through phases but that doesn't mean you have to stop. and also because they are older and stronger they don't have to suck as long to get the milk

there's a wonderful extended breastfeeding board on another website -shh - at baby centre dot co dot uk - dunno if I'm allowed to mention other mumssites here

it's for mums feeding over a year but I started going there at 6 months and they were lovely, so experienced and helpful

don't stop unless you absolutely want to

Pinotmum · 24/04/2006 22:16

My sil was very anti bf and told me it was disgusting. I just laughed and thought how sad that she is so backwards in her thinking. Her dh is my dh's brother. I would carry on doing what you want to do and try to ignore her. She she often discuss her sex life in front of her Mum - yeuk she sounds vile!!

rosebea · 24/04/2006 22:16

You are all so wonderful!!! I am a bit new to MN but you're all being so nice. Collision, I normally try not to let her bother me but she just started putting me down in front of DH's family saying I should put DH first for a change but it's hard enough with two under 3 without her and her opinions all the time. I'm so emotional sorry.

OP posts:
moondog · 24/04/2006 22:18

Rosebea,I urge you to stick around on MN,where you will find many kindredspirits.
She needs to be told 'Snout out!' loudand clear and I think your dh needs to tell her the same.

jamiesam · 24/04/2006 22:20

Rosebea, as your dd is getting older (I know she's only 6 months!) she's just going to be taking more of an interest in what's going on around her. This doesn't necessarily mean that you should stop bf right now. If she's more distracted at some feeds than others, and that bothers you (not always very discrete if baby reveals all mid feed!), consider introducing a bottle for those feeds only. Sadly that would please your SIL as she will think she's won. It's up to you whether you tell her that you're still feeding at bedtime/in the morning... if you choose to carry on that is!

bourneville · 24/04/2006 22:22

omg don't listen to her!!! is all i can say...

moondog · 24/04/2006 22:22

What are you going on about jamiesam????
B/feeding isn't something to be fucking ashamed about for Christ's sake!!

Suggestions and attitudes like this pepetuate the idea that some weirdos have that it is shamefull and to be hidden.

Angry
collision · 24/04/2006 22:22

well, if you and Dh and baby are happy tell her to BOG OFF!

Have we convinced you?

moondog · 24/04/2006 22:23

And it's DISCREET not bloody DISCRETE which means something else altogether!!!

Flamesparrow · 24/04/2006 22:25

just interrupting... what does the other spelling mean anyway?

Cappucino · 24/04/2006 22:25

in the end it's up to you and if you want to go on b/f you should; you can

I had to bottlefeed dd1 because she has special needs and I really, really wouldn't want to go back to all that sterilising malarkey again

having done it both ways I think b/f is by far the nicest

moondog · 24/04/2006 22:25

It means separate.

Cappucino · 24/04/2006 22:26

it means separate

LeahE · 24/04/2006 22:26

SIL said her partner told her that her breasts were his and sexual not food.

Stare at her for fifteen seconds and then say "I'm sorry, I must have phrased something badly. I didn't mean to imply that I wanted your opinion on how I feed [DD]."

Or reply "Gosh, poor you. I'm glad DH is more considerate and supportive than that."

Or "Poor you -- I suppose we can't all feel secure and confident in our own femininity, but you're putting a very brave face on it." Then whenever she protests about how great her sex life/bottlefeeding/etc. is just pat her on the shoulder and say "That's the spirit! I really admire the way you can put a positive spin on negative experiences..."

Or if you want to sink to her level you can confidentially say "Actually, [DH] really likes how much bigger [or "firmer" if they aren't really bigger] my breasts are now I'm bf and wants me to keep it up for as long as possible. He feels quite sorry for [her DP] that he missed out on that..."

Is she your DH's sister? If so maybe look serious and say "SIL, it's very considerate of you to take such an interest in your brother's sex life, but it's also more than a little creepy. Do you think you have some issues you need to resolve?"

Of course, I'd actually say something a lot ruder than that, if it were me... Grin

P.S. Women have every right to bottlefeed if they want and inform themselves, and I'd never say any of these to anyone who wasn't behaving like a git over the whole subject. But your SIL needs a good slap.

Cappucino · 24/04/2006 22:26

jinx moondog!

LeahE · 24/04/2006 22:28

P.S. DS went through a very distractable phase at 6-7 months. We're still bf fine at 15 months (although only twice a day).

Can I come and bf in front of your SIL so that I can slap her?

rosebea · 24/04/2006 22:29

Collision I think I'm convinced. Cappucino, I agree about the sterilising. I bottlefed dd1 mainly because SIL talked me into the fact that I wasn't satisfying her....silly but I was younger and was a nervous new mum Blush

OP posts:
moondog · 24/04/2006 22:30

lol Leah

Flamesparrow · 24/04/2006 22:32

thankyou :)

Socci · 24/04/2006 22:32

OMG rosebea keep away from her SadAngry

PandaG · 24/04/2006 22:37

Keep at it Rosebea for as long as you and DD want to. As others have so eloquently said it is none of your SIL's business. I was not an extended b/feeder as such, only to about 14 months both times, but my sex life was fine too thank you very much. I personally didn't want to feed during the day once they got to about 10/11 months, and neither did DS or DD, but think I might have carrie don the night time feed longer if I had found Mumsnet sooner - I only stopped with DS as was pg again.

Glad you have a supportive partner. SIL doesn't know what she has missed out on.

Smile
jamiesam · 24/04/2006 22:40

Blimey Moondog, sorry if I've offended you. I'll consult the dictionary (hastily inserts missing r in dictionary before someone else explodes) before I post next time. I wasn't trying to suggest that Rosebea should be ashamed of breastfeeding. Only that if she found it embarrassing because her dd was distracted and pulling away during public feeds, that she might consider introducing a bottle during the day. I expressed quite a lot for ds1 once he was 4 months and it helped me to contine giving him breastmilk for longer than I would otherwise have done.

I think this is a Mumsnet initiation perhaps, but I'm shaking like a leaf.

sorry for hijack Rosebea - lots of other people on here have given you great advice, feel free to completely ignore anything I've said, especially if it seemed to condone your SIL's views. I hope you could tell from my first post that I think she is completely in the wrong.

FrannyandZooey · 24/04/2006 22:42

Jamiesam, I remember the first time someone snapped at me on here - I was shaking for a while too :(

Don't run off, moondog is just expressing herself a little too vigorously as I think the subject has got some of us riled up a bit!

jamiesam · 24/04/2006 22:44

I'm genuinely shocked at my reaction to Moondog's outburst.

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