Reprimanded for Breastfeeding at Marks and Spencer

[Siena1]

Hi! I am a newbie to posting so please forgive me if I have done something wrong.
I was in Marks & Spencer, Brent Cross and I was told off by a manager in front of a store full of shoppers for breastfeeding my crying baby under a baggy jumper (nothing was visible.) I explained that I had been in the queue for over ten minutes and I had a trolley full of food and I could not abandon it. The store was also officially closed. She was very unsympathetic and instructed me to go to a M & S toilet cubicle. I elaborated that this was not possible as the shop was closed but she just smirked. I felt really humiliated, embarrasses and intimidated. I left the store in tears. Even now, I re-live this incident and it has really knocked my confidence.
I wrote to Marks and Spencer but they have handled my complaint badly. I was initially told that the manager would be "spoken to" when they have identified her. This seemed vague so I re-emailed and asked if the store staff could be re-familiarised with the breastfeeding legislation but they have refused saying that this has never happened to another nursing mother. I thought I saw on a different thread that someone else had been reprimanded for breastfeeding in a M& S Cafe?
Have I done something wrong? Am I being unreasonable? Your comments would be really appreciated. Thank you

By the way - that doesn't mean I don't think you have a valid complaint, I'm just anxious that it could be too late to get anything done, iyswim, if it happened a while back.

I'm horrified on your behalf.

Oh, and if you email the CEO. Send him a link to this thread so he can see how disgusted we all are at the actions of this manager.

Stupid cow on a power trip who couldn't wait to get off her shift and go home, so she took it out on you!

Totally not on! Not to mention illegal. Is the wording of the law something like, "it is illegal to stop or make a women feel uncomfortable about breastfeeding in public". Keep going with the complaint OP!

Outrageous, Shouldn't her priority have been to help you and all the other queuing customers get their shopping through the till?

Utterly disgusting!
if I was still bfing I would definitely be up for a mass bf! Could come to cheer on
Op please don't let this idiot put you off at all.

Its lovley to see MN so outraged and behind you op.

I tweeted the thread and got this reply:

I can confirm this is now being dealt with by our Executive Office. Thanks, Tom

:)

Fantastic nickel :) Hope it gets sorted OP and M&S staff grow up!!!!

The latest news is that Head Office still refuse to re-train or re-familiarise the staff at the Brent Cross store, informing me that a nursing mother has never been reprimanded before at M & S: it is an "isolated incident." I know from your replies that there are two of you who have also been challenged so this is clearly not the case. Thank you all again for your support, this is what is keeping me going.

Hi nickelbarapasaurus, What a great name! Thank you for tweeting. M & S are still saying they will not do anymore. So frustrating...

Start a petition on change.org. I will sign as I'm sure will everyone else here.

How do they think that the fact they are unaware of it happening before is relevant?

Is it OK for it to happen a certain number of times before they take action? How many does it take? Two? Four? Three hundred and twenty eight?

I wish I was still BFing one of mine because I'd be in there tomorrow.

I would seriously consider contacting your local press to do a piece on this, OP.

Man alive... so if a member of staff humiliated a gay couple, or person of a different race to them, or a disabled person, or an old person, but ONLY ONCE - they wouldn't be reprimanded or re-trained?

Discrimination needs to be challenged wherever it appears. In a way, it's because it's an 'isolated incident' that staff should be trained. It shows that their current training isn't addressing the fact that an employee's personal opinion must not be exacted upon a law abiding customer!

I'm not sure of the validity of sit-in's etc, but I visit Brent Cross frequently and am also rather tempted to go and whip 'em out in M&S... if there wasn't such a nice feeding room in Mothercare opposite :)

Seriously, go to the media. I can't believe no one has said sorry for your bad experience.

A little bit of a hijack, but very relevant.....

Back in 2004 when I had dd1, I was sat in my car in a public carpark BFing her.

She had literally screamed for 5 miles, she was 4-5 weeks old and hungry so I stopped as soon as I could. My first priority was to get my boob in her mouth and comfort her.

So I'm sat feeding, and a traffic warden approaches my car. I haven't yet bought a ticket and opened my window to explain to him the reason why. He was an absolute arse, he could see I had baby attached to my breast and I asked him if he could purchase the ticket for me (had change at the ready). He refused, said it wasn't in his job description and proceeded to write me out a penalty notice for not having a parking ticket

I was furious, a first time mum and I just sat and cried, then I got angry and took myself off to local town hall. I explained situation to them and they were less than helpful, so I went to local press.

Within 2 hours of speaking to a reporter, a council official had contacted me to advise ticket had been revoked. Within 24 hours I had received flowers, chocolates and a hand written apology from local council.

Story still went out in press and traffic warden was taken off active duties until further notice and completion of some training courses.

So I would say, go to the press. I'm not saying I was right for not buying a car park ticket but I was a new first time mum and my baby was my priority.

M&S are currently using Mumsnetters as testers for some of their products.

MNHQ you need to get them to review their customer service training.

I am APPALLED at this disgusting attitude shown to a breastfeeding mother and to Mumsnet as a whole.

Do they sell breastfeeding bras, I wonder...? If they sell them, they shouldn't be surprised if customer use them.

They do.

If a customer is in a queue with a trolley of food they should surely be getting it through the till - putting it on the shelves again would take ages. If a customer goes off to the toilet to breastfeed her baby as suggested that would also be a delay. Retail staff like to finish up and get home - so the supervisor should have sent OP to sit down somewhere, sorted the shopping and packed it up, then either taken her cash or processed her card as a 'cardholder not present' transaction. (I will check with my ds who has worked in M and S if that is possible; also if he was told anything about breastfeeding policy. We aren't in England though, but have similar laws).

My wife has just today experienced a similar and equally distressing incident in the children?s shoe department of Clarks Shoes in Westfield, Stratford. She called me in floods of tears after having been told she had to stop breastfeeding our 1 month old DD by both the Manager of the Children?s Shoe section, and the branch Manager.

She was in the ticket-queue to be attended to have our 18 month old DS's feet measured and fitted with new shoes, when DD started to cry and demand feeding. She had been waiting in the queue for quite some time, and rather than lose her place and leave the store, she started to breastfeed DD in the shop. She was approached by the Children Sections Manager, who asked her to stop breastfeeding, (my wife thought she said that it was because it was making her and her colleagues "queasy", though English is my wife?s second language and wasn't sure of the phrase she used). My wife was very upset and refused, explaining she was in the queue to be served and didn't want to lose her place; could they not serve her right then? Then the store Manager approached her and asked her to stop, and said it was in fact because another customer had complained. My wife was very upset by this and in tears by this point, DD had stopped feeding and commenced screaming the shop down. Too upset to argue and articulate her feelings, my wife left the store without being served and in tears, with a screaming DD.

Surely a mother discreetly breastfeeding in a shop is less offensive and causes less disruption than mother and child both in tears?

I googled Breast Feeding in Public Place and found this very useful information sheet www.maternityaction.org.uk/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/breastfeedingpublicplace.pdf which states that my wife has been discriminated against, under the Equality Act of October 2010. I wasn?t aware of this legislation, which would apply to the other Mothers in the thread above. I have tried to call the manager of the Clarks store, though she was unavailable when I called ? though not sure if it was a good idea to speak to her, as was pretty angry at the time! I have also called up Clarks Head Office/Customer Service, and I am awaiting a call back from them, as the call centre thought it best I speak to one of their superiors. We?re definitely going to write a letter of complaint and hopefully get an apology. Extremely disappointed that my wife was treated this way, and in Clarks of all places, which is portrayed as being a "family friendly" store.

Go get 'em, BigJR !

That's appalling behaviour of the shoe shop - if you don't get satisfaction, you can tell them you are seeking legal advice.

That should make 'em jump.

And whoever complained in the shop - they should get a life :(

Think about going to the press as well.

:(

So sorry to hear that your wife was treated so badly BigJR. Give them hell about this, make sure you quote the Equality Act to them and as tiktoc says, if they don't take your complaint seriously enough then threaten legal action/and or going to the press.

Hope your wife and DD are ok now. :)

sorry to read that bigJ

agree go to the press.... discusting.

I have been BFing DD here, there, everywhere & anywhere for nearly 9m now and never ever had anyone say anything. Bit of luck really as i would tell them and would most certainly not stop BFing a baby either!