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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Should I really feel bad if I don't want to breastfeed ??...................................................

121 replies

bubsylocket · 19/09/2005 10:12

I am 14 weeks pg today and have had the meeting with MW who insists that I breastfeed !!! I didn't with my DD1 and really enjoyed the fact that DH could help out but now I am having second thoughts about breastfeeding - should I feel bad if I don't ????

OP posts:

lockets · 20/09/2005 22:44

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beckybrastraps · 20/09/2005 22:44

Hunkermunker -
Sharing experiences - fab!
Breastfeeding counsellors - all for them!
"Threats", "blackmail", "midwives who lie" - extreme language and perhaps a little off-putting.

Not everyone can come home quickly. Some people have to try to establish feeding in hospital. Actually, I found the healthcare assistants the most "hands-on" (in all senses) when sorting out the feeding. Agree with having trained counsellors on the wards. Surely the two roles could be combined?

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:45

It is the experience of close friends and family, Enid.

Midwives said that unless their baby had had a decent feed, from breast or bottle (emphasis on the bottle - one midwife got frustrated with one woman I know when she said she wanted to breastfeed - rolled her eyes and sighed), then they were worried about their blood sugar levels (this in babies less than a day old who had had very long labours and were pretty blinking sleepy - v common for babies not to feed well the first day anyway). And one woman was told they would not be happy to let her go home unless her DS had done a wee. Emotional blackmail, IMO.

My experience was totally different - nobody gave a toss what I was doing with DS - nobody asked how he was feeding, how I was doing, whether he'd weed, nothing. I could have carried him out of the hospital by his leg and nobody would've noticed.

hunkermunker · 20/09/2005 22:49

Not the funding to have bfeeding counsellors employed on the wards, according to the hospital I had DS in. They want to fund an infant feeding specialist who would help women feed however they choose (fantastic IMO) - but the hospital won't release the funds.

I realise that not everyone can leave hospital immediately. But not all midwives know what they're talking about with bfeeding either and to pretend otherwise isn't right. And so many women are "supported" lamentably and end up bottlefeeding when they really, really wanted to breastfeed, which in turn makes their first days with their baby far more stressful than they should be. And I'm not talking about people who are happy to bottlefeed - I'm all for people feeding in the manner they choose to feed and not criticised for it (I just wish everyone chose to breastfeed ).

aloha · 20/09/2005 23:00

Enid, it isn't me saying that, it's several people on this thread who were specifically told that. Amazing and shocking.
And I am afraid it is a lie to tell women they won't be allowed out of hospital unless they do give their baby a bottle. They simply can't stop you!
They tried something similar with me with ds actually, but dh wasn't having it!

beckybrastraps · 20/09/2005 23:01

Laughed about the "doing a wee" before going home. dd didn't wee for 59 hours!! At least, she may have done one as soon as she came out, but nothing after the nappy went on. No problems feeding her and just couldn't work out where it was going. I was the only one who seemed bothered by it. We had to stay in for 48 hours because of GBS, but they did ask if we would wait a bit longer just to check. As I said, they didn't seem too concerned, but it was an awfully long time! I think they just had a sweepstake going. She finally filled her nappy (and it was FULL!) at 9pm and we were out of there!

Heathcliffscathy · 20/09/2005 23:04

it's true that most people don't know that nothing at all can happen to you in hospital without your express permission (unless you are unconscious or incapacitated to the point where you can't speak).

i hate the fact that hospital staff certainly do not make this clear (esp in terms of childbirth) and do their 'asking' in a very statement like way i.e. we're going to give you a syntocin injection now (said with slight question mark at end and if you don't say anything then you're consenting).

and they can never keep you in against your will unless they section you.

it's such an enormous power trip.

aloha · 20/09/2005 23:06

really agree with you about the power trip Sophable.

NotQuiteCockney · 21/09/2005 09:27

Signing yourself (and your baby) out of the hospital isn't an easy thing to do. I know, I did it with DS1. I'd had an "elective" section, it all went a bit wrong. We left after 48 hours, as I felt fine and was sure DS1 was fine. But the obs/gyne wanted me to stay in longer (I had lost a lot of blood), and the peds really wanted DS1 to stay longer, they had done a 48 hour culture on something, but wanted to do a longer one, as they were sure he had an infection of some sort. (Feeding wasn't established, either, except of formula, by cup.)

The ped really frightened me. He was really scaremongering. But we left. And were very happy about it. And everyone was fine.

But I wouldn't have had the guts to go without my own midwife, and a stroppy DH.

Passionflower · 21/09/2005 14:00

In order to inform anyone who is misled by BBS post re GBS. You do not need to stay in hospital for 48 hrs as long as you have had two doses of anti-biotics during labour. I was GBS pos for DD3 who was born at 9.00pm and left hospital before breakfast the following day. (I wanted one of DH's bacon butties, not a mini portion of cereal and some limp toast ) Where I live your GP usually checks baby before you leave hospital, but I decided to leave rather than wait and took DD3 for her 24hr checkup at the doctors surgery. I will add that we live literally round the corner from the hospital, however. You just have to use your common sense and stand your ground.

If nothing else I hope that this thread will give new mothers the confidence to stand up to bullying if it occurs.

Redtartanlass · 21/09/2005 14:14

Originally planned home birth, but had to be induced, had ds2 in hospital. Had bath, got dressed, said ?Right we?re going home now?. MWs used delaying tactics, guilt trips etc for over for 2 hours. In the end had to almost force the mw to give me the form to sign saying that I had left of my own accord and knew the risks etc etc.

However I was a 38 year old who knew my rights, I would never have been able to do that with my first pregnancy at 19. Please be aware I have a lot of respect for nurses and mws, my mum was one, but I do feel that they can use bullying tactics when they think they are right.

Hazellnut · 21/09/2005 15:10

Enid - apologies if I wasn't clear - it wasn't that you had to breastfeed before you could leave, just that the baby had to feed. TBH, can't really comment as my case was not entirely normal - IUGR baby which couldn't really afford to lose weight and would/could not latch on. They spent first 24 hours cup feeding which I was told I wasn't allowed to do (hospital policy) and that I would not be allowed out cup feeding. After a very traumatic high risk induction and c-section I wanted to do what I could for my baby and her being fed by someone else because I was not to be trusted with cup feeding and she wouldn't bf meant that I bottle fed rather than perservered with trying to bf. Had I been allowed to cup feed I think i would have persevered with bf-ing. And this was from a hospital employed (I think employed but may be wrong) breast feeding counsellor. This, and other ways the bf-ing counsellor treated me meant that I went onto bottle feeding.

Having said that, looking at my formula fed (some expressing for 2 months) IUGR baby rolling around the floor now I do not have a problem with the fact i have formula fed and do not feel guilty. So there !!

oliveoil · 21/09/2005 15:10

Tipex · 21/09/2005 15:37

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

karmamother · 21/09/2005 22:31

Little tip here, if you want to p*ss off your MW - call her a "nurse". They hate it!

I wonder how many MWs visit MN. There are obviously those who post on here with good advice, but I'm starting to think it should be a compulsory part of MW training to read these threads. Catch them while they're impressionable .

beckybrastraps · 21/09/2005 23:00

Passionflower: So sorry - didn't mean to mislead anyone re GBS. Yet again, I was talking about my own situation, and not generalising. You had two doses of Ab, I didn't, or at least I had the last one while dd was emerging so it didn't really count. Also, dd had a bit of a temperature hike, so, as I said, WE were advised to stay in for 48 hours.
And absolutely agree with tipex about continuity of care. Everyone seems so overstretched. Still think proper dedicated feeding advisors in hospital must be the best way.

Heathcliffscathy · 21/09/2005 23:24

NQC I know, i did it too (signed myself out)....not easy and again wouldn't have been able too without support of dh and my own midwife....but they'd have kept me in for four days!!! as it was i was in for four hours...

Tortington · 22/09/2005 00:17

if you dont want to - dont be bullied.

NotQuiteCockney · 22/09/2005 07:45

Oh, and it's worth noting, from what I know, you're not supposed to use powdered milk in the first three weeks - there's some sort of bacterial risk. So it's got to be the ready made stuff for that period.

I found the hospital midwives just fine, and the agency ones dreadful. But then, I had my own midwife, which made a big difference to how I was treated, I'm sure.

That being said, when we were leaving after DS2, with their "permission", they said something horrible to my midwife about me needing community midwives, as they weren't sure my midwife would do the visits with me! I'm sure no private midwife would just dump her client after the birth!

yossa · 26/09/2005 20:34

My SIL had her first baby last wednesday and was never really committed to Bf but wanted to give it a try. She struggled with it after a really stressful 36 hour labour and ventouse delivery in the operating theatre. 24 hours and a really bad 3rd degree tear later, with no offer of a shower and the same sanitary pad stuck between her legs the bastard MW accused her of being more bothered about eating the rancid dinner that had been bought in than learning to bf her baby. The poor girl is bottle feding but feeling o bad about it when this is what she wanted to do all along.

mummytosteven · 26/09/2005 20:42

if you don't feel strongly about it, I believe it is worth giving it a try as the just bfing the first few days, when you have colostrum, is very helpful for the baby. if you really don't want to do it, then don't. your baby, your body, and other than health professionals and family members and possibly other mums of young babies, people won't have any interest whatsoever in how exactly your baby is fed

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