what do you think when you see someone using a bfing cover?

[reastie]

Like one of those bebe au lait style ones. Put a thread on here recently saying I was a bit about bfing in public, and, following on from some advice here I've got a bebe au lait cover thingy which arrived yesterday. Thing is, I almost feel like I'm making a deal about flashing the fact I'm bfing while using it - a bit like 'look at me, i'm bfing, yes, bfing, trying to disguise it but everyone can see it, i'm bfing'. Tried it at home and DH says since the material is jazzy (I like the pattern though ) it sort of attracts attention to what I'm doing. I feel a bit about what people think when they see people using one as I feel a bit like I might get more odd looks by using one than not using one, but don't want to feed without one and flash myself publically (lots of my tops open at the top and I'm a mahossive 38I so alot of flesh on show).

I haven't read the whole thread I'm afraid but I just wanted to give a shout out to bfing under a blanket. I use a cellular blanket and it works quite well because I am very modest and get very easily. I have to admit I normally try to organise my life around avoiding bfing in public and usually use a bottle when I'm out and about.

I've only used the blanket once in proper public (in a street) the rest of the time I use it at home when other people are around.

I take it I'm the only one who uses a blanket even when at home?

Also haven't read the whole tread, but do what's confortable for you, at the begining I used muslins or blankets, but DD hated being covered, now I just go for the 2 tops (that way I can wear any top I like not BF ones) or a low v -cut top (so that I can take my boob out) and a loose scarf, it also helps that DD just needs to be close to my boob and she latches properly; first I either went out in between feeds or with other BF mothers, and after a couple of times BF in group I started to feel confident about public BF

It's 5 years since I last breastfed now, but from my personal experience I would say do whatever you're comfortable with.

I HATED breastfeeding in public, so much so that I stopped going out, as I wanted to breastfeed my children but couldn't bear doing it in public. I didn't know about using 2 tops. Breastfeeding is SO important and it's a shame that we even have to have this discussion, or that Mums feel the need to have to think about what is the most natural thing in the world...

spudulika - you 'understand' less than you think. It's not all about 'modesty' and messed up attitudes towards women's bodies.

I suggest you read my earlier post on this thread. It might, I hope, make you post a little more sensitively. Or you could just ignore it.

"There I was, thinking I was doing alright breastfeeding, and it turns out I am making people 'genuinly sad'. What the fucking fuck?"

I want all mums to breastfeed comfortably, whatever that takes.

But I want society to change so that breastfeeding isn't something that women feel self-conscious about doing in public.

And it's hard not to feel appalled by the irony of a society where the display of female bodies is accepted when its primary purpose is to entertain or to sell products, but causes anxiety when it comes to the feeding of babies.

Sorry Fruitybread - that last post was written before I'd seen your comment above it.

I have now read your earlier post.

What do you think accounts for the differences in public breastfeeding behaviours between the UK and countries where open and unselfconscious breastfeeding is the norm?

How is it that a woman in the UK can get to the age of 30 and NEVER have seen in real life what a baby looks like when it's well-attached to the breast, because most women here try to hide their breasts by draping cloths over their babies' heads or going into a private space?

More to the point - do you think that this is a good thing for mothers and babies as a group?

Our breastfeeding behaviours in this country ARE influenced by a culture where breastfeeding is largely invisible, while sexual display of breasts in ubiquitous. Of course that's going to affect women's feelings about feeding their babies in public.

I think the best way to bf in public discreetly is to wear a nice loose top that you can pull up. Works for me.

My first reaction was that I was just glad that someone wanted to breastfeed, and you should do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Then out of curiosity I googled Bebe au Lait to see that these things look like - fine, if that's what you want to use, but please, did someone really have to call them "hooter hiders"!!!!!

I think the bebe au lait covers are brilliant - ds1 was a nightmare to feed, poor latch, thrashed around and definitely exposed more of me than I was happy to show and the cover was great. Super easy to use, stopped him getting distracted mid feed and I loved the pattern on it. I don't use it so much for dd2 cos she's a super quick and no fuss feeder and I just find bf less stressful. Mind you some woman had a go at me for bf in public the other day (wasn't using the cover) which is the first time that's happened to me. I was mortified and furious all at the same time. I wonder if she'd have said anything if I'd been using the cover?!

Oh I forgot to say I'd tried all the other methods posted with ds1 using clothing combos, muslins, pashminas etc but I basically failed miserably, I wasn't nearly dextrous enough to deal with wriggly baby and patch of cloth and only the cover did the trick!

spudulika - wow. You read a personal post, pointing out (and I'm not the only one to have said it) that survivors of sexual abuse can have issues to do with control over their body, and who sees it -

And that that can affect how they want to feed in public - not a feeling of 'modesty' or because of a cultural pressure that breasts are for sex, not breastfeeding -

And that's your response. Dear god. I hope you never, ever, ever talk to anyone in RL who has similar issues about BF-ing in that way. Feeling pressure to expose your body in a way you aren't happy with in order to satisfy BF-ing purists (oh - and being told that if you cover up, you are in some way to blame for other women's difficulties BF-ing) -

Jesus.

Slight hijack but hopefully helpful...has anyone recently bought anything that they find is good to bf in? With dd1 I bought quite a lot of bf tops, things like jojomamanbebe from Ebay, but all these slits and things just made it more tricky I found. The easiest things were the vest/cardi/floaty top combos. 3yrs on and dd2 has arrived, now that I am investigating my pre-pregnancy wardrobe again I think most of my bf appropriate tops have gone by the wayside and I have very little. Don't want to spend a fortune but don't want to spend the next x months in dh's north face zip up thing!

Would really appreciate any links to any current high street bf friendly stuff?

Hopefully the OP would too?!!

PS My top tip I remember from last time was top shop maternity vests - cheap, stretchy and covered post baby tum!

Fruitybread, would it be too much of a strain to attempt a little bit of objectivity here? Surely most women's feelings about breastfeeding aren't impacted by individual experiences of personal sexual trauma, but by wider sexual and cultural mores surrounding sexuality and body image.

"Feeling pressure to expose your body in a way you aren't happy"

Oh for goodness sake. Did you miss the bit in my post where I said that it's important for mothers to do whatever they need to do to feel comfortable breastfeeding? Not a single person on this thread has said that individual mothers SHOULD or SHOULDN'T do anything in particular when it comes to feeding their babies, so really, there's nothing for you to get on your high horse about.

And I still stand by my belief that it makes a huge difference to our experience of breastfeeding that most women in this country have NO idea what normal breastfeeding looks like until they've had their own babies, because the nearest they've ever got to it is seeing someone feeding a baby under a sheet.

But does that mean I'm saying that all women ought to breastfeed topless in public no matter how they feel, in order to normalise breastfeeding? Errr, no. (thought I'd get that in before you come back on this thread gnashing your teeth about what a vile and insensitive person I am to suggest that all women ought to breastfeed naked or something )

It's right to question what it is in our culture that makes UK mums so much more uncomfortable with public breastfeeding than mums from other countries.

I used a cover because I don't want to show everyone my breasts.

It's not social expectations that made me do it or anything.

I never wished to hide the fact that I was breastfeeding, but didn't want my boobs to be visible.

"I used a cover because I don't want to show everyone my breasts.

It's not social expectations that made me do it or anything."

But if you'd been raised in say, Kenya, or Ghana, the likelyhood is you would have fallen about laughing at the thought of buying a special cover to hide your breasts while you were feeding.

We don't develop our feelings about our bodies in a social and cultural vacuum.

Spudulika, that is arguably the case.

My point was that I'm not trying to hide the fact that I am breastfeeding, and it was not to protect the sensibilities of others.

No. I appreciate that when women hide their breasts they're generally doing it because of their feelings about their own bodies and not because they're concerned about what other people might think.

I am lucky I guess that I have felt able and confident to feed my four (over the years - not all at once!) in public.

I feel sad that babies must get hot eating in a big tent :-(

I wish society were more supportive of what is the most natural act of feeding your child in the way nature intended you too.

Absolutely personal choice, I have no problem with what other women choose to wear at any stage of their life: preg or not, post natal or bfing.

I'd have been interested in the covers if they were around when I was bfing DD/DS 3 and 5 yrs ago. Not because I had any concern about bfing in public but because both were so feckin' nosy by 5 months it was easier to feed in private than deal with them swallowing so much air. Maybe I'll be using them with DC3 when bfg, EBM bottle or formula, whatever is needed.

You should be proud to breastfeed. if anyone has a prob with it then thats their prob

A woman in one of my old baby groups, full of BF'ing mums, used one and it was weird. it just drew attention to her. Very odd.

You don't need to 'flash' anything when you're BF'ing in public, especially in a BF'ing top.

Like many others have said - be proud to breastfeed!