First time mum - breast feeding advice

[Katherine01]

Hello, Im going to be a first time mum in June and I want to give breast feeding a try. The only thing is, I am very shy and wouldnt feel comfortable breast feeding in public. Is it easy to mix breast feeding and bottle feeding? If I breast fed at home, can I then use formula when im out and about (which wouldnt be very often I dont think) or is it better to express milk?
Also how long do you normally breast feed for? I was going to breast feed for the first 6 months. Many thanks :)

For the first, I bf exclusively for a few weeks, then added a late evening formula because I was so knackered. I still managed to carry on with bf until I went back to work. Whatever you can manage. You might get over shyness - I lost any inhibitions whatsoever - parks, play barns, cafes etc. !

sorry if I'm repeating what's already been said, but I haven't read the whole thread

Lansinoh is great - keep an eye out for it being on offer at the supermarket!

if you have any doubts, ask your HV to send a "breastfeeding councellor" round, or go to one of the sessions at your local children's centre - DD wasn't latching on properly, which meant it was uncomfortable for me & she wasn't getting enough milk - after watching us feeding for a few seconds, she suggested a tiny change in our position & things got MUCH better after that!

the feeding in public, just practice at home until you're comfortable - I had lots of discrete nursing tops like this, but I imagine different styles would suit different people, so try a few & see what you like.

My first public bf was in a fairly quiet Costa on a tuesday afternoon (took DH for moral support) and no-one batted an eyelid! A few weeks later a friend's husband took a photo of me "cuddling" DD - he didn't realise I was feeding her even when staring at me through the lens of a camera!

I was planning to bf until DD was around 18months (the last 6months were in the winter so I hoped it would give her a bit more protection against colds), but DD had other ideas & weaned herself off me when she was a year old!

Hi OP!

Well, what I would say is that breastfeeding in public is not as scary as you may think. I am very shy about my body but have breastfed everywhere in the past 12 months. Once you get the hang of things it doesnt really matter where you are, its so discreet. Its also easier than worrying about bottles. The first time I fed when I was out was in a huge food court in a busy shopping centre. It was the school holidays so it was packed. We just took our time to get latched on and my DH sat with us. No one looked over at us, I dont think they even noticed!

Breastfed babies feeding on demand are pretty unredictable - i can be 1, 2, 3 hours between feeds, its not a schedule...but rather than spend all your time at home, its important to get out and about and meet other mums, your friends and your family. Its much easier to breastfeed when your DC asks rather than worrying about making it home in time or exressing beforehand.

Some mums do successfuly mix feed their children, but if breastfeeding is going well then there is no reason for you to use formula...in fact, it is more hassle really if breastfeeding is going ok for you. Introducing formula in the early days can also cause problems for your supply. Breastfeeding works on a demand and supply basis...your breasts make what your DC demands so if you give bottles of formula regularly your breasts won't make as much milk. Giving bottles instead of the breast can also cause physical problems for you...engorgment and there is also the risk of mastitis too.

My tips, off the top of my head would be:

• go along to a bf group when you are pregnant to meet bf'ing mums. You'll make new friends, build a suport network and also see other mums feed. I wish I had done this;
• when your DC is born ask for skin to skin immediatly after birth and in the early days feed, feed, feed. Try not to worry about visitors. The most important things are you and your baby. Get your visitors to work aroung your feeding times, dont get stressed about pleasing other people;
• after your DC is born, go to a bf group asap and use this as somewhere to practice feeding in public...you will not be judged, you will get great advice and you will get a nice cup of tea!
• when you are out and about and your DC suddenly wakens up and starts screaming to be fed, take your time to find somewhere that you feel comfortable feeding. I rememeber panicking, sweating and getting flustered, when really it would have done my dd no harm to wait minutes while I found somewhere decent to sit;
• read up on breastfeeding from either books or mumsnet so that you know what to expect...find out about clusterfeeding and growth spurts...alot of new mums (me!) find out about these as they are happening and panic that we dont have enough milk, when in reality they are normal!
• alot of shopping centres and big shops have feeding rooms. Although I feed everywhere I use these alot if Im looking for somewhere quiet to feed. Sometimes its nice to be somewhere where you can relax for a bit while feeding.

Finally, with regards to how long to feed for - that is up to you. As others have said its recommended that you breastfeed exclusively for 6 months then continue to breastfeed until your DC is at least 2 years old. I had bottles, formula and a steriliser all waiting for us when we came home from hospital but 12 months on I'm still breastfeeding!

Good luck - there is loads of great advice on mumsnet so come back for more advice if you need it.

I am a confident mum of 2 breastfed ds1 exclusively to 4 then ongoing 8 months.

If you introduce formula/ mixed feeding too early then that can impact supply

These are my personal experience tips:

• Take your partner, other mum friends out to breastfeed in public first.
• I watched another first time mum try to only breastfeed at home and she kept having to leave the coffee mornings and had a very restricted experience
• Mothercare/ John Lewis/ Shopping Centres all have breastfeeding sections. When I was very shy early on I fed my boys in the car or cafes with wireless.
• Always carry a magazine/ paper that you can read single handed or something for you to read
• try and remember that people will look at anything of interest... what you might think is an obtrusive glare could be empathetic, unknowing and you child matters over and above strangers
• get a breastfeeding top that you're comfortable with

I preferred empire line sleeveless ones with a regular wrap/ waterfall cardigan on top. They exposed the least breast and if I got stressed or hot I preferred sleeveless.

• a good wirefree seamless breastfeeding bra
• expect the growth spurts and recognise you have to be up at night

I found being out and about a breeze compared to the many hours spent at home feeding a newborn! Breastfeeding while outside strangely felt so much easier than while at home - I guess because when you're at a cafe its easier to flag people to come and bring more tea and cake!

I too was painfully shy about my body before having a child, but that just kind of evaporated with giving birth, and like a lot of people have said you don't really show that much flesh when bf. DS was often mistaken for sleeping on my lap, and I fed him outside till he was about 18 months. I didn't get any critical comments in all that time, even in pubs.

However if you do still hate the idea of breastfeeding in public when you have your baby, it will probably be easiest to decide on alternatives at that point, when you know better how you and your child go about feeding.

The best tip I got from mumsnet was to get some box set dvds so I could pick up the story thread for however long a feed was 3 minutes - 50 minutes, and pause for changing sides.

I strongly agree with all the comments to seek all the help you can get, and keep badgering people if you want more help! And mumsnetters are always around to support you or answer random queries.

During the first few weeks I went through some really low periods due to my son having a tongue-tie, and often thought "I'm going to keep breastfeeding for a few more days, then if it doesn't get better I'll think about stopping". Two and a half years later he decided to stop breastfeeding, and I'd been back at work since he turned 10 months.

Get a sling, the sash style one. This copvers you up and frees your hands too. I fed my last baby absolutely everywhere in the sling, including the supermarket, walking round the shops, school gates. You need to bein the swing of feedingm and the aby needs to know how to do it, so maybe from 6 weeks or so. No one ever knew I was feeding. I don't know how many times someone peeked in to see the baby, and more than half the time they didn't really notice then, just thought he was sleeping! I had vest underneath ([pulled down under boob) and top (pulled up), so nothing to see

Go to a breastfeeding support grioup. And just feed for today, for as long as you both still want to.

You need to rest - this was my downfall previous times

Good luck, hope it all works out

I breastfed my daughter unitl she was 18 months and my son until he was 3 and a half. I too used to hide in toilets if neccessary. One idea I used to do was to go into the changing rooms in clothes shop and if the shop wasn't too busy feed in there. Its more embarassing when they can talk and ask for booby. Expressing is good - BUT MAKE SURE YOUR HUBBY DOES AT LEAST ONE BOTTLE FEED A DAY WITH EXPRESSED MILK AND DON'T LEAVE LONG GAPS BETWEEN OR ELSE YOUR LITTLE ONE WILL NOT HAVE A BOTTLE WHEN YOU NEED THEM TO. Babies prefer breast - hope all goes well. Have only recently stopped bfing and miss it.

Haven't read whole thread so apologies if this has been mentioned already but Lansinoh basically saved my sanity and nipples! It's a little pricey (around £10) but it is much more effective than any of the cream-based nipple creams - if that makes sense - it is a jelly, sort of vaseline-esque. DS is now 12 weeks but breastfeeding has becoming amazingly comfortable compared to the first couple of weeks. To be brutally honest, the first two weeks will probably be painful and frustrating - I wasn't expecting this, for example I have a painful letdown, which takes you by surprise as a first timer - but it's different for everyone. I hope with time you will find it less embarrassing to feed in public as it really is so easy. If you find it tough at the beginning do try breastfeeding peer groups and the National Breastfeeding Helpline - I was at the point of giving up but getting support and advice made all the difference.

Hi Katherine, breastfeeding is a wonderful thing to do, you won't regret your decision. I BFed my baby until 7 months (but am now back at work). My little bit of advice for you is to not be scared of introducing one bottle of formula or expressed milk a day fairly early on in your baby's life. If you don't introduce a bottle early it can be difficult to get the baby to accept one later on. This is especially the case if you, like me, plan on going back to work before the baby is weaned or want the flexibility of being able to have someone else feed the baby.

One bottle a day can really take the pressure off you, particularly if you give it in the evening. Many women who exclusively BF find that they constantly have to feed their baby in the evening ('cluster feeding'). This is because your natural supply gets low, and of lower quality, later in the day. So baby gets hungrier. I found that one bottle of formula or expressed milk at about 7pm was the perfect way to settle my daughter and it really helped her to sleep. You still have to space feeds a bit closer together in the evening, but it can be just two feeds instead of constant feeding.
My other advice to you is, try to decide on your feeding style. Read widely (not just KellyMom). A lot of the BFing advocates are baby-led/baby-wearing/pro demand-feeding (including KellyMom, which I think is a bit lentil-weavy but hey ho). That's a legitimate choice, but it's not for everyone because it is quite demanding on your lifestyle. You can BF very successfully and still follow a routine, and not co-sleep. We worked off the routines in the Baby Whisperer book, for example, and it worked brilliantly for us. Whatever you do it's your decision.
If you do decide to use a bottle, use it consistently otherwise it stuffs your supply up. And, if you do decide to use a bottle, my advice would be to introduce it at about 2 weeks old. I remember using a bottle once or twice in the early days for DD without adverse effects.

Hi Katherine, there's already lots of good tips here, especially the ones about various shawls, slings, etc. Just to say I was very keen to BF but my baby always took a while to latch on so it wasn't easy to be discreet in public, which didn't make me feel comfortable. In the end we settled for expressed milk in a bottle which seemed to work very well, and also was useful when my husband did some feeds to give me a chance to get some sleep.The general feeling about BF at home and bottles when out is that using expressed milk is generally better as baby is getting the same milk essentially, plus all the health benefits of breastmilk for the baby.

The advice with regard to mixing bottle feeding (whether formula or expressed milk) is to wait for about 3-4 weeks till breastfeeding is well established - ie latching on and taking a full feed easily, not starting and stopping - you'll soon know when your baby is getting the hang of it. There is a feeling that some babies might get "nipple confusion" - eg start refusing BF and only wanting it from a bottle, but I think the actual fact is that generally this is an idiosyncratic thing - babies will do what they want to do. Two friends actually waited so long that at 5 and 6 months respectively, the babies refused a bottle totally - one friend persisted, trying every single brand on the market until she found one that baby complied with, while the other gave up and never tried a bottle again. So maybe the timescale of more than 3 weeks, less than 3 months is a good thing to aim for.

Then again, some babies get both earlier -eg they may not be gaining weight or may be getting dehydrated and the mums are advised to add formula to BF - and are perfectly ok with no "confusion" whatsoever. The good thing about BF is that in some ways it is easier - no need to fuss around waiting for the boiled water to cool down to mix a feed (the advice now is not to mix a feed in advance for risk of bacterial proliferation) or stressing about measuring out the right amount of formula when you are tired and sleep deprived. Of course, in some ways it is less convenient as you have to watch what you consume - no knocking back the alcohol, or overdoing the caffeine, and you have to watch what medication you are taking. But it is certainly worth doing.

It can be a bit sore at first, so make sure you do have sensible and supportive friends to turn to for advice and encouragement, whether that's a breastfeeding cafe, post natal group or just friends who have already gone through it. The worst can be well meaning advice that actually undermines your confidence. And you don't have to sit in pain all day or stick cabbages into your clothes as some books or anecdotes say - comfortable plain cotton nursing bras (try them and get fitted if needs be before you deliver and make sure you buy sufficient numbers - once baby is born, the fewer chores and trips to make the better) are more than fine. And if it doesn't work one time, don't get frustrated - expressing a little milk with a hand held pump or electric pump will help relieve some pain from engorgement, while mentally it is reassuring to know that there's expressed milk in store if you have to use a bottle. Then try again. (Engorgement leading to overfull breasts is not easier for baby to latch on, it can be worse because the shape doesn't fit and baby just gets squirted but doesn't get a drink! So try out and buy a pump early - again, regardless of what tell you. Best to have it on standby.)

There's also a lot of mind over matter in BF I think - if you feel relaxed, it actually helps baby to feed more easily I think because you are both calm, and you can help guide baby to a comfortable position feeding better. So if people are putting pressure on you to get it right or do it quickly, tell them to get lost. Tell anyone who is stressing you out to get lost....or do something useful like taking out the rubbish! ;-)

All the best for your baby's birth!

And oh! Don't ever get compelled (whether literally by other people or just by your embarrassment) to feed your child in a toilet or bathroom. It's really unhygienic. If a venue has no mother and baby rooms, try enquiring politely about using a spare office or meeting room. People are usually very accommodating where babies are involved. Suggest ringing first - it often gives you peace of mind if you know in advance what you have to do - and then consider bringing a bottle of expressed milk if there really isn't a suitable place. A quiet corner with a shawl over your shoulders and front is far preferable to a toilet!

P.S. In my earlier post - 5th line from the bottom should read "again, regardless of what well-meaning people, even well-meaning professionals, tell you". Engorgement leading to mastitis is no joke. And no woman should suffer the discomfort of engorgement as it actually means you are making a good supply. So pump the excess into a storage bottle, and freeze it for when you may need it. If there are times when you decide not to feed (eg if a friend or your partner is giving a bottle of expressed milk), don't forget to express some of it when you wake from your nap/return from your outing because you'll be utterly engorged by the next feed and the glands might also start reducing their supply if you are not depleting it as often. With milk supply, it really is a case of "use it or lose it".

At first your nipples will be sore, so don't expect miracles overnight! This is sore like uncomfortable, but if they're cracked or bleeding and feel like someone is stabbling you then the latch on is not right. It takes patience and perseverence but really is worth it in the long run.

Talk to other BFing mums for reassurance, go to workshops/ cafes etc. The biggest mistake women make is in thinking that because it's natural it will come naturally. If you're struggling tell someone, ask for help with your technique and don't be afraid about it. And don't let anyone tell you to switch to formula if you really, really want to persevere with BFing. It really is a wonderful thing to do.

I found I was more likely to BF in public when they were really little, needed feeding more often and were more unpredictable about suddenly getting hungry and demanding nourishment this minute !
I felt feeding little ones was more socially acceptable, and I happily fed DD1, nay proudly , even in restaurants during those first weeks. Later I gravitated more to park benches and mother and toddler groups, that sort of thing.
After the first couple of months your baby will more and more settle into a routine so that you'll be able to feed them much more at home if that's what you'd prefer to do.
Anyway, no need to feel that you'll have to feed your 6 month old on the bus in front of strangers if you're not comfortable with that. Though all power to those that are !

I would sya do some research in places you're likely to be going. If you go shopping in a particular supermarket or town for example sus out cosy benches, nappy facilities (not for feeding in but if you need to change) and maybe get used to sitting there and see what its like.

Get in touch with groups now so you are ready to go when you have the baby.

I found wear a nornmal vest under clothes work fine - popped boob under top and over vest...

Also, breast feeding changes as baby gets older. First ferw week it may feel awkward and tricky getting latch and support baby's head [like when you first learn to drive and do the miriror signal manouve thing all seperate] but soon when baby knows what they are doing its much easier to feed outside.

Other thing would be to feed on demand but leanr ealry feeding ques - baby will behave differently when hungry. our DD used to start 'looking for a boobs' and sucking on clothes or hands. If you can learn to respond to these signals and feed before they cry you minimise situations where baby is crying for food while you try to find a nice cafe!

Think of breast feeding like any other skill in life - it will take practise and help and as your baby relies on you to show them how to feed, you can ask others too.

Best of luck!

Also.... we mix fed, maybe one bottle a day and found that breast feeding eventully was much easier but that an occasion al bottle meant a little more felxibililty.

Enjoy

Also in the middle of the night when you're feeling lonely and tired... think of all the other Mum's all over the world doing exactly the same as you. Bilblio, what a lovely thing to say, I'm welling up just thinking about it (after an admittedly hard night with 5.5mo DS).

Nothing new to add to the great advice here. Vests under loose tops are IMHO the way to go and definitely see if you can find a couple of friends to have a feed-in with the first time (I'd arranged to do that as a nervous first timer but the day before DS wouldn't stop screaming when I was at the bank so I just fed him there and I didn't even think twice about it when it came to it).

Hi, I thought I'd be shy about breast feeding in public but it honestly feels like the most natural thing in the world and I ended up feeding everywhere. I'm sure people would prefer that than a screaming baby. Also, I had NO negative reactions from anyone. Remember it's your legal right to breast feed anywhere. Go for it!

The best advice I had was "it takes 6 weeks". It is difficult and I had my fair share of challenges but I kept this in the back of my mind and it was really true. Breastfeeding is a challenge but truly worth it. It's so easy once it's established. My little boy is nearly one and I am so glad that I stuck with breastfeeding. In fact I am going to begin to wean him from me and I'm already mourning it.
I also read an amazing book that really helped me. It's called the "food of love".
Each day you breastfeeding your baby is beneficial. When I was suffering from sore boobs I kept thinking that I will stop tomorrow - having this option was all I needed. Thankfully tomorrow never came but it helped me get through those tough times.
Good luck and enjoy those precious early days.

Hi, breastfeeding in public is not as bad as you imagine it to be. The fact is that if you do something as often as you have to breastfeed, you quickly get pretty slick at it!

One peice of advice I would share is to wear a light strappy top under your t-shirt so that you can lift the T-shirt up and pull the strappy top down under your bra so that no bare skin around your tummy is exposed. I found this particularly useful for breastfeeding 'on the move' when I got more experienced.

Good luck, I am still feeding my DD at 15 months, we both love it.

Best thing about breatfeeding I loved going out with my little baby in a sling and a tiny handbag just with a nappy and a plastic bag with some wet wipes. No need to remember bottle etc and you can't forget your boobs!
My tipe although it has been said before is scout out your town now for potential places to breastfeed in public in. I live in Southend and at the Victoria shopping centre they have a toilet door with the picture of a bottle on it, it was only when another mum told me that I went into it. It is a huge room with nursing chairs, magazines and totally private, so be a bit nosey and ask maybe your local nct groulp for best places.

once you get on with breastfeeding it will become second nature, If you are worried about feeding in public you could take an expressed bottle of milk.
I breastfed at my mum's funeral - i just found a quiet place and fed her.
ask advice from your midwife about breastfeeding groups, get a breast feeding cushion, you will lose your baby weight and in five months have a full of energy bundle who stops you typing. Good luck

Sorry if this has already been said but I put a lot of my success bfing down to putting no pressure on myself to do it. I made sure that we had emergency formula, bottles and all the rest of the paraphernalia to hand when we got hom from the hospital. I think the fact that we had it contributed to the fact that I didn't need it!

I was a bit unsure about BFing in public to start with; my local BF group helped and I really recommend going out with another BFing mum as it's less scary when there are two of you, esp if you can find someone to go with who's done it all before and really doesn't care!

And BFing doesn't always hurt or give you discomfort, it's not a foregone conclusion (although it often does). I was very lucky and had no pain or complications at all, ever, in the 18 months that I BF DS (he stopped of his own accord).

It's a brilliant experience and one that I will always treasure. I hope it works out as well with my DC that is due in September. Good luck and remember the best thing is to do what makes you happy and comfortable.

Fenouille - that thought got me through a lot of tough nights last time. I hope you get a better night tonight.

Oh also buy a water bottle. I bought one for a friend so she could always have a drink handy rather than on a table out of reach and she said it was the most useful present she had.

I agree it does hurt for the first ten seconds. One of the best pieces of advice I got from a midwife was that all the lines about correct latching on not hurting don't necessarily apply to everyone. I found breastfeeding hard at first but already (only 3 weeks in) just Love it. It's great to be the one person who can calm down your baby, and gives you a great excuse to be waited on in a comfy chair for about 8 hours a day. I'd also say that following a 3 hourly feed schedule during the day does mean the baby sleeps better and longer at night. Also if the baby's clearly hungry between feeds then most definitely give him/her a top up. Just try to avoid the 'feeding every 20 minutes' nightmare that you can end up in when the baby never takes in enough to fill them up. I have fed her out and about but this early on I find I'm less relaxed than I am at home so she doesn't feed for so long. So it's fine for a top up but not yet for a 'proper' feed. Give it another month and I think it will be better.

Hey! I've been doing the bf thing for 4mths now. Thus far have only had to bf in public twice only, both times while sitting in my local park when bubba just couldn't hang on for the last few minutes back to the house from our local town centre. I just take a bottle of sma ready made for back up out with me. Shopping centres often have family rooms now for you. Or you can bf in changing room facilities in many shops, no-one notices. I was very worried about this as I couldn't face getting my bangers out in front of people but thus far have not needed too. I reckon you will find you will be ok, and a bottle as back up just gives you a little confidence. Good luck! x