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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I'm not taking to bf like I thought I would and I am feeling very guilty

117 replies

Chloe55 · 27/02/2006 17:22

Having a bit of a moral dilemma. I am currently bf and after a bad start it is going pretty well now - thing is I am so not enjoying the bf experience but it is not because it is uncomfortable or what not I just don't get the 'bonding' thing that is meant to be happening. I am also a little bit resentful about being constantly used as a milking machine - God, that sounds absolutely awful and I realise that as I am writing this. What I mean by it is that ds is a big boy and it seems whenever he is awake he is looking for a nipple to latch onto, it can be literally every 20mins sometimes, other times he'll sleep for a couple of hours but never much more. I'm pretty sure I am producing enough milk as he literally falls off the boob when he has had enough and it is dribbling out of his mouth. I just feel a bit like I can't have any time to myself because I am always in demand. I understand that this is the role of the mother etc etc but I am just getting a bit bogged down with it all.

Thing is I know breast is best and would like to continue to give him my milk but I am seriously thinking about switching him to the bottle. Does anyone know whether it would be possible to express enough milk for him to go on the bottle? Have spoken to mum about it today and she is behind me 100% if that is my decision as she says that I need to be happy with things too but I know DH and particularly his family will seriously frown upon me giving up giving breast. I know he is our baby and it is our decision but not sure if I'm strong enough at the moment to take the comments or looks I might get.

Oh I just don't know what to do. I feel so guilty because there are so many women who want to bf and can't and there's me wanting to jack it in when I have no medical need to. Sorry for the essay, just don't know what to do. Don't know if I am jeapadising my son's health for my convenience

Oh, ds is only 13 days old.

OP posts:

Lucy1977 · 08/03/2006 15:37

Thank you Chloe! This thread has really helped me today, my DD Olivia is 25 days old and every day of her life I have been close to giving up the BF and going over to formula as I've had such sore cracked nipples, then thrush and we're still having latching problems on my left side.

However, from reading this - hearing how other people have also over come similar experiences and gone on to really enjoy the BF I will also try and perservere for another day, anther week etc. etc.

Like you Chloe we sometimes give DD a bottle of formula (expressing hurts my nipples too much) at night -mostly just on a Friday and Saturday night so it means I can get a good sleep and DH can feed DD. I'm hoping this wont affect my milk supply.

Thanks again

Lucy
Olivia 25 days old

celandine · 08/03/2006 20:43

DS is 10 weeks and feeds for about 40 mins every 2 hours. He's always fed from both sides. He rarely pulls off himself but if i've tried letting him spend as long as he wants on the first side and he would be there for up to an hour and then still want the other side.

I'm starting to get fed up with the amount of time spent feeding him, including many night feeds (another thread). Surely this should be getting better, he should be feeding faster? I worry how on earth I will be able to keep up if he's already having both sides. Will I end up feeding even more regularly or giving him 4 sides?!! I want to continue bf him but if this frequency keeps up I will find it tricky to have a proper life as i can't feed in public on my right side as I rugby-style hold and there's nothing to lie him on! I have to either be at a friends or at home every 2 hours which limits me and my 2.9 year old.

I'm small breasted so guess this is why ds needs to feed in this way (smaller ones have less storage space) as opposed to my larger-breasted friend whose 10 week old feeds one side every 3-4 hours. Has anyone else found this? Any advice welcome :)

SoupDragon · 08/03/2006 20:46

Was feeling cr*p and miserable a little while ago with screaming banshee baby from hell. Went upstairs, lay down on the bed and fed her - we were snuggled up close, her eyes rolled back in her head in bliss and she had one little pudgey hand resting on my breast and suddenly all was right with the world :) One of the good bits of breastfeeding IMO. Makes it worthwhile :)

mojomummy · 08/03/2006 21:38

lots of threads here to read - have you thought about a dummy ? sometimes babies are sucky (of course !) but you don't always want to be sucked on.

My DD fed for about a minute every 5 mins & I wished I'd got a dummy sooner & got her on a feeding schedule (please don't attack me for this). I fed on demand, almost like this, for 4 mths, then got her on 3 hourly feeds then a day or so later, onto 4 hourly feeds - I was in heaven !!

I just got on with it, but it was hard. Good luck & lots of us have been there !

2Happy · 09/03/2006 09:30

Hey, Chloe, how's the mastitis now? Getting better?

Original poster

Chloe55 · 09/03/2006 09:46

Well I have a confession, in fact no, it isn't a confession it is my choice. DH and I have discussed it in depth and we have decided to switch to formula. We will be doing it gradually so ds will still be on breast milk for the next couple of weeks in between formula feeds but what with the way I have been feeling (more bad days than good) and the mastitis making feeding really uncomfortable we just think it is for the best. I have discussed it with my HV and she said after seeing me last week she was surprised to see I had carried on so I felt good for lasting a bit longer. I will have bf for 6 weeks by the time I manage to stop so I feel confident that I have given him the best milk for his early weeks and instead of feeling guilty I can only do 6 weeks I now feel there is light at the end of the tunnel and I am really proud to have accomplished the amount I have .

The mastitis is better though thanks Happy.

So, thank you all for your words of encouragement and believe me I have taken on board a lot of what you have all said and you really helped me to get over my bad days. This has given me chance to make my decision on a clear head instead of giving up in despair and regretting it at a later date.

OP posts:

JennyLee · 09/03/2006 10:20

well you have to do what is best for your family and you have breastfed for a while so it all helps.

This is a precious time so it is probably better not to spend it suffering and uncomfortable.

SoupDragon · 09/03/2006 13:14

You can't do more than your best and you've done that :) Whatever allows you to enjoy your baby the most is what's best at the end of the day.

SoupDragon · 10/03/2006 10:14

Out of interest Chloe55, have you considered mixed feeding? It doesn't have to be breast or bottle full stop. If you find a point over the next few weeks where you think "I can handle this level of breastfeeding" then there is no reason you can't stop there and do both breast and bottle for a bit longer.

And if you don't find a point where you think "I can handle this level of breastfeeding" then nothing lost :) Just a thought as you seemed so determined not to stop a couple of days ago...

LIZS · 10/03/2006 10:20

good point Soupy, the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. Well done for getting thus far Chloe and good luck.

Original poster

Chloe55 · 10/03/2006 10:28

Well at the moment I am doing the nighttime feeds and a couple through the day. I would consider continuing the night time feeds but at the moment my breasts are really full all the time which is uncomfortable - I'm guessing that's because I have cut down the feeding so my body is trying to adjust though. Would it be possible to train my body to produce enough milk to just do 2 feeds during the night and then keep ds on formula during the day?

OP posts:

poppiesinaline · 10/03/2006 10:42

Was wondering how you were getting on! You sound much happier and calmer. Glad it is going well. In answer to your question - no idea! but someone on MN is bound to know! :)

Original poster

Chloe55 · 10/03/2006 10:47

Ha ha thanks poppies!!

OP posts:

LIZS · 10/03/2006 11:21

It may be possible to do that but the longer you leave it for the breatfeeding to get established the less likely you are to face problems of engorgement or maintaining supply. It will settle down but if you are feeling full could you express a little off as that won't help the mastitis and make sure you wear a good bra with no pressure points.

mojomummy · 10/03/2006 14:32

Yes, you're boobs soon settle down & you shouldn't have any problems.

I bf DD for about a year on the morning & am feeds. I'm pretty sure it was both breast on both occasions. She'd have a very enthusiastic glug in the am, which meant I had an extra 15 mins or so in bed...yippee ! (& it helped with weight loss)

SoupDragon · 10/03/2006 15:48

The "full all the time" feeling is just your body adjusting to the different level of demand and does pass.

Night feeds are (I thought) the ones which help maintain your supply better, producing more of, er, some hormone or other... You certainly have nothing to lose by trying to keep up with those feeds. If it doesn't work, what have you lost? you may need to keep a couple more feeds than that though, I'm not sure TBH.

The other plus of mixed feeding is that, if necessary, you can add breastfeeds back in in case of "emergency" say, for example, you get caught out with no formula. The milk should still be there. Please dont think I'm trying to change your mind about your feeding choice though! I just wondered if you'd realised it doesn't have to be one or the other.

LucyJu · 14/03/2006 11:09

Hi Chloe.

Just wondered how you were getting on. Have things settled down a bit now?

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