My first RL experience of just what an emotive subject this is...

[Miaou]

Just been to a baby massage class run by my health visitor (lovely person btw). There were five of us there, and I was the only breastfeeder - when I started to breastfeed ds you could hear a pin drop and I swear I could feel the guilt in the air! Immediately the conversation went round to how each person had tried (and failed) to breastfeed, or why they chose to bottlefeed - I felt really sad that all these people felt they needed to justify themselves. Also I felt unable to make any positive comment about b/f in case I came across as holier than thou or like I was rubbing it in. What a minefield. When I had the dds about half my peer group breastfed; I guess the proportion is much lower here .

i had this once it was really weird and I felt uncomfortable nodded sagely while the woman told me how her dd had been in SCBU and she never managed it..

I think it was partly because I didn't expect to be so outnumbered - I thought there might be at least one other breastfeeder.

I was also the only one who was not a first time mum, the only one using cloth nappies, the only one who didn't have a horrible birth experience and the only one not put off from having more....are you spotting a theme here?

mmmmmm what theme? Carefull!

That I was not conforming to local stereotypes!!

I have had that once too. Its most odd. Unfortunately i am very blunt and to the point and not renowned (sp) for being tactful in RL and tell them how tough i had it and came through it successfully. I start out with the best intentions and hoping to inspire though.....

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That's my problem too QV, I can be very tactless, think I am saying something that is OK but realise afterwards that it probably came over as rude/presumptuous/ignorant etc. I found myself biting my lip really and over-analysing anything I wanted to say. I guess things will get better as I get to know the other mums. One mum asked me if I had managed to feed all three of mine (in a tone of wonderment) and I wondered if I came across as a bit intimidating.

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I've had that too, Miaou - although there was always at least one other bfeeder in the group initially. But feed past a year round here and you're a mentalist earth mother hippy with hedge-like pubes and a nork-crazed child (or you're doing it for your own thrills, or it's amazing your milk's lasted that long - perhaps you're like "one of the natives" ). OK, I made the bit up about hedge-like pubes, but the rest is pretty much word for word what I had thrown at me

I think there's a lot of guilt associated with not bfeeding and it can be cathartic for women to go over the reasons they didn't do it. What I find difficult is when they perpetuate myths - it's hard to say anything without sounding like aforementioned hairy hippy, so I don't usually bother, unless asked directly.

Agree with Pruni on this one.

Spent 36 years with 30HH boobs thinking 'well they must be for breastfeeding' and then (for reasons we won't go into) it didn't last long. See!! even though DS is 2 I still feel I have to justify myself and feel inferior to Miaou!!

Silly isn't it. But IMHO they're all jealous! I certainly am....

BR

Hmmm. I think i did upset a relatives wife. Her DD was tongue tied, didnt latch properly and ended up with terrible mastitis after 3 weeks and so changed to bottle feeding.

I had DS 6 weeks after her DD and he didnt latch well (small mouth), we both got thrush and i got mastitis too. But being the stubborn nut i am (and having done it with no complications with my DD previously), i persisted despite everyone telling me to give up (it might have been far less distressing to both of us too have changed to bottle feeding) and only after 8 weeks did it start to happen properly.

I didnt relay it like that though, i said "id done it before with DD so even though i had all these problems i wasnt going to be beaten by it" Whoops im thinking so i said"but i do really sympathise" then i thought oh sh*t too late ive offended her deeply.

Just as well she's a truly lovely person

the first 6 weeks is hellish but then its easy, is my exp of bf

Same here, Enid. Will be interesting to see if it's the same this time round. Has it been the same for you both times so far?

D'y know, I hadn't thought of it like that. (ie the coming to terms with not doing it). I know from what was said that at least two of them tried but the baby wouldn't latch on, and one gave up after starting (though I don't know why, and obviously didn't like to ask!). I think you are also right about the "talking therapy" rather than justification thing too.

yy

in fact worse with dd2, agony, crying, crap latch etc etc then suddenly...easy.

I think I have massive nipples and the babys mouth has to grow a bit before they all fit in properly

Yes hunker, the first 6 weeks are bl**dy awful. Your nips don't toughen up just because you did it before. In fact I think if I have another I'll b/f ds right up until the birth just so I don't have to go through that again

It really helps that dh was so supportive, when I was sitting there with tears rolling down my cheeks as he latched on (ds that is!!) - I can imagine a lot of partners just saying oh fgs use a bottle if it's so painful.

I do think that sometimes their mouths just need to get bigger - I've no idea if I'm perpetuating a myth here or not (suspect I am, tbh ) - but it seemed that way for me!

Miaou, I think that it's definitely something to do with going over it in a supportive environment - with other mums who have been through the same thing. Same with childbirth - I know a couple of people who've had horrendous experiences

Miaou, I tried that...DS wouldn't play though - self-weaned when I was 4.5 months pg

Def agree about a supportive partner - good job I'm stubborn as DH said "If it's upsetting you this much, he can have bloody bottles" when I was sobbing at 3am. Made me sob harder...he didn't say it again! LOL!

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ahhhh yes - that famous "guilt" that all failed breastfeeders are supposed to feel - and the wickedness of those that chose not too

Hunker, that was another thing re the birth experience, I felt quite ... embarrassed is not quite the right word ... that I had had a really great experience. I didn't think it was the time or place to say that I actually enjoyed the birth (and did so with the dds, so it wasn't just a third-time thing)

I think you're right, Pruni. I do find it difficult to talk to people in RL where I can't scrub out and reword my point - I tend not to talk about bfeeding or childbirth in RL.

And I know that just because I breastfed DS, and had a relatively easy time having him, it might all go norks up this time - I take nothing for granted where children are concerned!