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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I'm not taking to bf like I thought I would and I am feeling very guilty

117 replies

Chloe55 · 27/02/2006 17:22

Having a bit of a moral dilemma. I am currently bf and after a bad start it is going pretty well now - thing is I am so not enjoying the bf experience but it is not because it is uncomfortable or what not I just don't get the 'bonding' thing that is meant to be happening. I am also a little bit resentful about being constantly used as a milking machine - God, that sounds absolutely awful and I realise that as I am writing this. What I mean by it is that ds is a big boy and it seems whenever he is awake he is looking for a nipple to latch onto, it can be literally every 20mins sometimes, other times he'll sleep for a couple of hours but never much more. I'm pretty sure I am producing enough milk as he literally falls off the boob when he has had enough and it is dribbling out of his mouth. I just feel a bit like I can't have any time to myself because I am always in demand. I understand that this is the role of the mother etc etc but I am just getting a bit bogged down with it all.

Thing is I know breast is best and would like to continue to give him my milk but I am seriously thinking about switching him to the bottle. Does anyone know whether it would be possible to express enough milk for him to go on the bottle? Have spoken to mum about it today and she is behind me 100% if that is my decision as she says that I need to be happy with things too but I know DH and particularly his family will seriously frown upon me giving up giving breast. I know he is our baby and it is our decision but not sure if I'm strong enough at the moment to take the comments or looks I might get.

Oh I just don't know what to do. I feel so guilty because there are so many women who want to bf and can't and there's me wanting to jack it in when I have no medical need to. Sorry for the essay, just don't know what to do. Don't know if I am jeapadising my son's health for my convenience

Oh, ds is only 13 days old.

OP posts:

Tatties · 02/03/2006 11:49

Chloe, my ds was just like this, didn't want to be put down, but wasn't happy when I was carrying him either because he just wanted to be fed ALL THE TIME! At the time I didn't know you could get slings which you can also feed the baby in - with hindsight I think that would have been a great solution for us, why don't you see if you can get hold of one? I was also hung up on the idea that "baby must sleep in cot..." While some babies are totally happy to do that, others aren't (my ds wasn't) and that is completely normal and ok, it really doesn't mean you are creating bad habits by carrying him around/feeding when he needs to be close to you.

I know you are exhausted, I know exactly how you feel. It is hard but all I can say is try to lie down to feed ds and hopefully you can both get some sleep. Once you have tried it a few times you will get used to it.
I gave ds a dummy at around 7 wks, and it was great for gettting him to sleep, and it did give me a bit of a break. My dp was dead against it too, but we were sensible with it, only gave it at nap/sleep times so he didn't get attached to it and he gave it up himself at 3mths.
Things will get better, I promise

SoupDragon · 02/03/2006 12:00

Chloe - your DS sounds very much like my DD. She loves being in one of \link{http://www.brightsparkslings.co.uk/slings.htm\these sorts of sling} - I even cooked pancakes with her in it the other day. I actually made mine from some cheap fleece and a pattern I found via google.

Tatties · 02/03/2006 12:09

There was a thread a wee while ago, started by Helenemjay, I think she was in a similar situation to you, baby would not settle, etc.. To cut a long story short she switched from BF to FF, to see if that would help, but it didn't, baby was just the same. So with some hard work she managed to switch back to BF. What I am trying to say is that it is likely that your ds is just still getting used to life outside the womb so it is totally normal for him to appear 'unsettled'. Switching to formula won't necessarily change that or even give you a break as I am guessing you will still be doing the majority of the feeds anyway? At that age my ds always slept really well in the pram - could someone take him out for a long walk so you could have a rest? Or even if you take him out it will mean you are doing something other than feeding for a couple of hours!

If it's any consolation I have been known to call my HV in tears; I think I burst into tears nearly every day the midwife came to see me too...

Keep posting

LucyJu · 02/03/2006 12:28

Chloe, I am a book junkie and have got loads of baby books. I am not planning on having any more babies . You would be welcome to my copy for free. Seriously, I need to have a bit of a clear out. If you send me your address, I'll get it in the post to you in the next day or so.
lucyjulia at hotmail dot co dot uk

Original poster

Chloe55 · 02/03/2006 16:51

I have a ring sling, similar to the one you linked to soupy but i can't get the hang of it - will keep practising, just feel like i am squashing him, don't think I have got the position right.

Just been into town to get some bits and bats - nightmare! Had to stop in 3 different shops to feed him and he managed to wee all over his clothes, only place to change him at the time was in a very cramped, smelly toilets!

Bought a dummy, guess what - he spits it out! So I guess he may have decided for me about whether to give him one or not

Lucy, thank you, you are very kind - will email you now.

OP posts:

2Happy · 02/03/2006 16:54

Poor you what a shopping nightmare!
If you're still considering dummies, you may need to try more than one type before finding one ds likes (although they have a habit of spitting them out a fair amount anyway!) Our ds hated nuby (?sp) ones but liked avent ones.

Original poster

Chloe55 · 02/03/2006 16:58

Just bought him the Avent orthodentist (is that the word?) ones. I'll try him again in a bit, he is too busy paddying at the moment though, just giving cuddles and trying to keep calm at the moment! Ahhh he is going quiet, you never know I might actually be able to get an hour's kip before DH gets home. Bless him, he does look cute when he isn't crying [gri]

OP posts:

2Happy · 02/03/2006 17:01

Lol! Yes, they do look cuter when not crying - and even more cute when blooming asleep grrr! Hope you get a bit of kip

SoupDragon · 05/03/2006 10:14

Chloe55, you're probably not squashing him int he slng - he was a dman sight more squashed a few weeks ago :o DD loves being all scrunched up in the pouch - I think she feels snug and secure.

How are you feeling now?

Original poster

Chloe55 · 05/03/2006 10:20

Thanks Soupy, I will give him another go as I bet it helps loads for just doing the boring household chores and what not too. Feeling much better tbh. I have had a really good weekend with him. DH has been getting up at the crack of dawn to give the early feed (which has been formula when I haven't been able to express enough) however, he takes it really well, seems happy enough and it is just the one feed - the rest of the time he bfs. I just feel much more refreshed getting this break so I'm glad we have introduced the bottle and it doesn't seem to be effecting his latch on either which was my main worry with him only being 3weeks.

This website is just such a help, I felt so much better hearing other people's opinions and words of encouragement - so for that I am really grateful. I am still taking each day as it comes but it seems I am going through a stint of good days at the moment

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 05/03/2006 10:29

You feeling refreshed is certainly worth the bottle of formula :) And, of course, if you wanted to and got the hang of expressing, you can always replace it with breastmilk. Mixed feeding can work very well but it always seems to be seen as you have a choice between breast or bottle, nothing in between.

DD likes to sit in the sling with her head poking out too, looking around. Then she just drops off and I tuck her in more securely and get on with cooking tea, sorting laundry... once I'm sure she's settled, I sometimes put her down (sling and all!) in her rocking chair to free myself. Have to remember to unwrap her a bit though :)

You sound much happier and relaxed!

JennyLee · 05/03/2006 12:14

what I did, and some might think this is odd is that I got a big duvet and spread it on the floor in the livingroom with a duvet cover on it and covers and pillows for me (my house was very clean) for the first few horror weeks i could feed him and sleep and latch him on as constantly as he needed, or feed whilst watching tv, listening to music, talking on the phone, chatting with dh etc. it was easy to wash and keep spotless. Also he could not roll off it and onto anything and it was okay to leave him asleep to go to the toilet, eat, bath etc and i could see him ( a bed in the livingroom, height of lazyness)

and I co-slept too (in real bed), dh slept on the sofa for the first few months his choice as he was a smoker (never in the house) and did not want to squash ds,

get a bed rail too so you can leave space between you and baby and not worry about him falling, you can have dh on the other side so baby is not in the middle.

I also used a dummy untill ds was 8 months old but got lots of hassle off people for the dummy, but needed it as ds was 24 hr feeder on and off till 11 mnths old so I would have been drank down to nothing otherwise!

After 13 weeks i had it nailed and loved it and was glad I did not quit, had moments like you crying and feeling like I wanted to die and could not cope , but I could cope,
also had mother who the day I brought ds home at 3 days old, spent the whole day appalled at my cracked nipples saying over and over and over 'he is not getting enough' 'give him formula' and I lived to tell the tale,

you are amazing and I am so glad you feel better,

my ds would not be put down either, sling is good idea, good luck to you, hope everything continues to go well. how weird does all this sound typed up ? pretty odd in hindsight lol

JennyLee · 05/03/2006 12:15

the odd bottle of formula hurts no one also

SoupDragon · 06/03/2006 10:01

Something else that always made me feel better was when DH took "charge" of the baby over night (ie slept on the baby side) and just gave them to me for feeding. I think i slept better because I knew I didnt have to keep an ear out for them.

Original poster

Chloe55 · 06/03/2006 16:08

Would you believe it - guess who's got mastitis?! Just when things were looking so much rosier on the bf front. Feel like pants, shakey and sweaty and right breast feels like it has been kicked. Doc has advised me to continue to feed from the affected side which I have been forcing myself to do. Typical, isn't it?!

OP posts:

JennyLee · 06/03/2006 16:39

Sorry to hear that, hope it goes away soon, I never had it so can't advise but thinking of you.

motherinferior · 06/03/2006 16:53

Oh, you poor love. Take the drugs. Huge commiserations.

This bit, I remember both times round, is awful. It does get better. It really does.

NotQuiteCockney · 06/03/2006 17:01

Oh, damn. Not what you needed.

The drugs help. So does feeding lots on the affected side. If possible, feed with the baby's chin in the direction of the lump. That helps clear it faster.

SoupDragon · 07/03/2006 10:07

As you say - typical! Hang in there - you were doing so well!!

Original poster

Chloe55 · 07/03/2006 10:21

Luckily I have caught it early, breast is still very inflamed and sore but feeding on the affected side is bearable and the cold sweats have disappeared so I think the paracetamol/anti-inflammatories and antibiotics are kicking in - I feel like a walking medicine cabinet . Think the antibiotics have given ds a bit of diarrhoea though, poo seems much more runny than before, doc did warn this might happen - I guess it's still more important to continue to bf though even if it is causing the runs?

OP posts:

LucyJu · 07/03/2006 10:33

Hi Chloe, sorry to hear about the mastitis.
From what I know, feeding from the affected side as much as possible will help the mastitis to clear up more quickly. I think a warm flannel on the affected breast can also help to ease the pain.

Good luck!
P.S. Finally got the book in the post to you this morning.

Racers · 07/03/2006 10:35

Oh you poor thing!

SoupDragon · 07/03/2006 10:37

Breasfed baby poos at this age are fairly runny anyway so yes, just continue :) Both DSs had major up-the-back leakages when little with no antibiotics!

Glad you're getting better.

Original poster

Chloe55 · 07/03/2006 10:41

Thanks Lucyju!

I know Soupy, was wondering whether or not it was normal poo as they all look like diarrhoea to me but it just seemed a lot more watery, sure it is nothing to worry about though. Am gonna contibnue anyway, not letting this stop me after what I have been through

OP posts:

suzi2 · 07/03/2006 21:04

Chloe55 - just to say that I felt much the same at that stage. I was managing physically but not emotionally! All I can say is that I'm really glad I stuck with it - it took a while (2 or 3 months?) for me to actually enjoy it. And from there on, I could only see benefits and feel that it's the most wonderful thing in the world. Admittedly the last month (DS is 7 months), I have felt a bit 'tied' again but I'm trying to work through it.

Hope you're feeling better. Stick with it - it's worth it I promise

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