Reprimanded for Breastfeeding at Marks and Spencer

[Siena1]

Hi! I am a newbie to posting so please forgive me if I have done something wrong.
I was in Marks & Spencer, Brent Cross and I was told off by a manager in front of a store full of shoppers for breastfeeding my crying baby under a baggy jumper (nothing was visible.) I explained that I had been in the queue for over ten minutes and I had a trolley full of food and I could not abandon it. The store was also officially closed. She was very unsympathetic and instructed me to go to a M & S toilet cubicle. I elaborated that this was not possible as the shop was closed but she just smirked. I felt really humiliated, embarrasses and intimidated. I left the store in tears. Even now, I re-live this incident and it has really knocked my confidence.
I wrote to Marks and Spencer but they have handled my complaint badly. I was initially told that the manager would be "spoken to" when they have identified her. This seemed vague so I re-emailed and asked if the store staff could be re-familiarised with the breastfeeding legislation but they have refused saying that this has never happened to another nursing mother. I thought I saw on a different thread that someone else had been reprimanded for breastfeeding in a M& S Cafe?
Have I done something wrong? Am I being unreasonable? Your comments would be really appreciated. Thank you

Just wanted to add my voice of support. Shocking behaviour from the Manager. I would be demanding a public apology infront of a store full of people as that is how the original humiliation took place. Good to see LEDKR still being as forthright as ever - I was on her pregnancy group thread and she made me smile every day!

JR - that's awful

I tweeted this thread again, but to Clarks this time to let them know.

BigJR go, go, go. I go to Westfield Stratford quite a bit. I think I might suddenly have a strong desire to feed my 6 m/o DD in there and let my muslin "slip".

I have also tweeted this to Clarks too.

That is horrible, your poor wife.
These stories make me so angry. I was in that very shop today, shame I wasn't there when it happened or I would have screamed the place down instead of your hungry baby. I'm glad I didn't buy anything from them now.
Complain loudly until you get your apology.

That's disgusting! Clarks hang your head in shame.

Where is your public apology?

Just wanted to add my dismay at this thread. DS is three months old and has had feeds in all sorts of interesting places - including Winchester cathedral. I'm also of the opinion that him screaming is far more disruptive than me finding a discreet place to feed him.
Very :( for those that have been singled out like this.

That's appalling behaviour from Clark's, I hope they reply soon with a grovelling apology.

I had my youngest 14 years ago. My eldest are in their 20s. I fed all of mine anywhere and everywhere without a second thought, or a comment from anyone. So did my friends. I don't remember anyone ever having a problem.

Have things changed so much in recent years?

Is this awful attitude down to the proliferation of pornography?

It is so sad.

3littlefrogs- porn (well lads mags anyway)seems to be allowed just not bf

lurking for an update (hopefully tales of grovelling apologies and free shoes) from BigJR

I'm outraged! How humiliating. I feed everywhere and anywhere, I bloody dare anyone to reprimand me for it. I hope some apologies and genuine changed of attitude happen soon.

So sorry your wife was subject to this discrimination, don't stop til you get an apology. If you can face it I also recommend going to your local paper, that usually gets them to listen.

Thank you all for your kind comments and messages of support, really appreciated - and just hope that by raising peoples awareness of this, and this new legislation, that it is less likely to happen again to another mother in the future.

Had a call back from the Customer Service manager of Clarks Shoes yesterday, apologising for the way the staff had treated my wife and saying that she had spoken to the store and they had mistakenly asked her to stop feeding. She mentioned that they had offered to move my wife into a room at the back of the shop (hide her out of the way in the store-cupboard?).

I told the lady that she should direct her apologies to my wife and gave my wife?s mobile number, so she could speak to her. They were offering to give our son a free shoe fitting and pair of shoes, as a good will gesture, to restore faith in the company - but not sure if my wife will ever want to go to a Clarks shoe shop again after what happened (she had been in tears for over an hour after leaving the shop and still gets upset when talking to me about what happened), and already found some nice summer sandals for DS in Russel & Bromleys.

The customer care manager was due to call me back, after speaking to my wife, but missed her calls so far. What we want is to ensure is that they actually do something about this - put in place some training so that their staff are aware of the rights of breastfeeding mothers and that they supportive of those who find it necessary to feed in one of their shops. I'm also planning on writing a letter to Westfield, to hopefully raise their awareness of the rights of breastfeeding mothers and try to stop this happening again.

good for you.

well done

and they shouldnt be suggesting that anyone BF's in a cupbaord either.... after all we all have a right to BF our babies wherever we please

i hope she realises that asking a lady to BF in a cupboard is at least as bad as stopping them feeding all together

would they like to eat their meals in a cupboard?

i have heard quite a few people complain about being treated badly for breastfeeding in various branches of m&s, a friend got told she couldn't bf in the cafe and would have to do it in the changing room. appalling company. they are the ones being unreasonable, not you!!

it would be funny if all breastfeeding women made a point of doing it in m&s when they're out and about. i think i might try it in our local one and see what happens, i they ask me to move elsewhere i will stoically refuse!

Harr1etJ0nes

I just meant that breasts have become associated only with sex, pornography etc, and their primary function is forgotten by an awful lot of ignorant people.

Nursing mothers are being treated like flashers or perverts and it is so sad.

My dentist told his wife was asked to stop BFing on a seat near the toilets in M&S and to move into the Baby changing room.
I always BFd my DCs in the M&S cafe if I was in town and never had any hassle. I was only approached once by another mother who congratulated me on being "brave".

Disgusted by both clarks and m&s.

Luckily we no longer use clarks as we've discovered happylittlesoles.co.uk but we still stop in M&S when funds allow. Will reconsider that!

that's not on.

Suggest you write to the M&S Chief Exec, Marc Bolland, at this address:

Marks and Spencer Group plc
Waterside House
35 North Wharf Road
London
W2 1NW

with a copy of the letter to

Rebecca Barclay, Press Officer
National Childbirth Trust
Alexandra House, Oldham Terrace
London W3 6NH

asking her to bring M&S's hostility to breastfeeding to the attention of journalists.

Siena that is appalling from M&S . I'm going to report my own post to see if MNHQ will get in touch with them about this incident, mumsnetters are currently trialling shapewear and the fuller for longer range, and giving feedback on kidswear and I think HQ would be very sad to hear about the way you were treated in store and can hopefully take it up and get a quicker response...

JR good on you, I hope Clarks apologise pronto for their shameful behaviour.

To be fair to Westfield, they are a baby friendly company and provide some of the best baby feeding / changing facilities.

I am glad that Clarks have apologised and I think I'm going to Westfield tomorrow so if it coincides, I'll be popping in there to test the waters!

It is appalling and you're doing the right thing by naming and shaming.

But I'm still a bit confused about the store officially being closed ...

I would use Toaster24's addresses-they were totally in the wrong.
I wish that I had been there-I would love to stand up to the management for you. You feel very vulnerable when you are that stage. I am all ready to be militant but I never see it!