Feel so angry with the breast feeding mafia

[happyrf]

I breast fed relatively easily with ds1 despite struggling to keep up with a massive appetite. Ds2 much smaller appetite so am finding it fine and yet I still feel agrieved by the stories I hear about people who are tutted at or patronised when they struggle with BF or decide not to. I struggled at the start with ds2 with a poor latch and he tore me to shreds. Luckily I had a fantastic midwife who empathised as I sobbed my heart out over my bleeding nipples and told me to get nipple shields. However she told me that she wasnt allowed to recommend them as it went against NHS policy. WHAT! the one thing which got me through a horrible thing at a pretty hard time (also had c section, everything just bloody hurt) and the NHS can't recommend it! Who are these puritans, I have a mate who used them for a year, not ideal but it meant that she breast fed as opposed to not breast feeding which is what these people want. Why have we gone from supporting breasting mothers to positively bullying people into it when they are at a particularly vulnerable stage of their lives. Am I the only person who winds themselves into a rage about this (don't even get me onto the response mixed feeding gets)

I wouldn't let it upset you. It is a very short time and I'm sure that your DC won't care when they get older! I bfed all mine, but it came easily. It isn't worth a lot of angst. Move on and forget it.

Tired yes, hormonal yes but also having to listen to lots of stories from mates who were basically told they were failures when they struggled and/or gave up Have also been given a long lecture from a number of hv's when I mentioned the odd bottle of formula I put in, it was as though I was drip feeding the wee lad gin. I'm not stupid, I'm not 12, I can make my own bloody mind up. However, it is nice to hear that plenty of folk out there have had no issues at all with ff, maybe I live in an area with hard core hv's. Clearly people out there think I am mad but there seems to be an entire industry geared around making mums feel crap and I don't think the NHS needs to contribute to that.

YABU and a touch paranoid.

As long as you feed your baby properly and they are thriving, who cares what other people think? You wouldn't worry about what a religious nut thought of your 'sinful' lifestyle, so why would you care for the opinion of some militant lactivist whose mantra is 'better dead than formula fed', ignore the crazies, feed your baby, enjoy them and be happy

From the other side of the coin, I've had HCP's try to guilt me into FFing with each of my 4 dc's, leaving me feeling pretty undermined and crap at a vulnerable time.
You can't win. The best thing to do is let the rubbish advice wash over you and pick other things to get wound up about this.

I think YABVU for posting this here though. This will turn into a bunfight - or was that your intention?
If you'd put this in the feeding topic, you would probably have got some really good, helpful advice.
In fact, I'll report this, as a favour, so you're not denied the wonderful support :)

Ah, I really can't bring myself to recount the very long and emotional story of my ds's birth and my struggle to bf, ending in very reluctantly admitting defeat. Suffice to say nipple shields were part of the story, I was made to feel awful by bf counsellors and a couple of mws, really can't explain further as tbh it's still a bit too raw. I do remember how dreadful I felt though, and doubtless hormones played their part in that. Sorry for the cryptic post, I shouldn't really have posted without being willing to expand, but I just can't bring myself to bore everyone with it.

Lactivist, what a great expression

Nope, YANBU. I completely agree with you.

Hmm, where to start.

Complete lack of support for someone needing but struggling to switch to bottle feeding, despite being medically necessary (and consultant recommended) for the mother.

"That stuff is poison" (I quote, in reference to the emergency formula cartons we had in the kitchen when DS was unable to latch at the beginning) and various other gems from an NHS maternity professional family member.

NHS/NCT staff [technically] unable to give advice about anything not strictly mouth to nipple.

And ultimately, for most of us it IS an emotional issue. There's something about the combination of hormones and wanting the very best for your baby which, when faced with the onslaught of 'breast is best', can make it very difficult not to feel like a failure if it's not working.

As someone who thought she was completely open-minded about feeding options before the birth, and wasn't particularly excited about the prospect of bf, the extent to which I got sucked in took me a bit by surprise. It wasn't an easy time.

Trouble is a lot of women aren't happy because they desperately want to BF and the support just isn't there so they end up feeling like they've failed when they understandably switch to formula.

I had a lovely lovely time BF my two back in the early 90's but in spite of all the lip-service and moralising around it, the only actual, useful support I got was from a book I sourced myself (LLL Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, which I heartily recommend). I'd probably have stopped and felt a failure if I'd encountered any serious problems. It doesn't sound like much has changed since then.

For those who choose to FF, I think they should also get full support for their choice because I think the benefits of BF are only part of the story - women's bodily integrity is pretty important IMO and feeling like you have to BF even though you don't want to is up there with feeling like you have to have sex or carry a pregnancy you don't want.

If the NHS put all the money they spend on awareness campaigns into actual, useful support for those who want to BF and left the FFers-by-choice the fuck alone, not only would everybody be a lot happier but BF rates would increase massively.

Having said all that, I fail to see how being reticent to recommend something that is known to cause problems for a lot of women equates to bullying you or being puritanical. I'm glad things have got easier for you though.

Hi, we've moved this into 'breast and bottle feeding' as we think it's the best place for it.

I'm really sorry you're struggling OP, and I hope you get the support you need. It's a hard enough time without people making you feel worse, and I'm sure you'll do a great job.
But what the fuck does 'breast feeding mafia' even mean?! Is it the actual mafia, bf division?? Or bf supporters who shoot you in the knee if you give a bottle? It's a stupid, insulting phrase, only thing worse is 'nazis'.

TheJoyfulPuddleJumper I have had nothing but helpful support and advice from NHS staff (about BFing anyway, the tongue tie was more problematic). As a peer supporter I get very annoyed by the 'mafia' and 'Nazi' comments - it's my job to support mothers who want help, and frankly if you want to FF or mixed feed that's your business. If you want my help with breastfeeding then it's my business.

Well, exactly. And if I need advice on getting my child to take a bottle instead then it's.....whose business?

you'd be suprised how many people give a shit

I only managed to BF for 12 weeks with DS1, as much as I wanted to continue BFing it wasn't possible- even though I had sought help at the Breast Feeding Cafes repeatedly. My HV, when filling in the forms asked me whether I was still BFing. I told her when I stopped and why, she gave me a very pointed look and said 'well I SUPPOSE it's better than not BFing at all....'. Could have decked her right there and then .

the midwife told me that if i gave ds a bottle of formula, then he would give up breast feeding.though a bottle of expressed milk was fine! he did give up breastfeeding, 2 and a half years later.

I have never heard mixed feeding being recommended, but given that it gave each excruciatingly painful nipple/boob-sucked-so-hard-that-the-areola-was-brruised a rest for 12 hours between feeds until they recovered a week later. one bottle feed was then dropped and we were back to mainly breast feeding again. without those bottles I would have given up completely.

breast is best and all that, but for some it is not possible to exclusively bf and encourraging some breast feeding is surely better than no breast feeding. I was lucky that i had babies who would do both.

the dr told me that I had to bottlefeed dd, so she was mixed fed as well.

Yanbu. Me and my baby had the glory of breast milk shoved down our necks.

Nope, HV "not allowed" to advise on bottle feeding. It was like a rather surreal dream, should have stayed off this thread, it's getting me all riled up again

I would dearly love a law to be passed that prevents the discussion of breastfeeding in public, on paper online ANY FECKING WHERE!!!!

This is exactly what I mean about it all moving from supporting bf mothers to guilt tripping. Why the looks from hv's, the tardy comments, the nonsense about a baby stopping bf if you give them a drop of formula, why can't it all be more grown up. It's not the bf supporters I have issues with; thank you for giving up your time to support others, it's the (some) NHS staff, their patronising attitude and their formal policies which don't seem to support mums at a hard time, enough evidence above i think I know that most people dont care how I feed my kids, I don't have anything to 'get over', i just wish that our professional staff would stop making people feel crap, surely this isn't too much to ask for. No disrespect to all the great NHS staff out their, I apologise for generalising.

Genuine question. What sort of advice is anyone likely to want on formula feeding? I thought it told you everything on the packet.