Feel so angry with the breast feeding mafia

[happyrf]

I breast fed relatively easily with ds1 despite struggling to keep up with a massive appetite. Ds2 much smaller appetite so am finding it fine and yet I still feel agrieved by the stories I hear about people who are tutted at or patronised when they struggle with BF or decide not to. I struggled at the start with ds2 with a poor latch and he tore me to shreds. Luckily I had a fantastic midwife who empathised as I sobbed my heart out over my bleeding nipples and told me to get nipple shields. However she told me that she wasnt allowed to recommend them as it went against NHS policy. WHAT! the one thing which got me through a horrible thing at a pretty hard time (also had c section, everything just bloody hurt) and the NHS can't recommend it! Who are these puritans, I have a mate who used them for a year, not ideal but it meant that she breast fed as opposed to not breast feeding which is what these people want. Why have we gone from supporting breasting mothers to positively bullying people into it when they are at a particularly vulnerable stage of their lives. Am I the only person who winds themselves into a rage about this (don't even get me onto the response mixed feeding gets)

Calm down, for fucks sake. mafia bullying and all that bollocks....because your midwife told you to get nipple shields when she said she wasn't meant to?

While you're at the shops getting your nipple doodads, get a grip while you're at it.

I had no idea there were people who stick a horse's head in your bed if you don't breast feed

The reason the NHS aren't allowed to recommend nipple shields is that for the majority of people, they provide only a bit of relief and cause a lot of problems. That is evidence based, not personal. Some people use them long term and have no problems - good for them, why shouldn't they - but a lot of people will suffer reduced supply or the baby will get nipple confusion.

The guilt trip you get if you don't BF is unbelievable

YANBU, at all. Paranoid, have you ever struggled with bf and had to endure what the OP's experienced? You feel utterly awful, guilty and useless, then someone comes along and more or less tells you you are awful and useless. Or at least it feels like that in your emotional hormonal post-natal state.

You can only be guilt tripped if you're secretly unhappy with your choice.

If you're happy with your choice then you won't give a shit.

I FF all 3 of mine and couldn't give a shiny shite what anyone thinks or thought...come to think of it no-one tutted or frowned anyway.

Well at least not in front of me

What are you on about?

Do you have any actual examples of Mafiosi behaviour? Or bullying? Because your op is strikingly devoid of any.

What TPL said.

OP, I do feel that the NHS's current approach to bf is counterproductive - there is no point telling people to bf and then not putting any money into the kind of support services women will need. I was lucky enough to have a fab midwife and embarrassing amounts of milk both times, but I have watched friends struggle and beat themselves up about 'failing' at bf when they mixed fed or ff.

It's awful - if we want bf rates like the ones they have in Scandinavia, our health service will have to put its money where its mouth is. And don't get me started on how much money could be saved if more women were supported with bf - all those benefits further down the line.

You're not the only person who gets into a rage about this, I do too. The only people I don't have a lot of patience with are the ones who won't even try, and even there I have a little sympathy because they might have very good emotional reasons for feeling that way.

where are all these guilt trips? I ff with ds one and bf with dd2. no one really seemed to care either way. or else i failed to notice.

I wish that when i had my first, in the 80's, that BF was advocated, i went through the opposite experience and was made to feel strange and given no support or advice.

Professionals have got to give research based advice.

Yes I have struggled with BF, and bizarrely I survived my HV making off hand comments that mean nothing at all without turning them into massively OTT rants about soemthing else entirely. Yay me.

Not sure what your excuse is, even if OP is hormonal, to translate "we don't recommend nipple shields" into "you are awful and useless"? Are you normally so bizarre when talking to people?

I think you are tired and hormonal. How old is Ds2 and how is breastfeeding going?

I agree with WL, why does it bother anyone unless they are not happy with the way they fed/are feeding baby?

I struggled at first and found lots of support - went in to ward at 11pm at night as was so upset and they were lovely.

sorry you had a bad experience

I'm a breastfeeding advisor (trained by the NHS but just a volunteer mum) and found some of the advice they advocate difficult to agree with as well. Having done all the training I get all the theory as to what is best to maximise supply, improve attachment etc etc, but in reality I feel the most important thing to do is support her mum in her choice to feed.

It's such a vulnerable time for a new mum and sympathetic support is so important but it's also the MW/HV/peer supporter's duty to explain the effects nipple shields, mix feeding, not feeding on demand etc can have on supply and baby's willingness to breastfeed; 'can' being the key word - mix feeding, for example, may hugely affect one woman's supply but not another's.

There is so much advice re breastfeeding, it's hard to take it all in when you have a new baby and your confidence is knocked. I guess the key is to find support from someone who empathises with your situation and goals with your feeding.

Sorry a bit of a ramble to say I agree BUT mums need to know the potential risks to successful feeding that going against official advice can have so they can make a decision for themselves.

What Worras said.

Oh holy jesus, not another angsty BF/non-BF thread - I have one thing to say to everyone: NO-ONE cares how you choose to feed your child, it's none of their business anyway, stop worrying about it and move on.

Good for you, those of you who didnt feel any guilt. The OP does. She feels shit. She's trying hard to BF. Your comments are neither helpful or relevant.

OP, I understand completely, and I agree with you. Especially because recent research shows that there is no problem with use of nipple shields.

My experience with the bf mafia was before my little one was born when i met with the breast feeding coordinator. Asked if i intended to bf to which i replied yes. Asked if i knew all the health benefits to which i replied yes. Then proceeded to get a big lecture all about why i should do it. I eventually got fed up and told her that i had already said i was going to give it a try and didn't need the lecture and walked out. Was furious at her going on and on at me and did tell the midwife.

Subsequently spoke to other mums who met with the same person and like me were angry with her so at least i know i wasn't being oversensitive.

I agree with OP I was made to feel so guilty when I tried and failed to BF my dd. I already felt a failure as I had to have an ECS. The mv could not do enough to help when I was trying to bf but I wasn't producing anything and in the end was told I would have to give dd formula. The disapproving looks when asking for formula where bad enough I think it's up to the individual and no one should judge on the choices mothers make!!

Stepford - then why comment?! It's obviously really bothering the OP! So what if you didn't feel judged?! Good for you. That's not how the OP feels! That's why she's posted!

There is no such thing.

Bf, don't bf, listen to advice, don't listen to advice. Up to you. But don't talk in cliches.

No-one else cares how you feed your child and you should not care about theirs either. My DS is 3; no-one asks me if he was breast-fed, how he was weaned etc. The concern now is whose child can count to 50 backwards.

Nobody makes you feel guilty. People will insist on doing that all by themselves.