First time mum - breast feeding advice

[Katherine01]

Hello, Im going to be a first time mum in June and I want to give breast feeding a try. The only thing is, I am very shy and wouldnt feel comfortable breast feeding in public. Is it easy to mix breast feeding and bottle feeding? If I breast fed at home, can I then use formula when im out and about (which wouldnt be very often I dont think) or is it better to express milk?
Also how long do you normally breast feed for? I was going to breast feed for the first 6 months. Many thanks :)

Hi Katherine, Congratulations!

The best advice I was given regards the "it doesn't hurt" theory. It does at first. At least it did with me. Unless you're used to having your nipples chewed on!
For the first couple of weeks it's toe curlingly painful. So when baby latches on, clench your teeth, curl your toes and count to 10.
If it still hurts after 10 then the latch is wrong, take them off and try again.
As the days go by you'll realise you're getting to 8 and it stops hurting, then 5, and eventually it won't hurt at all.
I think if this was explained better to all women then people would bf for longer.

Also in the middle of the night when you're feeling lonely and tired... think of all the other Mum's all over the world doing exactly the same as you.

As others have said take it a day at a time. I bf until DD was about 10 months, we started introducing bottles at about 7 months ready for me returning to work.

I was worried about BF in public but didn't have the back up of bottles so got used to it. (And I don't regret that one bit.) I made sure first I was confident at home. Got DH to check if I was being revealing (I wasn't) and got lots of practise with family & friends visiting. I always kept a scarf in my bag for when I was out and about.
I also scouted out quiet corners of places we tended to go. The first time I BF in public was in a pub. We were out of the way but I asked the waitress if it was okay, she was over the moon and said she wished more people would... she was training to be a midwife. :)

Lansinoh nipple cream if fantastic. It's expensive but lasts forever, I used half a tube, and that was using it after every feed for 10 months!

At first feeds DD fed for about 40 minutes, but as she got better she would only take 10 minutes... except for the night time falling asleep feed. :)

Havent read all the other replies so apologies if this has been mentioned already.

Have a good set up (ie: comfy cushions, TV remote or good book within arms reach, mobile phone, drink of water and snacks). Nothing worse than getting a god latch and then having to sit for half an hour thirsty or bored

Once you've got the hang of feeding sitting up practice doing it lying down. This is a great way of getting some rest yourself as I found breastfeeding always makes me sleepy.

Dont ignore any pain and hope it will just go away. Both you and your baby are learning how to do it and bad habits (ie: puckered lips, nipple feeding) will take time to break. Also your baby will be fussier and want to feed more often if he/she is not getting a full feed so work on getting a good latch even if you have to keep taking baby on and off till its right.

Youtube has some good demo videos of breastfeeding if you need help out of hours.

Make friends with other new breastfeeding mums and brave the public feeding together. My husband was lovely and supportive but he couldn't give me the confidence to feed in a cafe that I got once I met another mum in the same situation.

Best of Luck!

As a mum of 3 DC with 6 years BF experience, my main tip would be don't say you are 'giving breast feeding a try'. Say you ARE going to breastfeed.
DS1 was very slow of the mark and would have been easy to just give him a bottle and say 'I tried, but didn't work'. But together with the midwives help at the hospital, we finally got going and then never looked back.

Compared to bottle, bf is sooo easy. No hassle, you just do it.

Good luck

I was sooo worried about feeding in public, as were a couple of people I met at antenatal classes, so we arranged to meet in a cafe after they were born, and did a mass public feed. It really helped me to have the support of others. I was quite surprised to realise everyone else couldn't give a monkeys and most people don't notice at all!

Agree Greenshadow- for many women getting breastfeeding comfortable and established takes a lot of determination and perseverance. You'll need to be strong minded to get keep going with it.

Of course, for others, it's pain free from the beginning and everything goes without a hitch.

I found BF really hard to start with, but it DOES get easier and quicker, even though it doesn't seem like it ever will to start with.

Now, 6 months on, I am so glad that we persevered (it's a skill that you and the baby both have to learn), I can't imagine dealing with the faff that goes with FF - although in the early days it looked so much easier.

I think just start feeding and take it from there! I found it hard at first and told myself to keep going for 6 weeks, then it became easy and I had no reason to stop. I assumed I would stop at 6 months but now it's so easy and convenient I probably won't. I wouldn't worry about the length of time too much in the beginning.

Oh, and agree with the other posts about feeding in public - I was v nervous about it to start with but generally nobody bats an eyelid as they are all too busy going about their business to worry about what anyone else is doing. I think I did take DP with me the first time for moral support and to check what anyone could see.

In fact, the only comment I have had was from an old lady who congratulated me!

H&M have some really good nursing tops. I can't explain it very well, but there's a kind of panel at the top that you just whack your boob through. More glam than I'm making it sound.

Also, you might think you'll be shy about bf'ing in public, but it's amazing how your cringe-reflex disappears after you've had the world and his (mid)wife staring at your fanjo for hours on end during labour.

Hi there, my best tip for out and about breastfeeding- long stretchy vest underneath (that you can pull down), any loose sort of top over and big light scarf. Put hand under the 'outer' top and pull under top down just under one boob (hand and boob completely covered by outer top), drape scarf over shoulder, place baby at breast position, with other hand place scarf loosely over baby, then lift lower top to just above nipple, baby goes on! Can't see anything this way I promise.

havent read any other posts, but IME with BF you have to accept that in the first few weeks you will be doing it almost constantly, so you need books, water, the t,v remote etc etc.

With DS i assumed i would be feeding every 3 or 4 hours or so with time to do stuff inbetween,- this is what the books said!! It wasnt true for me or any friends.

So, when DD came along and i wanted to BF again i realised that to make it work i should assume i would spend pretty much all my time in first few weeks feeding her - and it was a much more successful experience.

Hope i dont sound negative- after few hiccups i was very lucky and managed to feed both babies til 10 months, but its not easy- and IME (with DS)- if you give a dummy and a bottle and the breast too soon, and think they only need to be fed every few hours, it wont work. Good luck.

ps its lovely when it does work and you can just sit and cuddle them and feed them and rub them

pps IME best place to feed out was always the john lewis feeding rooms.

There isn't one correct way to breastfeed. You'll probably need to try different things until you find what works. This explains why all the mid-wives and health visitors give conflicting advice. Most of it is good advice for someone - but not necessarily you!

I am 4 months in and my DS is a bit of a tricky customer - he shouts between suckles, people probably think I am nipping him or something. However, they are usually way more embarrassed than you, haha, seriously - if your nipple is on view, most people Avoid Any Position Which Could Suggest They Are Looking. Apart from very young children, who mortify their parents by staring.

My preferred method of dressing is a nursing bra plus a bando or bump band with a normal top (so long as it is liftable). Didn't like any of the nursing tops in Jojo etc.

I did find it painful at first, but the pain does go really soon. The first few sucks were sore but it would ease to bearable if the latch was correct. This lasted no more than 3 weeks and got better all the time (kicked in when the milk came in). Now it feels nice, the letdown reflex is a very satisfying feeling.

I did express from the early days trying to prepare for the return to work, but have stopped because I couldn't be arsed. Will start again when really have to start stocking the freezer.

I intend to keep breastfeeding until at least the point where I wouldn't need to buy a substitute - at least a year.

When I've been out with others, who have been slightly embarrassed and asked me if I'm not, my answer is to rant about page 3s/ nuts/ zoo etc., which people are allowed to look at with impunity. I have a specially prepared mini-lecture about the commodification of the female body and how I think anyone who is uncomfortable looking at a woman feeding is feeling the discomfort of the challenge to that. I am so popular.

OOOH and if you are going to do it, prepare yourself for the long dark night of the soul which is the growth spurts. I very nearly gave in to formula on the 6 week one, because it felt so much like I wasn't producing enough. But having a couple of bottles of expressed milk in the fridge (I was still at keen, 'practicing' stage) really helped.

Good luck darling

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I think my main "lesson" from having BF my DD is that: it needn't necessarily be agony / difficult / get cracked nipples etc. I'd read so much about how everyone always finds it painful / hard to start with etc that I had geared myself up for a difficult time, but actually DD latched on straight away and we were off!

So although I think it's important to be aware that (a) it might not be straightforward and (b) there is loads of support out there if you need it (La Leche League, NCT BF helpline, BF cafes etc), you might actually be fine! It might be quite straightforward!

I'd also intially thought I'd like to try to BF for 6 months, but like others say, don't set yourself a particular time limit - in the end I BF for 12 months because it seemed like much more faff to switch to formula. And then DD went straight to cows' milk at 12 months.

On BF in public - all I'd say is: have you ever actually noticed anyone BF in public, and was anyone else noticing / giving sneery looks etc? And have you ever actually seen anyone's breast in public whilst they were BF-ing?

Good luck, and there is always loads of advice here come June!

i breastfed my son for a year and am now a bfn breast feeding helper. there is some really great advice on here, but the one thing i would add/repeat is to check out your local breatsfeeding support groups (most childrens centers have them). You can do this before the baby is born if you like to speak to other mums who are already breastfeeding, and when baby is here don't feel you have to wait until there there is a problem to go, you will be made very welcome!

Good luck!

Hi, just wanted to say congratulations! I understand your feelings - I was very worried before feeding in public (now have many years of experience under my belt - or should that be bra!!). I wanted to share a tip that really helped me regarding feeding in public - although the purpose feeding vests can be very good sometimes the clips are fiddly and more trouble than they're worth. I got a supply of a few cheap, v. strechy vests like these

www.marksandspencer.com/Pack-Fairtrade-Cotton-Stretch-Scoop/dp/B004CPV080?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_1&nodeId=62813031&sr=1-1&qid=1302983627&pf_rd_r=01SNRD3QNQVDJCTP3D5V&pf_rd_m=A2BO0OYVBKIQJM&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_i=62813031&pf_rd_p=215570647&pf_rd_s=related-items-3

I got very adept at just pulling the top down below bra when pulling cup down to feed - you'll find you're really well covered and baby covers boob anyway. Actually I've found in practice it's more the tummy area that feels exposed so the vest deals with this!

As others have said, get used to things at home first - be very gentle with yourself and don't be in a rush to get out if you don't have to. I have two children now and there's a certain amount of having to get out to things and the baby has to be brought along but there's something so lovely about your first baby when the two of you can just snuggle up in bed together and enjoy the wonderfullness of it all (I have lovely memories of this with my DD and only wish I'd done it more!).

Also to echo other peoples' advice about seeking out 'breastfeeding friendly' places. Of course you can and should be able to feed whereever you wish but it's nice to know (in the early days at least) that there is no chance that anyone will be anything less than welcoming and kind to you.

All the best to you - above all else enjoy this wonderful time!

Tara.
xx

Hi Katherine,

I agree with loads of what's been said... but...

I did just want to say that it's different for everyone, while it is true that for some women it's really uncomfortable to begin with, for some (me included) it is really totally straight forward from the beginning. this sounds like Smug McSmug, but it's true.

[have just deleted lots of unnecesary detail...]

anyway, I just wanted to add that in because although it can be hard work, it isn't always, so be prepared to have a bit of a struggle for the first weeks, but don't necessarily dread it, because it might never happen...

also, definitely one for a vest top over your feeding bra, and then a t-shirt on top. T shirt pulled up, vest top pulled down, bra unclipped- very descrete and tummy warm (good for night feeds too!)

Good luck, It's a lot of fun!

ha ha ha. the vest tops Tara277 recommends are the same ones i've used!! good ol' m&s....

Good luck Katherine!
I'm at the six month mark now with my DD. There's lots of great advice on here and a lot of stuff I wish I'd known before I started.

I had six weeks of pain and I remember sitting on the bed at 3am crying, thinking I couldn't do it any more. It seems like it's never going to end and I was worried it would always be like that but do remember it passes as you both learn what you're doing. Now I look back and wish I could have those early days again as I spent so much of the newborn period worrying! Also, I went to three different BF cafes in the first two weeks and was given lots of different advice. This is actually great because, eventually, someone will suggest something that works for you. And it's great to have that support. I was relieved after my first visit that I could talk to someone about it who was trying to help.

I was also extremely nervous about feeding in public but it does help going with someone you trust for the first few times, eg partner, sister, friend who can help you, eg arranging clothes, passing drinks, reassuring you about what people can, or more importantly, CAN'T see! The cafes/restaurants I go to in the week are very used to having mums there and don't bat an eyelid the BFing.

Yesterday I was BFing my DD in my local cafe and the waiter came over to chat. He said, 'oh, how sweet, she's sleeping!'. Er... ok! He's very young and I think he would have been more embarassed than me if he really knew what was going on!

I think everyone is different, so that your experience will be different to ours.

It may be easy, but it might be tricky. I fed 3 children for about 18 months each time and I loved it but it was hard at the beginning - even with the third when you'd think I'd know what I was doing.

I found I got cracked nipples in the first 2 weeks no matter how what I did but I let them heal and used an electric pump the La Leche League lent to me for a few days. I think I suffered because my nipples were inverted slightly even though I used plastic discs over them in pregnancy that were meant to 'de-invert' them. Once the first couple of weeks are over bf is so easy - it doesn't hurt and it becomes a pleasure. Accept and ask for help from NCT, HV etc if you have problems and don't worry because everyone has some problems in the early days however they feed.

I look back to feeding in the night with such fond memories, sitting quietly with my baby feeding was so peaceful. I'm shy but never had a problem finding somewhere to feed - there is always somewhere secluded, at worst I retreated to the car sometimes but a scarf hides a multitude of sins.

If you persist past the early difficulties you'll love it.

Congratulations Katherine.
I was a really shy breast feeder too, the thought of having my boobs out made me feel quite ill. I found this really useful, it helped a lot in the early stages when I was still working out how to do it with a modicum of dignity:

cgi.ebay.co.uk/NEW-Beautiful-Breastfeeding-Apron-Cover-Floral-Design-/300546674552?pt=UK_Baby_Baby_Feeding_Breast_Pads_Pumps_LE&hash=item45f9fa4f78

I hated breastfeeding at the start. I had only planned to bf for the first 6 months and at one point could tell you how many days I had to go until then, in a kind of tally marks on the wall, jail sentence type of countdown However, it does get much easier, we're over the 6 month mark now and the thought of stopping makes me feel really quite sad.
There is loads of help out there if you need it.

I am quite shy about my body,and large breasted,but I got used to feeding when out and about.Around other women I was completely not bothered,but in places with lots of men or mixed groups I used a little shawl like thing,so that I could fumble about without feeling anxious.Everything changes when you have a baby,you won't feel the same about your body, you may well feel a lot less shy.Don't worry about any of it now, as your feelings may well change.Re-the timescale,I really wanted to feed for at least a year,hopefully longer,and I'm still feeding my second baby who is three.

I just wanted to offer some more support alongside all the wonderful messages you already have. I found breastfeeding really tricky at first, had mastitis and couldn't get my prem. son to latch on and gain weight. I thought breastfeeding was the most difficult thing in the world! However, I have just finished feeding my second son at 14 months (his decision!) and I'm gutted! I ended up breastfeeding my first son until 15 months and only stopped when I found out no.2 was on the way (yes you can get pregnant whilst breastfeeding)! Breastfeeding has been the most wonderful experience so don't give up it at first its seems hard. Seek advice from breastfeeding groups and midwives and stick at it. The rewards far outweigh the disadvantages. Good luck!

I once had a long, long chat with my dad's dietician while BF my son - we must have been talking for a good 15 minutes and she didn't notice! with a bit of practice it's surprisingly easy to feed really discreetly.

The best tip I was given with regard to latching in the early days was to compress your breast very slightly to give it to your baby - imagine squishing an overstuffed sandwich or a burger - because it's easier for the baby to get more of the nipple and areola into the mouth like that. There's a wonderful explanation of this in a book called 'Our babies, ourselves', which is well worth reading.

It does hurt at first even if you're doing it right, because the tissue behind the nipple has to stretch a bit, but once that's stretched things will get massively easier. Lansinoh is wonderful stuff! It's also definitely worth finding a good Baby Cafe or breastfeeding group where you can chat to other BF mums and to trained supporters.

As for time, don't set yourself deadlines - take it a day at a time until you have feeding established. Try not to worry about it too much beforehand. Forum posts on breastfeeding tend to be skewed towards mums who are having problems and need advice, but there are millions of other mums and babies out there who love it and have a really easy time of it, and there's every chance you'll be one of them. I didn't think I was going to get on with it at all, but my son was an incredibly booby baby and I had no problems at all and am still at it 4 years later!