High-Need Baby Support Thread II

[tickleme63]

Hey ladies, here's a shiny new thread for us to discuss, query, whinge about and rejoice our high-need bubs!

Pretty bad night last night, bleeding exhausted. Can see why so many of you co-sleep. We haven't gone down that route, but it's never looked so attractive...

Gawd, grizzly DS. Poor tooths. Hope you have had a decent night!

Sailing? Work or pleasure??? If it's pleasure, then...

I'm always in awe of our men, who manage to get time to themselves ( mine included) . My time out is an hour a week at slimming world, and I just go ( and leave 4 dcs at his mercy), but he actually insists, and the fact that it's something just for me, keeps me going. Also that it's regular and planned really helps. Trust me, and just do it- plenty of pools/ massage therapists, open a late night during the week, don't over analyze, and go for it. Sounds to me like you need it x

Pleasure - he races. It's where I met him actually, but I've not been sailing on over a year - SPD then DD!

Yes they do seem to get time don't they? DP does an hour's pilates one night a week, and swims lunchtimes as well. Sailing is one day most weekends.

Evenings for me (well DD) would not work as she wont settle for him in the evening, and still cluster feeds really 7pm - 11pm on and off (despite this not then enducing a long sleep!)

You are creating barriers, what are you afraid of- what's the worst that can happen?
< takes off work hat, and puts mummy hat back on, much better!>
Feed her before you go, and let dh work it out for himself- you won't be there and he has to learn how to settle her sometime. And when you return, don't ask what happened, what u don't know won't hurt. Believe that you deserve this

Hear hear. DH is very good at saying 'no - you give him his milk, he takes it so much better from you'. That'll be because you're never here and when you are you won't invest the time you wally.

Make him step up as Mampig says. If you allow yourself to be ground down you'll be no use to anyone. Take just a little time for yourself and see what a difference it can make.

Liking all the hats!

Consider me motivated! Have just told him I'm booking a massage at the gym near his work this week and that I'll have the mei tai so he can take her for a walk during his lunch hour while i get soothed.

Evenings - I'll have to work up to that!

Yay!! Good for you LWL!! You'll feel so much better after, but don't expect him to admit it

Go LWL. Massages rock and you do need some time on your own.

I'm putting DS in his own room tomorrow. Back to work in 3 months and need more sleep than I'm getting. So we thought we'd give it a try. It might go very badly wrong, but I can always sleep in there with him. I've told DH I'll do the night shift, but he can take him in the morning to give me a rest! We'll see if he does.

Oohh, good luck Titania! Really hope it goes well and that you are one of the lucky ones enjoy what should be your last night with ds in your room . Wish they didn't grow so fast

I absolutely agree with the others LWL. I reached breaking point with this about 7 weeks ago, and after crying on DP for an hour we found a time of the week which is always my time. So now I always get at least a couple of hours a week for me, for a massage, a bath, to read, to shop - whatever I want. DP usually takes DS out for a walk or something. It's made a massive difference. Even just knowing it's coming up can get me through a tough week. It's undoubtedly kept my sanity. In addition to that it's genuinely been great bonding time for DP and DS, they've got really close from it, it's lovely and good for us all!

I'm so glad you've booked something, it'll be heaven! Next step, make it regular!

Titania - best of luck! Do let us know how it goes.

I also have a racing partner, motorcycles though (we both used to, its how we met). Funny how there's always time/money for that eh?

So, we had a much better nights sleep- ds slept through the 11pm wakening, right till 4!!! Feed and back to sleep in our bed. So feeling human again. Unfortunately he has woken and vomited a little, so I'm hoping he's not getting bug!
Hope u all got some sleep!

Positive anti-bug vibes to Mampig!

LWL whoop whoop! Enjoy. It will be heaven, and yes - make it regular! After all, you work full time 7 days a week without a lunch hour. Surely he can sacrifice one of his for you?

Our night was better too. DS was up at 9.30 for a bottle then woke again at 3.30 but instead of griping for 2/3 hours he snuggled right in and went straight back to sleep. And so did I

That's great Button- makes all the difference when they just go straight back to sleep again!

Yet another ill-informed GP... Contacted OOH for advice on ds vomiting while on antibiotic- said to keep giving antibiotic but reduce bf, as "it's not the best thing to be giving for tummy bug". Grr- just as well I know better!!!

That makes me so cross! It's like they equate cows milk (not good on an iffy tummy) and breast milk (designed for baby). If its the best nutrition for a new born then how on earth can it not be good for an upset stomach. Grrrr

And breathe...

DH is currently putting DS's cot in his room. Sniff sniff

urgh up ever 1.5hrs on the dot last night! I think he's working on some more teeth, had to give him some ibuprofen in the end.

Good on you for booking that massage LWL, it will do you the world of good!

Hope baby mampig recovers quickly, the bug going around is horrible :(

TitaniaP - DS has been out of our room since the beginning of January and I miss him terribly still :( he does sleep better in his own bed though so hopefully your DS will be the same!

I've officially finished maternity leave :( but I'm on annual leave for the rest of the month so at least I get paid normally which I'm really looking forward to!

Wow it's been busy here. I've just skimmed thread so [hugs], [matchsticks] and [hats] to all who need them, will read properly later.

In the meantime, does anyone have any restraints? I need to be held back from flipping killing DP. DS has another cold and screamed every 30 mins after being put down last night, culminating in an hour long sobbing session after about three hours and me having to sit in a chair holding him upright until he eventually fell asleep (still kind of crying in his sleep, bless him) I edged him back into his cot, came downstairs, poured and settled in front of telly, only for him to cry again two mins later. DP was in a right strop, went so far as saying he hated DS, kept going on about how I 'molly coddle' him, etc, etc. I gave up on any chance of a nice evening and went and curled up in the spare bed with DS and spent the night alternating between feeding, stroking hair, wiping away snot and trying to get some sleep.

This morning, to be fair, DP came in and got DS at about 7am so that I could sleep for a few hours, but when I came downstairs he said: "poor thing, he's so snotty" You think? Really? You finally figured out that he's poorly and not the demon child sent to ruin your life? Argh. Seriously, I want to flipping kill him. Or leave so that I can just get on with looking after DS the way I want to without having to argue about it every 5 mins.

Oh, did I mention that just an hour before all this happened we had set a date for our wedding? Reconsidering that now...

Awww truth. After 16 years and 4dcs sometimes men just don't get it. I used to have exactly the same with my dh when ds was tiny. I'd be there all day and all evening trying to settle him with dh grumbling in the background. Then once I was at breaking point he'd say 'here give him to me' and after a few mins say like he'd worked out something really difficult 'you know I think he's got a touch of heartburn'. A touch of heartburn? No shit sherlock. He used to say nasty things too like ds had ruined everything blah blah blah.

That's not to say that he couldn't or shouldn't be better, but I genuinely think that sometimes he couldn't see what was happening. If it's any consolation, once they started walking and stuff he was so much better and has a great relationship with them all now.

Tell him how you feel. Tell him how things which he probably doesn't even mean make you so upset that you feel like questioning the basis of your whole relationship. Like I say, they're probably just throw away comments but they can hurt all the same. I've just had that conversation with dh as he's awful for simply saying things without thinking and it really knocks me. He couldn't understand why I was questioning him when he said he loved me cos he means that. Oh Right. So you mean that and I'm meant to know that but all the other stuff? I'm meant to know that you don't mean that?

He has taken iot on board though and is really trying to be less thoughtless. It took me suggesting that we perhaps were not going to be together much longer for him to see though. He really didn't realise that the stuff he thought was throwaway was hurting me so much. Idiot.

Truth. I'm with you there. Am stressy today as am really nervous about putting DS in his own bed and own room. For 2 reasons 1 I think I'll get less sleep in the short term (but might be wrong) and 2 I'll miss my baby cuddles. He doesn't get it and is just irritating the hell out of me. He keeps teasing me, saying that it's not like DS is moving out. House is a tip and his mum is over for lunch tomorrow and my mum up on Monday. I said I needed to Hoover DSs room before the cot goes in and then I take DS for a nap and he puts the cot up before I've had a chance to Hoover and then looks all affronted as I'm not mega grateful about the cot. Grrrr. He did strip the bed this morning and load and unload the dishwasher though so he's not been useless, just a little thoughtless. Then he invites a friend over so he can sort out his computer. .

Sorry for that, and most of the time he's great and wonderful and lovely, it's just cos I'm tense it all seems so much worse.

I agree with button, try telling him how you feel truth. Hope you sort things out soon.

Truth you have my sympathies. Men do indeed find it difficult to tune in to babies, so just see this randomly crying annoying thing sometimes I think. Not that DD isn't sometimes a randomly crying annoying thing!

Haven't actually booked the massage yet - but will today, promise. Have "booked" it with DP anyway, so if I don't get a massage slot I can at least swim on my own or something.

Titania - good luck with that. I used to long for DD to sleep in her moses basket, then I couldn't imagine ever putting her to sleep alone, and now I'm willing to try almost anything to get more sleep! Apart from CIO or CC that is.

Have started my logs for the no cry sleep solution, and am going to focus on naps this week. So I will be cancelling all outings that interfere with naps...

One thing I'm not sure about though is that the books say that naps of less than an hour don't count. Well DD only naps for 30mins twice a day - if one of her naps goes on longer, she wakes up really upset/crying then is grumpy! I had therefore assumed that meant she didn't like long naps... - any opinions?

LWL - I disagree that naps less than an hour don't count. I have loads of friends who's babies nap for 2x30 mins and go through the night and are happy and healthy. With DS it seems anything less than 45 mins is too short. More than 2 hrs just affects his other naps/ nighttime sleep. You need to go with what works for your baby IMO.

O.M.G. I am sitting on the sofa, being very very quiet (like Elmer Fudd). DS has been asleep in his buggy for over 30 mins. This is unheard of - normally if he falls asleep (after screamfest beforehand) on a walk, his eyes pop open as soon as we get in and then he screams. I keep tiptoeing out and peeking at him!

He slept for almost 6 hrs last night after the 3am feed

I have only one conclusion - aliens have took ma baby.

God this thread moves fast! Lot of naughty husbands about at the mo

Oh ATruth I know how you feel. Last night, DS (who is snotty again) kept waking. DH starting harrumphing and saying 'here we go again'/'this can't continue' etc I ignored him and just saw to DS, who didn't have too bad a night in the end. I was seething though, particularly as DH slept in the spare room on weds and Thursday night and so got a full 8 hours twice in a row.

Today, DH did say "sorry, I was being horrible last night." Erm, yeah you were. Prat.

Thanks Titania

Oh wow Tulip- Fantastic! :)

LWL- I tortured myself about that part!! But I did do what the book said and it eventually worked. Not for every nap but I'm happy to get just 1 nap of about an hour and the others of the day to be shorter. IMO it has helped with night time sleep too

Oh, thank you so much ladies. I was stupidly upset this morning (is this the right man for me? kind of thoughts) so it's reassuring to know that lots of men are a bit useless when they first become parents. Queen - are you married to my DP? 'This can't continue' has become his catch phrase. I think part of it is that we always expected him to be the 'natural' and for me to find it hard. He was very apologetic this morning and even suggested returning to co-sleeping if I think that will work better. We have since, ahem, made up so the wedding's back on

LWL - DS rarely naps for longer than an hour. His sleep cycles seem to be about 50 mins so he usually wakes after that (or, very rarely, after 1hr40m) From what you say it sounds like DD's cycles are about 30 mins. I'm also going to revisit the No Cry Sleep Solution so let me know how you get on.

I also second/third/fourth what the others have said about getting time off for yourself. For a few weeks now, Mondays and Thursdays have been 'my nights' for running/going to the gym. I really look forward to them! And, to be fair, this is one thing DP is really good at. He makes me go each week ("I'll cope") so that I get some time out and get used to leaving DS. I know evenings wouldn't work for you, but maybe if you just agreed that the first 30 mins after DH gets in from work are 'yours' then you could close a door and read a book & have a hot cup of tea each afternoon?

Titania - I hope the move out of your room goes well. FWIW, the few nights we managed to get it to work weren't as bad as I feared and it was nice to be able to spread out in bed!