Feel so angry with the breast feeding mafia

[happyrf]

I breast fed relatively easily with ds1 despite struggling to keep up with a massive appetite. Ds2 much smaller appetite so am finding it fine and yet I still feel agrieved by the stories I hear about people who are tutted at or patronised when they struggle with BF or decide not to. I struggled at the start with ds2 with a poor latch and he tore me to shreds. Luckily I had a fantastic midwife who empathised as I sobbed my heart out over my bleeding nipples and told me to get nipple shields. However she told me that she wasnt allowed to recommend them as it went against NHS policy. WHAT! the one thing which got me through a horrible thing at a pretty hard time (also had c section, everything just bloody hurt) and the NHS can't recommend it! Who are these puritans, I have a mate who used them for a year, not ideal but it meant that she breast fed as opposed to not breast feeding which is what these people want. Why have we gone from supporting breasting mothers to positively bullying people into it when they are at a particularly vulnerable stage of their lives. Am I the only person who winds themselves into a rage about this (don't even get me onto the response mixed feeding gets)

I'm so tired of women bleating like toddlers about the mean mean bullies who didn't do every single thing for me, or made a single comment to me that wasn't % supportive of every single choice I made, ill informed or not, they MADE me feel this that or the bloody other

you need to grow up. Motherhood is hard work, so is breastfeeding. Do it if you want, or don't, nobody but you gives a crap. Look for help where you can get it, but the entire system isn't set up to spoon feed your every move. Get on with it yourself, and spend less time whining about nasty bullies and more time educating yourself in how to do whatever you choose.

Ironic that the people sick of the 'bleating' appear to be the most defensive.

tiktok I have the family member....poison... blah blah. You've managed to isolate, paraphrase and take my comment out of a much wider context. While I don't actually believe there's some sort of violent, criminal organisation determining whether or not women will choose to breastfeed, I do agree with the OP that the information available on other options is often restricted.

Incidentally, I've met many, many people along the way who VERY much give a crap. Which is wonderful if you need help establishing breastfeeding, not so much if your situation is very different.

My HCPs were keener for me to use both formula and nipple shields than I would have liked. Same NHS, different people.

luckysocks and others - I agree that stupid comments can be taken to heart and can be hurtful.....I don't think it is a question of asking mothers to get a grip or whatever. These unfeeling, unkind remarks and behaviours (related to ff or bf) cut deep because for many mothers, feeding (however it's done) goes to the very core of their identity as mothers and sits at the centre of their relationship with their babies.

However, they're not going to go away any time soon.

The key to happier breastfeeding is to ensure effective support is there for mothers when they need it; that realistic help that resolves problems is available everywhere.

Same goes for ff.

Pinning too much blame for people's feelings and bad experiences on stupid comments won't get us anywhere.

You do get some women who just get obsessed about how other women feed their babies, and will harp on if they do not make the same choices as them. But this is just down to their insecurities, and the best bet is to just ignore them.

To be fair, tiktok , I agree with a lot of what you've said as well.

But my experience wasn't about taking a comment to heart. It wasn't just about NHS staff (I do think it's fantastic that there is proper help around to support breastfeeding mothers) and it wasn't about being incapable of working out the packet instructions to knock up a bottle of formula.

It was about getting proper support to get my baby OFF the breast, at nearly 6 months, because I was too ill to continue and nothing I tried was working. And that sort of help, despite being equally crucial to my baby's nutrition, simply wasn't available, at least in my area.

A few decades ago, ff became very fashionable and something needed to be done to redress the balance and promote the fact that breast milk is better for babies. But equally, as women we now do have options, and when HCP are unable to give advice on some aspects of feeding, of course it's going to create an impression of what is viewed as 'acceptable' at a vulnerable time.

If the NHS refuse to give advice on either bf or ff, then people need to make a complaint. The baby is a patient in its own right, and the NHS are legally obliged to give advice on their nutrition, they cannot just refuse to give advise because they want the patient's mother to feed it in a particular way.

I think if you are perfectly happy with your choice then no one can make you feel bad. So someone who from day one decided to ff or mix feed will not be made to feel guilty. But a mother who wants to breastfeed and then struggles is very vulnerable, maybe a bit over sensitive and defensive because it does honestly feel like a failer and to have to admit defeat is not a choice.

As i mentioned on another thread... I listened to the advice of health visitors on my second child who kept telling me to carry on with breast feeding ( I was desperate for it to succeed ) I saw a breast feeding lady from sure start 3 times a week and also an 'expert' a couple of times. my child ended up in hospital for 5 days because of their encouragement to stick at it and not to give up.

So there was no lack of support to help me brestfeed. There was just no one to tell me to stop.

I read your story, Housework - that was spectacularly rubbish 'support' you got with your baby, and you'd be justified in complaining about the standard of it :(

Housework that's terrible :(

Thank you everyone or your opinions both positive and negative and for the support and phone numbers. It's sad to hear so many bad stories but great to hear that lots of people have no problems at all. All the best to all your bambinos out there.

I've had rubbish advice from people who shouldn't have "advised" me (peer supporters) and didn't know their boundaries. I've had amazing support from people who knew their role (other peer supporters) and from several BFCs and IBCLCs. DS2 and I needed a lot of help...

I've screwed up big time supporting some mums, saying the wrong thing. Remember that generally the person trying to help doesn't know you personally or what "triggers" your annoyance button - "Poison" comments aside. I feel horrific when I realise I've got it wrong, but I keep trying even so. I feel on balance I do more good than harm! Hopefully.

The NHS is pants at BFing support in the main, with some pockets of excellence. If as a trainee BFC I gave up every time I got it wrong I'd not be able to fill any of that NHS gap at all.

the problem is that there is even less support for ff, and mothers often need help for this too. where not just have a feeding co-ordinator that is capable of giving advice about ff and bf.

Most maternity units' infant feeding co-ordinator does just that, kelly.