Breastfeeding - a contentious rant!

[jenbird]

I may get flamed for this post but here goes:

I am very pro choice when it comes to breastfeeding. I have breastfed all 3 of my babies and I plan on doing the same with this one. However I would never say just because that is my choice it is right for everyone. I understand that different people have different needs and that actually although nutritionally BF may be best if it is making the mother incredibly anxious or miserable then I believe it is not necessarily the best thing for that mother or baby.
What I do hate though is people who say "I just didn't have enough milk" when actually what they mean is "I tried breastfeeding for 2 days, I didn't like it, it didn't work for me and I have decided to bottle feed".
This has happened very recently in my life. A very good friend said she couldn't feed her baby as she didn't have any milk. The reality was that the baby was unsettled a lot and she wasn't sure what to do. Her mother said she "needed" a bottle so she went with that. Her baby is sleeping pretty well at night now and all is fine.
Breastfeeding your first can be really hard work. It hurts, it comes with a huge uncertainty and you seem to spend an inordinate amount of your time feeding but it does have it's rewards too and once you get going it is far easier.
I just hate those flippant comments about not having any milk when actually it is just about choice. Don't devalue the effort I put in just because you didn't want to go down that path.

I obviously can't say this to my friend in RL so I bite my tongue.

Rant over. Hope I don't offend anyone. If I do blame it on crazy lady hormones!

Been busy. Maples my DS SERIOUSLY dropped weight. My milk never felt like it came in. Boob size never increased. My DM did bf but my grandmother could not.
I wanted to/assumed I could bf. now have two healthy kids so not concerned. Had major guilt for ages.

Maybe your friend "hides" behind the I didn't have enough milk because she feels afraid of a judgemental reaction if she says she chose to abandon breat feeding.

Vitamin 'debate' : here

Ive only flicked through page one and the gloves are off!

Funny thing is tethered this is not something I feel strongly about. I feel strongly that women are given all the information and support that enables them to make a decision about how they want to feed. I chose to bf, it worked for me. For some it doesn't. I happy to talk openly about my experiences to others but I do not presume that my experiences are the same as others.

natural - there was no point to this thread. I felt threatened by a friends comments. I didn't feel I could share how I felt with anyone in RL at that time so I wrote down how I was feeling on here. Although I was aware that some people may not like what I said I didn't take into account how many different ways others would interpret it. It is a simple as that.

There is a point to every thread - you wanted to share your feelings and experience and there's nothing wrong with that, but it seems like most of us struggled to understand what you were trying to say. I do get what you are saying - I take offence at totally innocent things people say all the time, often it has nothing to do with me but I still get in a state about it!

God I hate these posts. I tried so desperately to bf my first DC that I was almost suicidal when things didn't work. She never settled, never seemed to be satisfied for longer than 10 minutes and in the end I was so exhausted through my resolute refusal to give a bottle that I ended up hallucinating.

I had severe depression, was admitted to hospital with dehydration and it took me a long time to bond with my baby. I was desperate.

But hey, it's great to know that if I had only tried a bit harder then it all would have been tickety boo.

Nickel You're right, people absolutely should be able to say "we had problems" without people assuming. Sadly, IME, people want to know what problems and I don't often fancy explaining the ins and outs of DS's birth, so I stick to "not enough milk" which is one aspect of the truth. I could have chosen to continue pumping what milk I did have for DS but in the end, I gave it up. It turns out bf-ing wasn't best for me or my baby!! I also question the breast-is-best theory when for a week all I ate was laxatives and painkillers - I'm not sure my breast milk was much use to start with but you say that to people and of course, that means you're not taking bf-ing seriously. Sigh.

Brettgirl Yes, my mindset change was childbirth. There's something about having your insides ripped to shreds in several places, losing 3 litres of blood and having your DS resuscitated in front of you that makes bf-ing seem less important.

Jolly I don't want sympathy for not bf-ing my son. I want my decision, whatever its motivation to get respect. Bf-ing your baby doesn't make you a better mother. Also, sympathy isn't dependent on you having the same experience, or an easier one. If people tell me their birth stories, I don't respond by telling them mine was worse, despite having a senior consultant tell me in her 20-odd years of practise, she's never seen a birth like it. I'm not dismissing your bf-ing difficulties, but you are dismissing the difficulties ff-ing mothers go through claiming your experience was worse. As a poster further upthread said "a bit of empathy wouldn't go amiss".

Aw jenbird, if you had just posted what you wrote at 14.06 this whole thread would have gone differently! I guess I finally get what has you feeling so rotten.

You know you're doing your best and you're a great mum, don't let a stray comment get you down. I'm sure your friend would be mortified to know you were feeling like this.

My FF boy didn't sleep through until 2 years. It happens! I don't think it really has anything to do with feeding or parenting, some kids are just bad sleepers. His dad and I were the same so perhaps karma is to blame

I exclusively breast fed for six weeks. During that time my baby was not putting on weight. I did everything to stimulate my milk (had never in a million years thought to bottle feed).
I saw a lactation consultant, had daily meetings with the nurse, wore a double pump thing to induce milk, took herbal remedies. It was the longest and hardest six weeks of my life. I would say I tried! You wouldn't. Oh well.

After the six week check my GP took one look at us and told me I was going to give her a bottle that night. I did. I am so glad I did!

I breastfed my first five children without any trouble at all. Then number 6 I had NO milk, to the point that at eight days there was blood in the nappy. The midwives were concerned about the dramatic drop in weight, but said nothing to me. At this point I put him on a bottle, and he never looked back. I did not feel guilty, just relieved I had the sense to bottlefeed my baby before his kidneys failed. The next six I bottlefed and realised I had never enjoyed breastfeeding anyway! What a relief. I only feel guilty that I judged others who chose not to breastfeed.

The next six did I read right !!

I thought I could just show how both ways are fine! Yes, twelve children, and no twins....

wow!!!

Fairplay mumtoxii I am on #4 and I truly can not imagine going through pregnancy again!

The next six kids? You have 12! Wowsers.....

Wow - 12. Not sure about having any more than 2. I think at 12 you're entitled to feed them however the hell you want! You raise a good point though, one of my friends won't have her second as she's enjoying life without breastfeeding and doesn't feel ready to give up her odd glass of wine for a couple of years, and how hard it is. Shes a massive pusher and advocate of breastfeeding but she blatently didn't enjoy it!

Devalue your effort? Im breastfeeding right now but when I hear people who breastfeed ssy things like thst its so lame.Wow what a hero you breastfed

Ok. I'll bite

I didn't have enough milk. No, seriously.

My milk never came in. My baby is 3 months old and when he was born for the first three days in hospital was on the boob 24 hours a day. My nipples cracked and got blood blisters. A constant stream of midwives and a BF counsellor all checked latch and said it was fine. My milk never appeared, my baby screamed day and night. I had the HV squeezing my nipples to try and get something out, they put me on the pump (nothing) and kept saying "it'll come in tomorrow" I left hospital on day 4 but was visited by a midwife daily to help with the BF problem.

After a week the BF counsellor was scratching her head, my baby was doing terribly but still desperately nursing 24/7. I had blood tests done to look for a hormone deficiency but was clear. I was put on domperidone tablets to no avail. I was told by the midwife, the health visitor and the BF counsellor that it was a head scratcher and to start formula.

The guilt was unreal and to know now that when people ask why I'm not BF (as I'd planned to) and I say "I didn't make enough milk" there are judgey arseholes like you thinking snide comments that I didn't TRY hard enough I feel murderous.

Count yourself lucky you could breastfeed and pull your judgey pants out out Of your arsecrack. Maybe people don't want to tell you their whole story so stick to "I didn't make enough milk".

This is a weird thread :(

People are entitled to feel what they feel - many women feel desperately sad at not bf; others are accepting; others are fine; others feel a mixture of all these.

Mothers have a right not to 'try' to bf - and those that 'try' have a right not to 'try hard'.

But I'd add that HCPs and educators have the obligation to make sure that those who want to bf are at least able to rely on good help and support - and all the way through this thread I see signs this is not happening. In some of the recent posts we see a story of a mother who does not want to bf because she does not want to stop drinking 'the odd glass of wine' for 2 years. Ridiculous. Someone else reports nipples that were cracked and bleeding on day 1-2 and who was told latch was 'fine' - but the only way women can have cracked and bleeding nipples is by trauma caused by the way the baby is attached to them, and if there is nothing visible about the attachment there is something going on inside the mouth to cause it (oral anomaly of some sort, maybe).

There are many other examples :(

I agree with the op. I count being able to bf 2 dc despite crap incorrect advice from the health professionals as amongst the things I am most proud of in my life. With ds I was told he needed formula as he was a big baby. It was only several days of difficulties did I speak to la leche league were things ok. With dd I had researched and knew my stuff and so went against all the advice given in hospital and refused the bottle despite being told she was a big happy, hungry, milk not enough etc. I was the only mother on the ward who wasn't made to give bottles and was seen as defiant.
I have heard zillion times over the years from other mothers that they couldn't feed because not enough milk. I don't say anything after the event as what would be the point and would be seen as being smug etc.

Baby not happy. iPad.

"but the only way women can have cracked and bleeding nipples is by trauma caused by the way the baby is attached to them, and if there is nothing visible about the attachment there is something going on inside the mouth to cause it (oral anomaly of some sort, maybe)."

Or in, admittedly rare, cases where breasts literally don't output. Which is something I've been told doesn't happen yet has happened to my mother and aunt. Sometimes humans are faulty.

On the odd glass of wine comment, some people feel you shouldn't drink at all whilst breastfeeding and pregnant. My friend feels that way. Whilst she's sometimes over vociferous for breastfeeding, I applaud her for that. Even breastfeeders have different standards and choices which they're all entitled to take.