First time mum - breast feeding advice

[Katherine01]

Hello, Im going to be a first time mum in June and I want to give breast feeding a try. The only thing is, I am very shy and wouldnt feel comfortable breast feeding in public. Is it easy to mix breast feeding and bottle feeding? If I breast fed at home, can I then use formula when im out and about (which wouldnt be very often I dont think) or is it better to express milk?
Also how long do you normally breast feed for? I was going to breast feed for the first 6 months. Many thanks :)

I Bf everywhere with no probs. Look on the NCT website for breastfeeding tops. Nobody hassled me at all. Not many noticed and I did it everywhere.

I needed lots of help from my lovely Health Visitor for the first week. Snuck off to the other room to feed if anyone came round, but DD and I soon got the hang of it and when I got a visit from the HV after 2 weeks, she was very impressed that I answered the door with one hand, while the other arm was holding a BFing DD. It was painful to start with and I had trouble getting her latched on properly, but with some help and support I was soon feeding her all over the place, with hardly anyone even noticing.

Hi Katherine,

I've had two completely different experiences of BF-ing. I'd like to share some of my - very personal - experience in the hope that it might help you. I'm braced for a flaming but I'm going to tell you how I found it.

Baby 1 - I have always had high expectations of myself, bit of a perfectionist and a control freak if I am honest. I read all the books, went to the antenatal classes, was committed to BFing and then DD arrived... she spent 12 hours a day on the boob and the weight was still falling off her. I sobbed and sobbed when the HV told us to top up on formula somewhere around day 10. I expressed for 3 months as she never got the hang of BFing, for reasons which I'm still unclear about. So, based on baby 1, my advice would be:

a) get to a breastfeeding support group BEFORE baby arrives - have a good look at someone who is BFing and learn what effective feeding looks like. Get to know what to look for with the big gulps so that you can tell if they are properly feeding and swallowing or just comforting/flutter-sucking.

b) If you have a hospital birth, make 100% sure you are happy with how feeding is going before they discharge you. Do not be afraid, as I was, of making a fuss and asking midwives to observe you feeding.

c) If, for whatever reason, BFing doesn't work out, it is not the end of the world, it does not define you as a mother, and if you give it your best shot and it doesn't work out then do not beat yourself up over it. Sometimes other considerations should be taken into account and prioritised over BFing. (Flame me if you like, but I am thinking of things like the mother's mental health, the relationship with your baby - I am talking from my personal experience here and a hellish first 6 months which was primarily centred on the feeding issues.)

d) There are more things that can cause problems with BF than the "oh, you might get sore nipples, and watch out for mastitis" that my antenatal group flagged up. I don't mean to scare you, but just to make you aware that problems are fairly common - if you don't have problems, then that's great but if you do, you're not alone. Of my friends who BFed, tongue-tie, oversupply and nipples too large for baby's mouth were all issues that were overcome successfully, but certainly my antenatal class made it seem that the only problem anyone ever had was latch-related. And it aint always so. BFing may be natural but it is a learned process for both you and baby, and there may be hiccups along the way. Personally I think had I known that in advance I would have been better prepared and felt less of a failure and less isolated.

e) If you do have problems feeding, and I really really hope you don't and your baby is more like my DC2 on that front - if it's a Sunday and the midwife is likely to tell you that you need to start topping baby up with formula urgently to rehydrate them, make sure you know a shop that has late opening so your DH isn't driving round the city trying to find somewhere that sells it past 4pm. (Or buy a carton or two in as emergency supplies - although I know that will be controversial as people will say it puts temptation in your way. I am only speaking from my experience though, and it was pretty obvious, had I been in a less-hormonal and sleep deprived state, that something was going to have to be done at that point as the BFing wasn't working out.)

On the positive side, Baby 2 was completely different - he wasn't that interested in latching on when he was born, took about an hour to get him on properly but this time I knew what I was looking for, I had it in my birth plan that I wanted to feed asap after birth and that it should be properly observed, and apart from a really painful let-down reflex for the first six weeks, he's basically been a dream as far as BFing goes. Whack him on anywhere now, totally laid back about sticking him on the boob out and about - the Vertbaudet tops are my favourite for discretion - so top tips based on my experience with him:

a) Get it written into your birth plan that you want to feed asap after birth. Make sure it is observed (yes, I know I keep banging on about that.)

b) Be prepared for cluster feeding to take over your evenings/days at various stages. Just because he came off the boob half an hour ago doesn't mean he can't want more. :) Invest in good books, DVD box-sets, and get comfy on the sofa.

c) BFing does get easier: I remember thinking I would aim for 12 weeks to start with, and at 6 weeks it seemed impossible, but taking it one feed at a time it did get so much more comfortable and convenient - now at 6 months and it is a breeze. Whack him on, off he goes. Feed are really quick these days, much quicker than bottle-feeds and less faff as it is 'on tap'.

d) And bracing for another flaming... If you want baby to ever take a bottle (expressed breastmilk or whatever) - in my experience, and what my HV advised, you need to get baby to take a bottle around the 3 week mark. In my experience (and anecdotes aren't data, I know) if you leave it til 6 weeks when some people recommend to introduce a bottle, you've left it too late. DS got used to the occasional bottle around 3 weeks and I have had no nipple confusion at all with him. I have several friends who waited til around the 6 week mark and their babies refused to take a bottle, some only grudgingly took a cup. But do your own research and make your own mind up on that one.

e) Never make decisions about giving up BFing in the middle of the night. Things always seem worse then, and you won't be thinking as clearly as you will in the day.

I do think every baby is different, and even with the same mum you can have different BFing experiences depending on the baby. I had a bit more of a clue second time around though and I am sure that helped. I'm going to post this and run as I know some of the points I have raised will be a bit controversial, and some of the people on these boards scare me. :) But I hope it helps you, and wish you all the very best for a straightforward birth and BFing experience. And sorry this is so long!

You might find that both you and your baby take to breastfeeding easily (my two both did), so while some people do find it hard you shouldn't expect that it will be an ordeal - might turn out to be easier than you think!

If you can attend BF support groups/ NCT classes beforehand that can help, not all the advice suits everyone but the more informed you are, the better placed you'll be to work out what suits you.

You could give expressed or formula while you're out, but seriously that's so much more hassle than just breastfeeding a baby who feeds easily. At first I used to think that I had to find a BF room (mainly at the instigation of my mother, who FF us), but I soon realised that BF in public is really not a big deal. Barely anyone notices, and those that do rarely say anything, and even then it tends to be encouraging. If you go out as (say) an antenatal group, or take turns to meet at one another's houses , you'll soon get into it. We went to NCT new mum's group for about 6 weeks, which was an absolute godsend. Don't feel pressured to feed in the loo/baby change area.

In terms of practical tips that helped me:

• as soon as baby is born, put him/her to the breast as much as you possibly can, especially throughout the day. Don't even begin to think of aiming for a 3 hour feed routine- plenty of time to sort that later. The more you feed the baby, the sooner full milk will come in; also, you are aiming to fill the baby up with milk as much as possible during the day, rather than encouraging the natural tendency to feed all night. Establish feeding as your priority; visitors can wait for cuddles and the housework can certainly wait.

• have plenty of easy to eat snacks available, especially if you are going into hospital- cereal bars, fruit, that sort of thing- and plenty of water.

• positioning- ideally a BF counsellor would show you, but remember nose to nipple, tummy to mummy, and try to sit up straight .

• avoid caffeine at bedtime!

• Nice comfy chair in the bedroom for night feeds, with ipod/radio on headphones. You can still bond with your bond while listening to something.

Hi Katherine, you've got some great advice here. The only thing I'd add is to give yourself and baby a few weeks to get the hang of breastfeeding. Don't assume it will be easy, it's like any new skill, and to begin with you will need to just concentrate on getting baby and boob together exactly right, and not fussing about how much you're showing, so give yourself whatever privacy you need to relax. Once you and baby have mastered the art, and you're ready to go out, try a sling or carrier with an inside opening, and a front opening teeshirt plus scarf. I used to walk around with baby latched on and slurping away and no-one any the wiser!

Get discreet adjustable tops and pashminas (or something loose, pretty and floaty you can pull up, worn over a vest you can pull down,) and have a few practice runs in front of the mirror at home until you are confident you won't be giving anyone an eyeful, and if you are off to town, map out which places you go to where you can feed baby in comfort. I'm sure you have friends who would be delighted to have you and baby visit! Oh, and always pack a bottle of water, it's thirsty work, and a tube of camomile nipple ointment so you don't get sore.

Good luck!

Sorry not read the whole thread, but my best tip is to get the baby feeding as soon as you can after the birth, I waited far too long with my first and consequently had lots of problems. But with my second he was on within 30 mins of being born and had no problems (but that also may be cos I was experienced then)

Up to you how long you want to BF for, I did a year with both of mine.

Still mixed feeding at 10m! BF at night, bottles in day, you will find a pattern that works for you, good luck!

I would add, as advice, to come back to this thread/other sources of information once bf is up and running. Because a lot of what I read/was told by friends about bf before I had a baby did not make an iota of sense until I was doing it. (Particularly about clusterfeeding, growth spurts, latch, etc.)

Also, whatever amount of time you imagine will be spending on the sofa breastfeeding: double it for good measure. Then when you're stuck on the sofa/in bed for a marathon 4pm - 10pm feeding session, you might not be so .

Good luck, and come back for help whenever you need it. Support is here.

Sorry haven't read the entire thread, just wanted to share my experience.

I found that very quickly after having a baby my breasts stopped being my "sexy boobs" and just became "the thing that feeds the baby". All those shyness issues just went when my baby cried.

Once I stopped breastfeeding, my "sexy boobs" came back and I lost the urge to wap them out in public completey (and can't really imagine that I did it!)

The other thing is, before having my first baby, I thought that breastfeeding tops would be wraparound shape - easy to whop an entire tit out of. But that's not what you want. You just want the nipple, so breastfeeding tops have discreet flaps under the boob. If you're not wearing a specialised top IME i never had enough of the things, a cardi or a jacket will cover the wobbly bits from the side and the baby will cover the boob and the wobby bits at the front.

It's fine, don't worry about it. Mixing BF and FF is the best of both worlds IME, if you express every night you can use a bottel for flexibilty in the day and top up with FF if you need it. It doesn't affect milk quantity etc and it gives you freedom.

There's loads of great advice here. I would just add that if things do start to get difficult the best money I ever spent was on a lactation consultant (not a breastfeeding counsellor). We had issues with slow weight gain and kept being advised to 'top up' and I'm so glad that we worked on the breastfeeding instead. Dd is 11months and feeding right now :)

You can find a list by googling International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. There's every probability you won't need one but mine definitely saved my sanity.

Oh and breastmilk can be used instead of nipple cream to heal cracked nipples and works really well. And also if your baby gets a little eye infection breastmilk can cure it (and provide hours of fun to your dp watching you try to squirt it straight in :) )

good luck.

Is there a bfeeding group in the area near you. I went to one in the local church hall and it was brilliant. A nice environment to practice taking your bosoms out in public. Met lots of women with babies and got lots of tips and support. They even had scales to weigh the babies so we didn't have to keep going to the docs. You could always spot the newbies as they were draped in muslins- 2 or 3 weeks in they couldn't have cared who saw them.

Good luck.

Have not read entire thread either but one thing that really really helped me and my DS was to have the number of an NCT breastfeeding counsellor ready at birth!
My DS was slightly jaundiced at birth and did not feed very much on his first day so that we had to give him a bottle of formula in the evening as his blood sugar was very low. We came home 3 days later and my milk came in. But somehow DS wouldn't latch for the entire day and the visiting MW was not much help either. She scared the hell out of us because DS had lost over 15% of his birth weight and was dehydrated. I felt very stressed on that day which did not help with BF.
In our desperation we called a lovely lovely NCT BF counsellor in the night and she came out and helped with a latch. This was the best thing that ever happened, we have not had any problems since (and DS is nearly 11 months old now).
Second the advice with introducing the odd bottle feed from 3 weeks onwards. You never know, it's always good to know that your baby also takes the bottle. It can free you up and allows your partner to take over at some point. But beware, keep it up! My DS had no issue taking the bottle from about 3 weeks to 10 weeks but we then had a bit of a break and he never has taken the bottle since...
Good luck!

I think if you find you get on well with BFing you need to do it all the time in order for you to have enough milk (demand meets supply) and it is so convenient. To be honest this is one of the best things about BFing because it is so much less hassle when you are out. Give yourself a few weeks after the birth though as you need to be confident in doing it fairly discreetly.

I was a little shy at first doing it in public at first and I used those nursing rooms for a while. I soon got bored and would rather have a nice cup of tea whilst BFing. To be honest I was worried about what other people thought of me doing it rather than other people seeing my boobs! Actually no body cares (except the woman it Waitrose who gave me a nasty look - and in Waitrose honestly).

BFing in front of my father in law was a little more embarrassing mind you he didn't care as my mother in law had BF 4 children and all 3 of her daughters BF.

I think if more women were confident doing it in public we wouldn't have this problem.

:) Milkchic I think it's very common. Dd woke up a few mornings ago with a bit of a weepy eye and I thought 'right c'mere then' very different proposition with an 11 month old: I emerged victorious but it was a close run thing

and no, women who don't approve of nursing in public should not be in Waitrose among the organic Duchy Originals I hope you told her that?

Great website btw Milkchic :)

If it turns out your little one uses you as a dummy rather than a bottle, use a dummy and do not offer the breast unless it is feeding time. If only someone had told me that I would have been able to feed for much longer. He just used to suck and fall asleep..... V frustrating .

Totally disagree with sherbetpips! Feed on demand, and don't worry about comfort sucking. Your baby can't "use you as a dummy" - a dummy is just a breast substitute.

Have to agree with Ritamorgn and disagree with you sherbetpips...babies should be fed on demand, when they are hungry, not to a schedule. There is lots of evidence to support this :)

There is nothing wrong with a tiny baby seeking comfort by breastfeeding/suckling. It is, in fact, very normal and essential for newborns...see here for more info. Yes it can be tiring in the early days when you feel that all you have been doing for hours at a time is feeding, but please be assured that this is absolutely normal. Its not an indication that you dont have enough milk or that your baby is not getting enough (if all is ok with latch etc).

Genuine interest question here to the people who say that it's ok for the baby to use you as a dummy. Have you found that it sorts itself out - i.e. the baby stops doing this and goes onto regular feeds at some point (if so when)?

What do you mean by "use as a dummy"? Do you mean seek comfort at the breast as well as food?

My ds still does that now - if we've been apart, or he's hurt himself, he's tired etc. But he's gone from being constantly on the breast as a newborn to having around 4-5 feeds a day at 8 months. I guess around 4 months feeds became a bit more predictable. He has a dummy as a breast substitute at night or when he's at nursery though.

Yes, sorry I didn't mean to be derogatory in expressing it that way. I'm just interested because when I had my DTSs breastfeeding didn't go well, and I'm trying to inform myself as much as possible about different philosophies/approaches to work out what I'm going to do with the next one. If the new baby is going to on the breast all the time after two months that's not going to work for us.

Buy one of these. My friend has one and it's fab. www.freedombabe.co.uk/