My first RL experience of just what an emotive subject this is...

[Miaou]

Just been to a baby massage class run by my health visitor (lovely person btw). There were five of us there, and I was the only breastfeeder - when I started to breastfeed ds you could hear a pin drop and I swear I could feel the guilt in the air! Immediately the conversation went round to how each person had tried (and failed) to breastfeed, or why they chose to bottlefeed - I felt really sad that all these people felt they needed to justify themselves. Also I felt unable to make any positive comment about b/f in case I came across as holier than thou or like I was rubbing it in. What a minefield. When I had the dds about half my peer group breastfed; I guess the proportion is much lower here .

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QoQ, nobody's saying that all women who don't breastfeed feel guilt - very far from it. But some do - you cannot be denying that, surely?!

I am constantly amazed at these threads.

I live in a, shall we say, a stereotypical bottle feeding area, but not once have I ever heard anyone having a go at anyone for breast feeding.

Also, FWIW, I bottlefed and feel absolutely no reason to tell anyone why, unless they ask, but am shocked at the thought that if I did they would assume that I was 'grieving' .

X

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I know a great number of people who were very sad that breastfeeding didn't work for them, and significantly fewer women who were happy to move to bottles very early on or who bottlefed from birth totally happily.

I don't assume things about people on this subject as I know how emotive it can be - and the statistics back up my personal experience.

I've said it before - but I'll say it again - I think a lot of bottlefeeders are MADE to feel as if they're supposed to be guilty - someone - somewhere along the line has drummed into them that if they don't succeed/don't want to bottlefeed then they've "failed" and are therefore supposed to feel guilty.

(Rightly) they get pelted with "Breast is Best" - but no-one bothers to tell them that actually if you DO bottlefeed it's not a bad thing to do. And that "2nd best" isn't absolutely terrible.

I was one of those for a couple of weeks after I gave up trying to breastfeed DS2 - I'd had so much of the "breast is best" and you're doing your baby a massive injustice if you bottlefeed that I said to DH (in floods of tears at 2am after he'd been to Tesco to buy formula, bottles and steriliser - bless him ) "I can't feed him this" - why not of course I was asked........but it's not good enough for him.......

Thankfully didn't last long - and I soon realised I'd been (for a while) one of those holier than thou breastfeeders who think that formula milk is made by the devil

Hunker - I think sometimes Im less likely to talk about it on MN than in RL tbh, because sometimes its difficult to discuss such a topic without it getting heated (not that Im saying that this is) .

qofQ you need to PARP yourself

Im going now, NEVER to return to a BF thread again. If you ever EVER see me near one, please parp and hoot like youve never hooted or parped before. Thank you.

I am the only woman out of all my family and friends who breastfed past a couple of days. I was made to feel like a freak at times for wanting a baby sucking my boobs yuck no way there for my husband only was one comment.

However, like miaou said nealry everyone who saw me/asked me how I was feeding had a story about how they couldn't breastfeed from "my milk never came in" "I didn't have enough milk" to "my Mum said get him on the bottle" it does seem that every mum has to justify why they are not breastfeeding which seems really strange in a country where bottle feeding is the norm.

It's as if we all know breastfeeding is best for babies yet most women struggle to do it.

I agree the first 3-4 weeks are hell but after that it gets much easier.

I think in these circumstances ie you are in an extreme minority in a group it can feel tricky. I had the opposite experience (also at a baby massage class ) where I was the only formula feeder in the group.

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I liked your first spelling lockets

Hunker - totally agree about the mouths needing to ge bgger!

Seriously, unless you have experienced wanting to breastfeed and it not working out for whatever reason (I did with dd) you have NO IDEA how awful it can make you feel. I was defnitely very depressed for a long time manly because I just couldn't come to terms with not having fed dd. Still can't, really - still cry whenever I think about not feeding her. Am still feeding my ds and he's 14 months old - has helped in a way but made me sad in another way. Really really upsets me when people post that people who bottlefeed didn't really want to breastfeed anyway.
Wouldn't wish feeling like I've felt about this on my worst enemy, I really wouldn't. DS has been so easy to feed (despite 9 weeks of cracked nipples, two blocked ducts) because he latched on. DD didn't. That's the difference.

Miaou, people who wanted to bf but didn't will always try to justify themselves because they feel like shit, basically.

Dinny - good post. I firmly believe I would not have managed this long if DS had not known what he was doing.

Too right, dinny!

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Dinny's post is very accurate. Another thing that doesn't help is that it doesn't matter how hard you tried or how difficult it was, some people just assume that at the end, you just let your child down as you could have tried harder (even if the little thing was dehidrated in hospital after 10 days failing to latch and you have had no effective practical support on how to continue).